Cold Inside
folder
Star Wars (All) › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,501
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Star Wars (All) › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,501
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Cold Inside
Title: Cold Inside
Author: Adelaide Elizabeth Morgan (falconkenobi@aol.com)
Author webpage: http://members.dencity.com/firststep
Fandom: Star Wars Episode 1
Category: Angst, Q/O, songfic (kinda), H/C,
Summary: In the first few days following his Master's death, Obi-Wan has difficulty coping without Qui-Gon in his life.
Thanks to: you for reading this. Master Yo-Gurt and Rushlight for the beta. J. Perry and S. Tyler for writing beautiful songs.
Archive: you want it, you got it
Warning: follows episode 1 canon (do I need to warn for that?)
Obi-Wan Kenobi shivered despite the mid-day heat of the Naboo sun, pulling his cloak tighter around his body.
The council was looking for him, Anakin was looking for him, and the Queen had her handmaidens looking for him. He knew someone would find him soon, but he couldn't muster the energy to care.
He sat staring out of the window, not seeing the beauty of the planet, tears pouring down his face. His senses were focussed inside, on the pit of black emptiness he seemed to be made from that was slowly filling him, eating away at him from the inside out, making him feel so very, very cold.
The pit that was once filled with Qui-Gon Jinn; his master, his friend, his... lover. His body shuddered as another sob forced its way out.
He wrapped his arms around his stomach and started unconsciously rocking backward and forwards. The emptiness he felt inside threatened to overwhelm him.
If he tried hard enough he could sense Qui-Gon - his voice, his scent, his Force-signature, his love. But it just made Obi-Wan feel even lonelier, even more lost without him.
He pictured Qui-Gon in his mind, but all he could see was his Master's body slowly burning on the funeral pyre, the acrid smell of burning flesh assaulting him. The way he died inside with every bit of his master that burned.
He screamed Qui-Gon¹s name into the Force, into the bond they once shared but there was only silence.
Nothing.
Qui-Gon was gone and had left him alone. Obi-Wan was cold, so cold without the burning fire of passion his master filled him with.
A distant part of him chastised him for acting like a fool and told him to pull himself together.
"You are a 25 year old man Kenobi, one who has just been knighted, not some newly-born whelp who cannot do anything." The voice at the back of his mind whispered. "And what would Qui-Gon say if he saw you like this?"
At that Obi-Wan sat up and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, the way children do when they wake up. He stood up from the seat and stretched, starting to pace around the room.
"I..." he spoke tentatively out loud. "He'd say that it was his time and there was nothing I could have done about it. He'd say he was proud of me for defeating the Sith. He'd say I need to be strong. And...that 'there is no death, there is the Force."
He stopped his pacing and stared again out of the window. "But how am I supposed to live without him?" he asked. "Qui-Gon was everything to me, he was my life and he's gone...I can't do this without him."
He could have sworn he heard Qui-Gon reply to that. "You will never be alone Padawan, I am here with you." Obi-Wan even thought he could feel Qui-Gon in the room.
He spun around but couldn¹t see anyone. "Master?" he called out.
"I'm here, Obi-Wan."
"Where?" Obi-Wan could feel panic rising and couldn¹t shield it. He felt a gentle hand cup his cheek the way Qui-Gon used to.
"Calm down, Obi-Wan. Relax and calm down." Qui-Gon's voice dropped into a soothing tone.
"I..." Obi-Wan made a visible effort to calm himself, pushing his worries and fears away as best he could.
There was a knock at his door. Obi-Wan could feel Qui-Gon slipping away, but heard him call out, "Remember I love you," as he did.
"I love you, too," Obi-Wan whispered as he opened the door. "Master Windu, come in."
"Thank you Obi-Wan." Mace Windu sat down and motioned Obi-Wan to sit opposite him. "How are you feeling?"
"Better" was Obi-Wan¹s first reply.
And he was feeling better. He didn¹t feel as lost or lonely as he had been due to the knowledge that his Master was always with him. But the physical lack of Qui-Gon meant he still felt cold inside.
~fin~
Author: Adelaide Elizabeth Morgan (falconkenobi@aol.com)
Author webpage: http://members.dencity.com/firststep
Fandom: Star Wars Episode 1
Category: Angst, Q/O, songfic (kinda), H/C,
Summary: In the first few days following his Master's death, Obi-Wan has difficulty coping without Qui-Gon in his life.
Thanks to: you for reading this. Master Yo-Gurt and Rushlight for the beta. J. Perry and S. Tyler for writing beautiful songs.
Archive: you want it, you got it
Warning: follows episode 1 canon (do I need to warn for that?)
Obi-Wan Kenobi shivered despite the mid-day heat of the Naboo sun, pulling his cloak tighter around his body.
The council was looking for him, Anakin was looking for him, and the Queen had her handmaidens looking for him. He knew someone would find him soon, but he couldn't muster the energy to care.
He sat staring out of the window, not seeing the beauty of the planet, tears pouring down his face. His senses were focussed inside, on the pit of black emptiness he seemed to be made from that was slowly filling him, eating away at him from the inside out, making him feel so very, very cold.
The pit that was once filled with Qui-Gon Jinn; his master, his friend, his... lover. His body shuddered as another sob forced its way out.
He wrapped his arms around his stomach and started unconsciously rocking backward and forwards. The emptiness he felt inside threatened to overwhelm him.
If he tried hard enough he could sense Qui-Gon - his voice, his scent, his Force-signature, his love. But it just made Obi-Wan feel even lonelier, even more lost without him.
He pictured Qui-Gon in his mind, but all he could see was his Master's body slowly burning on the funeral pyre, the acrid smell of burning flesh assaulting him. The way he died inside with every bit of his master that burned.
He screamed Qui-Gon¹s name into the Force, into the bond they once shared but there was only silence.
Nothing.
Qui-Gon was gone and had left him alone. Obi-Wan was cold, so cold without the burning fire of passion his master filled him with.
A distant part of him chastised him for acting like a fool and told him to pull himself together.
"You are a 25 year old man Kenobi, one who has just been knighted, not some newly-born whelp who cannot do anything." The voice at the back of his mind whispered. "And what would Qui-Gon say if he saw you like this?"
At that Obi-Wan sat up and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, the way children do when they wake up. He stood up from the seat and stretched, starting to pace around the room.
"I..." he spoke tentatively out loud. "He'd say that it was his time and there was nothing I could have done about it. He'd say he was proud of me for defeating the Sith. He'd say I need to be strong. And...that 'there is no death, there is the Force."
He stopped his pacing and stared again out of the window. "But how am I supposed to live without him?" he asked. "Qui-Gon was everything to me, he was my life and he's gone...I can't do this without him."
He could have sworn he heard Qui-Gon reply to that. "You will never be alone Padawan, I am here with you." Obi-Wan even thought he could feel Qui-Gon in the room.
He spun around but couldn¹t see anyone. "Master?" he called out.
"I'm here, Obi-Wan."
"Where?" Obi-Wan could feel panic rising and couldn¹t shield it. He felt a gentle hand cup his cheek the way Qui-Gon used to.
"Calm down, Obi-Wan. Relax and calm down." Qui-Gon's voice dropped into a soothing tone.
"I..." Obi-Wan made a visible effort to calm himself, pushing his worries and fears away as best he could.
There was a knock at his door. Obi-Wan could feel Qui-Gon slipping away, but heard him call out, "Remember I love you," as he did.
"I love you, too," Obi-Wan whispered as he opened the door. "Master Windu, come in."
"Thank you Obi-Wan." Mace Windu sat down and motioned Obi-Wan to sit opposite him. "How are you feeling?"
"Better" was Obi-Wan¹s first reply.
And he was feeling better. He didn¹t feel as lost or lonely as he had been due to the knowledge that his Master was always with him. But the physical lack of Qui-Gon meant he still felt cold inside.
~fin~