Gilbert's New Girl

Chapter Seven

Mostly Gilbert and I get along fine; as brothers go, Gilbert is as good as they get, but sometimes, like now when we’re not getting along, then I wonder what the hell is he doing here? I know Gilbert isn’t living with me, because it’s what he wants out of life; I know that. And he must know the same thing is true for me too. Our sharing a house has more to do with circumstance and sheer economics than choice. Things weren’t meant to be this way, you know? After Momma died and the old house was gone, burned to the ground, it was time for all of us to move on, and we did for a while at least. I got out first, moving to Des Moines with Ellen, and although I liked my new job, I hated everything else about living in a big city. Ellen loved it, but I never really settled there. Gilbert and Arnie were on the road with Becky and they seemed to love the freedom of moving from town to town. Then Arnie got sick and Gilbert knew he couldn’t keep on dragging him from place to place, following after Becky, so he brought Arnie back to Endora. Where else was he going to go? And to his credit, Gilbert never asked me to move back, I offered. Of course, he could have tried to talk me out of coming back, but he didn’t. Mr Lamson was more than happy to give Gilbert his old job back and he helped us to get a place to stay, and acted as guarantor on the mortgage.

It was pretty tough, that first year back in Endora. Besides money being really tight and Arnie getting sicker by the day, I knew Gilbert was missing Becky and hurt by her refusal to come back here with him. From time to time Becky would show up and she and Gilbert would get together and he’d seem happier for a while, but after a month or two, Becky would hit the road again, leaving me to deal with Gilbert’s misery. Then when she came back pregnant, I had my doubts that the baby she was carrying was really my brother’s child, but of course I never said anything. Gilbert was on cloud nine. I think he really believed that a child would make Becky settle down and he was pretty stunned when Becky turned down his proposal of marriage. Becky said she didn’t want him to marry her just because she was pregnant but I knew that wasn’t the case at all. Gilbert was in love with her; he wanted nothing more than to take care of her and the baby, but somehow that wasn’t enough to convince Becky. One look at the new born Mary Jane was enough to convince me that she was very definitely Gilbert’s child. She had her daddy’s auburn hair and brown eyes, and there was a calmness about her that reminded me of Gilbert so much. Oh, she was his daughter alright and he doted on her, but even that wasn’t enough to persuade Becky to stay put here in Endora.

I suppose looking back, I could have told Gilbert to go with Becky when she left with little Mary Jane. I could have told him that I would look after Arnie on my own, but the truth was that I was scared of Gilbert leaving. When I get to thinking about this, and I think maybe I should have let him off the hook with Arnie, I tell myself that Gilbert wouldn’t have gone. He wouldn’t have left Arnie, but there is no way of knowing because I never once gave him the chance. And when Arnie’s heart eventually gave out on him, Gilbert still stayed on. I guess he felt tied down with the mortgage and Mr Lamson was due to retire soon and he was relying on Gilbert to manage the store for him. Maybe he didn’t want to leave me? Or maybe he had realised that Becky didn’t love him enough to sacrifice her lifestyle for him? Oh, I don’t know! See, me and Gilbert, we never talked about any of these things and now I see that was a mistake, a big mistake. But we don’t learn, we keep on making the same old mistakes over and over again, and here we are twelve years on and still not capable about talking about the things that really matter. These days even talking is a struggle.

It got so that I stopped telling Gilbert to bring home eggs or beef stock or whatever I needed, and he had stopped asking. Our lack of communication meant that I had to stop by the store to pick up essentials. It had been years since I had been to the store, but I noticed the difference straight away. Nothing much had changed, but everything was different. I know that sounds crazy, but it was different. The place seemed brighter, better laid out and more welcoming that I remembered it; even Mrs Marshall seemed more cheerful. I knew these changes were down to one person and one person only, Tally Chambers. Every time I laid eyes on that girl, she seemed different. There was hardly a trace of the Goth girl now, instead she looked very natural and very pretty. Usually when I called in, I would be served by Tally as Gilbert was normally out doing deliveries, and each time Tally would say, ‘You should have just called in your order Amy, and Gilbert could have brought it home with him. There’s no point in having a brother who manages the grocery store and having to collect your shopping yourself.’ Obviously Gilbert had not told her we were not on speaking terms, but then why would he tell her?

As the weeks went by, things gradually got back to normal between Gilbert and I, but he carried on doing his own laundry and he even began to do some of the cooking as well. I didn’t mind, it meant less work for me to do, although I’ll admit I was a bit peeved when he turned out to be as good a cook as me. Oh well, at least he hadn’t let himself fall into his old drinking and mowing habits; the lawn just couldn’t have taken another round of abuse! As far as conversation and concern went, well, we were slowly working our way up to that, but Gilbert didn’t have to say anything for me to know he was far happier than he had a right to be. Sometimes I heard him whistling as he tidied up around the house, and once, only once mind you, I caught him singing! It was an old Dr Hook song, what’s it called? ‘The Ballad of Lucy Jordan’ you know the one I mean. ‘At the age of thirty seven, she realised she’d never ride through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in her hair.’ Anyway, Gilbert was washing his truck on the driveway and he was singing that song. I had to smile to myself, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but wonder what was making him so happy. Oh, who am I kidding? I knew fine well what, or rather who was responsible for his change in mood, but he wasn’t telling and I wasn’t asking.