Almost Alice

I wanted you to know thatI love the way you laughI wanna hold you high and steal your pain away...I keep your photograph andI know it serves me wellI wanna hold you high and steal your painCause I'm broken when I'm lonesomeAnd I don't feel right when you're gone awayYou gone away, you don't feel me here anymoreThe worst is over now And we can breathe againI wanna hold you high, you steal my pain awayThere's so much left to learnAnd no one left to fightI wanna hold you high and steal your painCause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enoughCause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone awayCause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enoughCause I'm broken when I'm lonesomeAnd I don't feel right when you're gone away...Cause I'm Broken when I'm lonesomeAnd I don't feel right when you're gone...You gone away, you don't feel me here anymore

Broken - Evanescence

She tried to spin and fight him, but he'd taken a fistful of her golden hair and yanked her head back as he banded one abnormally long arm around her. Her own arms trapped uselessly at her sides.

She tried to stomp on his feet, head butt him, jab him with the sword. The knave merely dragged her backwards into darkness, further from her knights.

"I thought they were lying when they said you had returned." he hissed in her ear, "I burned that portal myself. Now you've gone and ruined all my fine plans."

She cursed at him and he spun her in his arms and backhanded her so hard she saw stars. She tumbled backwards to land on her knees, her sword sliding away on wet leaves. The knave kicked it far from her though she groped air hopelessly.

Stayne reached down, grasping the front of her coat and hauled her roughly to her feet before he slammed her hard against the fat bole of a tree. Alice heard the rip of material giving as it tore against the abuse.

She squirmed trying to get away from the knave and the tree, but that only ruined the clothing all the more. Pain registered as rough bark bit into her back and shoulders, tearing through recently healed flesh. Opening previous wounds.

She shoved at him and he slammed her head against the tree. Her vision spotted and then her breath was lost as he clamped one large hand against her throat. She could faintly see the glimmer of a knife in his hand and gasped as he slashed the front of her clothing exposing her.

"Alice..Um… You are so lovely" he cooed to her in a tone that made her go terribly cold. The fighting sounded so terribly far away now. "Where is your precious hatter now?" he asked.

He ground himself against her and the bark bit deeper still. The burn making itself known through the haze of her growing panic. "I can make you a queen you know?" He caressed the blue mark blooming across her pale cheek.

"I'd rather die" she spat at him, her muchness returning with a vengeance, "Where is Mally?"

He gripped her face hard, "That can be arranged woman!" he sneered in her face, his face mottled with his fury, "Why is it always the hatter?" he demanded.

"First Mirana" he growled and slammed her head against the tree again.

"Then you". Slam!

"Even that bloody big headed bitch was taken with him to a certain extent!" Slam!

"That mercury poisoned freak!" Slam!

Alice knew she'd not be able to take much more. Her vision was spotting, narrowing. Between the blows to the head and the lack of air, she was rapidly drifting away.

"Be…cause" she managed to grate at him, "Y..you…will…never…b..be, half…the man…he…isss."

The white pawn ran as fast as he could. His side ached, his lungs burned but he pushed onward. Lord Hatter would no doubt be returning to Marmoreal before nightfall, if his luck held he could intercept them on the road and lead them to Alice.

He saw the tall tips of spears in the distance and rushed headlong towards them.

"Lord Hatter!" he cried when the silhouette became visible to him. The white knights carried lanterns and the company turned to see what the ruckus was about.

"Oh Lord Hatter!" the pawn cried again, staggering to a halt before the hatter who looked like some great warlord atop his huge black horse.

"Wha' is it lad?" the hatter asked, his eyes still that terrible orange hue.

"The kn…knave" the pawn panted and wheezed.

Tarrant stiffened in the saddle, "Wha' of him?"

"At…attacked…Dormer's C…cross sir. Champion Alice, she went with the knights but the knave….terrible Lord Hatter! Must hurry!"

Tarrant swore a stinging string of outlandish curses and snapped the reins urging the horse to fly over the wet earth. The knights close behind, save three. MacTavish at the head of them, "Come with us boy, to Marmoreal."

Tarrant leaned low over the horse as they raced ahead, great wet glops of earth flying behind them. The raging storm soaking them straight to the bone. Tarrant was locked in his own personal hell at the moment.

If anything happened to her, what would he do? How could he live? He'd never forgive himself. He couldn't fail, not again.

Alice bit down hard on the offending tongue, spitting his blood in his face. Stayne chuckled darkly, "If you want it rough Alice I can oblige." She watched in horror as he licked his long fingers grotesquely and shoved them down the front of her trousers. His grip bruising and sharp.

He shoved her undergarments aside and forced two long fingers inside of her.

She fought and lunged forward, biting his cheek. He reared back from her, clutching the cruel wound and Alice ran. "I'll kill you, you bitch!"

She zigged and zagged through the trees, headed towards the mushrooms and recalled the vial at her throat. She uncapped it and swallowed, still running as the change took hold. She cast a look behind her, seeing the knave gaining on her with his long strides.

She tripped in her clothing, righted herself and kept moving. Ducking through the mushrooms and tucking herself tightly against the stem of a toadstool. She peered back out to see the knave stoop to gather her empty garments.

He shook them viciously then he scowled at the mushrooms and she took off again, deeper into the mushrooms. Behind her he was stomping them flat. She had to hurry. High above the screech of a Jub Jub bird sounded and Stayne paused to look up.

"Damn that hatter" he spat, "Retreat! And bring the bodies with you!" he shouted to his dead soldiers. Then he turned that hateful glare over the mushrooms, "Oh Alice. If I haven't already crushed you I will. The hatter won't want you now you know. Not now that I have been inside of you!"

Then he and his men were gone. The sounds of the growing fainter.

Alice panted with exhaustion. She wiped her face and stared down at her thighs, rubbing absently at the painful bruises he'd left. It had been uncomfortable but there hadn't been the sharp pain Margret had spoken of. Was it possible that her maidenhead was unbroken? She certainly hoped so, but there wasn't time to worry about it now. The rain was coming down harder now.

Her feet hurt and Alice looked down to find them punctured and sliced by her flight through the woods. The large slice on her thigh was aching, her face throbbed. She was a mess…again.

She felt frightened and dirty, soaking wet and cold. She'd disobeyed the hatter, risked the knights and worse yet, she hadn't found Mally. All she could think of at the moment was how tired she was becoming.

Finally she dashed out into the weather to grab a scrap of her soaked and ruined clothing. It was cold and wet but it was better than nothing she supposed. She made her way back to the large toadstool and climbed atop a smaller mushroom sheltered beneath it's wide cap.

She supposed she would just have to wait for the knights to get closer. She had to stay awake too. She hugged her arms to around herself. Her wounded leg, laying useless beside her.

It wasn't long before her valiant fight against sleep faltered and she went under.

"Alice!"

"Champion!"

"Lady Alice!"

"Champion!"

"AAALLLIIIICEEEE!!!!"

Alice woke hearing her name shouted in a harsh brogue that made her almost weep with relief. The voice was moving, coming closer and Alice forced herself off the mushroom cap and into the open. Falling on her face as she did so.

Alice pushed herself up on her hands to see a white knight staring down at her. "Lord Hatter! Here!"

'Time to pay the piper' Alice thought as the hatter tore through the wet brush to reach her. She stood slowly, wincing from her pain and stared up at him as he stared down at her with those brilliant orange eyes.

He looked a fright, wet and bedraggled, clothing stained with terrible colors. He said nothing and soon Alice could take the silence no more.

"I…I couldn't find Mally." she said in a very soft voice.

"Alice?" came a small voice and Alice peered upwards against the driving rain to see Mally with a knight.

"Mallymkun" Alice said with a sigh of relief, "I'm so glad to see you, I was terribly worried." She staggered and barely righted herself.

The hatter reached down to snap her up off the ground, staring at the little form in his palm. He was soaking wet, even so his hand felt so warm to her. She shivered. She looked tired and defeated and oddly frightened of him.

His eyes raked over her, seeing the bruises and cuts and scrapes. When his eyes reached her little thighs his mouth set in a grim line. He'd failed. He could offer no excuses so he merely set her in his coat pocket and looked at the others, "Return to Marmoreal."

"Tarrant?" Alice asked, peering up at him from the confines of wet, heavy fabric. But he didn't answer, nor did he look at her, his brilliant eyes stared straight ahead. She was warmer in his pocket but miserable all the same. She ached and the material seemed to scratch and poke in all the wrong places. She wished he would say something, anything to her. But the terrible silence went on.

She felt alone, unclean. Unwanted. This was the worst moment of her life. The moment when the hatter, her hatter wouldn't acknowledge her. She sank lower in his pocket and sobbed, trying to take solace in the scent of wet cloth and spiced tea.

She came awake again when Tarrant jostled her as he dismounted and strode into the castle. He as muttering in outlandish under his breath. His madness bubbling at the surface. He paused before the page, "McTwisp, Upfelkuchen please."

Then he made his way of the stairs and to the room Alice had become so comfortable in. He threw the doors open and stormed to the bathroom, throwing the taps and set the tub to filling with steaming water.

There was a knock at the door and he opened it take the cake from the rabbit, "I will send Thackery." Nevins said.

Tarrant shut the door and made his way to the small table near the hearth. He carefully removed his coat and gently set Alice on the table. "Sit down" he said tightly. And Alice obeyed. Sitting on the edge of the table, staring back him with wide eyes.

Tarrant broke off a small bit of the cake and handed it to her, then he grabbed her robe from the bed and placed it on the table. Alice waited until he had turned around and swallowed the cake down, then wrapped herself in the robe. Her feet hurt so badly that she rested her weight against the table once more.

"Get in the tub lass" he commanded quietly, far too quietly, "And then I shall tend ye." His eyes moved to the bruised and bloodied flesh of her thighs, his expression growing more fierce.

She twisted the belt of the robe, "Tarrant…"

He held his hand up for silence, his madness having too much control at the moment.

"I..I'm sorry" Alice whispered.

Tarrant exploded, flinging his coat across the room, "Doona dare Alice!" he roared at her, "Doona dare apologize!"

Alice backed away from him, watching as he took a deep breath and then leveled that dangerous gaze on her again. "Get in tha tub." he said in a tight whisper.

Alice hobbled to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and slid down it to rest on the floor. She wept softly. It seemed the knave had been correct. For surely her precious hatter had seen the extent of her bruises, he would surely think the worst. She felt the burn of bile at the back of her throat and just made it to the porcelain basin before her stomach emptied itself violently.

Tarrant stood just outside the door, he heard her whimpers, sobs and then her painful retching. How he wanted to tear that door off it's hinges and comfort her. His hands itched with the need, but he had failed her and all of this was his fault.

He had waited and wanted and wished so hard. And when Alice came back he was so happy. Had he wished so hard that he'd made her return before Underland was right again? Had he selfishly plunged her into a war once more?

He heard her pant for breath and moan piteously and slammed his fist against the stone wall. Smiling darkly when he felt the bones shift and the skin break. Whatever hurt he could have, he would gladly take. He deserved it.

"What's all this?" came a smooth, deep voice and the hatter glanced over to find Chess floating near the door. "Is Alice alright?" Thackery Earwicket stood just behind him, carpet bag in his grasp.

Tarrant shook his head, "My fault." His voice a tight, pained whisper. "I'm a failure."

The hare snorted, "Tha's jest foolish talk" he said in a certain voice, "Tha' knaves a right bastard he is and no' a bit o' it yer fault, or wee Alice's."

The hatter shook his head sadly, "Nay, its mine, all mine. I wanted her to come back so badly ye see."

Chess sighed, "Well, we need to focus on Alice now. What's she doing in there?"

Small splashes reached their ears and Tarrant sighed "Washin up. I couldna bear to see her like tha."

"Like what?" Chess asked, though not unkindly.

"All broken and bleeding and bruised. Oh Chess! She had blood and bruises on her wee thighs. He… touched her…." his eyes bled to that furious orange, so deep that they were nearly crimson. "He touched mah Alice. I hafta kill im Chess, I just hafta. It canna be too easy though. No, tha brute, that doldering, slurking….he'll suffer, oh aye!"

Chess curled near Tarrant's shoulder, "Hatter you are covered with blood and soot and grime. You should wash up yourself and let the hare tend to Alice."

He started to shake his head, but the cat cut him off. "What good will you possibly do here now? Your madness is too strong. You must calm yourself. Alice will need your strength. Not your rage."

"Aye, tha's true. And I'll need yer help in a bit if ye don't mind."

Tarrant looked askance at the hare. "My help? Of course, anything to help Alice."

The hare cast a meaningful eye at the bathroom door, "I'll have to make certain ye understand."

Tarrant nodded then frowned, "Certain of what?"

"O what he's done to te her." the hare replied, "I canna believe that Alice would want a child by him. Best to slip her something in her tea to make certain but I canna do it if its no needed."

"Why do you need my help then?"

The hare held up his paw, "I can't get to it."

The hatter colored, finally grasping what the hare was telling him. He nodded jerkily and tugged at his ascot. The bathroom door opened slowly and they turned in unison to see a battle weary Alice peer back at them.

"I wish ye had never come back Lass" the hatter blurted out, "No like this." Then he left the room with the cat and Alice burst into fresh tears.

The hare ushered her to the chair, "Here now" he said in a gentle tone, "Lets get ye mended right. I'll call for some tea."

He poked his nose into the hall, hollered for the tea and returned to her side. He began to set out his bottles and vials. The soft tinkles and clinks filling the space between them. 'Top to bottom Alice" he announced.

She blinked but the hare was already sliding gentle paws through her hair to feel the lump at the back of her skull. "Took a crack didn't ye"

She was silent, but he continued. "Sleepy at all?"

She shook her head and he nodded with relief, "I'll wager ye've a wee concussion. I have something for that." Then he dabbed at her lip with a cleaning tincture. Alice winced at the burn but held still. "Sorry lass, I imagine that smarts a bit."

But Alice didn't really care about that pain. Her suffering went far beyond a paltry split lip. He fussed over the bruise on her cheek and nodded when a maid arrived with tea. He poured her a cup and dripped several colored serums into the dark depths. Then he slid a small white tablet across the table to her, "Take that, drink that down. Will help with pain and swelling. Might make ye a wee bit sleepy lass, tha's fine though, I've added the elixir for concussions, ye won't be fading away on us in the night."

Alice dutifully obeyed and sat back, wincing. The hare looked at her and led her to the bed, "Come lay down Alice. When it hits ye I doubt ye'd like tha chair much." Alice hobbled to the bed, the hare eyeing her feet and the long gash that even now was seeping blood into the chemise she wore.

She laid on her back, staring up a the white canopy. "I can't do anything right." she whispered.

"Hush that now." the hare admonished, "Ye did wha ye thought was right and it was Alice. Its jest a terrible situation that knave put ye in."

She nodded but the hare knew she still blamed herself. Her and the hatter both. This would be a long, hard night on both.

He placed his paws at her ankle, "Yer leg is bleeding Alice. I need to see it. I won't hurt ye." He slid her chemise up slowly, she flinched "I must treat tha gash on yer leg lass, its alright."

He spoke softly to her, wishing that his sleeping tonic would take effect soon.

"He hates me you know." she breathed to no one in particular, her head starting to feel fuzzy.

"Eh?" the hare asked as he gently prodded the deep cut on her thigh, she'd be needing threads. He cleaned it meticulously, dabbing the fresh blood as he went. He reached for a bottle and dripped the cold fluid along the cut. "This will numb it lass."

And it did. The burn quieted to nothingness and tingles. Alice sighed with relief that was short lived.

"The hatter. He hates me now."

"Tarrant Hightopp doesna hate ye lassie."

"Oh he does Thackery. You heard him."

The hare shook his head and pulled on his ears in frustration, "There a lot bobblin round in tha head o his, but hatred fer ye isna in the mix lass. He's heart sore."

"Heart sore?"

"Aye Alice. Ye were hurt." He said it as though that explained everything and she supposed to him it did.

"He said he wished I hadn't come back." she wailed and her tears started anew.

The hare patiently handed her a clean cloth, "Damnable wet faced women. Nows no the time to be worried about tha. There are more important things now, ye and the hatter, well, ye'll work it right. Ye always do."

He cleaned her feet, using his tweezers to pull bits of twig and debris from the wounds. She hissed a few times at the pain but said nothing. Then the hare spread a cooling, soothing salve over the wounds and wrapped them in soft linen. "Best stay off em fer a few days." he cautioned.

He helped her roll over and repeated the same treatment to her back. "Ah lassie" he said sadly and clucked his tongue. His hands were swift. "How do ye feel?"

"Tired and tingly" she slurred to him.

"Aye, thas the medicine."

She sighed and shuddered giving a soft sob and the hare patted her soothingly, "Rest now Alice."

The room began to soften, the light fade. Alice blinked trying to clear her vision but the blur remained. "The knave was right you know?" she managed to say, "Thackery? The hatter will never want me now. I'm dirty."

A paw stroked her hair and she felt her eyes slide shut, "The knave is a liar lass, ye remember tha." He watched her eyes flutter as she fought sleep, but then the soft arms of darkness curled around her and pulled her to healing sleep.

The hare ran a hand over his face and sighed. He gently turned her over on her stomach and began to thread his needle. He worked carefully, pulling the thread through her ragged flesh, it would scar, no matter how carefully he worked. That was a shame, but there were worse things in life. Like death.

His eyes fell on those bruises that so hurt Tarrant and he hoped that it was not as they had feared. Alice would sleep through that trial, be unaware of what had occurred. Thackery went to his bag and pulled out the mint green liquid that would erase the knave's seed, should it be needed. Bairnbane. One of the nearly forbidden potions in Underland.

Only allowable in the most extreme need. Thackery deemed this to be just that.

There was a soft knock a few moment later and Tarrant appeared. He was clean, his eyes were still golden but he seemed more in control of himself. "How is she?" he asked closing the door behind him. His eyes landing on the bed, where Alice lay, Chemise rucked up on her thighs.

"Thinkin that ye hate her. She doesna understand why ye said what ye did." the hare said plainly, "The knave has planted poison words in tha mind Tarrant. Ye must go carefully."

The hatter nodded, "I just meant tha I wanted her to be here when here was safe."

Thackery whacked him soundly aside the head, "Weel, thas no what she heard."

The hatter moved closer to the bed, even beaten as she was Alice was beyond beauty to him. His fingertips stroked near the large cut on her leg and she whimpered and flinched in her sleep. Tarrant laid his hand full upon her flesh, "Shhh now, I'm here Alice. Its only me."

"Tarrant" she sobbed in her sleep and he reached higher to stroke her unmarred cheek,

"Aye lass."

Casting a dark glance back at the hare he asked, "What do ye want me to do?"

Thackery stared up at his friend, "I need you to feel if Alice is intact."

He blinked, "Fine."

"Go slowly, gently Tarrant. And ye must speak to her when she tenses up lest ye hurt her a bit."

"I do know something about virgins." Tarrant snapped, "And otherwise."

He handed Tarrant a slim vial of oil, "Tha will make it easier on her. Ye'll need to coat her flesh with it, 'twill help her heal faster. Once ye're done, come and get me and I'll give her the bairnbane. Lets pray its no needed."

Tarrant nodded but he inwardly shuddered, the last time he had prayed there had been no one to answer and his whole world had crumbled to dust. He heard the hare enter the bathroom to clean his needles and wash his paws, but Tarrant kept his eyes on Alice.

Slowly he slid his palm against her flesh, soothing her with soft words, letting her get used to his touch and then he slid the chemise to her waist. His eyes took in the golden cropped curls covering her and sighed.

How he had longed to touch her, just like this, but these circumstances were all wrong. He opened the vial and spread the oil thickly over two of his fingers and then gently brushed against her.

Alice jolted in her sleep and Tarrant let his slick fingers rest against her. "Its only me lass. How I have wanted to feel ye. I had hoped for a better opportunity than this." He stroked her nether lips as he spoke. Keeping his touch soft and light.

Her head thrashed against the linens and so Tarrant pulled back from her, moving lay beside her and pulled her against him gently.

When she relaxed against him, he let his hand slide low again. He kept his lips at her ear and whispered anything and everything he could think of to her. His brogue deepened as she whimpered again. But this was not a sound of pain or fear.

Gently, slowly, agonizingly slowly Tarrant slipped two fingers inside of her. He groaned at the tight heat that gripped his fingers. "Thas it lass" he breathed into her ear, "Let me in."

He sighed with relief, dropping his head to her brow when his fingertips brushed the unmistakable proof of her innocence. Tarrant bit his lip hard as he blinked back the moisture in his eyes.

Remembering the hare's words. He withdrew his fingers to apply more of the healing oil and then he slid back into her. Alice gave a breathy moan, "Tarrant…"

"Aye lass, Tarrant. I bring no pain. Just feel me."

He gently stroked her inner walls, trying not to miss anywhere, wanting the healing effects to be complete. He felt himself grow hard as he stoked her and felt a wash of shame. He was doing this to help her, not to pleasure her.

A moment later, he deemed his actions sufficient and gently pulled from her. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to her brow.

He went to the bathroom door and pulled it open to see the hare just arranging his items again. "She's pure" he said with relief.

The hare smiled, "Excellent. I was starting to think that only his hands had gotten to her. Good good, bairnbane is a nasty bit of business."

Tarrant nodded, "Thank you Thackery."

The hare shrugged, "Its wha I do. Spoon!"

Tarrant moved to wash his hands, the scent of Alice clung to them and he very much liked it but it was driving him to distraction. The hare eyed his busted knuckles and sighed, "Come on then, I canna leave ye in yer state either."