House on the River

Chapter 7: Truth and White Lies

Days had passed, followed by restless nights that came in a long string that seemed never ending. Kira sat alone in her room, wondering how in the world events had come to pass that had brought her to this point. Becoming a recluse was not in her personality, but if there was one thing that could push her to it, it was the predicament she was in. She could still feel his touch on her skin and his breath on her neck. As much as she tried to fight these ever increasing conflicting emotions, she closed her eyes and meditated upon this memory. It was the memory of their dance together, one that seemed forever ingrained into her mind. Abruptly realizing what the thoughts were that were going through her head, and mentally scolding herself for even entertaining such things, Kira grabbed the pillow that lay on her bed and stuffed her face into it, as the tears fell down her cheeks.

Now that it was obvious to her that she was not alone in her torment, she couldn’t help but ponder Na Na’s fate in this entire debacle as well. How was it possible that somebody who had hated her kind for so long had come to feel the longing that she herself was so familiar with? She wondered too how long it had taken him to get up the nerve to ask her to dance the other night. Was it a split second decision, or did he go back and forth with it in his head, which had to have been full anguish and despair? She didn’t know. It was still even possible he was making up the whole thing, which was part of a larger concoction on behalf of the others in his clan. Though at this point that scenario seemed unlikely, she knew she could never trust him. She told herself she should never forget that fact. Spell or no spell, he was still a Skeksis, full of villainy and deceit.

After about five minutes of sobbing her eyes out, and wondering she would ever find her way out of this unconceivable mess, She got up, went into the bathroom and cleaned herself up. She was about to walk out the door to the communal room when her phone rang. She did not recognize the number on her caller id.

“Hello?”

“Kira.” Her heart jumped up about three inches into her throat as she recognized the gruff, but soft voice on the other end of the phone.

She closed her eyes and prayed silently to herself. “Yes? Who is this?” She already knew the answer to this question, as much as she tried to pretend to herself that she didn’t.

“It’s me, Na Na. Listen, I want to talk to you. Are you free today?”

“About what?” she responded. “Unless you have any new information, the answer is no. I’m sorry, but please understand it’s not going to do either of us any good otherwise.” She could no longer deny to herself how desperately she wanted to see him, but she also conceived that giving into her torment could never lead to anything constructive.

Na Na, who had always been accustomed to getting what he wanted, did not take lightly her refusal. “Gelfling, do you want to figure this out or not? Or would you rather mope around your room all day, wondering what answers I might have been able to give you? You want to know something? I think you might actually enjoy this.” Stinging antagonism dripped from his voice.

Attempting to hide her sudden anger by ignoring his last sentence, she responded, “So, you’re saying you actually have answers this time. Is that it? You actually have something new to tell me.”

“I might. But we should not discuss it over the phone. One never knows who’s listening on the other end.”

A billion thoughts popped into her head at once, all jumbled together with no rhyme or reason. She needed to see him so badly it almost physically hurt, yet she could not let that be the reason for agreeing. If he had actual information that could help both of them end this sick and twisted incantation that had fallen over them, that was another thing completely. Or at least, those were the thoughts she wanted to believe.

“Where do you want to meet me then?”

“I thought that might make you come around. Do you remember that small diner we ate at a couple of weeks ago?”

“All the way out in Kent City?” Kira responded, astounded that he would pick something so far away.

“Yes, I think that’s the name of the town. Why don’t you meet me out there, say around two o’clock? Nobody seemed to recognize us there then, and I don’t think they would now.”

“Do you know that for certain? Like you said yourself, nobody can find this out. At least, anyone who’s not responsible for what has been done to us.”

“It’s the safest place I can think of for now. Unless you have any other suggestions.”

Kira thought logically it might actually be safer, from public eyes at least, to meet in either her room or his, but quickly thought better of it. No, she reconsidered to herself. That was probably the most dangerous place of all.

“No, the diner is fine. I’ll meet you there at two o’clock.”

“See you then.”

They both hung up the phone and headed out. As Na Na got into his car and drove out of town towards the diner, that creeping, uncomfortable feeling rushed over him once more like a lead balloon, crushing the already swirling thoughts that were going through his brain. Such a feeling might have been easily recognizable to any being other outside his race, but to Na Na, it was completely foreign. On top of the flustered confusion about the female gelfling that he was already dealing with, this was another unwanted emotion that he did not want to handle. Unbeknownst to him, there was actually a name for it. It was called guilt, and it was sweeping over him like a cyclone, coming at him from all directions.

Kira was the first to arrive. She picked a table in the corner behind the fake plastic palm trees, one as far from general visibility as she could find.

“Hi miss, can I get you anything?” The waitress asked. “Is anyone joining you?”

“Yes, and yes. Thanks.” Kira would not look her in the eye.

The waitress stared at the girl, waiting to hear what she was going to order. “Well, what would you like, ma’am?”

“Oh yeah, that.” Kira replied, fumbling through her menu, purposely not looking at the waitress, and trying to keep calm. “I’ll have an iced T with lemon. That will be all for now.”

“Thanks miss, that will be right out.”

“Thank you.”

The waitress brought Kira her drink. About five minutes later, Na Na walked in through the door. Wearing dark sunglasses, he was dressed slightly more conservatively this time, at least by Skeksis standards, not wanting to bring attention to himself. Certain items however, he could not bring himself to forgo, such as his red snake-leather jacket, nor the multi-jeweled rings on his fingers. He peered around the corner, eyed Kira’s table, and sat down across from her. The waitress immediately came by to take his order. He ordered the same thing he had the last time, some chicken liver and some cheese sticks. Kira still did not have much of an appetite.

“Glad to see you could make it,” Na Na said, removing his sunglasses so
he could look her in the eye.

“Sure. What is it you wanted to see me about?” She replied curtly, diligently pulling her eyes away from his gaze.

“That will come later. Right now, I want to see how you are doing.”

“How I’m doing? Are you serious? How in the hell do you think I’m doing, Na Na? Take a wild guess!” she exclaimed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

“Well, I think I can already tell you that, being that you are not the only one who was drawn into this mess. Or have you already forgotten our conversation from the week before? Somehow, I doubt it.”

This time Kira looked him straight in the eye, seriously ticked at his overtly calm, condescending demeanor. “Just put yourself in my shoes for a second,” she replied. “Then tell me how you think I feel.”

“I just got done telling you, Kira. I am in your shoes.”

“No, I don’t think you are. Not truly. I don’t think somebody such as yourself could ever be.”

“How do you mean?”

Finally pulling her gaze back towards his intent stare, Kira had had about all she could take. “What I mean is this. You never had your home purposely burned to the ground. You never saw your mother lay dying as she lay bleeding on the ground, ravaged by those black monsters built by the ones who hated us for god knows why. You have never have been a small child being forced to pick and leave the only place you ever called home for fear of your very life. You have never witnessed the kind strangers, who took me in as a small child, be ransacked by the same genocidal assholes that killed your family. You also have never been the target of some cruel prank that made you become completely infatuated and obsessed with the one who was the cause of all this misery you have ever known. Skeksis bastard, do not sit here and tell me to my face that you are in my shoes. You are not, and you never will be.”

Na Na was stunned. He searched for words to counter her attack, but found none. His gut instinct told him to tell her the same, to basically go fuck herself, walk out and be done with it. Someone such as herself should not even be worth a minute of his time. A smaller part of him however, just could not let any of this go. In the past, lesser insults against the former slave-master, especially from someone of her kind, would have been dealt with severely. These however, were not those times, and this situation was now anything but normal. Not only did she render him speechless, that creeping, sick feeling once again washed over him like a bad nightmare, this time in plain sight for him to see. Guilt and remorse were not things that were in his nature to feel, but some feelings were too difficult to escape once they presented themselves. A million thoughts whirled through his mind before he was finally able to speak.

“I see. However let me say…”

Kira interrupted him before he could finish. “No, I don’t think you do see, nor do I think you ever will. Now tell me why it was you wanted to see me. I have other things to do today that do not include keeping company with somebody such as yourself.”

Once again, he had to almost physically force himself to maintain his composure. “Gelfling, I am trying to help you. I’m trying to help both of us. Now calm the fuck down, and let’s see what we’ve got to work with here.”

Kira laughed in disbelief. “Skeksis, I seriously doubt you are trying to help me. Granted, you may be trying to help yourself - that part I believe. But me? Don’t insult my intelligence.”

“Does it matter who I’m trying to help? You want this sick game to end, do you not? After all, that is why you’re agreed to see me, isn’t it?” He couldn’t help but grin at her as he said this, with a wry smile on his face. Kira immediately recognized the thoughts that might be going through his head, and it made her sick to her stomach. In spite of his own dilemma, a darker part of him did enjoy the fact that at least he was not alone in this madness. If he had to suffer through this, at least he had company.

“Of course I do,” she replied, forcing her self to look directly at him. “That’s the only reason I agreed to come out here in the first place.” She could not allow him any satisfaction in thinking she had any other motive but that.

“Then stop throwing insults at me. It’s getting us nowhere. Trust me, there’s much more I could say back to you on certain matters, but that’s not going to help us either.”

Kira couldn’t help but wonder what on earth he could have meant by that, after all, she had never done anything to him personally to justify his kind’s insane hatred toward her. At this point, however, she thought better than to bring that up – the conversation was already headed in circles, and she wanted desperately to get to bottom of why he had brought her here. “Alright. But I think I’ve given you an answer to the ridiculous question of how I am doing. Now tell me what it was you had to say to me.”

Na Na at first did not say anything, nor would he not look her in the eye. Kira, who seemed to be blessed with a certain superior intuition about people, began to become suspicious. A gentle voice, however, did replace her harsh defensive tone from earlier. “Na Na, tell me please,” she repeated. “Why have you brought me out here?” She would not break her gaze from him as he continued to look away. She glanced at his hands, which were resting gently on the table. She narrowly fought back a subconscious instinct that wanted to take his hand in hers.

“All right, gelfing. It’s because I still can’t sleep at night. I don’t know if it’s directly tied in to anything, but I thought you should know.” It was the best answer he could come with. Truth be told, it was the only answer he had to her question, and he had known it all along. Kira’s jaw dropped to the ground in disgusted amazement.

“You’re kidding. That’s it?” She could almost physically feel herself growing angrier by the second.

“Yes. How about you?”

“Oh my god. Oh my god! You got me to meet you all the way out here, when you knew nothing at all. How could you lie to me like that? Oh wait, don’t answer that, because I already know. It’s in your nature. You deceitful, lying bastard.” There was nothing she could have done to wipe the appalled look of ire off of her face.

“I didn’t lie to you Kira," he replied, still trying to cover for himself. "I really can’t sleep.
I don’t know why.”

“Yes, Na Na, you do know why. You just don’t want to say it. And neither do I. So I won’t.” Kira laid her head down towards the floor and pounded her fist into the table. She fought back the tears that wanted to drain down her face. She wanted to ask him again why he had brought her all the way out to this godforsaken place to meet up with him when he had no answers at all for her, nor nothing new to tell her. She didn’t, however. She already had the answer to that question, and it terrified the very life out of her.

“What is wrong with you? I simply told you what I said to you a couple of weeks ago. I can’t sleep, and it seems to be getting worse.”

“That’s just it, Na Na! You have already told me this,” she replied, raising her head from the table. “The truth is, you had nothing new to tell me at all. You lied to me. You just wanted to meet me out here, just for the sake of meeting up with me. You know we cannot do that!”

“Are you saying I have a different reason for bringing you out here? Is that it?”

Kira did not answer his question. She simply looked at him silently, not wanting to say what she already knew.

“Well, I think you can rest easy where that area is concerned. You’re about as safe from me as I am from you.”

She did not quite understand if that last quip was a taunt, or if he was actually trying to comfort her. Nevertheless, it didn’t matter. She certainly did not trust him, and she was beginning to trust herself even less. Just as she added this idea to the many other fragmented thoughts running through her head, the waitress brought Na Na his food.

“Would you like some cheese sticks?” He asked her, talking with his mouth full, trying to change the subject. Her outward display of agitated turmoil only added to his own growing discomfort.

“No.” A moment passed. “Alright fine.” Kira couldn’t help it - she was hungry too. “So you are certain, Na Na, that’s all you had to tell me - that you can’t sleep, and it’s getting worse. If you know anything else, anything else at all, please. Now is the time to say it.” She was as desperate for information as he was - any little tidbit to give this meeting at least some rightful purpose.

“I already told you. I can’t sleep. That’s all. How about you? You never did answer me. That’s why I wanted to know in the first place how you were doing.”

She knew she could forget about sleeping tonight as well. She just wanted this whole thing to end, and she had not a clue how to do it.

“Same as you,” she answered honestly, shifting her eyes towards her glass.

“I see,” he replied, also looking away from her. He did not know what else to say. Knowing Kira was at the same point was not exactly comforting to him by any standard. Then again, maybe it was exactly what he was hoping for. Why, he would never know – all of these new emotions were previously foreign to him, whether she was his worst enemy or a close ally. Na knew one thing - she was right about his motives, even if he didn’t know it himself at first. Not only was he also disgusted with this situation; he was actually disgusted with himself. Why was he so infatuated with her? He couldn’t call it love; after all, he really could not define the word if he tried. He’d never loved anyone, not even himself. But here she was, and she was so beautiful, so fragile. He could no longer bring himself to hate her the way he did before.

“Well, tell me then. Since you really had nothing new to tell me, and yet you tell me your intentions are strictly pure, what do you hope to gain from this meeting? Knowing what you do about me?" She consciously did not want to ask this question, but a part of her couldn't help it. She knew she was already on dangerous ground, and this was only taking her further in.

"You're asking me how it makes me feel, knowing you're in the same boat? It's not exactly comforting. Let's leave it at that."

“No it’s not, is it, is it.” The way he looked at her gave her a strange mixture
of terror and excitement simultaneously.

“No. Look, you're right Kira, this probably wasn't a good idea," he said, looking down towards the table in front of him. He suddenly had no appetite for his half eaten cheese sticks lying on the table.

“No, it wasn’t,” she responded softly, trying not to sound too harsh.

There was a small pause, and then she began again. “Look Na Na, I believe you when you tell me you are not the one behind this. But we cannot keep seeing each other this way, unless there’s a good reason for it. You know this.”

"Yes, you're right." Not realizing at first what he was doing, he took her hand in his from across the table, and just looked at her. This startled Kira to no end, but she did not want to let go. A couple of moment passed, as they gazed into each other’s eyes, trying to make sense of something that had no reason or logic. Finally, she was able to break his grasp. Her heart was in her throat, and she wanted to cry.

"I should go." If she stayed any longer, she didn't think she would be able to breathe. Nothing good would come of this, and she no longer trusted herself around him. There was no longer any legitimate reason for her to be here, other than entertaining thoughts that in no way could possibly happen.

"Yes, you're probably right."

"Okay, I'm going now. I'll get my bill at the cash register."

Before he could reply, she got up out of her chair, walking quickly as she could to the cashier, paid her bill, got in her car, and made the long drive home. She looked in her rearview mirror, and saw that he had not followed, at least not right away. If he was either finishing his meal or simply sitting there pondering what had just happened, she didn't care. She just knew she had to get away from him before something happened further than just touching of hands. Pondering these thoughts still, she exited the elevator, keeping her pace just one step slower than a run back down the seemingly long hallway to her apartment.

"Hey Kira!" Waved Marty as she passed her in a whirlwind down the hall on the way to her room.

“Hi Marty,” she replied softly under her breath, not looking directly at her neighbor as she almost ran past.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Marty called out behind her, as Kira was in a split second several feet away.

“Just errands to run, that’s all!”

Kira entered her room and promptly closed the door behind her before her friend could even respond. Out of everything she had ever been through, she thought to herself, this predicament by comparison dwarfed anything else she would ever face. Almost amusingly, she reckoned, she’d take fighting off Garthim any day over dealing with the impossible attraction to the one who should have been only a most hated adversary. His face came back to her mind, taunting her with that sick, knowing smile of his. “God.” She said out loud to herself, lying on her bed facing the ceiling, and breathing out a deep gasp of air. “He really is a bastard.”