Hanging On

All previous disclaimers apply.

“What did you do?”

Ryan was expecting the screaming when he walked into the hospital. Sharpay was, after all, one of the most dramatic people who had ever walked the earth. Normally it was something he loved about her. It could never be denied that Sharpay was one of a kind and he loved being part of that simply by virtue of being her twin. But, there was something about the way she was shrieking at him now, something so much deeper than mere annoyance and drama. And he hadn’t expected the slap at all. It stung sharply and he lifted a hand to his reddened cheek just before she threw herself at him and pounded on his chest. The blows were not light. She was actually hitting him. For a moment he simply stood and blinked, he was so shocked. As conniving as his sister was, she was not violent in any way, shape, or form. When he couldn’t say anything at all she looked up and he found himself backing away in surprise. She moved with him so that they were still chest to chest and looked up at him. There were tears in her eyes. Sharpay never cried, not for real. She wasn’t even capable of shedding tears on stage. She had to use carefully concealed, swiftly and skillfully applied eye drops. When she was upset, heartbroken even, Sharpay reacted by getting cold, shutting down. She didn’t like to cry, so she didn’t do it. But, here she was now. She had stopped hitting him. Now she was simply clinging to him, sobbing. He could feel her tears seeping into his shirt. His breath started coming in short, quick gasps. Something had to be seriously wrong with Chad. He hadn’t believed it until that moment.

When Sharpay had called him, just over four hours ago, she had said less than twenty words and had hung up. He had simply taken her word for it and booked the next flight home, even though he wasn’t even all that sure that there was anything wrong. After all, Sharpay was a good actress and liked Chad. With how much of a jerk Ryan had been lately, never speaking to her, never coming home, he hadn’t been able to get the thought out of his head that perhaps the two of them had conspired to bring him home. It had been a stupid thought, he knew, but it was what had kept him sane during the flight home. It was what had sustained him on the cab ride to the hospital. Now he didn’t even have the thought to keep all of his panic and fear from overwhelming him. The quick, short gasps of air weren’t enough, but he couldn’t seem to force himself to take deeper breaths. His lungs were starting to burn. The edge of gray around his vision was spreading fast. He felt his knees go weak and reached up to take her elbows in his hands, trying to keep himself up right.

“Ryan…” Her voice and eyes were considerably softer when she looked at him again. She put her hands to his shoulders and pushed gently, helping him go to the floor slowly, “That’s it. Put your head between your knees. Breathe with me. In and out. And again, in and out. Deep breaths. That’s good. You’re doing fine. Almost over it now. In and out. In and out.”

Ryan had had panic attacks from a very young age. The first doctor he had seen when he was eight had attributed them to his naturally dramatic nature, but his parents had argued that it was Sharpay who was the dramatic one. In general, Ryan was calm and put together. The doctor had then smirked at his parents and suggested that his panic attacks might be due to the flamboyance he exhibited and had pushed a brochure for a camp meant to “put children on the righteous path again” across the table to them. Ryan’s mother had proceeded to slap him, Ryan’s father had threatened to sue him and they had made it more than clear that their son was just fine the way he was and had never gone back. Soon after, the doctor had lost him prominent position and was forced to move to another city. Ryan’s parents denied still that they had had anything to do with it. The doctor Ryan had seen after that had diagnosed panic attacks, but hadn’t wanted to put Ryan on medications due to his youth.

“Most people can control their panic attacks without the help of medication, Ryan, and I’m confident that you can, too. I’m sure Sharpay will help you. Won’t you, sweetheart?”

Dr. Stone had been their doctor until they moved to New Mexico and he came to see them every summer at Lave Springs. Sharpay was best at calming Ryan down, just as Dr. Stone had shown her all those years ago. Just as she was doing as they sat on a hospital floor, her arms around him and her cheek to his hair.

“What happened?” Ryan looked up as soon as he was able to breathe properly, “Please, Shar. What happened to Chad?”

“Car accident,” She said quietly as she sat next to him and leaned against the wall. He sat back and curled into her, relieved when she put her arms around him, offering comfort even if she didn’t believe he deserved any, “He…he was almost home. He was in town. He called me from the gas station off of Boulder. He said he’d see me tomorrow. But, he was so upset. I told him I’d meet him at that little diner down the street. I was driving. Traffic came to a stop at the intersection just east…I recognized his truck. They were just cutting him loose when I got out of the car. I called Mom and Dad and rode in the ambulance with him.” She was sobbing again as she related the story and they clung to each other, “It was a drunk driver. I was so worried about him driving so upset all night and it was a stupid drunk driver when he got back into town! And he’s fine! A bump on the head. And Chad…”

“What about Chad?” Ryan could hardly force the whisper out, he was so afraid.

“I don’t know. None of us know. He’s still in surgery. He…His heart stopped in the ambulance on the way here, but they got it started again. He looked so small and there was so much blood…” They both dissolved into sobs and simply held onto each other. Ryan didn’t know how long they held each other, crying, before the sweet voice cut into his thoughts.

“Ryan, baby!”

“Mama Ay?” Ryan looked up and saw Chad’s mother reaching for him. He was on his feet in an instant and running to her, “Mama Ay! Has the doctor come out? What’s happening? Please, tell me something, Mama!”

“Chad’s in the ICU, baby,” Ayana said quietly, “He made it though his surgery, but there’s no…the doctor’s just don’t know yet. I’m just so glad you weren’t in the car with him, sweetie.” She wrapped him in her arms and tucked his head under her chin. For the first time Ryan realized that the only person who knew he had fought with Chad at all was Sharpay. He might have called his mother, but he hadn’t told her the reason he’d been alone was because Ryan had screwed up, had kissed another boy, had broken his heart. Ryan clung to her and wished more than anything that he could take back everything that had happened in the last twelve hours. But, wishes rarely came true and right now the only thing that mattered was Chad.

“When can I see him?”