Quite on the Set

Soda:I was drunk when I wrote this the first time and now I'm sober...
Erik: -coughsay- BULLSHIT!
Soda:-glare- Half lit, and now I'm rewriting them so they will be better with more detail and shit.Thanks to Hollila for the inspiration and your support.^.^ You my homegirl!
Erik: Your too Gods damned white to say 'homegirl'!
Soda: Quite you. -.-
BTW! I don't Own Phantom of the Opera it belong to...damn who does it belong to? I guess it belong to Andrew Llyod Webber or someone like that but in any case I DO NOT OWN PHANTOM OF THE OPERA! However I do own Soda and all OOC chars such as the crazed fangirl. This applies to all chapters. I am not profiting from this story in any way.
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Opening Shot; Old Raoul is being wheeled up the ramp by the Winged Nurse;

The wheelchair ramp that covers the main steps that lead up into the Opera House starts to shake violently as the winged nurse and Raoul get half way up it. "Oh...shit." is all Raoul can say before the ramp cracks in half and he falls to the ground, his wheel chair landing on him. The flying nurse flaps her hat wings and flutters over him shaking her head and going "Tsk-tsk-tsk."

Raoul lays on the ground gasping and grabbing at his chest. "Ai! I got a pain in my chest....and I can't breathe!" His head falls against the ground with a thunk and his eyes roll back up into his head. The On-Set Doctor goes over and kneels next to him, checking for a pulse. "He's dead." The Doc says sadly. Young Raoul looks on in stunned shock from the sidelines. "Wow....this is so trippy....What does this mean?"

"It means you have no future cause after the movies done I'm letting Erik hang you." Soda says off handedly to Raoul as she gets up out of her Director Chair of Joy, beer can in hand. She's dressed in 'Goth' pants, black boots and a black shirt that has Gir from Invader Zim on the front with the caption 'I LOVE Candy!' "Speaking of our prankster Phantom, where is he?"

Erik tried to sneak behind her unnoticed but she turns around just as his back is turned to her. "ERIK!" He stops and turns around slowly, grinning nervously. "Yes Soda, my favorite director?" She glares at him. "Flattery will get you....everywhere but enough of that." She points behind her at the broken ramp, the hovering nurse, and the dead old Raoul who rat's are starting to chew on. "Did you have anything to do with-" "No!" Erik cries out before Soda is finished talking. "You said that a bit fast...is you sure you didn't have anything to do with it?" "Yes!" Soda nods and waves her hand in a dismissive way. "Then your free too go."

As Erik turns to go a saw falls out from under his cape. He looks down at it then back up at the cast and crew who are looking at him stunned. Soda looks from the saw up at Erik, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot on the ground. "Erik?' Erik looks at her sheepishly. "Yeah?" "What's that?" Erik tries to look innocent as the cast and crew advance on him menacingly. "I didn't do it! Honest! I was framed!"

As the cast and crew tie Erik up to drag him off for punishment Old Raoul gets up and hobbles off cackling madly with the flying nurse in tow. "Steal my woman will you?! Aherherher!"
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The Overture Scene With the Chandelier; Auction

The chandelier is unveiled and the bombast organ music begins to blare as the Opera House is magically taken back in time. Suddenly the chandelier begins to shake and rock to and fro. "Everyone run! It's going to fall!" The fat auctioneer screams, his jowls shaking as he dives for cover. In everyone's hurry to get away from the falling chandelier Old Raoul's wheelchair gets pushed towards the space where the chandelier is sure to fall.

"Help! No brakes! Someone save my saggy old ass!" Raoul screams as he rolls forward. Suddenly the chandelier crashes down crushing the old man and his wheelchair. Blood and gore spray every where, coating the cast and crew.

"SWEET!" Soda cries as she's blasted with Raoul bits. “And that's a take!" The cast and crew run off screeching in horror and puking all over each other. Soda looks up to see Erik hanging from a cable near the ceiling, holding a pair of wire cutters in one hand, and shaking his fist at the grease spot that was Raoul. "Frame the Phantom will you!"
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Carlotta is on Stage Singing; Dress Rehearsal of Hannibal;

Carlotta is belting out 'Think of Me' at the top of her lungs, causing much inner ear damage for the people within ten miles of her. Carlotta gets to the lyric that is Erik's cue to drop the scenery on her. She sings the line again...and again...and again.

"Cue backdrop!” Soda screams into her big director megaphone. There is no answer from the rigging. "CUE BACKDROP!!!!" The drunken director howls and again nothing but a few deafened ballet rats falling off stage. "ERIK!" Soda shrieks, turning the volume all the way up, the loudness shaking dust from the rafters.

Suddenly Erik falls out of the rigging and lands on Carlotta. The two end up in a heap on the floor with Erik stuffed half way up the Diva's skirt. Carlotta jumps to her feet with a shriek of outrage. " I have neva been so insultad in my life! I leaf and my doggah leaf too!" She stomps off the stage amid cheering and applause from both cast and crew.

Soda glares at Erik with venom in her eyes. "What. The. FUCK. Happened?" Erik blushes brightly and stands, brushing himself off. "I tripped on my cape."
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During Il Muto; When Carlotta is sing the first time;
"Poor fool he makes me laugh! Hahahaha!" Carlotta yowls much to the cast and crews displeasure. Above every ones head Erik comes out of the secret door and is sneaking along the catwalk near the chandelier. He roars his line in fury, giving a wild gesture with both arms. “Did I not instruct that box five was to be kept empty? WHOOPS!" The gesture is a bit too wild and Erik gets up falling off the catwalk and dangling by his pants from the chandelier.

Both the cast and crew burst into howls of laughter as Erik struggles to free himself from the offending light. “Can I get a little help here if it's not too much BLOODY TROUBLE!" He shrieks at the cast and crew, causing them to laugh harder.

"Ok everyone, good job today. Go get some sleep and we'll start again tomorrow." Soda says offhandly as she gathers up her comic books and six pack of beer. "What about Erik?!" Christine shouts waving wildly at the swinging Phantom. Soda looks up at him and shrugs. "Let him hang for a bit. Hey! You girls wanna go to a Strip Club? I'll pay the way!" All the females from the cast and crew, including the Ballet Rats cheer and follow Soda out to her truck.

Everyone else goes their own separate ways leaving Erik dangling from the chandelier. "HELP! Somebody! Anybody! Help the Phantom! I command you! I am Zim! Obey me!" Erik continues to scream to the empty room and then the lights shut off for the night. "Well, shit."
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~Raoul's Trailer~
Erik enters the trailer that both he and Raoul have to share due to the low budget. He sits down at the small table that is across from the entrance, next to the mini-kitchen, down the hall from the bathroom and has it's back to the sleeping/dressing rooms. He can hear Raoul singing loudly and very off key in the bathroom, the sounds of the shower can barely be heard because of his caterwauling.

Raoul continues to howl at the top of his lungs getting a growl of pain from the Angel of Music. "I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and GAY!" Raoul shrieks on causing Erik to shake his head cursing softly. "Yeah, very gay." He mutters softly.

Raoul gets out of the shower and comes into the main room wearing only his hot pink bathroom that has 'I love Erik' in purple on the back and right breast. Erik stares at him in stunned shock, his mouth hanging open, and he drops the book he had been reading into his lap. Raoul dances around the room doing all his best moves, including 'Dropping down and getting his eagle on' before striking a sexy pose for Erik.

The Phantom stares at him, his mouth moving but no sound coming out. Finally he manages to splutter out. "WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL?!" Raoul waggles his eyebrows at Erik and drops his robe to the floor, standing in all his nude glory before the Phantom. "Daddy like?" He asks seductively winking at the masked man.

Erik stands and picks up a top hat that sits on the table, He hold up the hat and looks at Raoul. "This yours?" Raoul nods and giggles, taking a step toward Erik. He kneels on a chair, his back towards Erik but he looks over his shoulder at him as he smacks his own ass and says. "Why? Do you want me to wear it for you, you dirty boy?"

Erik gags and promptly throws up into Raoul's top hat, when he's done barfing he looks up at Raoul who grins at him. "So, shall we shag now or shag later?" The fop asks causing Erik to begin throwing up anew. Raoul looks puzzled for a moment before asking "So...that's later then?"
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~Break Room~
Christine, Meg, and Joseph Buqeut sit in the break room. Meg and Christine sit on the couch hugged up with each other while Joe sits on the floor. "Ok Joe!" Christine chirps cheerfully as Megs hand goes down her top. "Truth or dare?" Both girls giggle happily as the scruffy man answers with bravado. "Dare!" before taking a swig from a green glass bottle.

The two females whisper back and forth for a moment before bursting into laughter and saying at the same time. "We dare you to....Hump Erik's leg!" Joseph grins as the girls dissolve into peals of laughter and he starts to say something just as the door swings open and Erik, with only a towel around his waists enters the room, dripping wet and holding an empty bottle of shampoo.

"Hey do any of you have...any…uh…shampoo I could...ok, what are you guys staring at?" He asks uncomfortably as he notices the predatory looks on the trios’ faces. "GET HIM!" The girls shriek as Erik turns to run but Joe is faster. He tackles Erik to the floor and begins to hump the Phantoms leg, getting cries of outrage from the music man. “GET OFF YOU FREAK!"

Soda walks into the room in a pair of black pants and a white wife beater; a cam guy can be seen dragging himself down the hall nude and covered in a mix of whipped cream and booze. She holds a beer in hand, a black baseball cap is backwards atop her head. "Hey guys, wazup?! You'll never guess...what…I just...did with the...someone wanna tell me what's going on here?" She trails off as she spots Erik being humped on the floor. Joe grins wickedly up at her. "Can't you tell? I'm humping Erik!" "Oh...thanks for clearing that up." Soda rolls her eyes before going over to the couch and sits down, pulling Meg onto her lap, Christine curling up against her with a giggle. "So Erik, does Raoul know about this?"

"He does now!" Raoul pops up from behind the sofa causing Meg and Christine to scream and Soda to swear as she spills some of her beer onto the floor. "Raoul! What the hell were you doing back there?" Soda cries, morning the loss of beer. "I was just painting my toenails when this two timer came in and started this! IN FRONT OF ME!" Raoul grabs his make-up case and runs crying from the room. "I leaf and my makeup leaf too!"

Soda, Meg, Christine, and Joe howl with laughter as Erik lies on the floor looking stunned. "I just wanted some shampoo." He whimpers softly as he crawls from the room, his dignity trailing behind.
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~Mask Ball Party Thing; Erik's BIG Entrance~
Erik glides down the stairs, making all the girls wet and he is just about to say his first line when a tall, skinny girl with more zits that a catholic has kids and a shirt the says 'The Phantoms Whore' flies down from out of no where, landing on the stunned man's chest, knocking him back onto the steps. She begins to rip off his clothes while planting big sloppy kisses all over him. "Like OH MY GOD! It's really you! I'm like so your biggest fan! I love you like so much! Will you like totally marry me and like fuck me ‘cause I like wanna bear your young!" She shrieks as Erik tries to get away. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OOOOOOOOOOFF!" He cries in horror at the nasty of it all.

Suddenly a loud gun report fills the room as the fan girls head is blow completely off. Everyone looks up to see Soda standing at the top of the stairs dressed in ripped black jeans and a black tee that says 'Death to Fan girls' her usual black baseball cap backwards on her head. She holds a Twelve Gauge Double Barrel Shotgun in her hands and as everyone watches she opens the breech and ejects the empty shells, replacing them with two new ones. She cocks the gun and fires both barrels into the headless girls’ chest at point-blank range, blowing her backwards.

Soda blows smoke from the guns barrels before tucking it under her arm and tying Erik up in his own cape. "No one touches my Phantom! No one!" She snarls as she drags him off, hog tied with his own cape. "If any one needs me I'll be in my trailer of and if you need me," She pauses and pulls a .45 out the back of her pants. "You had better wait till I come out tomorrow." She stalks off, shooting Raoul in the foot as she passes with Erik in tow. "Help me.' He pleads as he's pulled into Soda's trailer. As soon as the door shuts the trailer starts to rock.
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The next morning shortly after 9AM Erik staggers out of Soda's trailer, his clothes hanging off him in tatters. The whole cast and crews are sitting in lawn chairs waiting to see if he comes out alive. At the sight of him they begin to cheer. Erik raises his fist into the air and promptly passes out from over exertion.
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