The Darkness of Desire

Darkness of Desire

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit story, and I own none of the characters.
Author – Courtier
Rating – N-17 for situations of sexuality and slash
Summary – A coming of age story chronicling the relationship between Anakin Skywalker and his master, Obi-wan Kenobi; a story of passion, empathy, and confliction.

This story continues a year following the previous chapter. . .

Chapter IX – Passion And Fear

~*~
Obi-wan bit his bottom lip with such ferocity, he drew blood, yet he didn’t care. He didn’t feel the pain. Only pleasure. Waves and waves of consuming pleasure.

The room was dark and indiscernible. However, at the moment he was not even dwelling on his location; there was only the intoxication of passion.

The smooth texture of cool bed sheets caressed the skin of his back as he lay completely flat against the mattress. There was a being atop of him that was driving into him with a power of lust and love. The being was his lover. He knew who his lover was. It was Qui-gon. After years of unrequited love, his master had given in to his desire and was claiming Obi-wan as his own.

Yes. . .yes. This is what I’ve wanted; what I’ve yearned for!

He let out a harsh gasp and gripped the shoulders of the man atop of him, as if grasping hold of his own life.

“Please. . .” he rasped, his voice heavy with desire.

As if in answer to his silent plea, his master increased his pace and the pleasure roared. It filled the room. A thrumming pulse filled Obi-wan’s ears, and he squeezed his eyes shut, wondering if his heart would burst from the immense amount of lust seeping throughout his soul. At that moment his pleasure erupted into a fountain of ecstasy and he groaned raggedly.

“Look at me, Obi-wan.” His lover commanded him urgently.

That voice. . . .it’s so familiar, and yet. . . . .He opened his eyes.

Moonlight had filtered into the room and shone itself upon his lover’s features, revealing him from the darkness. The man was not Qui-gon. . .
~*~

Obi-wan’s eyes flew open. His breath came in harsh rasps. The sheets on his cot had been kicked to the end of the mattress and the coverlet had fallen off of it completely. He lay on his cot in his chamber aboard the StarDawn 17, the Jedi Transport conveying him from Felucia to Courscant.

Sitting up wearily, he tiredly rubbed at his face and sighed. This was not the first time he’d been enraptured by this haunting dream. The same vision had plagued him in his sleep for years. The unwanted emotions of desire that tormented his soul as a padawan haunted him as an adult as well. The dream was always the same. In an unknown room, in an unknown time, he was with his master; melding his heart with his and binding himself to undying want. Making love. That was what it was referred to. Always the same; down to the precise moment he would awaken upon the height of his pleasure. Except for tonight. . . .

It was not Qui-gon I dreamt of. . . .

Who? And why?

Obi-wan removed his hands from his eyes, and gazed about the dark room. A small, circular window against the opposite wall gave a beauteous view of the stars in the galaxy’s tapestry of darkness. The meager starlight streamed dimly into the room, providing very little illumination. Quiet stillness lay in the air.

The young Jedi jumped as the ship’s air temperature system booted itself to life with a mild, mechanical thrum. Cool air at once began to stabilize the chamber’s warm temperature. He shivered slightly and stood from the bed, reaching blindly for his robe amongst the ground. His hand finally finding the familiar fabric of his Jedi cloak intertwined amongst the fallen bedspread, he draped it round his bare shoulders, thankful for the comforting warmth it brought.

As always, after he’d suffered his reoccurring dream, he would spend a short time in quiet reflection, gathering his thoughts to him and controlling his mind once more. He’d grown rather accomplished in this, feeling quite certain that no one suspected his dreams harbored thoughts of an impure manner. A Jedi does not know desire nor lust.

He felt the smooth, cold floor beneath his feet as he made his way into the cleansing compartment. The light sputtered and buzzed itself alight automatically as he entered and made his way to the faucet. He winced at the sudden illumination, and activated the valve. The gentle rush of running water poured from the spout, occasionally spraying flecks upon his hands and arms. The sensation was cooling and soothing. He cupped his hands together beneath the small fall of water and gathered the crystal liquid within them. A rush of refreshment assailed his senses as he splashed it onto his face. He repeated the act, the dream of lust slowly receding into the dark corners of his mind; forgotten for now.

Shifting his gaze towards the small mirror before him, he saw himself staring back. He noticed the lightness of his eyes was darker than usual and his skin rather flushed. A droplet of water cascaded down his nose, pausing at the very tip, until finally dropping down into the sink below with a plop.

Obi-wan gripped the sides of the sink and lowered his head.

I will find no more rest tonight. . .

He left the cleansing chamber and his quarters to enter the ship’s rather diminutive corridor. It was a small ship, not meant for overlong excursions, and possessed merely a cockpit and two sleeping quarters. Anakin had mentioned earlier that, though it was a small ship, it handled turns nicely and obtained smooth flight controls.

Obi-wan silently entered the cockpit and found it empty. The two pilot seats sat desolately before a glass display of the starry sky before them. Glancing down to the controls, the Jedi noticed that the ship had been placed under an automatic flight path to Coruscant. Anakin must be sleeping then. . . . He turned to leave the cockpit and reentered the small corridor, silently making his way to Anakin’s chamber. Reaching its entrance, he gazed into the room and leaned against the doorframe. The dull brightness from the corridor created a shaft of light to filter into his apprentice’s room, revealing a sleeping padawan on a cot towards the farther end. The boy’s head was turned away from him, one hand atop his chest and the other laying by his side. His steady breath of slumber was rhythmic and sound.

He must indeed be weary if he passes the chance to pilot a ship in order to sleep, thought Obi-wan. They had both been sent to the fungal planet of Felucia in order to assist its leaders in the colonization of their new homesteads. The musky atmosphere of the planet held certain toxins that could potentially be dangerous for the Jedi and his apprentice, and therefore, they were required to ingest an antitoxin capsule every morning to stabilize their blood structure to roam the planet safely without the effects of poisoning. It had been a relatively simple assignment, though Anakin had loved it. Obi-wan would often find that his padawan had departed before him each daybreak in order to explore. He understood that to a growing boy, an entire planet to explore must seem more thrilling than the quiet hallways of the Jedi Temple.

Anakin half moaned in his sleep and turned his head against the pillow so that his face was now visible in the light. Obi-wan looked on him in wonder for a moment, realizing just how much his padawan had evolved in only a few years’ time. At thirteen standard years of age, the childish roundness of his face was gone completely. His half-smiles that had previously held the innocence of an amused young child, now possessed a different quality; a kind of roguish charm.

The Jedi quietly turned to depart when he suddenly heard Anakin whimper slightly in his sleep. He turned back to see his apprentice now frowning as he slept, as if he were in pain of some kind.

Something’s wrong. . . . .I can feel it.

He cautiously made his way to the cot and stood before Anakin, who moved his head restlessly to the side once again. His face was flushed and shone with a sheen of sweat. Obi-wan lifted a hand and held it against the side of his padawan’s right temple. Heat radiated from the skin. He’s burning up. . . He worriedly sat beside Anakin on the cot and gently nudged him awake.

“Anakin. . . . . .Anakin!” he whispered.

The boy’s eyes fluttered open and remained fixed on the ceiling. The dark blue irises were glazed and almost unseeing. Finally, they shifted downward to notice Obi-wan.

“Obi-wan. . . .” he weakly rasped. “I just. . . . .needed to. . . .rest for. . .a minute. . . . .I’ll get up. . . .soon.”

He’s sick, thought Obi-wan. How could this have happened? And then it suddenly dawned on him. The antitoxin capsules. He strove to gain Anakin’s waning attention.

“Anakin! Anakin, look at me!”

The boy’s eyes drifted closed and open again.

“Anakin, did you take the capsules every morning?”

Anakin winced and sighed, striving to speak.

“I. . . .forgot yesterday. . . .and the day before. . . .”

Obi-wan felt his heart plunge into his stomach. Anakin might have been fine forgetting the capsule for one day, but two? The poisonous gases of Felucia would have infiltrated his body by then. He ran a hand through his hair, thinking wildly. There was no medical equipment to treat the contamination aboard the ship. He would have to get him back to Courscant. Fast. Before the toxins consumed him. He stood and hurriedly strode into the chamber’s cleansing area. Grabbing a cloth, he activated the faucet, and held it beneath the running water. After the cloth was thoroughly damp and cool he returned to Anakin and placed the wet rag atop the padawan’s forehead. Perhaps this will soften the fever until I can get him home . . . . The boy jumped slightly at the cool contact, yet seemed to calm, vaguely welcoming the soothing touch.

“Anakin, lie still and rest.” Obi-wan told him, worry lining his tone. He started to depart when he felt Anakin suddenly grasp his wrist.

“Tell my mom. . . . that I’m sorry I . . . broke her grain processor. . . . .Kitster dared me to. . . .” Anakin’s head fell to the side and he passed out of consciousness.

He’s delirious, thought Obi-wan. He doesn’t know where he is or the year. . .

Things were certainly becoming worse. The fever had taken him so quickly and was assailing him rapidly. There was very little time. Obi-wan returned to the cockpit and sat himself in the pilot’s chair. He deactivated the automatic flight path and took the controls into his own hands. In order to reach Coruscant in time, he would have to fly the ship himself. With shaking hands, he began the procedure to initiate a hyperspace jump.

Please . . . .please hold on Anakin. . .

*****************************

Medical droids buzzed and whirred around Anakin’s pale, weak form. Artificial veins were implanted into his wrists, secreting antitoxis into his body.

Obi-wan stood before the glass window overlooking the medical station, leaning against it tiredly. Dark hues of weariness surfaced beneath his eyes.

He’d only just reached the Temple in time. He’d contacted the council of Anakin’s illness and a medical team had awaited them on the landing platform. By that time, the boy’s fever had worsened and he trembled visibly. The chances of his survival had grown thinner with each passing moment.

For three days, they’d kept him under their care. They’d almost lost him a number of times. The medical equipment would screech with a high, haunting note as his breaths would occasionally cease. Each of these incidents was another blow into Obi-wan’s sanity. For days, Anakin had teetered dangerously along the lines of life and death.

And then, finally, the dawn pierced the darkness. On the third day, his condition began to steadily stabilize, until he was out of danger. And still, Obi-wan kept a watchful vigil over his apprentice. Although he had not been permitted inside the medical room, he stood at the glass wall and watched with worry and fear.

He watched as Anakin’s eyelashes fluttered against his skin. He must be dreaming. . . Suddenly, he felt a presence beside him. Turning his attentions from Anakin, he saw Mace Windu stand beside him, gazing into the room as well.

“How is he?” the master asked.

“He’s recovering. Slowly, but surely.” Obi-wan replied. He found his voice was slightly raspy. Mace turned himself to gaze on the young Jedi.

“And what of you, Obi-wan?” he inquired.

“Me?” Obi-wan asked.

“When did you last sleep?”

Obi-wan’s mind tiredly strove to remember the last time he’d slept. It had been nearly four nights ago, after he’d suffered that reoccurring dream. He looked up and found he didn’t need to answer. Master Windu looked down at him knowingly.

“I suggest you retire, Obi-wan. He is no longer in danger.”

The young Jedi shook his head. Qui-gon would not have left me. I won’t leave Anakin.

“I’m quite alright, Master Windu. Thank you for your concern.”

The Master inclined his head graciously and departed.

Hours later, Obi-wan sat upon a stool near the medical room’s doorway and sipped quietly from a mug of hot water. It felt soothing and relaxing on his throat. The heavy steam emitting from the cup’s surface warmed his face. He had never felt so weary in his life as he did now. Not even when he had dueled against the Sith Lord four years ago.

Suddenly, a medical droid whirred before him and he looked up.

“He is requesting your presence, sir.” The droid hummed.

“He’s awake, then?” he asked urgently.

“He is, sir.” The droid replied in a monotone.

Obi-wan stood, placing his cup of water on the seat, and followed the droid into the room. The white chamber smelled of plastic and medicine. Bright, fluorescent lights beamed down onto the bed Anakin lay upon. His eyes were currently closed. However, as Obi-wan neared closer, his eyes opened and took in Obi-wan’s appearance.

“You look terrible,” were the first words out of his mouth.

Obi-wan allowed himself to chuckle dryly.

“Thank you, Anakin, you look quite lovely yourself.”

The boy half-smiled. His impish charm had returned. And then he looked almost sad. He averted his eyes and uttered,

“I’m sorry, Master.”

“Oh, that’s alright. I’ve never been one to fuss over my appearance.”

It was Anakin’s turn to laugh, though he shook his head.

“I meant for forgetting to take the capsules. I was careless.”

Obi-wan nodded.

“Yes you were. But at least you’re going to be alright.”

They were both silent for a spell. Obi-wan’s gaze lowered and stared into the distance blankly for a long while. He finally turned to see Anakin looking at him amusedly.

“Obi-wan?”

“Yes?” he replied.

“I think you should go get some sleep.”

Obi-wan smiled and realized his apprentice was right.


To Be Continued. . . . . .


Thank you for taking the time to read this. Much more coming soon. . . . And in answer to Sasukechan’s question, I type up the chapter on Microsoft word and then upload it to AFF. :)