Something Inside

All previous disclaimers apply.

Author’s Note: These next couple of chapters will be a kind of loose stream of consciousness that varies between Chad and Ryan talking, remembered conversations, and actual scenes from the past. I hope they don’t get too confusing. If they do, please leave a review or PM with any questions about anything I can clear up! Thanks and happy reading. T.H.




“Wait, wait, wait…” Chad’s body went stiff under Ryan’s and he gaped at Ryan in shock, “Seventeen fifty-five like before the Declaration of Independence was signed seventeen fifty-five?”

“You’re adorable, Chad,” Ryan felt the smile spread across his face at the look on Chad’s and set his hand to Chad’s cheek. He leaned up and kissed him thoroughly, “And yes, I do mean that seventeen fifty-five. But, this is going to take a lot longer if you interrupt me every five seconds.”

“Sorry,” Chad relaxed against the headboard again and smiled at Ryan sheepishly, “I’ll be quiet.”

Ryan smiled and kissed him once more before laying his head over Chad’s heart and continuing, “My childhood was normal for the times. Sharpay, she was called Mary then, and I had three younger sisters. Our youngest brother, Jacob, died of scarlet fever when he was only two, but that was quite common then. That neither Mary, nor I, nor any of our other sisters died before reaching maturity was quite astonishing really. My father’s name was Samuel, he owned a company that built ships. My mother’s name was Ruth. She was a little unusual in that she believed in an equal education for all of her children, male and female alike. We spent at least three hours every day learning to read and write, learning to figure, and learning our history. It was rare for Mary and me to be apart, even after lessons. We played together constantly, did our studying together, and even shared a room. When we were young it seemed that our parents didn’t mind it. But, as we grew older and certain aspects of my personality began to develop they felt it would be better if Mary and I were separated.”

He could still hear his parent’s voices in his head.

“The boy is spending too much time with his sisters.”

“Why can’t you call him by his name? He is not just the boy, he is our son Ryan.”

“If he turns fey because of how much time he spends with women…”

“Fey? Samuel, that’s goes too far. I will admit Ryan is a bit feminine and perhaps he could use more time among men…”

“Good. It’s settled then. Tomorrow he begins work with me in the ship yard. A little bit of manual labor will do him good.”

“Perhaps you’re right. He’ll be ready to leave when you are.”

“You will see, my love, this will only be good for him.”

“I hope you’re right, Samuel.”

“It wasn’t bad for me,” Ryan admitted with a grin, “I enjoyed the work, even when the tar burnt my skin and my hands cracked and bled because they weren’t used to the work. I was fifteen, after all, and had boundless energy. One thing my parents did not anticipate was the fact that I would finally come to a true realization about my sexuality in the ship yard. An apprentice ship builder, Thomas, was twenty and the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Constantly sweaty, constantly with his shirt off. You know the type. I had never found myself attracted to men, or anyone really, until the day Thomas pulled me into a storage shed. Seemed I had been driving him mad with my lithe, young body, and happy laughter. From the moment his lips touched mine I knew I was what my father and mother feared. I was so scared. But not scared enough to stay away from Thomas that summer.” He paused.

“What happened?” Chad prompted.

“What often happened and seems to still happen, unfortunately. My father caught us together. Thomas was whipped and dismissed. I was dragged back to the house and a marriage was arranged for me. Two nights later Mary and I ran away together. I couldn’t stay and she wouldn’t let me leave without her. New York City was not then what it is now, but that was where we headed. It was close and big enough that we could lose ourselves in it without chance of being found by our parents. Soon after we ran, Mary changed her name. Someone commented to her that she was ‘sharp as a tack.’ Somehow it morphed into Sharpay as we continued to make our way. It always seemed to suit her more. Gabriella calls it her true name. Troy’s name was originally Cale.”

“Really?” Chad asked, “Somehow it doesn’t seem right.”

“Yes, I know. Troy suits him much better than Cale. Just as Sharpay suits my sister better than Mary. It’s why Gabriella calls them true names. When you have eternity to live, being stuck with a name you know isn’t yours can be damaging.”

“You and Gabriella kept your names.”

“Ours suit us and always have,” Ryan smiled, “After Sharpay and I ran to New York City I went to work in a gentleman’s parlor while Sharpay went onto the stage. You can guess what I was doing, I assume?”

Chad looked shy and felt his cheeks heat.

“It was a good enough life. We never went hungry. We had a couple of nice rooms above a general store. We were content for a couple of years. Then, Sharpay came home one night absolutely ecstatic.”

“Ryan!” Sharpay tore into their rooms with a scream, still in her revealing stage outfit. She was a glorified saloon girl, a can-can dancer, sometimes a whore when a customer was willing to pay enough, but she was pleased with all of the attention she was getting, and she loved her life. Especially with what had happened that very evening.

“Mary?” Ryan raised an eyebrow wryly as he came into her line of sight, just buttoning his shirt as he was getting ready to go put in a few late hours at work. Men always paid well if a boy was ready for them when they came in at any hour. Some were so hot late at night that they didn’t even question the expensive rates.

“Sharpay.” She stamped her foot impatiently.

“Sharpay.” He nodded in ascent.

“I have found the man I am going to marry!” She announced happily, throwing herself onto their small table and lifting her foot to the chair so that she could unlace her boot. Ryan sat in the chair and took her booted foot in his hands to undo the laces himself.

“Have you?”

“Yes! He’s beautiful and kind and he paid me so well! His name is Troy and he will be calling for me in less than an hour! I must…”

The knock on the door stopped her on a squeal. Troy hadn’t told her when he would be there, just that he would be there soon and she knew without wondering that he was at the door for her. Without another word, she was up and running into the room they shared to change while she made motion at Ryan to answer the door. He rolled his eyes at her, but went to answer the door despite the fact that he couldn’t see how this man would be any different than the others she had brought to their home before. Sharpay was constantly insisting that she was in love, that the man she brought to their apartment on any given day was going to be the one she married. But, all of the love affairs turned into the same thing. The men wanted her in bed. Once they were satisfied, they never called again. It was a miracle she didn’t have five children by now with how often they came to her. She always cried for a day or so, and then the whole thing happened over again. He didn’t think this man would be any different.

But, there was something different about Troy. When he answered the door the first thing that alerted him to the fact that this would be different for Sharpay was the fact that the man that stood before him had an arm wrapped around the waist of a beautiful woman. They were both smiling, but it was obvious from the way that they held each other that they were lovers. The fact that they were both obviously paler than they should have been was something that he noticed second. He felt something off about them from the moment he first last eyes on them, but he wouldn’t be able to place what it was for nearly a year after. He was distracted from his observation of the couple when Sharpay tore back into the room in her best dressing gown and Ryan knew that she had planned to spend the hours he was at the gentlemen’s parlor simply in bed with Troy. He was shocked when she stopped at the door, observed the couple for a moment, and then smiled.

“Hello,” she said, almost shyly.

Gabriella extracted herself from Troy’s arms and ran a finger over Sharpay’s nose and lips. Ryan tried not to blush at the blatantly sexual noise that Sharpay made when the finger traced her throat and the hand came to rest between her breasts. Gabriella smiled at her and ran her free hand over Sharpay’s golden hair.

“Hello, Sharpay. My name is Gabriella.”

“Gabriella…” Sharpay breathed out on a sigh, then turned to the man smiling at them still in the doorway, “Troy…” The man stepped into the room, taking both of the women, so opposite in look, in his arms and placing a kiss to both of their foreheads.

“I’ll just be going!” Ryan laughed nervously and grabbed his jacket and boots before running through the door and slamming it behind him, breathing deeply as he pulled on his shoes and jacket. By the time he returned home early the next morning, Sharpay was gone, leaving only a short note explaining that she was happy and she would see him again when she could. He smiled reading it. If there was one person he knew in the entire world, it was his sister, and she never said anything she didn’t mean. Not his Sharpay.

“I didn’t see her for a year. As you can guess, she went with Troy and Gabriella that night and they turned her. They knew that Sharpay had amazing self control when she chose to practice it, but she was worried that she would not be able to control herself around me. So, she waited until she was absolutely certain that she would not hurt me. When I finally saw her again, she was so happy with them I couldn’t fault her even her new life or her two lovers. She was and still is, after all, my dearest sister.”

“That first conversation must have been interesting.” Chad commented.

“It was,” Ryan laughed.

“You have to drink blood to survive?”

“Yes.”

“And you cannot go out in the sun?”

“No, I can’t.

“It sounds like a folk tale, Shar.”

“In a way, it is…I am. There are many legends that surround what I’ve become from every country in the world.”

“And what exactly have you become, Shar?”

“The best word for it, the one you’ll probably recognize, is…vampire.”

“Vampire. You never could do things simply, Shar, could you?”

“I do love you very much, Ryan!”

“I love you, too, Shar, no matter what you’ve become.”

“But, what about you?” Chad asked, “When were you turned? Who turned you?”

“Patience. We’re getting to that,” Ryan chided gently and undid two of the buttons on Chad’s shirt. He began to run his fingertips over his lover’s chest gently. Chad was so enraptured with the story that he didn’t really seem to notice. Ryan was glad that he was such a good storyteller, but a little put out that even his little seduction seemed to have no effect on Chad. He quirked an eyebrow and kissed Chad’s neck, feeling vindicated when Chad shivered and held him closer still.

“Fine, fine,” Chad murmured, placing a kiss to Ryan’s temple and settling back in as Ryan began to speak again.

“First, you have to know that I never wanted to be turned. I didn’t want to have to live how Sharpay lived. I loved the sun. The idea of drinking another’s blood to survive made me feel sick. Just seeing how strong Sharpay was frightened me a little in all truthfulness. I was vain enough to think that it might not be so bad to be eternally beautiful, but would not allow that one good point to change my mind. Sharpay offered to have Troy turn me the first night she came back to me. I told her that I was happy as I was. She asked again, once a week over the next year, but my answer was always the same.

“After a few months my argument was that I couldn’t imagine staying the same when so many things in the world were changing. In the summer of 1776 America declared independence from Britain. I believed in independence. I was moved by the speakers on the corners. I wanted to fight to make the colonies a true, united country. So, I did the only thing a young, healthy man could do. I signed up for the army.”

“You joined the continental army?”

“Don’t sound so shocked, Chad,” Ryan smirked, “Yes, I joined the continental army. I was not what they were looking for in a soldier. Not completely anyway. I was spoiled, had not put in a hard days work for years, and I was fairly obvious in my sexuality at that point, but they were desperate for as many men as they could get and I did try my very hardest to live up to their expectation for a solider.” He paused and Chad tried to guess what had happened.

“So, you were wounded in battle and Sharpay turned you?”

“Not quite,” Ryan’s voice darkened and Chad rubbed his arm in comfort, “I never made it as far as a battlefield. I was stupid, wasn’t thinking, when I agreed to pleasure another of the trainees in return for a new pair of socks of all things. As soon as I was down on my knees in front of him, ready to do what I had done so many times before, he shouted to high heaven and the others came running. I couldn’t defend myself against a dozen of them. They beat me with fist, foot, and whatever else they could grab, a branch, an oar. After a time I heard a gunshot, saw one of the officers. He asked what was going on. I thought he was there to help me, but after they had told him what they had seen he pointed his gun at me and told them that there were much easier ways to deal with my kind.”

Chad felt the tears gather in his eyes for the man he loved just thinking about it. How must Ryan have felt when the men he had trusted had turned on him so brutally? They had set him up specifically to give themselves an excuse to kill him. How could people be so cruel and heartless? He wished he could take it all away, but there was nothing he could do. The men who had hurt Ryan so badly had died long before he was even born. He tried to keep the anger rising in his chest down so that Ryan didn’t have to deal with it. From Ryan’s tone of voice, he had long ago accepted what had happened. He would tell Chad there was no point to his anger. Chad just held him and continued to listen, wanting, needing to know more about the vampire he had fallen in love with.

“He shot me in the chest and they left me to die. It was the last pain I was ever to feel.”

“Where is my brother?” Sharpay asked impatiently as she sat in a tall tree, surveying the training camp that Ryan had been sent to when he had signed up to be in the army. She hadn’t understood why he was doing it when he had told her his plans, and she didn’t understand it any better now, but the one thing she did know was that if Ryan felt he needed to do this, she, Troy, and Gabriella were going to make sure that he was as safe as possible, at night at least. She had woken just a few minutes earlier as the sun finally set in the west and had been at the training camp just moments later. Ryan didn’t know that she and her lovers had followed him. He would be angry with her if he knew, thinking along the lines that he could take care of himself. But, she had left him alone for nearly a year just after she was turned and now that she knew just how fragile humans could be, she didn’t feel like she could leave him alone at all. Troy and Gabriella understood. They knew that Sharpay would keep watch over her brother until he died. After all, what was the span of one lifetime to a vampire’s endless nights?

“Perhaps he’s night training.” Gabriella suggested from her perch in the tree, just a branch higher than Sharpay.

“They did that last week,” Sharpay growled, annoyed that Ryan was still eluding her, trying to fight down the fear that was rising in her heart that she couldn’t put a name to.

“Who says they only do it once?” Gabriella countered.

“Do you smell that?” Troy asked suddenly, sitting up quickly. He was lower in the tree than either of them and out of it before they could even ask what he had sensed on the air. Gabriella and Sharpay ran after him, following his scent like a trail of bright light. Soon enough Sharpay caught the scent that had captured Troy’s attention and she screamed in denial of it even as she ran. The scent just got stronger and stronger. It was the scent of Ryan’s blood. Ever since she had been turned she had been able to smell it just under his skin. Perhaps it was because she loved him so very much that Ryan’s blood was not appealing to her in any way. It made her feel sick as she ran. What was only a few seconds running felt like eternity until she suddenly saw something that would have made her heart stop if it hadn’t already.

Ryan was lying next to the small stream that ran by the camp, just behind a dilapidated building that the army wouldn’t even use. His arm was bent at an unnatural angle and the only way she recognized him was the scent of his blood. His face was a mess of blood and crushed bone. He was lying completely still, but she could tell from hearing the slow, sluggish way his heart was beating that he was still alive. She fell to her knees next to his mangled body wishing that she was still able to cry. It just didn’t seem right that the only thing she could do was scream out in anger as she gathered him in her arms. How could it be that she had been away from him for only twelve hours and this had happened? She was so strong now and had two lovers who were even stronger than her. She should have been able to protect him. They should have been able to protect him. Despite the fact that he was nearly dead, his heart was still beating. She looked up at Troy. There was hope.

“Shar, baby, no,” Troy backed away one step. He knew what Sharpay’s eyes were asking him and he also knew that if he gave into what she wanted her brother would never forgive him and possibly her as well. Ryan had expressed time and time again that he did not want to become what they were. Would he be able to accept being turned, even if it saved his life? He would ask him if he could, but even he could tell that if he wasn’t turned Ryan would never wake up again. Even now he could hear that Ryan’s heart was slowing even more. He had only minutes left, maybe less. But, he couldn’t do it without Ryan’s permission. He understood the hate one could feel for one’s sire if permission was not granted before one was turned. He still hated his sire to the core of his being and he had killed him nearly three hundred years earlier. He didn’t know if he could stand having Ryan hate him for all of time. He liked the boy. He was funny and refreshing. The same reasons he liked Ryan and didn’t want him to hate him were some of the same reasons he was considering turning him. The other was looking straight at him, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“Troy, please. For me,” Sharpay begged, “He doesn’t have much time.”

“Lover,” Gabriella was at his side in an instant, whispering so low into his ear that even Sharpay wouldn’t be able to hear them, “If you do not do this, we will lose her forever. We just got her, Troy. I do not want to lose her now. You are the only one of us strong enough to turn someone. Please, do this, Troy. For me and for our girl.”

Troy closed his eyes and lifted his face to the sky, letting the moonlight wash over him. When he opened his eyes he looked down at Gabriella, clinging to his arm, and nodded. He looked down at Sharpay, rocking her brother, humming a lullaby in his ear quietly. She looked up, hope in her eyes, when he knelt next to her and held out his arms for Ryan.

“Thank you,” she whispered, “Troy, thank you so much.”

“I love you,” he murmured, “You need to understand that he might hate both of us for the rest of his existence if I do this now.”

“As long as I know he’s alive,” she whispered, running a hand over Ryan’s face tenderly.

Troy nodded and dipped his head to Ryan’s neck. It didn’t take long to bring Ryan to the point of death. He was already almost there. Troy lifted his wrist to his mouth and bit into it, then set it to Ryan’s mouth.

“Come on, Ryan,” he whispered, “Drink it. Drink it, please, Ryan.”

As if he had heard, Ryan began to suckle at Troy’s wrist. Sharpay watched in amazement as the transformation began to take place. It hadn’t hurt when she had gone through it. She was glad that it meant that Ryan would not feel any more pain. He’d had enough of that to last a hundred life times. She continued to stroke his hair and watched as his broken bones began to set themselves to rights again. She smiled and continued to hum as his face began to heal into the one that she loved so much. She looked up when she heard Troy grunt as if he was in pain and saw just how much turning Ryan was hurting him. When he had turned her, she had been too involved in her transformation to take note of what was happening to him. Now she could see why neither she nor Gabriella were strong enough to turn a human. They were much faster than Troy when it counted, but it could not be said that they were as strong by any means.

“Troy, darling,” Gabriella placed a hand to Troy’s shoulder, “That’s enough. Let him go now. He’ll survive. He’ll turn. Let go now, darling.”

“Let go,” Sharpay encouraged along with Gabriella, “He’s fine now. Please, my love. I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

Troy wrenched his wrist from Ryan’s mouth and fell back, panting, against Gabriella’s chest as Sharpay held Ryan once more. The transformation didn’t take long, she knew from experience. She was just preparing herself for what Ryan would say when he realized what she had done when he opened his bright blue eyes to her and sat up. He looked at his hands for a moment, ran them over his chest where the bullet wound had been, and then looked at the world around him. It was like looking at the world for the first time, Sharpay knew. There would be no way that he wouldn’t know what had happened right away. Still, she had no answer when he looked at her, an accusation in his eyes and asked:

“What have you done?”