Innocent

Author: Aja (boondockpoet@yahoo.co.uk)
Pairing: Connor/Murphy
Rating: R
Warnings: Incest, religious references
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, Troy Duffy does. I'm just playing with them, make no profit from this work of fiction.
Summary: Connor isn't going to touch.
Note: For the one hotel room, one bed cliche fic challenge from jacynrebekah. Erm.. Well, I hope somebody likes it.


INNOCENT


You're fast asleep. Bit of a space beside you there, too. No reason on earth why I shouldn't just, well, fill it. I'll be really careful, won't wake you up. It's just fuckin' cold in this armchair, and you look so comfortable. Peaceful.

Warm.

Alright, I'm going to do it. I am. Just going to get up and go over there and lay down beside you. Perfectly innoc I s I swear to God. Beside you, not with you. It'll just be like when we were kids and had to share a bed every time relatives came over. That's all, really. I know I said you could take the bed, that I didn't mind sleeping here in this chair. Which, by the way, must be at least fifty years old, because the springs are digging into my arse and it's fuckin' uncomfortable. So really, my getting into that bed is just a kindness to my backside. And to you, because what good is a brother who can't move to help you when you need it?

So, Murph, I'll just join y'now if that's okay. I won't touch you, not with my hands. Oh, God, as tempting as you are, I won't touch you. Stay innocent and peaceful, brother, and just let me look at you from this angle. Beside you, while you sleep.

"D'you think I can't feel you?"

You startle me. I should know, shouldn't I? To the world you may be sleeping, but to me you're always awake. Aware. It's a twin thing,reckreckoned. You once said it was creepy. I just think it's us.

"Fuckin' chair was cold," I reply. You don't say anything for a minute. I don't know if you're unsure of what to say, or if you're waiting for me to do something. Maybe you don't want me in the bed with you.

But then you pull back the covers and let me climb in beside you, behind you. I hold my breath and tuck my hands beneath me, afraid of filling any more space than necessary. You, as always, hotheother ideas.

"You're freezing.. Christ, you should have got in sooner!" You turn and wrap your arms around me. You, apparently, have no reservations about touching. Oh, God, you feel so good. If only this wasn't just to warm me up. If only it was to warm us both.

I daren't close my eyes and you, for some reason, refuse to close yours. You just look back at me as I stare at you.

Maybe I've been caught all along, or maybe I just, somehow, managed to trap you.

I feel your hand on me first, fingers curling in and shy but, Christ, so ready to give. You stroke as though your whole hand is a feather; light, barely there, driving me insane with just a few touches.

"Connor," you whisper my name and I can feel it on my lips, too, as you breathe into my mouth.

Oh God, I love you. I'd tell you with words, I'd show you with my own hands; I'll touch you in heaven because I think I'm going to die first. Yes, in a moment, just don't stop. Please, Murphy, never stop, yes. Kiss me, please, the world's ending.

I can feel your tongue on mine, your taste filling my mouth, your hand moving easier now. The rhythm almost unbearable, and.. "Shit.. Murph, I can't.. breathe.." Your mouth covering mine again, insistently, don't try to speak, and I'm just stealing your breath. Taking, taking everything that you give and it feels right and good but wrong because I should be doing this for you, shouldn't I, oh God, Murph, please.

Don't stop, don't ever stop loving me You You swallow my cries, my vows, my soul. I'm a mess, I know, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't, because you're still touching me, still kissing my face and saying you're sorry. Don't be sorry, Murph.

"Ssh."

"..full of grace.." You turn your eyes to mine.

I smile. Smile, and hope that it's all the forgiveness you need.


END