The Darkness of Desire

Darkness of Desire

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit story, and I own none of the characters.
Author – Courtier
Rating – PG at first, N-17 in later chapters
Summary – A coming of age story chronicling the relationship between Anakin Skywalker and his master, Obi-wan Kenobi; a story of passion, empathy, and confliction.

The story continues a month following the previous chapter. . .

Chapter VIII – A Kindly New Friend And The Seeds Of Ardor . . . .

Anakin made up his mind that politics were boring. What was the constitution and why was it so long? Was democracy a list of rules or a way of life? So many questions. . . .It was all so dull.

The padawan of twelve standard years stood in the Chancellor Palpatine’s office, listening vaguely to the meeting being held by the Republic’s leader with a few members of the Jedi Order. They were discussing matters of Outer Rim inclusion within democracy. . . .or something to that extent. At the moment, the boy’s attentions were fluttering behind the Chancellor’s large chair and beyond the large glass window overlooking Coruscant’s landscape. Transports of all different sizes and colors were flickering to and fro amongst the city and his eyes followed them all eagerly. I wish I was out there flying. He could barely guard his expression from pouting.

He suddenly felt the corners of his jaw tugging into a yawn, and he clamped his teeth together. Regrettably, he’d made the mistake of openly yawning a few moments ago and had received a stern glance from Obi-wan. However, any nonchalance he now produced in striving to stifle his yawn was shattered when his eyes began to water akwardly. Palpatine’s warm eyes flickered over to him for an instance and furrowed, taking in Anakin’s strange expression. Embarrassment immediately flushed the boy’s cheeks in a crimson shade, and he stood straighter, determined to emanate the impression that he was paying attention to what was being said.

He watched as the Chancellor hid traces of a reserved smile, seemingly amused at the padawan’s lack of interest in the conference. Anakin half-smiled in return. He barely knew the Chancellor save as a cordial acquaintance, yet he could tell he was a kind man who, at the very least, had a sense of humor.

“Rothana has chosen to adhere to the Republic,” Master Saesee Tiin informed.

“Arbra as well. . .” added Master Windu.

The Chancellor smiled contentedly and steepled his fingers beneath his chin.

“Very good, Masters,” he said. “The expansion of the Republic will greatly enhance our organization of equality and justice.”

He rose from his seat, as did the Jedi.

“Till tomorrow then,” Palpatine genially inclined his head to his visitors and the knights mirrored the act.

Anakin made a move to follow his master and the other knights from the room when suddenly, something caught his eye past the window. An Earsona Custom Speeder! It soared past the window in all of its 7 x 12 foot glory. These speeders had just recently been released onto the Coruscanti market and were the latest in the technology of city transport. He imagined himself in the pilot’s seat, easing the controls beneath his hands with deft motions. The wonderful wind would whip into his eyes and he’d simply fly. . .

“Exquisite, aren’t they?”

Anakin’s mind soared from his slight reverie and he gazed up beside him. The Chancellor stood beside him, admiring the view as well.

Feeling a bit shy, yet delightfully surprised the Chancellor was of a mind with him, he nodded in agreement.

“I wish I could fly in one,” he quietly confessed.

“Would you like to?” the older man asked kindly.

Excitement gripped in the young boy’s chest. More than anything!! he thought within his head. However, he merely nodded mutely in reply.

The Chancellor nodded and smiled, turning back towards the center of the room, as did Anakin. The room was quiet and still. The Jedi had left; all save Obi-wan, who stood near the entrance doors awaiting his apprentice to join him.

“I was just speaking with your young Skywalker,” Palpatine spoke to Obi-wan. “It seems he has a taste for flight?”

A light smile graced the young Jedi Master’s features and he nodded in agreement.

“I believe he does, Chancellor.”

The Chancellor walked from the window towards the center of the room, long robes of regality trailing behind him.

“Perhaps, if it is not against your wise judgment, Master Kenobi,” Palpatine continued, “the lad may be permitted to participate in an outing of mine?” He paused, adding weight to his words. “In my Earsona Speeder?”

Anakin’s eyes brightened, and he glanced to Obi-wan pleadingly. Please, Obi-wan, oh please let me go! he inwardly screamed. His master’s eyes remained fixed upon the Chancellor for a while before finally returning to Anakin. His master was filled with indecision; that much was decipherable. The boy reached out with his mind to his mentor, Obi-wan please. I hardly ever ask for anything. It was then that Obi-wan lowered his eyes in aquiescence.

“Very well,” he nodded in consent. It took very nearly all of Anakin’s inner strength not to leap in joy.

“Good!” Palpatine declared, turning to Anakin.

“You’ll return promptly to the temple afterwards, Anakin.” Obi-wan commanded softly.

The boy nodded eagerly.

“I promise!” he avowed.

Obi-wan arched an eyebrow and turned once more to the Chancellor.

“Good luck, Chancellor, and I sincerely hope your speeder has an overhead barrier. Otherwise,” his eyes now shifted to Anakin, “you’ll have quite a trying time to keep him from falling off the side.”

Anakin smiled gratefully, Thank you Obi-wan.

His master gazed at him a moment and looked almost melancholy. Presently, he bowed and departed from the room. Anakin felt queer of a sudden, as if a taught string had suddenly been broken. Realization dawned on him as he realized that this would be the first time he would be parted from his master for a span of time. For nearly three years, he had been Obi-wan’s shadow, always in his master’s footsteps. And now he was simply. . . .gone. Away. He was by himself now. Now I feel sad. . .

“Come, lad!” the Chancellor strode towards him and grasped his shoulder. “I’ll lead you to my landing dock!”

Any unhappiness that still lingered upon the boy dissipated at the friendly geniality of Chancellor Palpatine as he was led by the room by a kindly new friend. . . .


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Anakin half walked, half ran down the living quarter’s corridor of the Jedi Temple, racing towards Obi-wan’s room. He had so much to tell him! The Earsona Speeder had been everything he’d dreamed of and more! Chancellor Palpatine had even let him drive it! He couldn’t wait to see the look in Obi-wan’s eyes when he told him how fast he’d gone. Of course he’d no doubt receive a somewhat scolding look from his master, yet he couldn’t resist. He’d had the most enjoyable afternoon in quite a long time and he wanted to tell his best friend about it.

To his dismay, Obi-wan was not in his living quarters. The room was empty and devoid of any traces of his master. Anakin retreated back into the hallway, fairly disappointed. Where is Obi-wan? He closed his eyes, asking for the force.

He loved the force. The force had been with him his whole life and he’d come to regard it as a friend. As a child, it had come to him in the form of superlative abilities; such as quick reflexes and intuitions. Training within the Jedi Temple for nearly three years had only strengthened his bond with it. He sought it now to feel for the presence of his master.

He was here, in the Temple. His aura filled the hallways in a warm haze. Allowing himself to be guided, Anakin walked quietly down the corridor, drawing closer to his master’s presence.

As he walked, he kept his eyes downcast to the floor, simply. . . . .feeling. . . .perceiving. He didn’t know how long he had been walking, until suddenly, he looked up. The archive library lay before him. It was quiet this afternoon. Crowds of young padawans could usually be seen lounging amongst the tables and shelves, yet today, the library was cool and quiet. A gentle hum could be heard from the scattered holonet consoles stationed around the room. And then there he was. . . .

Obi-wan sat in a lounge seat near the back, his head resting thoughtfully against his wrist, and his eyes lost in reverie. He seemed to be in an immense state of meditation. Anakin very nearly ran towards him, yet he paused. There was something that emitted from his master that suggested he be left undisturbed. Instead, the young padawan remained where he was and sidled quietly against the side wall, concealing himself. If felt strange to be spying on Obi-wan.

Obi-wan Kenobi, young Master of the Jedi Arts was a mentor, a father, a brother, and most of all, a friend to him. This young man had encompassed any kind of compassion and admiration from Anakin merely by training him for a small fraction of the boy’s life. What Anakin felt for Obi-wan was a feeling completely on its own. It was the feeling one felt for another whom they’d shared every waking moment of their life with for the past three years. This emotion had no word. It had no description. It simply. . . .was.

Anakin often wondered how his master felt towards him. Did he regard him with respect, love, annoyance, affection, dissatisfaction? All of these, or none of these? A pang of ache twinged deep within the boy whenever he dwelled on this. Obi-wan was a mystery. He always had been. Outwardly, he was an admirable warrior with a heart of grace and honor. Yet at times, very few times, an ocean of emotion could be seen brimming through the crystalline eyes of Kenobi. Anakin hungered for this. Thirsted for it. He wanted a glimpse of the intricacies and nuances of his master’s personality. Many times, he’d sought to decipher Obi-wan’s rare moments of revealed inner sensations. Yet Obi-wan was skilled at hiding himself within his mind. Those eyes, which were cabable of revealing so very much, would lower and avert themselves from his gaze. There were things Obi-wan knew, or felt, that he kept from Anakin.

Observing the Jedi now, Anakin could see that the hidden zeal of his master was shining through his eyes now. Downright blazing. Anakin bit his lip. Does he know I’m watching him? He knew exactly what would happen if Obi-wan discovered his presence. He would quickly lower his eyes, and when they met his again, they would be devoid of the former emotion; denying Anakin that which he longed for. The boy held his breath, scarce daring to breathe. Obi-wan’s attentions remained lost in his own thoughts. He had no idea Anakin was watching him.

Coming to a silent decision, Anakin lowered his eyes and called once more for the force to come to him. Without hesitation, it poured into him as a clear waterfall of radiant water. Stretching his mind out to Obi-wan, the force traveled across the room and meshed his mind with his master’s. What Anakin found there was a torrent of passion, love, anger, jealousy, affection, warmth, and . . . . lust. The sheer dramatic depth of these feelings encompassed the boy and he nearly fell to his knees. With white fingers, he clutched at the wall, as he read his master’s thoughts.

Images and voices filled within him. There was war, there was peace, there was conflict, there was. . . . .love? Obi-wan loved someone very much. . . .or had. Who? A Jedi does not love. . . .at least not that way. . . .

Along with the love, there was worry. Worry for whom?. . . . . .For me. He worries about me. Night and day. Especially today. He wants to be a good master to me. He cares for me. He understands my love for my mother. He understands I am lonely. He understands that I have a good heart.

Anakin bit his lower lip fiercely, and tasted the bitterness of his own blood. He understands. . . .he cares. He let go of the force, and the rush of emotions suddenly halted. The archive library was suddenly very quiet. As if only moments before, a battle had been fought within its core and had unexpectedly ended. His eyes roved upwards toward Obi-wan Kenobi across the room. So lost was he still in his thoughts that he had not noticed Anakin’s intrusion into his mind.

Anakin drew a shaky breath. His master was still a mystery. A lost past of love that perhaps I shall never know of. . . . Still, he’d seen into the heart of his beloved mentor. Though brief it had been, it was enough. With his Jedi robe folded around him and his unworldly bejeweled eyes, he truly was the embodiment of perfection and nobility in his apprentice’s eyes.

Anakin loved him.

With quiet stealth, the padawan stole himself from the room to retreat to his own quarters.

To Be Continued. . . . . .

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I’m not really sure how many individuals are still reading this, yet for those who are, I thank you sincerely. Reviews would be most appreciated if you feel inclined to do so. Much more coming soon. . . .