As the Force Turns

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. Only George Lucas does. Oh well, it’s not our fault that we want to have a little fun with them. Ok, it is. Well, the plot is mine. Yeah, that’s it.

This story takes place in Character Afterlife, where characters go to chill when they die. Because they like an excuse to hang out, our Star Wars friends get together every Monday evening in the Jedi Council Chamber to watch their favorite soap opera, "As the Force Turns". Those who watch it are Obi-wan, Yoda, Mace Windu, Anakin, Padmé and Qui-gon. They all look like they do in Episode III, except Qui-gon, who died before then. He looks like he did in Episode I. Chancellor/Emperor Palpatine used to join them as well, but he tried to jump Padmé after one of the episodes. Anakin proceeded to tell the Chancellor that if her ever came near Padmé again, then he (Anakin) would personally castrate him (the Chancellor) with his (Anakin's) lightsaber. The chancellor never showed up again. Also, all of the guys are secure enough in their masculinity to sit next to each other, without a homo-seat in between. Either that or they think there is plenty of space between each seat already to act as a homo-seat. We now find our heroes one Monday evening.


Obi-wan and Qui-gon were the first people there, as usual. Anakin then entered the council chamber and took the open seat next to Obi-wan. Both Qui-gon and Obi-wan turned to look at the young Jedi.
"You're here ten minutes early. You even beat Master Yoda," said Qui-gon in surprise.
"I know, but I missed last week's episode and I was wondering what happened."
"Well," started Obi-wan,"You were kidnapped by the evil Countess Dooku, who was so upset that you killed her husband that she decided that the best punishment was to have lots and lots of sex with you. I was back on Courescant where Padmé was trying to fend off sexual advances from Senator Organa. I apparently decided that that particular plot line was too boring for me, so I went to rescue you. The only way the countess would release you was if I willingly had sex with her. I agreed and I went to her room that evening, where I stabbed her with my lightsaber."
"And?" asked Anakin anxiously.
"And…what?" replied Obi-wan in confusion.
"Did she release me?"
"Anakin, she was…I didn't mean that metaphorically!"
Qui-gon started snickering but was silenced by a dirty look from Obi-wan.
"Oh, you actually killed her?"
"Of course I did! You and your dirty mind."
"I'm sorry, Master. I simply thought that you were being euphemistic."
"Well I wasn't! And you don't have to call me 'master' any more."
"You may call me…'Obi wan'," said a deep voice from the doorway.
"That isn't funny, Padmé," said Obi-wan, despite the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Padmé smiled as she entered the room. She took the seat next to Anakin, where they pretended that they weren't looking at each other.
"Oh, why don't you just sit on him? It will make your lives easier. Honestly, one would think that you two don't live together."
"Oh, come on Obi-wan," said Anakin around Padmé's hair, for she had indeed settled on his lap. "It's not as if we spend all our time having sex."
"You might as well. It's the afterlife, it's not as if there's anything else to do."
"Plenty of time for meditation, there is," said Yoda as he entered the chamber with Mace Windu.
"It's not like he could get any anyway," Obi-wan whispered to Anakin and Padmé, who both snickered.
"Heard that, I did. Do not forget, Obi-wan, that the Force is my ally, in the bedroom as well as outside it."
"White wall, white wall," Anakin muttered to himself. He then proceeded to start making out with Padmé.
"My storyline, I do hope they bring back," said Yoda.
"Yes. If I recall correctly, last we saw you, your and Master Windu had eloped together," said Obi-wan.
"Right, you are. And just in time, the senator is," said Yoda as the senator sat down next to Qui-gon.
"Sorry, I was caught in traffic," said Senator Organa, as Yoda turned on the hollo-TV.