Nostalgia

Fall to knees as feet touch sewer platform. Pull hat and face off, slam fist onto concrete alter, bathed in filthy light. Fitting kingdom. See his reflection in water and turn away. Gut is twisting heart out of chest. Can't tolerate what he's made me; what I've made myself. Think back to that night; that girl. Never had a chance. Wonder if this is how she felt. Find myself praying that she died quickly; wish I could do the same.

It's still.

Stare at reflection and see mother. See Grice. See girl's parents. Wonder if the world would burn without me. Feel conceited; have reason to. See building burning in water; remember waiting for Grice to appear. Remember satisfaction as building turns to ash, fire the only sign of life.

Try to remember what Kovacs was like. Wasn't long ago, seems like years. Assume a symptom of losing part of self. Stare at reflection and remember writing at the orphanage. They said I excelled.

"Oh, I think we're rather alike, actually."

No. Not like him. See his smug grin.... Is he right?


~~*~~


Staring out of the broken window I wonder if he'll be back. I imagine he will, but I can't be sure anymore. He makes me unsure of myself. He makes me second guess everything I do. I feel like what I'm doing is wrong. Necessary steps, I suppose. No compromise, right Rorschach? If you have taught me anything, it's that. It must be done, for the good of humanity. You are just... a part of the equation. A variable... that makes me question my very existence. I hope this won't prolong itself any longer, and you will no longer be such a problem for me. Patience. Maybe Jon can give me all of the time in the world.


~~*~~


Stare into face as patterns move slowly. Can't give up, no matter how dark it gets. Dawn will break and the demons will perish in its light. Want to be there to watch them burn, make sure none escape. Pull on face and set hat on head, walking down sewer to Dreiberg's. Pathway to his basement is long and dark, even then, do I reach light?


~~*~~


See Dreiberg sitting on couch, reading through large book. Walk up and sit on couch next to him. "Rorschach! Jesus Christ! What happened? Are you all right? Are you crazy??"

"Good to see you too." He pushes glasses closer to frustrated brow and turns on TV.

"The vigilante known as Rorschach has made one of his more daring moves to date. After entering Veidt Enterprises and nearly killing several of the guards, he took entrepreneur and renewable energy philanthropist Adrian Veidt hostage in his own office. Police quickly surrounded the room and building and sent in their head negotiator. He had this to say:

'Well, normally we let the vigilantes do what they want; they're usually helpful. But this kind of behavior is ridiculous, and Rorschach's never been someone we trust. We tried to strike several offers with him for the release of Mr. Veidt, but the man was crazy and uncooperative, so we decided we had to break down the door. By the time we got in he had broken out Veidt's window, and, according to a couple of other officers, escaped through the lower levels.'

Rorschach hasn't been helping talk of the Keene Act subside an-" Screen went black.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"Believe everything you hear on news, Daniel?"

"Well, no, but they can't be too far off. What the hell did you do?"

"Went to speak with Veidt. Didn't feel like making appointment."

"So you mutilate his guards?"

"Attacked me first. Would have been fine to just walk in."

"You can't do this, Rorschach! You can't go around in broad daylight and expect people to act like it's normal!"

"Didn't take him hostage either."

Heavy sigh. "I don't care what actually happened. This is what the public knows. Are you going to hold a press conference and tell them the police are lying?"

"Should ask Veidt to." Smirk to self.

"Right." Daniel flops back against couch, exhausted spirit. "I hope it was worth it." Still can't determine that. Shift uncomfortably at memory. Still feel like Veidt's hiding something. Daniel's head rolls towards me. Turn head slightly; he smiles and chuckles. Forgot about this part of life. Friend like Daniel makes it bearable. "So what do you want to do today? Burn down the White House?"

"Thought about it." Knock on door. Amazing how fast dread works. Daniel gets up quietly. Wander into the kitchen while Daniel answers door.

"Who is it?"

"Blake." Door opens; Blake hastens the chore. "Are you fuckin' crazy?"

"That's what I said. I wouldn't waste your time, Blake." Walk back into living room; Blake's good at this game.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Did you finally go off the deep end? This job is hard enough without you doin' crazy shit like this."

"Isn't as perceived."

"It doesn't matter. They saw you."

"See you."

"It's different and you know it, unless Veidt hired you to take him hostage."

"Didn't."

"I know he didn't."

"Didn't take him hostage."

Annoyed exhale. "Look, you can't do this.You're hurting us."

"Consequence is my own."

"That's not what I mean. Look at 'im, Rorschach." Gestures to Daniel. His face is contorted; pained. Face moves slowly. False smile earlier hiding worry. Look to Blake; didn't know he cared.

Long silence.

"Will be more careful in future dealings."


~~*~~


"Thought I would find you up here."

"Hurm." Sit on top of Daniel's building, starting out at city.

"It's a nice view."

"Can't see rats scurrying through labyrinth of lies."

"Yeah...."

"Couldn't save that girl."

"What?"

"Blair Roche."

"You have to let it go, Rorschach."

"Can't."

"You can't let it do this to you?"

"Do what?"

"Consume you like this."

"Changed life, Daniel. Pretty good reason."

Heavy sigh. "Did it, Walter?"

Turn head towards him slowly. "Do I look like your ex-partner?"

"Let me take a look." Approaches and reaches for hat. Shy away. His expressions softens. Let him take hat; remove face myself. My face. He grabs my jaw and moves my head around. "Hmmm..." Stare at him and he pinches my cheek. "Aren't you just the cutest?"

"Not funny, Daniel."

"No. You don't look the same, but isn't that more reason to let it go? You can't save her; Jon can't save her. Things happen and change. You're not the man you were before that night was over, and you never will be, and she'll still be dead. Don't let her death be in vain."

Wind blows cool over face; onset of winter. Look down. "Hurm." Pull face back on.

"Come on. Let's go get something to eat."

"Not hungry."

"I bought more beans."

"Hurm." Follow Daniel back into the building. Turns TV on as he passes.

"-s called a press conference today, leading with the Rorschach incident. The conference is expected to begin at four o'clock and is open to the public."

"Sounds like he's taking care of it. I wonder what he'll tell them."

"Hopefully, not much."


~~*~~


Step through crowded streets swarmed with press rats. Sign on shoulder; no one knows who I am. Wait for hour of truth. Crowd falls silent as it comes, Veidt at podium. "Let me start with thanking you all for coming. This is probably the hardest thing I've done in my life. You would think inter-temporal physics would be more intimidating." Courteous laugh from ignorant crowd.

"Now, this morning, the vigilante known as Rorschach, theoretically, broke into my office and, from what I've heard, took me hostage. None of this was truly the case, as, well... does anyone here really think Ozymandias couldn't defend himself?" Wooden sign clatters to ground, unheard over rumble of voices. Stare at Veidt, unsure of feeling in gut. Watch hand bring mask to face, hand restyling hair. Crowd explodes in bloodthirsty outbreak, microphones like poorly restrained guard dogs.

Pick up sign and walk quickly without being noticed to dumpster where things lie. Pull on true self and head to Dreiberg's along alleys. Go in window and to living room. "Daniel."

"I know."

{{ Nothing interesting if you're here for the pwp. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and the story is winding to a close. I hope you guys didn't mind all of the jumping around. And sorry I didn't post this three or four days ago when it was ready, but my cousins showed up unexpectedly and I had to entertain; still good times. Also, my boyfriend came up with a code for Comedian/Rorschach which is Lolblot. I haven't heard it yet, and I laughed. I kind of hope it works its way into the code list. I didn't completely grammar/spell check this one. Bear with me and enjoy.}}