An Unhealthy Obsession

A/N - LMAO I enjoyed hearing about some of your own TDK experiences, hahaha...thanks for sharing! And a BIG round of applause to PhantasmBunny for coming up with the correct answer to my question! Miranda Dent is loosely based off of -DRUM ROLL- Cybill Sheperd's character, Maddie Hayes from Moonlighting!! I freaking LOVE that show, and everyone should rent it! NOW! lol -cough- Ahem, uh...on with the show, and be prepared to take out a blindfold if extreme sensuality bothers you! ;)

CH 9: Curiosity Killed the Cat

Checking his wristwatch for the umpteenth time that morning, Bruce continued to sit in the conference room as everyone prepared for Rachel's speech. Dutifully sitting at his side was Miranda Dent, her lips curling downward in concern as she asked, "Hey, are you alright? You look kind of pale..."

"Normally people tell me I look dashingly handsome, but I suppose I'll take that as a compliment" Bruce gibed. When Miranda's wary countenance failed to change, he sighed before admitting, "Ok, fine, I'm just really nervous... I mean, do you have any idea what Rachel could be getting herself into?"

"Well yes, and I for one consider myself extremely jealous" Miranda confessed. "I mean, I almost studied psychology in college, so people like this Joker guy make me all tingy inside...kinda like fizzy pop!" Grinning, she mischievously added, "And for the record, the only thing Rachel could be 'getting herself into' is this guy's bed...have you seen how freaking obsessed with him she is? It's practically a written romance!"

Bruce scowled. "Rachel has far more sense than that, so I really wish you wouldn't downplay her intelligence."

"Well who says I am? All I meant was Rachel is super fascinated with this guy, and I honestly can't blame her. He dresses up like a freaking clown, for God's sake!"

Before Bruce could give a most likely snarky retort, Rachel Dawes, herself came walking across the platform with an uneasy smile plastered upon her face. She was clearly nervous, but the determined twinkle in her eyes proved that she had every intention of going through with her plan.

As the reporters gradually quieted down, Rachel leaned in toward the mic and greeted, "Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for coming out here on such short notice. I'm aware that none of you even know why I'm speaking here today, but I can full-heartedly assure you that all your questions will soon be answered. First thing's first, though, and that's that I need to speak with the Joker." A rise of murmuring soon overtook the room like a swarm of hornets, Rachel raising her hands for silence as she sustained, "I know you must be horrified that I wish to speak with him, but I genuinely believe that I can help. Nothing in life ever came without a little elbow grease, after all, so all I have to do is have faith in myself and move forward. It's about time I did that, and surprisingly..." She took a deep breath, "...surprisingly he taught me that."

Turning to the news camera, Rachel sent a meaningful glance toward the lens before gently imploring, "Joker, if you can hear me, please know that I need to meet with you one last time. I can understand if you won't want to comply, but for the good of your soul, please try and find it within yourself to contact me."

As she said these words, Rachel suddenly locked eyes with Bruce, her jaw setting into a grim, determined line upon spotting his obvious displeasure. Finally revealing that she had nothing more to say, Rachel winced when each reporter stood up and began frantically waving question after question in her face.

How do you know the Joker? Are you two lovers? Why do you think you're one of his primary interests?

Shielding her eyes from the blinding lights of the cameras, Rachel accepted Gordon's outstretched arm before hurriedly following him off the stage. The press began to follow after them, but the security guards graciously prevented them from doing so.

Once they were safely in the seclusion of the adjacent hallway, Gordon turned to Rachel before softly remarking, "What you just did was a very brave and foolish thing, Miss Dawes. You're not only trying to protect Gotham from the Joker, but now you're inviting him over to your house? I seriously wish you'd just reconsider my earlier proposition..."

Rachel sighed. "Commissioner, if I don't take action now, more and more of my loved ones will be harmed. If I used your men like you suggested, I'd never gain the Joker's trust since he only seems to respond to intelligence. Since I don't think a gun in the face would win him over, I'm afraid I'll just have to do this on my own."

Running a hand through his dark hair, Gordon sighed before mumbling, "Well alright, but I just hope to God you know what you're doing..."

Rachel grinned. "Why no, not at all, but that's what makes it so much fun."

--

When Rachel finally arrived at her apartment, the deep velvets of the night sky came in to greet her in a flood of darkness. Flipping on a small table lamp by her bed, the attorney set down her belongings and immediately began to undress, for she was tired and desperately wanted to go to sleep. After a long and agonizing day of paperwork, the press, and no Joker, Rachel knew she might as well turn in for the evening since she hadn't received so much as a phone call.

Peeling off her blouse like the outer layers of a rose, Rachel tossed it onto her bed before taking her hair down and fluffing it out. To her complete disgust, she found that it felt a tad dirty and disheveled, but she decided that she would bathe first thing in the morning since she was currently too tired. Just as she turned in order to unbutton her skirt, a deep cackle sounded from behind that caused her to instinctively dive for her blouse.

"Honey, I'm hooome!" a disturbingly familiar voice purred, Rachel's eyes widening when she spotted the shadowy outline of the Joker in the doorway.

Hurriedly slipping back into her blouse, Rachel glared over at him before seething, "My God, don't you ever knock? It's common courtesy!"

"Common courtesy, yes, but everything I do is anything but common" the Joker reminded her, his weight shifting to his hips as he leaned against her doorframe. "From what I've gathered, your methods aren't so common either, Miss Dawes. I mean, a press conference just to get my attention? I'm flattered and all, but you could've just written me some namby-pamby love letter I never would've read."

Rachel frowned. "Here to make fun of me again, are we? Well let me tell you something, Joker, I know all about you and your past just like you know about mine, so I'd suggest you listen and listen good. I can help you with your problems, but I'm going to need your full cooperation."

The Joker raised an eyebrow at her declaration, only to immediately burst into a fit of giggles that had him doubling over with glee. "Wait, wait, you want to help me? Lady, this isn't Dr. Phil, and I most certainly don't want your help when you're the least chaotic woman I know!"

"But Jack, I..."

"Don't call me that!"

Stunned into silence, Rachel gave a cry when the Joker stormed toward her and seized her by the lapels of her blouse. Flicking the blade she'd become all too familiar with against her throat, the Joker slammed her against the wall before growling, "So you think you know me, huh? That you can just waltz in here and make me some heroic twit in spandex like Batboy?" Chuckling darkly, he traced the blade along Rachel's chin before whispering, "No, beautiful, I'm afraid life doesn't work like that. Ya see, fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny, so instead of planning things out like your buddy Dent, I just do whatever the hell I feel like. Makes things so much more...interesting, wouldn't you agree?"

Squirming amidst his grasp, Rachel shook her head before insisting, "Look, I know you think that talking with me is futile, but I noticed that we both had troubled childhoods, so..."

"So you thought we could sit down, crack open a bottle of gin, and share our deepest and most meaningful feelings?" the Joker mockingly interrupted. Shaking his head, he giggled while sustaining, "Well, ya thought wrong, toots. I don't know who told you I needed a personal psychologist, but I think you should worry about your own mental health before you start attacking mine. After all, hunting down a deranged criminal just so she can be a good Samaritan? Pretty darn crazy, if you ask me."

Wincing, Rachel moved to reprimand him when she suddenly caught sight of the front of his collared shirt, a gasp escaping her throat when she noticed the bright red stain blooming across his middle. "You're...you're bleeding" she whispered, completely horrified. "What happened?"

"Well, I decided to try out rodeo clowning for a day and, as fate would have it, I was gored by a bull. Funny how life works sometimes, huh?"

"Are you ever serious? This could mean your life, you dope!" Rachel snapped. Not even waiting for the Joker's most likely sarcastic retort, she went rummaging through her drawers before pulling out just what she needed. Now reaching out to him with her hand, she urged as pleasantly as she could possibly muster, "Come with me."

The Joker grinned. "Alriiiight, I love it when you take control...I see you've got a needle and some thread there, but I'm afraid that's not kinky enough for me."

Feeling her cheeks grow hot with indignation, Rachel mumbled something unintelligible before dragging the giggling Joker into the bathroom, her eyes narrowing as she snapped, "Alright, cut the funny business and take off your shirt. If I'm going to help you, I need to be able to get to your wound."

Sending her a devilish grin, the Joker's slender fingers began deftly undoing the buttons to his shirt as he purred, "Mmm, well someone's eager...I'd hate to keep you waiting when you're so clearly aching for it."

Blushing furiously, Rachel averted her eyes as the Joker removed his shirt, blazer, and tie, her slender form nearly jumping straight out of her skin the moment he asked, "What's the matter, Miss Dawes? Afraid you'll see something you like?"

Choosing not to answer him, Rachel slowly turned around and swallowed hard, her breath hitching in her throat as she took in the sight of all the scars across the Joker's torso. Unlike his facial scars, these were flesh-toned and barely noticeable, each assisting in mapping out the history of bar fights, scuffles, and run-in's with the notorious Batman. Despite the fact that the Joker always appeared as if he were being swallowed by his own suit, his body was surprisingly toned and fit, not pale and emaciated like she had originally been expecting.

"What's wrong, you forget how to move, or something?"

With a start, Rachel promptly shook her head and uttered several feeble apologies, her legs shaking as she got down on one knee and ushered the Joker to sit on the toilet.

"Nice, you gave me a throne" he pleasantly mocked. "And what's even better is it's pure porcelain -- I can't believe I ever mistook you for a cheapskate."

Concentrating solely on the task at hand, Rachel chose to say nothing as she threaded her needle and dipped it in rubbing alcohol. Placing her hand against his midsection, she then pinched the rather large wound together with her fingers before looking up at him with wary eyes. "Are you ready?"

The Joker smirked. "Isn't it usually the man who asks the woman such a bold question? After all, I'm just a poor, defenseless virgin saving myself for awkward honeymoon sex."

Grunting, Rachel jabbed the Joker with the needle far harder than necessary, but he somehow seemed to enjoy it due to his incessant giggling. Was laughter something he always used to cover up his pain?

Promptly shaking this thought from her head, Rachel diligently continued her stitching as her masked friend watched on with a newfound interest.

"Where did you learn to stitch up convicts?" he asked. "I assume they didn't teach you that in Home Ec..."

"Actually, Home Ec was a wonderful class that greatly helped me with my life" Rachel disinterestedly returned. Threading the needle through his flesh, she smiled while confessing, "But you're right, I didn't learn it from there. While finishing up my senior year at Gotham High, my cousin Jessica completed her medical degree and offered to teach me a few things. I was highly interested in becoming a doctor at the time, so this is one of the things she taught me."

"In-ter-es-ting...did she also teach you to give your patients a peep show?"

"W-what?" Glancing down at herself in horror, Rachel gasped when she discovered that she'd forgotten to button her blouse the whole way up. With a vengeful glare in the Joker's direction, she promptly righted herself before begrudingly going back to her bothersome task.

Licking his lips as she did so, the Joker grinned lecherously at her while purring, "Ya know, you never really struck me as the type to wear an animal print bra, but I like it...I like it a lot."

"Yeah, I'll bet you do" Rachel grumbled. "And let me guess, since you're a clown you like tiger stripes? Those are the primary animals at the circus, right?"

With a whoop of a laugh, the Joker leaned forward and caused the attorney to have trouble seeing her work. Stroking her chin with his gloved hand, he grinned broadly while remarking, "See? Why wouldja wanna turn me into a goody-two-shoes when we have so much fun together? If I were a hero, this would be so boring."

"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change" Rachel hotly shot back, her eyes narrowing as she tied the thread to his stitches into a knot. Suddenly realizing that she didn't have any scissors, Rachel looked up at the Joker before tentatively lowering her mouth to his skin. With her teeth and the aid of her hands, she snapped the thread in two and managed to finish tying it together, an animalistic growl escaping the Joker's throat as he fisted her hair as if in the throes of passion.

Whimpering, Rachel gave a yelp when the Joker yanked her up by her dark locks and gazed into her eyes, a devilish grin curling upon his lips as he took one of her bloody hands and held it up to the light.

"My, my, looks like you got all dirty -- somebody needs to clean you up" he purred, Rachel watching on in horrified fascination as he wrapped his tongue about her finger and sucked it slowly into the warm cavern of his mouth. In accordance with this action, Rachel felt her stomach flip as an undeniable pull came straight from her loins, her heartrate rapidly accelerating as he licked her palm and melded his hips roughly against her own.

Nipping at her ear, the Joker giggled while asking, "Why, what's wrong, Miss Dawes? Are you actually showing me an emotion other than fear? Perhaps arousal?"

Unable to respond in a complete sentence, Rachel hurriedly pushed him away and staggered back into the bedroom, the Joker cackling at her behavior as he pressed, "Why so serious, beautiful? If you don't truly want me around, why did you ask me to come here?"

"Curiosity" Rachel whispered, her back still facing him as she closed her eyes in fear.

Grinning, the Joker slowly approached her before pointing out, "Yeah, well curiosity killed the cat, Miss Dawes -- ever heard of that saying?"

Still unable to respond, Rachel exhaled deeply when the Joker placed his hands on her hips, his deft fingers splaying across her thighs as he drew her backside against his aroused front. Gasping at the sensation of him pressing so needily against her, Rachel felt her legs beginning to quiver as he drifted a hand along her side and squeezed her breast.

Biting her lip, Rachel could no longer prevent a small moan as she felt the Joker open his mouth against the flesh of her neck, his tongue tracing along her thrumming pulse as he purred, "It's ok to want me, Miss Dawes, because all good women do -- it's just in their nature to want the bad boys."

Feeling the Joker spin her around, Rachel barely had time to respond before he crashed his scarred lips roughly against her own. The kiss was wanton and frantic, their tongues battling for dominance as he backed her up against the wall and hungrily clutched at her bottom. Panting against the soft expanse of his lips, Rachel whimpered as the Joker licked her mouth and began to mercilessly grind his swelling arousal against her hips, their fingers interlocking as he lifted her arms up above her head and held them firmly in place.

Rachel couldn't explain why she was responding to the Joker in such a helpless and sexual manner, but ever since she'd found out about his true history, she couldn't help but feel pity for the elusive clown prince of crime. Because of his scars, he'd most likely never received the love and affection that she had throughout her life, and something deep inside her soul compelled her to show him just what that was like. With a little bit of love, she was fully aware that she might be able to get him to change for the greater good.

With this thought as her primary incentive, Rachel took the Joker by the shoulders and angled her mouth roughly over his own. She felt him stiffen briefly over the surprise of her being the aggressor, but he soon dismissed it and returned her administrations with relish.

Wrapping her arms about his neck, Rachel moaned softly into their kiss in a manner that would have otherwise left her quite embarrassed, her body giving an involuntary jolt the moment she felt the Joker reach beneath her blouse and run his gloved hand along one hardened nipple. Scouring her nails down along his bare back, Rachel hid her face against the crook of his neck so that she could finally catch her breath, her eyes closing as she felt his lips sear along the swell of her breasts before making the trek back up toward her quivering mouth.

Surprisingly, this kiss was firm and gentle, Rachel tangling her fingers into his greasy hair as she felt him guiding her toward an unknown destination amidst their backwards stagger. The moment Rachel felt herself fall down upon her mattress, the Joker flicked out his blade and placed it dangerously close to her pulse. Bringing his lips to her ear, he eagerly purred, "Let the games begin..."

A/N - SCREAMS - Omg, I feel SO effing DIRTY for writing this! -embarrassed beyond belief- But yeah, in the words of Borat, in the next chapter Jokachel will have a "sexy time", hahaha. And we ALL know that Rachel will love it, because the Joker always does that wacky tongue thing...must be the strongest muscle in his body. Omg, WHY did I just say that? -blush- So yeah, the rating will DEFINITELY go up to M, so if you can't find this fic under the regular section, that'll be why. Hopefully this doesn't seem too random, because I feel that the Joker and Rachel have always been secretly attracted to each other, and that they've just been a time bomb waiting to go off. Ka-BLAM! JOKACHEL SMEX!! In case you don't know, 'smex' equals "smutty sex", so if that's the SLIGHTEST bit off-putting, you may not want to read the next chapter. EVER. lol