Hanging On

All previous disclaimers apply.

Author's Note: Sorry this has been so long in coming. I kind of lost inspiration for a bit. There will be an epilogue chapter coming shortly. I hope you like it! Please leave a comment if you have time! Thanks and happy reading, T.H.


Ryan sat by Chad's bedside for six days, never leaving for longer than it took to take a shower in the bathroom in Chad's single that his family had procured for him. Ayana had wanted to argue that the Evans family didn't need to pay for Chad's treatment, but none of them would hear of anything else. They flew whatever specialists they could in and made sure that Chad had the best treatment available. The general consensus of the doctors was that Chad would pull through. He was young and strong, had never had any problems with his health, and had so many people around him who loved him that he had to know he had a lot to fight for. They were always careful, however, to make the disclaimer that no one would know until he woke up how much damage had been caused to his brain by the lack of oxygen to it when his heart had stopped and the skull fracture he had suffered in the wreck. Ryan pretended not to hear when they spoke like that because it wasn't allowed that Chad might wake up and not be Chad. When he dared to fall asleep, still holding on to Chad's hand, his dreams were dark ones about Chad thinking he was still a child, about Chad having to spend the rest of his life being fed and washed because he would never be able to do it for himself again, about Chad not remembering who he was, not loving him anymore. His worst nightmare, one he woke from with Darrick shaking him gently and shushing as he sobbed afterwards, was that Chad would wake up and remember everything…and not want Ryan back, his betrayal of their love too great for his tender, loving, beautiful heart to handle. He tearfully confessed to Emily what had driven Chad from their room that night, needing to get it off of his chest. He was surprised when she looked at him with love still in her eyes, moved to him, and wrapped him in her arms.

"You made a mistake, Ryan," She whispered, "Because you were scared. I can't tell you that everything will be alright because it might not be. But, I can tell you that anyone can see how much you love Chad. Trust that. Trust him to know it when he wakes." They never allowed themselves to say 'if' because that wasn't an option, "Now sing for your nephew and mine and show them both how much you love them."

She placed Sage in his arms, sat on the edge of the bed, and stroked Chad's arms and face tenderly as Ryan began to sing quietly, stopping every so often to clear his throat, then starting again. He sang for hours that day and every day afterward, every song that reminded him of Chad in any way. Sharpay surprised him by coming by for at least two or three hours every day, holding Chad's hand in her own and adding her sweet voice to his when he was singing. He was amazed to realize just how close Chad and Sharpay had gotten over the past six months and allowed himself one moment of black guilt when he realized just how little he had been paying attention to the two people who meant most in the world to him. But, he cleared it just as quickly as it had come. It wasn't about him now. All he could do was see Chad through this and then make sure that he made it up to both of them when Chad was out of the woods. Sharpay, in the weird twin way that they had always had, seemed to know his resolve and she even graced him with a gentle smile when she left on the third day.

It was on the second day of waiting, Saturday, that Tala called. He looked at the phone for a moment, trying to decide if it was worth it to pick it up before he sighed and answered.

"Just where the hell are you, Ryan? I thought I made myself perfectly clear when I said you were either at the intensive this weekend or you were out of the company." Her voice was deceptively sweet. Ryan sighed and rolled his shoulders so that he was sitting straight. He'd known the call was coming after all and had been certain in his response for hours.

"I'm sorry, Tala. I appreciate every chance that you've given me, because you have…given me a lot, I mean. And you've been wonderful. But, I've come to the conclusion that I can't be like you or Andrei or even most of the others in the troupe. I let myself make my hypothetical future career first for just a moment and now because of it I'm sitting in a hospital room, praying that the boy…the man…I love is going to pull through. I pushed him away, Tala. I hurt him to please myself. And because I hurt him he was driving in the middle of the night when he shouldn't have been and someone stupid enough to drink and get behind a wheel hit him. So, if he makes it through I'm going to do what I never should have stopped doing and make him, and everyone I love, first in my life. Maybe I'll dance professionally some day, maybe I won't. My career will be a small price to pay…"

"Ryan…" Tala interrupted him gently, "It's okay. I don't need to hear anymore. You don't need to justify yourself to me. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. You're lucky you've found that out at such a young age. Come back whenever you feel you're ready. There will always be a place for you here at the Alterman school. If you want to be a part of the company again you are going to have to re-audition, but you're such a talented dancer I've no doubt that…well, I'm sure you know what I mean. You're a good soul, Ryan, and you've already decided what it took me fifty years to find out. I'm very proud of you, baby. And I hope Chad pulls through, sweetheart. I truly do. You give us a call if you need anything. We'll all be sending positive, healing energy."

"Thank you, Tala."

He hung up the phone and began to sob, pulling Chad's limp hand to his forehead and whispering over and over again how sorry he was, how much he loved Chad, how much he wanted, needed, Chad to wake up so that he could be certain that he'd heard everything he'd said.

It was four days later when Ryan was holding Chad's hand, drifting in and out of a light doze, that Chad finally woke up. Ryan was awake with the first twitch of Chad's fingers in his hand and he waited, breathless, watching for any other sign that Chad was aware, for twenty minutes before Chad's pretty eyes fluttered open. They were unfocused for a minute, trying to take in everything around him, trying to figure it out through the drugs in his system. When they finally focused on Ryan he was afraid that they would go hard and angry, but instead Chad just smiled at him sweetly before trying to speak. He choked on his dry throat and tears flooded into his eyes as the unexpected pain. Ryan made a sound of sympathy from the back of his throat without thinking about it and reached across Chad for the small pitcher of water that had been left on the tray. He poured a small cup, put a straw in it, lifted Chad's head gently and set the straw to his lips. Chad took a couple of slow pulls, then let his head fall back. He smiled again at Ryan and Ryan felt his heart break.

"Chad…" He sobbed, laying his head down on the bed, "Chad, I love you. I'm so sorry, Chad. I love you so much."

"Ryan…" Chad whispered brokenly, his voice long since used and his lungs still weak from the accident. His hand stole over Ryan's bright hair once, twice, then rested there, "Not…your fault. I love…you, too."

"Chad, it was my fault. Maybe you don't remember yet. I…" As much as Ryan wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, he was sure that when the drugs wore off Chad would remember everything and it was important that Ryan told him the whole truth before he did or their relationship would be past the point of all repair, "I kissed someone else."

"I know," Chad smiled at him again when Ryan's head jerked up in surprise, "I was angry…at first. But…you haven't been yourself…lately. And we've been…ignoring each other for too long. We let ourselves…forget what it's like to…be in love. Can we…can we just…put everything behind us?"

"Chad," Ryan leaned over and kissed him gently before pressing their foreheads together, "You're too good for me. You know that, right?"

"No…" Chad's eyes were begging Ryan to get into the bed with him. Ryan obliged and slipped into the bed, letting Chad scoot until he was comfortably laid on Ryan's chest and Ryan's hand was resting over his heart. "I'm not. We're…just right…for each other." Ryan smiled as Chad fell back to sleep.

It shouldn't have been so easy. He knew that. After how badly he had hurt Chad it would have been within his rights to tell Ryan that he never wanted to see him again. And, of course, they were still going to have a lot of things to get through. They had been ignoring each other in favor of things that weren't nearly as important and if they wanted their relationship to last they were going to have to stop doing so. But, now they had a second chance. He had a second chance to be with Chad and that was worth everything in the world. He wasn't going to waste it. He closed his eyes and, laying his head on the top of Chad's, allowed himself to slip into sleep.

He didn't know if he'd been dozing for an hour or for a minute before he was being woken gently by a soft hand on his hair. He opened his eyes to see Mama Ay standing over him, tears of joy in her eyes. Without a word he slipped Chad slowly, carefully, out of his arms and followed her into the hall, where they fell into each other's arms, both of them sobbing.

"Everything's going to be okay now, Mama," he whispered when they had calmed enough for words.

"Yes it is, baby," She stroked his bright hair and hugged him closer, "It certainly is."