Leibe und Folterung

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm only playing with them then I will put them back niecly when I am done.

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Kyp Durron sighed as he studied the bland material of the blanket on his bed. He was trying his best to keep his mind neutral but his thoughts kept drifting to thy thy three months ago when his heart had been broken.

"Three months, two days, eight hours," Kyp murmured. It was the day he had promised Jaina Solo he wouldn't pull out of their force bond when they didn't need it. The day she seemed to also choose Colonel Jagged Fel over him. Since then he had endured knowing they were together though they never showed their affection publicly. But Kyp could sense it.

Kyp stood and began to pace as he mused over everything. At one time he had denied he was in love with Jaina, but even then he knew he was lying. He was no stranger to lies, but this time, he was lying to himself. If he was totally honest, he knew even when she was a child that he was destined to love her. All he had to do was look into her brown doe eyes and his heart was lost to her. It was painful to know that his love wasn't returned. He looked down and sighed. Without realizing he had even done so, he had packed his bags. That's when he knew it was time.

Uncertain of how he was able to do it, Kyp had managed to get to the hangar without passing anyone that would question him. Even though it was late at night, a ship preparing for the battle of their lives everyday was abuzz with constant activity. Even the hangar was empty. He walked over to his X-wing and tossed his bag into the cockpit. He came back down and began to check his ship over, motions so familiar to him he could probably do them in his sleep. All he had to do was make sure everything was fit as could be, then he would be off. He should have known it wasn't going to be that simple.

"You promised you wouldn't leave," Jaina's voice said behind him. It tore him in two.

"Not the first time I've broken a promise," he said without turning.

"You lied to me then," Jaina said.

Kyp swallowed hard, willing his voice to work properly. "Wouldn't be the first time I've done that either," he said.

Jaina felt pain assault her and she realized it was not only her own at his words, but that it shot pain through his heart and soul. "Why are you leaving?" she asked.

"Because it's time I did," Kyp said.

"No it's not," Jaina said. "It's not time. You said you'd stay. Remember? We're partners till death."

"That requires a commitment you aren't willing to make with me," Kyp said.

"I already have!"

Kyp slowly turned and looked at her, and the pain radiating from his eyes made Jaina step back in astonishment. "No… you made that commitment to someone else," he said.

"This is about Jag, isn't it?" Jaina asked softly. "Why do you dislike him so much?"

Kyp chuckled a bit then his lips set into a grim line. "That's just the problem," he said. "I can't bring myself to dislike him. Not even because he has you."

"What are you talking about?" Jaina asked.

"You aren't unintelligent or blind, Jaina, don't act like you are," Kyp said.

"Just tell me!"

"It won't do any good," Kyp said softly. "It doesn't matter, you've made your choice, I'm making mine."

"What choice? You are walking away, acting the coward…" Jaina started.

"You're right, I am acting the coward," Kyp said. "But I have my reasons."

"Because you always think of yourself right?" Jaina said sharply. She was finding anger in the pain she was starting to feel.

"No, this I'm doing for you," Kyp said. "And yeah, I am doing it for me too. We need to move on. You have, you've shown me that. It's my turn."

"You act like it's painful to be around me," Jaina said, confused.

"It is," Kyp said so softly that anyone else wouldn't have heard, but Jaina as both a Jedi and someone with the kind of bond she had with Kyp, heard the words as clearly as if he would have shouted them.

"Don't go," Jaina said again.

Kyp took a shuddering breath. He looked at her. Walking over, he lowered his head to hers, leaving her so startled that she wouldn't have been able to move had she wanted to. Kyp barely brushed their lips together, but it burned a path of love and torture straight to the core of Jaina's soul.

"I have to," Kyp said finally breaking the silence that had descended over them. He straightened so quickly and moved away from her that Jaina felt as if she had been pulled out into space and left there to die.

"Please," Jaina whispered. She didn't know if he had heard her. He had put up a mental shield and was already in the cockpit of his X-wing when she had spoken. A tear slid down her cheek as she watched him start up his ship and move it towards the door of the hangar. Jaina backed up and hurried out of the hangar, hearing the whoosh of the doors closing behind her, and the burst from Kyp's engines as he left the ship, and left her life. She covered her face with her hands and felt the tears come in torrents.

"Jaina?" Jag's voice broke into her thoughts before his strong hand closed around her shoulder.

Jaina wanted to fall into his arms to find comfort in them when suddenly it had hit her. She lowered her hands and stared at him through red, tear filled eyes. "You," she growled. Jag frowned. "This is all your fault!"

Jag stepped back a moment. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"I've lost my best friend because of you!" Jaina snapped. Before Jag could react, Jaina slammed a fist into his chest causing him to wheeze. He looked at her, gasping for breath. She hadn't put the force behind it, thankfully, but it was still painful. He watched her storm past him down the hall.

Jaina was clenching and unclenching her fists as her thoughts whirled around in her head. One man had left her and it was another man's fault. As she came to a halt in her room and let out an animalistic yell before falling to the ground in tears, she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. The realization hit her that Kyp's departure had left her heartbroken. Few men had managed to handle Jaina without wanting to run in fear. Jag had intrigued her in a way she thought would blossom into something, but though he could cause her toes to curl from the deep kisses he had given her, it was nothing compared to the mere brushing of lips she had received from Kyp.

Jaina curled her knees to her chest as she lay on the floor as the full reality of what was going on in her head and heart meant. She was, and always had been, deeply in love with Kyp Durron. And it seemed he felt the same way, but he left. He left because he thought you were in love with Fel, a small voice in her head said. He left to keep you happy, so you didn't feel torn, and so he too couove ove on and be happy.

"Coward," Jaina mumbled. "He is such a coward." Now if I can just get my heart to believe that, she thought to herself before falling into a fitful and dreamless sleep.