Two Little Dogs

Disclaimer: see filed chapter 7…9…13, bankruptcy, don’t own nada, move along.
It’s a Gundam Wing/ Pirates of the Caribbean crossover…is that enough of a warning for you?
It will also contain nc-17 items in later bits.

Two Little Dogs
1
By Cs

“Where to begin?” Despite the fact that Jack was musing, and very much asking this rhetorical question of himself, he nevertheless tacked a question mark onto the end of it. For good measure, he spun on the edge of his heel and eyed the mast rather sternly. The mast eyed him back, though - it kept its thoughts to itself, as most large, solid bits of wood are likely to do. “I think,” Jack paused, thumbing his chin in a thoughtful manner before going on, “I think it started with that boy. You know the one.” He nudged the wheel conspiratorially, and then nonchalantly nudged it back on course. “Will,” he whispered, though it didn’t come out very accusingly, more a pensive sort of musing tone - that could very well be mistaken for a deep and abiding longing.

“I do not miss that boy!” Jack bellowed, and then ducked as if expecting perhaps lightning to smite him for his bald-faced lying. Because really, there was something endearing about a pirate who refused to be a pirate, almost like watching a cat that thought it was a dog. And that was Will all over. “A blacksmith,” Jack muttered in an affronted tone.

It hadn’t exactly been long since his escape over the cliff and his rightful placement as the captain of the Black Pearl. In fact, it’d been less than a month. Yet for some reason it seemed longer to Jack, as if years had passed since he’d last seen Will, in that smashing little hat, or large hat, as the case had been. Though, really just the feather had been large – Jack still wondered if perhaps that meant something.

“Captain?” Gibbs – Jack Sparrow’s right hand man, and occasionally left as well - asked in a soft voice.

“Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Er, with what exactly, sir?”

“Why steering us through these terrifying waters of course.” Jack gestured with a hand towards the rippling midnight waters.

Gibbs stared thoughtfully across the gestured at water for a long, silent moment before clearing his throat. He let his eyes turn and rest on the dock the ship was firmly moored to for the night, and then met Jack’s gaze with a deafening silence.

“Well,” Jack let go of the wheel and leaned against it, “it was hard going.”

“Of course,” Gibbs offered.

“And the sharks!” Jack made a terrified gesture with his fingers.

“Certainly,”

“Was there something?” The kohl rimmed eyes narrowed abruptly as Jack realized he was merely being indulged.

“Well, yes and no.”

“Tell me the no first, that way if the yes is worse than the no, I won’t feel any better.”

Gibbs blinked for a moment as he tried to decipher the statement. His mouth opened, and then clicked shut before opening once more - this time with words. “It’s Miss Swann.”

“What is? The no? It can’t be the no, I remember quite fondly that she nearly said yes.”

“No, that’s not the no.”

There was another pause, this time as all three tried to figure out what was being said. The mast thought it might know, but didn’t want to say something and then appear foolish, and so wisely kept quiet.

“All right,” Jack spread his hands in a calming gesture, “tell me the no, that you er...know, about Miss Elizabeth Swann.”

“She’s onboard, Captain.”

“She’s on…”

“Board.”

“Is that even possible?”

“Yes.”

“And she’s…”

“On the ship.”

“I see.” Jack tapped his teeth and gazed over the dock towards Tortuga. The town of pirates was still awake, of course. It was a well-known fact that it never slept. “What’s the problem then?”

“She has company.”

“Will?” Jack nearly bolted towards the nearest opening in search of the boy.

“No, Captain.” Gibbs managed to grab onto the tattered bits of cloth the captain used as a belt. “It’s someone else entirely.”

“Oh,” Jack’s face fell a bit.

“The guest is female.”

“Oh?” Jack perked up and attempted to smooth his hair. “Is she pretty?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself, Captain?”

“Aye, that sounds like a plan.” Jack tried another unsuccessful go at his hair thinking furiously all the while. There were several things he was wondering at the moment; One, why was Elizabeth Swann on the Black Pearl again? Two, why wasn’t Will with her? And, most importantly, how on the great blue ocean had she gotten there? She’d never been all that superb of a swimmer, but to tow along company seemed ridiculous. Let alone female company.


*********


A few weeks beforehand…


Captain Jack Sparrow had been told that every proper ship had a cabin boy. Jack had always been puzzled about cabin boys. He’d never actually been sure what they did. For instance, could a cabin boy in fact be a cabin girl? And, what, if anything, did cabins have to do with it?

Gibbs had wisely advised his captain on this point, realizing that if he didn’t, they’d soon be overrun with boys and quite possibly with cabins as well. He’d explained that cabin boys were usually reserved for the more proper ships, the kind that contained officers, the kind which people would pay to be on. In those circumstances, it was usually the cabin boy’s job to run errands for a specified officer and to keep the cabins clean and the passengers happy.

What Gibbs had not realized was that despite the proper definition and job description, Captain Jack always thought in different directions than most. This direction just happened to be, most often, that of a corkscrew.

The Captain had thought about it, pondered and mulled. In the end, he’d decided that cabin boys should entertain, know how to cook, be able to locate the rum bottle at a moment’s notice, and of course, they should be incredibly good looking, and with amazing oral skills – for getting one out of a tight spot, of course.


***

It had all started with the interviews…

Captain Jack had gone about searching for a proper cabin boy quite logically. Or so he thought. He’d coasted into Tortuga and put out the word, and on the following day had proceeded to interview each candidate that had shown.

It was amazing the people who thought they might get the job. The first to be interviewed had not even been a boy, but had in fact been a rather old man with a long white beard and a cane. Who’d been blind in one eye and was missing more teeth than was possible in most mouths.

The next candidate had been younger, though not as good looking as the old man. Jack hadn’t thought that was possible. It had not helped the interview that as the painfully bad looking boy left, Jack had caught him stealing several bottles of rum. A proper cabin boy would not steal from his Captain, of that Jack was certain.

The third to be interviewed had been the youngest yet, barely out of diapers, or so it seemed. Then he’d held up a soggy gun and pointed it at Jack. Luckily, it was just at that moment that the fourth interview bounced into the room, swinging the door wide and catching it on the boy’s arm. The gun flew from his fingers and landed heavily on the floor, where Jack quickly snatched it up and gestured with much gusto that there was no way in hell he’d hire applicant number three.

When he’d finally gotten rid of the would-be thief, or mugger, he was rather surprised at the sight of his fourth contender. “I’m sorry, I didn’t advertise for girls.”

“Well then, no worries,” the candidate said, winking, and cupping the type of bulge in the crotch area that let it be known he was not a girl, and never had been.

“Oh,” Jack was left wordless by the gesture for a moment. “Well then, why don’t you sit down and answer a few questions.”

“I could, I could. But what are you willing to pay for my time?”

“Rum?”

“That’ll work.”

“I like you.” Jack declared. And it was the beginning of a beautiful strangeness.


***


That was how he’d met, and then hired his new cabin boy.

Duo was everything Jack had imagined a cabin boy should be, and then some. He was beautiful, almost a little too pretty to be a boy, but whenever someone pointed this out, Duo would merely shrug and pull out a weapon.

What Duo wanted out of life -or so he said- was a nice place to live, a warm bed, food, and perhaps some rum to warm his stomach. Jack had been able to provide all of these things, though he still wondered about Duo’s possible oral skills. Could the boy talk himself out of trouble?

Not only could he, but he could do so in the most amazing of fashions. In the weeks since his hiring, Duo had even managed to talk his way out of trouble with Jack. Though, it hadn’t been much trouble. He’d finished the last dregs in the bottle of rum he’d been sharing with the captain, and had managed with words alone to convince Jack to get up and grab the next bottle for himself. An amazing feat considering that Captain Jack Sparrow had been beyond three sheets to the wind, had raised a fourth, and was considering a fifth.

What constantly surprised the Captain was when he’d catch sight of Duo from the corner of his eye, and remember that he’d once mistaken the boy for a girl. Though really, many people made the same mistake when they first met Duo. It was the hair for the most part, long and sun-streaked, and a shiny burnished brown. Duo said it had never been cut and if he had anything to say about it, it never would be. The hair reached down to the back of his thighs and was always held in a tight braid.

That alone wouldn’t normally make a boy look so girlish, many sailors had long hair, and many wore it braided. No, what helped to confuse the issue was the boy’s face - it was pretty, with long-lashed eyes of a dark amethyst. In addition, he wasn’t even as tall as the Captain’s shoulders, merely reaching to mid-chest. However, as soon as Duo opened his mouth and spoke it usually became quite obvious that he was a boy; his voice was husky, and oddly enthralling - as if tempting someone into bed was part of his job description.

Admittedly, Jack was tempted. Jack had never had problems with men, or women, or sex with either of them. He’d always considered himself rather worldly, and willing to swing either way, as long as he could swing at all. However, every time Jack approached Duo with that specific thought in mind, another face intruded. One with curling dark hair, reproachful eyes, a mouth that said he was dimwitted, and a scornful set to the jaw. Will.

It just wasn’t fair.


**********


The present once more…


The first thing Elizabeth Swann explained to Jack was that she had not swum all the way to Tortuga. The second thing, which she didn’t even have to explain, was that the pretty girl with her, was not a pretty girl at all, but was in fact a very pretty boy. Which Jack considered pretty unfair, all things considered.

The third thing Elizabeth explained was where Will was, or rather, where he wasn’t, which was with her.

Elizabeth had always loved Will, she considered him to be one of the finest men in her life; he was charming, brave, handsome, and sweet. The only problem was that Elizabeth thought of him more as a brother. She’d tried though, really she had. She figured if she couldn’t be happy with Will she’d probably never be happy with any man. And she hadn’t been happy with Will, which left very few options.

When her cousin had descended upon her, it’d been the perfect opportunity. Little Lord Quatre, and his willful ways. Though really, he wasn’t at all willful. What Quatre was, was queer as a purple paddock, and prettier than the most famous of working ladies. With his feathery golden hair and wide, innocent aqua eyes, Quatre was the very picture of an angel. This had utterly fooled his family for most of his life.

When they’d tried to marry him off to a simpering girl with an overbite and bad skin, he’d literally run for the sea- where he very quickly hired a ship, and made his way to his cousin Elizabeth’s estate in the Caribbean to beg her to hide him.

Elizabeth had understood exactly how Quatre felt, feeling much the same way herself. And without delay, the two had proceeded to take Quatre’s hired ship to Tortuga, where even now it was tied to the docks near The Black Pearl.

“But, where’s Will?” Jack asked, when finally Elizabeth paused for breath. Jack had a one-track mind.

“Oh, um, well, he was in the smithy last I saw him.” Elizabeth glanced about the cabin guiltily, being careful not to meet Jack’s eyes.

“Miss Swann, I know you better than that, as I know Will Turner better than that. He is not the kind of boy who would sit idly by while his one true love runs away.”

Elizabeth began to hum a little song while keeping a careful eye on her toes, perhaps in case they grew longer.

“As a matter of fact,” Jack continued, “if *I* know my, our - Will, he should be fairly close at this very moment. Why, I might even wager that he’s close enough to” – Jack suddenly reached out through the open porthole and pulled a rather stunned Will’s head through it - “listen in,” Jack concluded happily, and nearly kissed the still bewildered Will. “Will! How *good* to see you again.”

Will waved a small hello, feeling dizzy as his head suddenly dipped down towards the floor and his feet slipped from their narrow perch outside of the porthole. Then, someone grabbed his ankles and held him steady. Will giggled in horror as his boot was removed and fingers began tickling the bottom of his foot.

“Duo!” Jack yelled, and the tickling of Will’s foot abruptly stopped as Duo let go of his ankles, sending him the rest of the way through the porthole to land at Jack’s feet.

Jack was suddenly feeling vaguely besieged, as were Elizabeth, Quatre, and Will. The only person who didn’t feel overwhelmed or even slightly disturbed, was Duo. Who entered the room at that point and did his best to behave as a proper cabin boy might. “Can I bring anyone a drink?” he asked solicitously, and grinned when a chorus of ‘yes’ answered him.

***

It had been difficult to figure out the sleeping arrangements for the evening. Well, at least for Jack. He’d wanted to sleep with everyone. The problem was that no one was actually willing. Well, Duo was, but Duo was nearly always willing, it was one of his most charming traits.

However, Elizabeth had a perfectly good ship to sleep on, along with her cousin.

Will had opted for the deck of Elizabeth’s ship, as it was a beautiful night out – and he was half afraid she might sail away again.

And Duo, though he tried to seduce his Captain, wound up instead listening to Jack’s drunken rambling about the wonder of Will, and didn’t he look so much like his father had, and how could any man resist those flashing eyes…

“You never told me you were in love with him, Jack.” Duo’s tone was reproachful, the dawn was nearly arriving, and he hadn’t been able to wrestle a drink from the rum bottle in a while. He’d lost his delicious buzz and Jack had droned on about Will Turner for exactly four hours.

“Din ‘tink I had to,” Jack mumbled, and slumped onto his side over the edge of the couch to roll the latest empty rum bottle across the floor. “S’bad, eh?”

“I’d say so,” Duo agreed, finally realizing why the captain had refused his advances for so long. Love could be tricky like that. And unfair. “So, why not tell him?”

“And wreck the s‘spense?” Jack garbled, rolling his head to the side so that one eye could stare incredulously at his cabin boy.

“Suspense? What suspense, Jack? Obviously, he loves that girl, Elizabeth. He’s chased her all the way to Tortuga.”

“Loves ‘er, sure, but only b’cause he has to.”

“That makes no sense.”

“S’like this,” Jack sat up, wobbled a bit and slumped so that his head could lie nearer Duo’s shoulder. “‘Lizbeth is bea’tful, yeah?”

“Yes, I’d say so. And I don’t even like woman.”

“S’right, she’s nice. N’ got spirit too, lots of it. Fies’she.”

“What?” Duo grimaced at the slur and leaned closer.

“Fie’stchee.”

“Ah, feisty. Is she? Well I suppose she would be, running away like that.”

“S’right” Jack nodded and ignored it when his head landed in Duo’s lap. It was a nice lap anyway, and Duo petted him consolingly. “Will, ne’vr knew woman like ‘er, loves ‘er cause there’s no other like ‘er. She-ese an ori-oridge’nal.”

“Hm, so, he loves her because she’s the only one like her?”

“‘Es!” Jack managed, and began lightly snoring.

“Jack,” Duo jiggled his leg a bit to wake up the older man. “Come on, there’s got to be more.”

“Hmph ‘es.”

“Will loves her because?” Duo nudged Jack.

“M’cause he ‘tinks he has to,” Jack growled.

“Oh?”

“’E wans’ t’be a good boy.”

“Huh?” Duo wiggled his leg again and caught Jack’s head as it began to slide off. “Jack?”

“He doesn’ wan’ be his father.” Jack managed, before starting to snore once more.

Duo gave up, and pondered not wanting to be your parents.

He could understand not wanting to be like your father, or your mother. He was rather proud of the fact that he wasn’t like either of his own. However, having never known his parents, it was just a guess.

From what Duo understood, Will had had a pirate for a father and a whore for a mother. Personally, Duo thought whores weren’t that bad a thing to be, and pirates were fantastic. So really, he couldn’t see a problem with being either, or even possibly both.

“I guess I’ll never understand,” Duo told the gently snoring Jack.

“Mm,” said Jack, drooling a bit and fluffing Duo’s thigh.

*******


The morning came much as mornings do, willfully and with abandon. Mornings are rude like that.

It barged into the cabin of Captain Jack. Then, just to show that it could do whatever it wanted, it shone directly down onto Jack’s face, taking care to glitter right over his shuttered lashes.

Duo, the world’s most perfect cabin boy, slid his palm across Jack’s eyes, and then sighed. It was another beautiful and sunny morning in the Caribbean. All of them usually started out that way. The Caribbean was known for it. Well, that, and the pirates.

It was one of Duo’s jobs to make sure that the captain made it to bed every night, and it was a pain in the ass. Because most of the time, he didn’t, and it was left to his petite cabin boy to somehow wrestle him onto, and then into bed.

Most nights, the captain could retain a bit of consciousness and Duo would slip an arm beneath his and stagger-walk him to the bed. Last night had been no different then the norm, except that Jack had been more drunk than usual, and had passed out halfway there. Eventually, Duo had made it to the bed, and had managed to flop down onto it with the captain lying heavily upon him. At that point, Duo had mentally patted himself on the shoulder for a job well done, and had fallen asleep.

Now, with the morning light doing its best to hustle its way into the room, Duo regretted having not at least taken the time to roll the captain to one side before falling asleep - because now, due to the weight on his arm and most of his body - an exceptional number of limbs had gone numb. Up to and including his legs, four ribs, one shoulder, and strangely, the side of his neck. Where, if he concentrated, it felt a little damp. Damn Jack and his drooling.

“Jack,” he wiggled beneath the dead weight, “Jack!”

“Mm” and then, a snore followed.

“Oh god, Jack. Come on!”

“Sn’?”

“Wake the bloody hell up before I piss on you!”

Jack leaned up onto an elbow as if he’d been merely waiting for the right set of words and grimaced. “Really?”

“Yes! And all over the bed too. Now let me up.” Duo glowered, and then made a more urgent sort of face. “Hurry!”

With a groan, Jack rolled and collapsed on a new part of the bed. “Why don’t you stop me when I reach for that fourth bottle, boy?”

“Because, you always wrestle it back when I try to take it away.” There was a sigh of relief and a wet tinkling sound as the bucket near the porthole was used for its true purpose.

No one ever asks how the bucket feels about this job. They really don’t want to know. Crappy, might be an answer. It might also be pissed. Possibly, it’s just pissed in, instead of pissed off. Either way, it wasn’t talking and no one wanted to ask.

“You should try harder next time,” Jack admonished. “Clear out, I need to use that as well.”

Duo glanced over his shoulder, stuck out his tongue, gave a little shake, and moved out of the way. “What’s the plan for the day?”

“What makes you think there’s a plan?”

“Let’s see.” Duo stared at the cabin ceiling, squinted at the too bright sunlight, and then went and closed the porthole shutter with a loud bang. He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “You want Will, Will wants Elizabeth, Elizabeth wants freedom, and freedom is hard to get. Quatre doesn’t want to marry a girl, I never want to marry at all, and the crew would like to go on a holiday.”

“What? They just had one!” Jack finished having his way with the unfortunate bucket. Smiling, he opened the porthole shutter and tried to rival the sun’s beam for a moment, and then, carefully, he lifted the bucket and threw its contents out the window at the overly bright day. “Ha.”

“So? There’s no rule that says a pirate has to work all the time. Actually, I don’t think there’s a rule that says pirates have to do much of anything.”

“Well, they have to parlay.”

“Par-don?”

“My boy, you should always know how to parlay. Never know when it might come in handy.”

“Well, it sounds like fun.”

“And it is.” Jack grinned fondly in remembrance of past parlays. “Right, first part of the plan is to go visiting our neighbours.”

“Want me to scout? Or will this be a dual effort?”

“Scout, then come and tell me three things. Has Will figured out yet Miss Swann won’t have him? What are Miss Swann’s plans? And what, if anything, does her dear cousin Quatre have to do with it all?”

“Right. One thing more.”

“What?” Jack was attempting to avoid a persistent beam of sunlight which was illuminating the clouds of dust around him.

“When was the last time you had a proper bath?”