More Than Eyes Alone Can See
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The silence was as oppressive as the stagnant air of a humid
summer day. Tess was fighting hard
against her survival instincts that were demanding that she run.
patient; she was afraid that if she ran, he’d come after her, never mind all
that was wrong with him.
“He took his vorpal sword in hand:/Long time the manxome foe he sought –
/So he rested by the Tumtum tree,/And stood awhile in
thought.” No, no.
She still stood by the sink, watching the man who sat across the room,
ready to bolt like a frightened rabbit should he give any sign of lashing out.
Nothing.
unmoving in their own private tableau. -
agitated rhythm against the porcelain without her notice or direction.
keeping her own “manxome foe” at bay while she dealt with reality.
puddle and recover from the tension this issue had created.
it worked, if he could see again . . .
The clock in her
living room struck the half-hour. Had
that much time already passed since she had broached the subject of transplants
with her guest? I thought time was only supposed to fly when you were having fun,
she thought distractedly.
//Señora Tessa
her half-hypnotized study of her patient to find
in the doorway to the bathroom.
//Yes,
what the problem was, having finally heard the thin wails of an unhappy baby
coming from the living room.
//I think
needs to be changed.\
The girl was
watching them curiously, aware that something was wrong but unsure what or who
had caused it. The look on her face made
it clear that she was uncomfortable – that the tension in the air was making
her just as tense as the two adults.
Tess didn’t question this – it’s how she would feel if she had suddenly
lost her home and the stranger she was dependent on was acting strangely.
not exactly helping her feel secure by just standing around like a
lackwit. Children can only feel safe if
the adults they’re around make them feel safe.
If she’s uncomfortable, it’s my fault.
So, fix the problem. Do something
that will take her mind off all the strange things going on in this house.
//I’ll be right
there, Alma.\\ The
girl nodded and scampered off, apparently only too glad to escape the
room. Tess wished she could leave just
as easily, but knew she couldn’t. She
couldn’t leave until she knew what her patient’s state of mind was – until she
knew whether or not she had made things any worse by her unstructured
rambling. But how do you tell someone who’s lost their eyes that they can gain a
new set, but only if they volunteer for experimental surgery?
sort of thing.
doubts and conversations for the moment, Tess worked up the courage to address
her guest. Doing her best to infuse her
voice with all the calm she could muster, Tess quietly said, “
If you like, I can –”
“What I’d like you
to do is go look after those brats and leave me the hell alone.”
< sty style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Tess was taken
aback by the vehemence in the man’s voice.
He still sat on the closed toilet lid, his shoulders slumped and his
head tilted forward, but his voice transmitted barely-contained rage.
silence had less to do with shock and more to do with the urge to cause her
bodily harm.
The thought was too
much for her fragile peace of mind.
Walking backwards so that she could keep Sands in her vision, Tess
backed out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.
whether she should stay and try to make amends, or if she should do as her
commonsense was demanding and run for her life.
“I don’t hear you
running, señorita.”
Tess quickly left
the room, refusing in this last moment to give him the satisfaction of hearing
her flee.
*****************************************
Sands remained in
the cramped bathroom for several minutes after Tess left him.
entire body echoed with the throbs. He
was hanging to control by a thread, slowly convincing himself that he couldn’t
simply kill people for being stupid. Stupid
and arrogant? Yes.
Stupid and treacherous?
Absolutely. But Tess was none of
those qualifiers – she was merely stupid.
Or perhaps stupid and too compassionate for her own good.
again, maybe she’s just trying to justify moving you to another location for
her profit – trying to keep you from becoming suspicious over a sudden road
trip. You have only her word that she
didn’t meet up with the cartel last night.
Perhaps she did and now she’s been instructed to take the nosy,
incompetent, blind American elsewhere.
Sands refused to give into his paranoiac nature.
blindly believe what the darker, more cynical part of his mind tried to tell
him.es'> That
doesn’t fit in with any of her previous actions.
body as with an injured, breathing, interfering bastard.
me. No, she’s not the type to betray
anyone. If she told me about her
‘friend’ and his miracle procedure, it was with good intentions.
Yeah, well, the road to hell is lined with good intentions.
normal'>I’m already in hell.
why are you so upset over the possibility that she might be telling the truth?
Sands had no answer
for that. He didn’t know why he was
upset. Just that he was.
head hurts. That settled it.
could wait until his head stopped feeling as if it were a ball being used for
the NBA playoffs. A draft blew through
the room, raising goose bumps on his arms and chest.
getting dressed might be a good idea.
Truthfully, now that he thought about it, he wanted to change his clothes.
He was afraid that if he stayed in this same pair of boxers any longer,
they’d graft themselves onto his skin and he’d never be rid of them.
on the wall as he went, he tried to remember where he’d heard Tess set down his
suitcase earlier in the day. She hadn’t
been in the room for long, and he hadn’t felt like letting her know that he was
awake. It had been too much of an effort
to talk at the time. Besides, it was a
longstandiabitabit of his to gather more information than he shared
anyway. So he had laid
in her bed and listened as she had set down a case, just as he had listened as
she muttered to herself about what she should do.
him, but wanted to find out more about him – or at least that what he had
understood from her one-sided conversation of muttered Spanish.
has been living by themselves for a little too long,
he had thought to himself, knowing that if she tried to pry into his business
he’d have to speak up or something. But
in the end, la niña had let him and
his belongings be. “But where was she
standing?” Memories weren’t much good if
one couldn’t learn anything from them.
After much
deliberation, Sands decided that Tess had placed his stuff somewhere at the
foot of the bed, most likely against the wall so that it wouldn’t be
underfoot. So, when he found the medium
sized case some five feet away from the bed, he wasn’t really surprised.
good idea to bend over or kneel down, but it had to be risked.
wash, and even sleep, but he’d be damned if he couldn’t manage to get himself
dressed.
Carefully and
laboriously, Sands managed to find and dress himself in a clean pair of boxers
and a t-shirt. He briefly pondered the
possibility of also donning a pair of shorts, but dismissed the idea.
and it was too hot anyway.
briefly wondered. I thought it was November around here – not the fucking
the bed, he settled into the pillows that Tess had piled up to keep his head
elevated. He hated the how it was
necessary for him to spend long periods of time in indefensible
unconsciousness, but knew that without sleep it would take longer for his body
to heal. And healed was what he was
going to need to be before he decided where to go and what to do next.
*****************************************
Tessa spent the
rest of her day tending to the children.
For a short time after leaving Sands and changing
she had tried to dig some of the bullets from the driver’s side back door of
her car; it was a pointless exercise.
All she could tell was that whatever gun had fired the bullets had been
incredibly powerful and the shooters had been elevated.
door, through the seat and, as far as she could tell, through the car
itself. But she might be wrong; the
bullets could be lodged in the chassis.
Tess supposed she should be glad that none had hit the gas tank, but she
was too irritated at her lack of information to care.
generally like to know what organization they were from and why they wanted her
dead.
The bullets she had
found in the alley hadn’t been much help either.
find after a military coup: cheap, numerous, and able to be loaded into more
than one weapon. So what? That leaves Marquez’s
army, half the police force, and anyone on the street that can afford a
rifle. Nothing.
o’clock
yet all-around disappointment has collected useless items in her search for
knowledge. René was asleep on her
left side and
her right while
Marcos read a Hardy Boys book in English.
Tess had stopped her self flagellation in order to admire the boy for
his persistence. Yesterday he had come
here seeking refuge, and today he was continuing on in his quest to learn
English. She ought to be ashamed of
herself for sitting here on her bum in self-pity.
//Señora Tessa
Tess had turned her
head to look at the girl. //Yes,
//I’m bored.\
her eyes is any indication. The poor
kid was trying to be strong like her older brother, but the death of her
parents had hit her h as as was to be expected.
too horrible to think about until time had passed, and was willing to keep the
girl busy for as long as she had activities to offer.
of the day was over, the temperature falling promptly with the coming of
night. They wouldn’t get heat exhaustion
if they turned on the stove now, and there were few things that comforted like
cookies fresh out of the oven.
had immediately agreed with the suggon, on, and the next hour saw them spilling
flour and cutting out cookie dough figures.n stn style='mso-spacerun:yes'>
Tess would have encouraged the snatching of cookie dough if they were in
food quality standards were a bit higher – but didn’t quite trust food that
hadn’t been thoroughly cooked here. The
last thing she needed was for her or one of the children to get e.coli.
around and the macaroni and cheese she had picked up was ready, she looked
around for the other kids.
had been devotedly helping her prepare the meal.
cheap plastic blocks that Tess had bought at the store.
with the markers she had gotten him. But
she couldn’t seem to find Marcos. After
checking the living room and the porch, she decided to check the bedroom that
he was sharing with his siblings.es'> As she
walked down the hall, Tess heard voices coming from her bedroom.
‘Giovanni’ is talking to himself, I’d say it’s a safe bet that Marcos isn’t in
the other bedroom. Just to make
sure, Tess did poke her head in, but the room was empty.
Carefully making
sure that she walked as silently as she could, Tess approached the open door to
her bedroom. Peeking
her head around the corner, she saw that Marcos was sitting on the stool she
had left by the bed, leaning against the bed, while her patient apparently
listened. She stayed standing still for
several minutes, listening as Marcos slowly and studiously made his way through
several sentences, his English accented but understandable.
him. Watching his face carefully, Tess
smiled as he made a face and silently tried to sound out the word.
“
What does b-o-r-o-u-g-h spell?”
To Tessa’s
amazement, not only was Marcos speaking in English, but
Sands replied in a voice that was only mildly caustic.
was ed bed by pain, not by irritation caused by his young visitor.
“But what is a . .
. rougrough? Is it a donkey?”
Tess smiled again,
glad that Marcos had caught onto the similar sounding words.
see that he got the education he needed.
One way or another, she would seeand and his family provided for.
something I need to give some serious thought to.
“You can come out
of hiding, niña.”
occupants to find Marcos watching her and Sands calmly reclining against the
pillows she had scrounged from around the house and lazily smoking a cigarette,
his fingers holding the small roll of tobacco gracefully.
She shuffled her
feet nervously, embarrassed to be caught observing the pair.
The boy got up to
comply, glancing back at his chosen friend before looking back at her.
guess that
tales. Knowing that he probably didn’t
like the thought of having his two adult friends at odds,
Tess smiled reassuringly and tilted her head towards the bathroom connected to
her room, giving him permission to use it.
He nodded, set his book down on the nightstand, and went to do as he was
bid. Tess simplyod wod where she was in
the doorway and waited for him.
“What’s wrong
Afraid I’m corrupting your young charge?”
Tess swallowed,
unsure of what she was supposed to say – so she fell back on habit.
innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning.”
The corner of
Sands’ mouth twitched as if he were amused before he replied, “And thus I clothe
my naked villainy with odd ends, stol’n forth of holy
writ; and seem a saint, when most I play the devil.”
“
Tess sounded confused.
“Shakespeare.”
understand Tess; whenever she was at a loss for what to say, or was nervous, or
surprised, she resorted to quotes to either cover what she was reallinkiinking
or express it in a way that she couldn’t.
The odd tidbits of literature seemed to help her bring order to her
thoughts. Now the question was
memorization?
“That’s not what I
wanted to know, señor.
for a bit. Laying
in bed all day will make your wounds stiff and your muscles weak.
would be a good idea for you to get up and walk around for a few minutes.”
Marcosrgedrged from
the bathroom just in time to hear this suggestion.
Come join us for dinner.\
. Tess thought as Marcos went over to the bed and took the man’s hand.
refuse – that he might lash out with that acid tongue of his – but he didn’t.
bed, and even allowed the boy to guide him out of the room.
Tessa followed them
from the bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen, all the while trying to
understand what she was seeing. It was
almost as if there was too much cognitive dissonance in what she was seeing for
her mind to grasp it. Why would such a
hard man treat a boy he barely knew with this amount of mildness?
gentleness between the two? Marcos had a
good heart; that explained why he had befriended this companionless man.
he could do for him, then he would be ignoring Marcos by now because Tess could
do more for the man than the boy could.
Again, Tess had to discard the idea.
If what Marcos told her was true – and if she could believe the evidence
of her own eyes – this strange relationship had been forged moments after the
cartel had let their toy go. Sands had
no reason to pity the boy then. But now
that Marcos’ parents were dead?
exploitation, due to “Giovanni’s” blindness, and then . . . and then . . .
. Why am I worrying about this now?
. . . jealous
. . . The thought was weak but
understandable, which didn’t bother Tess.
Danger came when the voice threatened to take over her will and common
sense.
It’s just that the better I understand him, the better I’ll be able to
help him.
if reserving judgment for a time when it had collected more evidence against
her.
*****************************************
mal>
Dinner had been tense,
and Tess knew that it was her fault.
Faced with the enigma that was her patient, she had become withdrawn and
consumed with fighting misplaced irritation.
The day had started badly and from all indications, it was going to end
on the same note. But they had all
gotten through the meal without injury and the children had dispersed to
entertain themselves. Well,
had fallen asleep and been put down for the night, and the two older children
had involved René in a card game that made no sense to Tessa, but they seemed
to be enjoying it.
having fun, she thought wearily as she walked by her patient’s side as he
made his second loop around the small house.
At least I know why physical
therapy never appealed to me. It was
boring and semi-degrading to follow a man who ignored her existence around her
own house. The only time she had even
offered any help was in the first five or ten minutes when his muscles had been
so stiff that they kept locking up on him.
was with a certain amount of grace. And
silence.
“Okay, I think
that’s about enough for tonight,” Tess said as she observed that his steps were
growing a bit more uncertain. “When we
get back to the hallway, let’s go back to the bedroom.”
“So eager,
I’m wounded.” Sands heard the woman at
his side breath deeply, as if she were trying to absorb patience along with the
air. “Impatient?”
“Yes, but not
because you’re driving me out of my mind with lust.”
“Pity.
“Nothing you need
to be concerned with.” Tess laid a hand
on her patient’s shoulder blade to guide him around a pile of toys in the
hallway. “Now, I want you on the bed
where I can check on those stitches.”
Sands complied,
holding in a breath of relief as he was able to take his weight off his
legs. For the last few feet there, he
had been unsure of whether or not he’d be able to actually make it to the
bed. He’d love to despise himself for
the lack of strength, but he knew that bullet wounds were painful and extremely
slow to heal. He was lucky that he had stayed on his feet for as long as he
had. In
another couple of days I should be ready to leave, Sands thought as he felt
Tess carefully remove the cotton she had kept wrapped around his limbs for the
past two days.
Where do you have to go?
I haven’t figured that part out yet.
“Nice shirt.”
“What?”
“Your shirt.
back. “So, I’m guessing that you were
able to find your suitcase.”
“Umm . . .” Her
touch was distracting. It was too
light. He understood that she didn’t
want to hurt him, but having her fingers feather over his skin like that was
almost disturbing – it brought back the mental image of her as a woman instead
of a nonentity that he was currently residing with.
instead of puzzles. People had rights –
puzzles only existed to be manipulated.
*****************************************
Tess wondered what
was running through her patient’s head, but didn’t spend too much time worrying
about it. Right now she was more focused
on the call she was going to get in a few hours.
that she didn’t have much time to talk, but the truth was that she had wanted
to discuss her idea with ‘Giovanni’ before talking more with her friend.
department.
“I think we’ll
leave the bandages off tonight. Allow
them to get some air.” The holes in her
patient’s legs were healing well, and the one in his arm was losing the signs
of infection that had plagued it earlier.
Tess gave a prayer of thanks that the antibiotics had worked so well.
“You’re the
doctor.” To her surprise, there was no
sting to the comment, which made Tessa suspect that she was beiatroatronized.
“I want to take one
last look at . . . at your other wounds before we call it a night.”
didn’t object too strongly. She knew he
didn’t like the idea by the way he set his shoulders, but she didn’t have any
other choice.
information, and at the moment the only way for her to get it was by
observation.
Gently, she
that his hair stayed out of his face. If
a simple brush of her fingers - if the air itself - still caused him pain, she
didn’t want the strands to get inside and wreak havoc on his nervous
system. She turned on the bedside lamp
for a bit more light during her covert inspection.
“What was that
for?” Sands had heard the small click of
a light being switched on. It was bad
enough the woman insisted on baring the permanent badges of his failure over
and over again without having to shine a spotlight on them.
“I need more light
if I’m to tell if all is healing properly, señor.”
go along with it. You may not want to
believe it, but there may be hope. Whether
he heard her mental cries or not, Sands made no more protests as she tilted his
head towards the lamp. “I’m going to
conduct a little examination, señor,
so please try not to move.” Gently,
almost not daring breathe, Tess reached out and ran a light finger over Sands’
cheekbone. He flinched.
next running her finger around the bony edge of his eye socket, moving the tip
of one finger counter clockwise over his lower temple and up over his
brow. She could hear his breath hitch in
his throat and could see his white-knuckled hands gripping the sides of the
bed. There
shouldn’t be this much pain if the procedure had been carried out correctly,
which means that old Guevera missed something.
But is it enough for
to work with? “Ok, done with that
part.”
She could see his
face, could see the unasked, That part?
up and risk the possibility of infection rather than have her spend more time
looking into the gory holes that dominated his face, but it was necessary to
confirm her suspicions. Guevera had been
so incredibly sloppy – probably due to time constraints – and while this was
causing more pain than necessary, it might also be a barely credible gift.
she thought as she looked into the pits, where
his optic nerve would have connected to the eye . . . .
*****************************************
“So doc, in your professional
oon, on, if the eyes are indeed the windows of the soul, does a man without
eyes still possess a soul?” Sands could
tell the question had caught her off-guard when the hand on the side of his
face twitched. “Of course, now we’re
assuming that I had a soul to begin with.”
“Don’t say things
like that.” Tessa’s voice was
surprisingly fierce – almost protective.
of me? he wondered bewilderingly.
He had asked the idle question merely to take his mind off the pain that
Tessa’s little examination was causing, but now he found himself oddly
captivated by the topic and her reaction.
“But this is a serious question.
I mean, without a soul, someone might as well be dead, right?
longer die?” He didn’t think he could
bare an eternity of darkness.
There was more
silence for several minutes, the quality of which made him think that Tess was
gathering her thoughts. Sands thought
she would respond, little angel of death that she was, and he wasn’t
disappointed when she slowly replied, “I’ve met people without souls,
Her hands left his face as voi voice became quiet with contemplation and
echoes of private horror. “Barillo,
Ajedrez, Guevera . . . others like them . . . people with no respect for life
or guilt for what they do to the living.
When I think of someone as being soulless, I think of
influence, tempting figures, persuasive and convicting words, great talent –
and all used to the wrong ends. Gifts
twisted and made perverse by greed, corruption, and arrogance.”
Ajedrez’s mother. She was a sweet,
gentle woman. Too gentle for the family
she married into. It’s the memory of her that makes me
sometimes wonder if it was entirely Ajedrez’s fault that she ended up the way
she did. Perhaps she had no choice;
perhaps the child of a monster has but half of a soul and that half a soul
isn’t enough to save anyone. I wonder if
blood and heredity can overwhelm free will and compassion.
times I decide that you can only lose your soul if you stop fighting to keep
it.”
Sands hadn’t
expected this to become a philosophical discussion, but at least it was giving
him some insight into the woman.
you’re right about that, then it’s just as well that I lost my eyes – they had
nothing to show.”
“
Again, the vehemence in Tessa’s voice gave Sands something to think
jackals that raised me . . . they
were soulless, caring only for themselves.
You may think yourself damned, but at least you still care.”
“Ah, now that’s
where you’re wrong, niña.
conversation going, but he was.
Resignedly, he blamed it on the drugs she was giving him; surely this
conversation couldn’t be an actual search for validation.
right . . . why should you care? Just go
settle somewhere in the
be the perverse blind guy who tries to grope women as they help you cross the
street.
And that’s what you call a purpose in life?
uninterrupted. “Niña?”
“Yes.
I’m done. Just let me rewrap
Her voice trailed off and as Sands waited for her to finish, he felt his
eyes being covered in cotton once again.
“I’ll be out of your hair in a moment, señor.” She was giving
up? cheated. It had been a long time since
he had found someone willing to debate with him things that other people never
thought
“There. I’m done.
bad, I’ll be in the living room.spanspan>Just
call for me.” And with that she was
gone, and Sands was alone.
*****************************************
supposed she ought to answer her cell phone.
-Ring-
problem was that she didn’t want to.
had spent the last hour or so crying; the last few days had been long and full
of suffering for those she knew.
and his siblings had lost their parents, her patient had lost his eyes and
given up not only on hope but on himself as well, the voice in her head was
struggling to feed off the chaos around her and take over . . . .
incredibly stupid. -Ring-
been for the man in her bedroom – for all that he was suffering because of her
family, because of her.
pillow, she hadn’t tried to contain them.
She had allowed herself to sob herself hoarse so that she could move
past the pity and grief. Those weren’t
constructive emotions.
“I didn’t think you
were going to answer.” The harshness of
her voice mush have finally registered, because he asked, “Tessa?
her sound as if she had been crying. The
woman he knew never cried.
“Yeah,” she
whispered, feeling tears threaten again at the concern in his voice.
“Are you . . .
?” He trailed off.
to ask if I’m going mad. “No.
to tell me about?”
“It’s nothing that
can’t wait until I see you.”
“You’re coming up
to LA?” The excitement in his voice was
undeniable.
“Yeah, I think I
may have a candidate for you. I just need
to convince him of that.”
“How’d you find
him?”
“That’s another
story that will have to wait. Tell me
more about this technique you’ve perfected.”
*****************************************
Sands stood in the
shadows near the entrance to the living room.
He’d been standing there for quite some time now – longer than he cared
to admit. Long enough to hear sobs of
despair coming from the couch. At first
he’d thought that one of the children had been having nightmares and had
emerged for comforting, but when he’d heard a distinct lack of soothing words,
he realized that it was la chiquita
on the couch sobbing her guts out. For a
time he wondered just what she had to cry over, and he’d been about to leave
when the cell phone had started to ring.
Deciding that information could be learned here, he had kept his place
silently, making sure to lean against the wall so he wouldn’t tire himself out
too quickly.
What he overheard
was a one-sided medical conversation, full of phrases and questions never heard
outside a surgical bay. From what he
could gather, though, his hostess was trying to learn as much about her
contact’s procedure as she could. She
kept asking question after question, and after about half an hour she seemed to
have heard enough.
“ . . . What?
No, I can’t tell you how my patient lost his sight.
do, not me. I can tell you what I’ve
observed though . . . . Why not? Because
it violates almost every rule in the medical profession, that’s why . . .
. No . . . would you just listen to
me? From what I’ve seen, almost all his
nerves are still intact, even part of the optic nerve is exposed . . . .
Yeah . . . . Yeah . . . .
me. So this
drug of yours would first stimulate . . . umm . . . regeneration of the optic
nerve and you’d use the other to help keep the muscles from atrophying.
stopped. “Just a moment, Logan.”
*****************************************
Tess swallowed as
she wondered just how long ‘Giovanni’ had been standing in the shadows of the
doorway. The man moves so silently,
she thought to herself as she fought to make out his form in the gloom.
she had felt the slow uncurling of another headache – now she wished she had
turned them on to avoid something like this.
“Did you need something, señor,
or was I being too loud?”Too loud?
I could barely hear me.
Sands ignored the
inquiry, walking into the room and stopping in front of her.
hand. He wanted the phone.
For a moment Tess
did nothing more than look up at him from her position on the couch.
posture and foreboding silence intimidating, but she didn’t.
him when he was upset was missing.
Slowly, hoping that she wasn’t doing something incredibly stupid, Tess
handed her cell over to him.