A Vacation ... Where?

Danielle woke up to Anakin pushing the bedroom door open, Force-carrying a tray loaded with food. He sat down next to her and the tray glided over her lap as she sat up.

“What’s all this?” she asked.

“Well,” he explained, “I’m just doing something nice for you.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Anakin, not to hurt your feelings, but you always have an ulterior motive. It’s not usually sinister, but you always have one.”

He affected an innocent look. “Who, me?”

“Yes, you,” she said.

“Well … since I made you breakfast ….”

“Here it comes,” she muttered.

“I thought that maybe we could … you know … watch some movies.”

She nodded. “I take it back. This time it _was_ a sinister motive.”

He pouted. “Come on … the first one couldn’t hurt. Please?”

She glanced skeptically at the tray of food in front of her. “Let’s see if this is edible first.” She cautiously took a bite of scrambled eggs. “Wow! These are actually pretty good.”

He looked hurt. “Did you really have so little faith in me?”

“Anakin, you made _oatmeal_ inedible the last time you tried to make breakfast.”

“You were supposed to forget about that,” he mumbled.

“Forget about it?” she laughed. “I’ve never seen a bigger mess in my life. I still don’t know how you made it explode.”

He scowled. “And I’m not going to tell you.”

Danielle shrugged. “Fair enough.” She took a few more bites before giving in. “Okay. We can watch the first movie. But you’re going to have to do something amazing to get to watch any more of them.”

He levitated the tray so she could get out of bed, then she took it from him and carried it out of the bedroom. “I still can’t believe I’m letting you do this,” she muttered.

He grinned. “You won’t regret it, I promise.”

“No, but you might,” she said under her breath as they walked down the hall. Anakin swung by the kitchen to grab a bagel, a gallon of milk, and a carton of orange juice, catching up to Danielle as she opened the theater door.

Settling onto a couch, she tossed Anakin the remote. “Do you know how to work this?”

He caught it as he strode up the steps toward the mini-fridge. “Yes, I was down here earlier fiddling with it when I was trying to make the music work.”

“Ahh.” She pulled out the footrest on her side of the couch and settled back to finish eating her breakfast.

Anakin handed her a glass of milk as he sat down on the other end of the couch. “We need to get some more of this swirly cream cheese,” he said. “I’m almost out.”

“Well, if you didn’t put a pound of cream cheese on each bagel half, you’d still have some left,” she replied.

He stuck his tongue out at her. “Whatever. I’m starting the movie.”

*

(Author’s note: Time hacks are denoted by / /. Version is the widescreen DVD, should anyone feel the need to watch along. XD Times weren’t always exact to the second, but I caught them as closely as possible.)

/3:30/ Anakin stared in shock at the screen. “Obi-Wan really was a padawan? The way he acted, you’d’ve thought he was born to knighthood in the Order.”

“Anakin, is this going to be one great big snark-fest?”

“Probably,” he grinned.

/5:00/ He tapped his chin. “You know, I always wondered why the Neimoidians let one guy control them that much. They had a vast army, lots of money … and got treated like puppets. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“So it was really like that?”

“Yeah. They were terrified of a guy in a hood. Isn’t that sad?”

/8:20/ “Wow, that Padme decoy has a low voice. What’s up with her talking in a near-bass register?”

Danielle just shook her head.

/11:26/ “He’s been on screen for about a minute, and I already want to smack this Jar-Jar. _Please_ tell me he wasn’t a popular character.”

She burst into laughter. “Not by a long shot, Anakin.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Did he just say ‘exqueese me’? The Gungans were _not_ this annoying. What the hell was George Lucas thinking?”

Danielle snorted. “That’s what the rest of us asked.”

/15:30/ Anakin pointed at the screen accusingly. “Qui-Gon just misused the Force. Where’s Obi-Wan’s lecture about it? I guarantee he mentioned it later.” In a mocking voice, he continued, “Mastah, I don’t really think it was … _appropriate_ to use our abilities in that way.”

/18:10/ He threw his hands up in the air. “Okay, someone needs to figure out how to mute just one character on the screen, because Binks has gotta go. If that was what he was really like, Qui-Gon would have let him get run over.”

/26:04/ Anakin turned to look at Danielle. “I thought this was supposed to be a sextet of movies about me.”

“It is.”

“Well, I haven’t seen any me yet,” he retorted. “But seeing R2D2 was cool.”

/26:56/ “So, on that high-tech ship … Obi-Wan gets the oldest looking computer imaginable?”

Danielle shrugged. “Apparently.”

/28:31/ A wide grin spread across Anakin’s face. “Ohhh, I bet Padme _loved_ being ordered around by a decoy. Somehow, I’m not seeing that going over very well. ‘Clean the droid? _You_ clean the droid, handmaiden!’” He rolled his eyes. “Does she even _get_ a bad side in this movie?”

“Sort of.”

“Great. Padme the Martyr.”

/31:33/ “Holy crow! That’s a much more sanitized version of Mos Espa than actually existed. But other than that it-“ He stopped mid-sentence. “Watto!”

“I take it you got along?”

“For the most part. And I knew I never wanted my mother to cut my hair – it looked almost as bad as that poor kid’s.”

/32:36/ “‘Are you an angel?’” he parroted. “What? I never said that!”

Danielle raised an eyebrow.

He scowled. “Fine. I said it once, to a girl in a club. And yes, it worked,” he said in reply to her unasked question. “But I sure didn’t use it when I was nine.”

/36:35/ “Why did Sebulba just run away from me? He could have smacked me up and down that street, which is why I stayed away from him.”

“I think the general idea is to show that you stood up to someone bigger than yourself to help someone out.”

Anakin shrugged. “Whatever works, I guess.”

/37:22/ “I know it’s mean, but Obi-Wan with that ponytail is hands down the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I forgot how silly he looked.”

“You know, Anakin, you had one, too,” she reminded him.

He shot a sideways glance at her. “So?”

“I’m just saying, it’s kind of hypocritical, isn’t it?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t look that dorky.”

She chuckled. “No, the poofy hair you had looked _much_ better.”

He folded his arms and sat back in his seat. “You’re mean.”

/47:21/ “There … there what? There was no father?” He looked at Danielle incredulously. “Did I really just hear that?”

“It was their way of explaining you were strong in the Force.”

“What, Force-created? What a stupid idea. Sounds to me like my mother didn’t want to admit to something.”

“So … who was your father?”

He thought about it for a moment. “She never told me. But immaculate conception? Please.”

/48:00/ A small smile crossed his face as he watched the scene with the kids looking at the pod. “I miss having real friends. Once who liked me for me – not for my power, money, or influence.” He paused. “And it’s been a long time since I had friends like that.”

She patted his arm. “It’s hard to be the leader sometimes, Anakin.”

He nodded.

/50:45/ “What the hell are midichlorians?”

Danielle hid a smile. “They are tiny beings that make up the Force.”

He stared at her. “What? No! The Force just … is. It’s not made up of anything. Living things are created from it, not the other way around. The Force can’t be explained with science or technology – it rises above all that, and that’s why it will always triumph above said science and technology.”

“But what about things like lightsabers?”

“Those are technological tools, but we use the Force to create them, and to guide our hand when we use them. Tools do not affect the source of the power.”

She pondered that. “Interesting.”

/51:35/ “I’m appropriating this whispered music that Darth Maul has in this movie.” He crouched dramatically. “’Ha-shha-shaa!’ That’s so great.” He watched for a moment. “And Darth Maul looks much cooler here than he actually was.”

/53:39/ He pointed at the screen again. “Qui-Gon cheated! I saw that! I knew I liked that guy.”

/58:46/ Anakin grimaced. “Ahh, there’s the complaining Padme we all know and love. Can’t just go along with a fun plan and see what happens, can you? And your faith in my piloting abilities is just astounding, dear.” He stuck his tongue out at the screen.

/1:00:10/ “I didn’t stall!” he shouted, leaping to his feet. “Why’d my pod stall?” He shot a wounded look at Danielle.

She gave him a helpless look. “For drama, Anakin?”

“What, me winning the race wasn’t enough? Come on! I was nine, and beat out galaxy-renowned podracers!”

“Why don’t you sit down and finish watching the movie before you hurt yourself?”

He flopped back on the couch, scowling.

/1:15:27/ “They made this scene with me and my mom way too emotional. I still think I should have stayed there, though.”

Anakin got up and threw some popcorn in the microwave. He leapt into his seat as the big Senate scene commenced, and promptly burst into laughter.

/1:28:53/ “What is up with that _headdress_ she’s wearing? I turn around to get me some popcorn, and it looks like she got assaulted by draperies! And now we know whose fault it is that Sidious got power. Way to go, Padme. She never admitted that was her doing.”

“Anakin, keep in mind these are more like historical fiction for you.”

“No way, she danced around it every time I asked. And that totally seems in keeping with her character anyway. What was Valorum supposed to do, charge in with a cavalry with no proof? It’s not like an investigation was asking so much. He didn’t say they were going to debate it in a committee, he said he was going to send a delegation. It’s not like it would have been all Neimoidians.”

Danielle sighed. “Not to ruffle your feathers, but you’re not biased or anything, are you?”

He threw popcorn at her, but didn’t say anything.

/1:31:26/ “I bet that actress was really tired of all the costume changes,” he remarked casually.

/1:32:45/ “’Please, your Majesty, stay heah, where it’s safe.’ Yeah, he sounded _real_ sincere there. Palpatine wasn’t that transparent, you know. If he had been, he never would have made it as far as he did.”

/1:37:49/ She saw him stare at the screen. He looked over at her. “That purple headdress is the worst yet. That’s all I’m saying about it.”

/1:41:12/ “You know what?”

“You made it almost 5 minutes without saying anything?”

Anakin made a face. “No, that isn’t what I was going to say. Maybe I’m a horrible person, but that nifty hairdo she’s wearing when talking to … I’m guessing that’s Boss Nass … would make a great handhold for-“ He cut off abruptly as she reached over and smacked him with her fork.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Because I didn’t feel like hearing the rest of that.”

/1:46:55/ “These people aren’t even _aiming_!” he exclaimed in an annoyed tone. “How are they hitting anything?”

/1:50:25/ “You know, it’s too bad Maul bites the big one, because he had the best entrance in the movie.”

/1:52:23/ “Obi-Wan never fought like that!” he said. “Well … not that aggressively.” Anakin reflected for a second. “That is one thing I’ll give him – the man was a master with the saber. Well, until he tried the same trick twice. Good with saber, crappy with tactics.”

/1:55:26/ “And Maul had the best music. For the record.”

/1:57:54/ Anakin jumped to his feet and gestured angrily. “Augh! How’d he do that? This Jar-Jar guy drives me nuts!”

“A lot of people don’t like him, Anakin.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s obnoxious, mostly.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not why he drives me nuts – it’s because he has no skill! He gets into trouble, then miraculously gets out of it! At least the *right* Jar-Jar had some skill!” He pointed at the screen as Jar-Jar pulled off yet another ‘whoops’ move and did something right on accident. “See?”

Danielle cast aside the idea of continuing that debate further, and changed the subject. “So how’d George Lucas get your life story?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “From research in the Temple, I’ve gleaned that there are some places where time and space are thinner … perhaps this is where a lot of those science-fiction books you showed me at that bookstore came from.”

“What are you saying, that no one has original ideas?”

“I’m not saying no one has original ideas – I’m just saying that perhaps the idea of ‘The Muse’ is more concrete than some people think.”

/2:00:40/ “The Neimoidans can’t tell that second Padme is a decoy? They suck!”

“Anakin, your newfound command of our lingo simply astonishes me,” she said wryly.

/2:01:01/ He pointed insistently at the screen. “See, that was the Padme I fell in love with. She had spirit, and did what she had to do.”

“Oh yeah?” Danielle asked, trying not to sound too interested.

“And that’s all I’m going to say about it. I still hate her,” he said petulantly, slouching back on the couch.

/2:02:10/ Anakin stared at the screen in complete shock, which quickly morphed into annoyance. “Ooh! Obi-Wan didn’t tell me he lost his lightsaber to Maul! That punk was always yelling at me about losing my lightsaber. I’m keeping count now. Get some paper and a pen.” He gestured vaguely toward the back of the room.

Danielle crossed her legs under her and stared him down. “You get it.”

He glared at her. “Fine.” He darted up, snatched the notebook and pen, and ran back to his seat. “That’s one for Obi-Wan,” he gloated.

“Are you sure you want to keep track of this, Anakin?”

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh … no reason,” she said.

/2:03:17/ “Blowing that ship up was awesome.”

/2:04:10/ “Whoa, split body shot! What a crappy way to die. And he was raised by Sidious, too. Bet he was _livid_ when he found out what happened.”

“What, you don’t know?”

“I was only nine,” he retorted, “It’s not like we were the best of friends at the time.”

/2:06:34/ Anakin pulled a Vanna White by the movie screen. “Witness the one and only time Obi-Wan Kenobi ever defied the council. Ten credits says that when I killed him he thought, ‘Man, Master Yoda was right. I never should have trained you.’ That’s how sucked into the rules and the Order he was.”

“Ah,” was all she said.

/2:07:56/ “This was one of the worst nights of my life,” he said, beckoning. “Qui-Gon was the first person besides my mother that had faith in me … and I barely got to know him. Standing there watching him in the funeral pyre was too depressing for me to talk about when I was that age. For the second time in less than a year, someone I really cared about was taken from me.”

“But surely you understood that sometimes things change,” she said.

He thought. “Well … no. Not really.”

/2:08:58/ “I wonder if anyone ever knew how much I hated that braid,” Anakin mused. “It looked silly.” He watched the scene for a moment. “But Padme looks hot in that pink dress.”

Danielle, without looking, reached over and smacked him again.

He grabbed his arm and jumped up. “Would you quit slapping me? What’d I say this time?”

“You men are pathetic,” she responded. “I’m taking my dishes back upstairs. And remind me never to take you to the movies – you talk _way_ too much.”