The End Justifies the Means

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Return to Naboo

“Oh what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive.”

William Shakespeare


I wasn’t looking forward to it. Nothing I’d ever faced before could equal what I was about to go through. The more I thought about it the more nervous I became. Breaching the nest of gundarks to rescue Obi Wan had been mere child’s play in comparison. I was pretty sure I’d rather stroll the lower streets of Coruscant buck naked than face what was coming. Coward, I hissed to myself. Repeating the words ‘there is no fear’ did nothing to stop the tightening in my chest nor did it ease the panicked flutter that had taken up residence in my gut.

Gods! How exactly do you behave around a man who generously shares the food from his table, offers you a bed for the night, and treats you like an honored guest after what you’ve done? How do yook ook him in the eye and shake his hand knowing that you not only seduced his daughter but used morally questionable means to do so? How do you sit under his trusting gaze with any degree of normality knowing you’ve sampled almost every inch of his little girl’s delectable body? Or that even as you calmly sip your kaffee you’re contemplating still more erotic acts that will most likely leave his daughter quaking and breathless?

Those were the uncomfortable questions I found myself pondering as I watched Padmé push open the old fashioned wooden door of her childhood home. Unease at the impending ordeal turned my stomach. I remembered the pride in her parent’s eyes when last we were there as they spoke of the work she’d done for Naboo and its people. Love and affection had reflected in those same eyes as they recounted the good she had accomplished. I had also seen the concern and fear in their faces when I’d told them the danger to their youngest daughter was real. They’d trusted me to protect her, guard her and keep her safe. And what did I do? I dragged her to a Hutt controlled world and selfishly shattered her innocence on one cold Tatooine night.

The memory of her soft voice echoed in my head.

{Anakin…I need you to make me complete}

With those words, Padmé’s had sealed her fate and thrown her fortunes in with mine. I’d done the right thing, hadn’t I?

Until that moment, I thought I’d managed to successfully vanquish any minor twinges of my conscious that had tried to tell me what I did wasn’t right. I’d told myself that my actions were justifiable, that only the results counted. Part of me knew I should’ve felt more guilt, that I should have felt shame. But I hadn’t, not in any measurable sense. That is, until I stepped over the threshold of the Naberrie’s home. My stomach did another violent turn and a cold sweat broke out over my body.

Not good.

I rubbed my damp palms on my pants and tried to keep my eyes from locking on the gentle sway of Padmé’s hips as she moved down the hall calling out for her parents but it was impossible. A guilty flush suffused my face. If I ever caught a man looking at a daughter of mine like I was looking at Padmé, I just couldn’t be held responsible for my actions. I decided then and there that if we ever had a daughter, I was going to keep her under lock and key on some remote planet beyond the outer rim where she would be safe from men like me. Satisfied and somewhat comforted with my outrageous and illogical plan, I wandered into the living area while Padmé continued her search for her parents.

We’d arrived on Naboo just as the sun had been setting. Our hopes of going straight to the retreat had been dashed when we were told that outlying transportation services were suspended for the evening due to the observation of some obscure Nubian holiday. My suggestion that we stay at a space port inn or hotel had been summarily dismissed and I had to grudgingly admit that the reasoning behind the refusal was sound. Padmé was too well known a public figure and her staying anywhere but at her parents when in her home city might have raised questions we couldn’t answer. So it was with great reluctance on both our parts that we headed to her house to face her family. When we agreed she would handle the explanation as to why we’d be going back to the retreat, I’d given an inward sigh of relief. There was a reason why in the past I’d taken care to only associate with the type of women who no longer had need to explain their whereabouts to suspicious parents.
Padmé came back around the corner with an odd expression on her face. It was part wistful disappointment and part unease.

“They are not here. The house computer said they are away visiting Sola and are not expected back for three more days.” She smiled nervously. “We will have to fend for ourselves.”

Translation, it was the first time she’d been alone with a man in her parent’s home and she was uncomfortable. I, on the other hand, was relieved beyond measure. The trying effort of playing the professional bodyguard at the exclusion of all else wouldn’t be necessary.

I blew out a pent up breath. A huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I couldn’t stop the look of joyful relief from spreading across my face. A reprieve! When next I faced her father at some indeterminate future date, it would be with no guilt for we would be married and the events of the past few weeks would be far behind us.

I preferred not to dwell on what her parents would likely say when they found out that not only had they missed being at the wedding but that they’d been lied to as well. Somehow I didn’t think it would matter to Jobal and Ruwee that it had been a lie by omission. Still, that day was far in the future, why worry about it until then, I asked myself with a little smile. There was a telling spring in my step as I led the ceaselessly bickering Threepio and Artoo further into the room.

“I should pack now. We will have to leave before first light.” Padmé hesitated, a brief look of distaste crossing her features. “Can you make it so the computer will not report our visit?”

At my nod she turned and drifted towards the back of the house in the direction of where her room lay. She didn’t like being secretive and lying to her parents, for that was what it came down to, was painful for her. I sighed regretfully but my heart wasn’t really in it. Padmé was going to marry me and that was all that really mattered as far as I was concerned. Turning, I happily headed for the kitchen and the task I had been assigned.

A giddy joy guided me and I didn’t take note of my pleasing surroundings like I had done on my first visit. All I could think about was that by tomorrow Padmé and I would be man and wife. Everything was going to be all right.

If I repeated that last sentiment a little too forcefully in my head, I didn’t pay it any heed.


****

“It’s beautiful.”

Padmé smiled softly in agreement, a far away look in her eyes. I thought I saw a shadow of regret flicker across her features but then she gave a rueful shake of her head and it was gone.

“It was Sola’s. I remember watching her put it on for her own wedding.” A glimmer of wistfulness spun itself in her words. “Even though I was queen and had far more elaborate dresses at the palace, I thought it was the most beautiful gown I had ever seen. I still do.”

I heard the tremor in her voice and I shifted uneasily on the balls of my feet. How many dreams was I cheating her out of by insisting on this secret ceremony? An ache started in the pit of my stomach, the sudden wave of unaccustomed guilt squeezing my heart. Taking the wedding dress from her, I carefully laid it over the back of the chair before turning back and enveloping her cold hands in mine.

“Padmé, I know this isn’t how you dreamed it would be.” I said earnestly. “I know you wanted to have your family and friends around you just like your sister did. But I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” I raised my left hand then to skim the soft curve of her cheek in apology.

She gave a thin, watery smile. “It does not matter.”

But I knew it did.

Padmé stepped past me to retrieve the dress and I frowned. A creeping sense of foreboding nudged the edges of my mind.

{Tell me again, Anakin. Tell me what we are about to do will not destroy us}

It won’t, I said firmly to the dark voice that hissed and snarled, attempting to goad me into panicked fear. It won’t! I screamed in my head as the edge of the precipice beneath my feet crumbled, the unsteady ground heaving violently, making me sway drunkenly over the edge for one heart pounding moment before I managed to regain my balance.

No. I refused to give into that fleeting feeling of guilt over what amounted to but minutes of a recitation of meaningless words. The two most important people would be present and that was all that mattered when all was said and done.

Behind me, oblivious to my struggles, Padmé hummed softly to herself, a haunting little melody that sounded vaguely familiar. It struck a chord deep within me and it left me feeling both bereft and comforted at the same time. I grabbed at the distraction it afforded me with desperate hands. Closing my eyes, I had a hazy recollection of two arms twined around me, holding me close and rocking me in a gentle, soothing rhythm. Over the beat of a foreign heart came the wordless, lilting tune in the chilly air. But the memory specifics (or was it just a dream?) proved illusive. The harder I tried to hold on to it the more incorporeal it became and further attempts to place it proved a lesson in frustration. When I turned to ask Padmé the name of the song, it was to find she’d already left.

In the empty room the melancholy tune continued its persuasive attempt to lure me into the past. The very air seemed to shimmer with unspoken danger. And I couldn’t quite stop the sudden shiver that ran down my spine.


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TBC
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