The Darkness of Desire

Darkness of Desire

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit story, and I own none of the characters.
Author – Courtier
Rating – PG at first, N-17 in later chapters
Summary – A coming of age story chronicling the relationship between Anakin Skywalker and his master, Obi-wan Kenobi; a story of passion, empathy, and confliction.

It begins with Anakin as a young boy, having just left Tatooine. . .

Chapter I – Cold Loneliness

It was very cold. The thought ran through Anakin’s mind as he lay in the sleeping quarters of the starship. The air was stale and lifeless and. . . .very cold. His lower lip shaking from the icy air, he pulled the blanket Padmé had given him up around his shoulders. Its velvety warmth did little to soothe his nerves however. The quiet, even sounds of those sleeping around him only frustrated him. Why couldn’t he sleep? He shifted his position to stare at the ceiling. It was nothing but grey and smooth. Had he been in his own bed, he would see a sanded down surface that he had carved his name in so many times. The air wouldn’t be so cold either. It would be warm and breezy. Not like here; so far from home and . . . .his mother.

Anakin tugged a corner of his blanket and twisted it in his hand. Was she alright? Did she miss him as much as he missed her? Was she thinking of him right now? He felt unwanted tears welling up in his eyes. I can’t be a baby. Jedi don’t cry for their mothers. The sudden thought abated his fears for a moment. He was to be a Jedi. Qui-gon had said so. Ever since he had learned of the Jedi when he was a small boy, he’d been haunted by their nobility. The defenders of peace and justice. Sworn to protect the weak. For so long he’d yearned to even capture a glimpse of a Jedi, and now he would become one. A grand opportunity this was.

Though it came with a bitter price. While he was whisked away to far-off worlds, his mother was to remain on Tatooine; still a slave to her master’s whim. Gathering the blanket closer once more, Anakin turned his face into the pillow. No. No, no no. I will return to free her! He whispered the phrase repeatedly against the soft pillow cushion. Sadness caused his heart to thump against his chest. He lay still for a while longer, pleading for sleep to claim him, though it did not. Listening to the low hum of the Nubian’s hyperdrive, he decided against trying to sleep.

He sat up on the cot, placing the blanket about his shoulders like a cloak. The dark, sleeping forms of the Queen’s retinue slept on silently, unaware of the boy’s restlessness. His eyes sifted through them, searching for Qui-gon and the other Jedi. What was his name? However, they were not to be seen. Silently, so as not to disturb the others, he stood upon the cold ground and exited the sleeping quarters.

The lounge of the ship was not welcoming either. A meager seating area with hard booths was all that the room possessed. The dull, fluorescent lighting flickered and brightened as he entered the room. Three large windows overlooking space occupied the opposite wall. Blanket trailing behind him, Anakin walked to the windows, his eyes searching for any traces of his home planet. Unfortunately, Tatooine could no longer be seen. Only eternal blackness with thousands of starry pinpoints. It was strange, at home from his front stoop, the starry sky seemed filled with wonder and possibilities. From the cold lounge of a starship, space seemed merely cold and empty.

He reached up to place one of his hands against the windows. A slight fog clouded the glass where his hand touched; his body heat contrasting against the bitingly cold window. Anakin continued to gaze morosely out to space. He’d never felt so small and insignificant as he did now. A single, warm tear rolled down his cheek, followed by another.

He jumped as he heard footsteps approaching from the cockpit. Removing his hand from the window, he hurriedly wiped away his tears with his sleeve. The door hissed open to his right. Anakin turned to see Qui-gon’s Jedi comrade enter the lounge. The young Jedi paused when he noticed Anakin at the window. His eyes furrowed as he spoke,

“Are you alright?”

This was the second time in only a few hours that someone had asked him that question. Anakin nodded quickly, looking away; realizing that it was most likely apparent that he had been crying. Still, the Jedi ventured closer cautiously and kneeled at his shoulder,

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” Anakin muttered meekly. He didn’t want the knight to see him cry. If he did, he would probably tell Qui-gon and then Qui-gon wouldn’t think he was strong enough to be a Jedi. Anakin continued to gaze forward, all too aware of the knight’s stare. Why can’t he just leave me alone?

“Where’s Master Qui-gon?” Anakin asked finally in a small voice.

“In the navigation room with the pilot,” the young Jedi replied. “Do you wish to speak with him?”

Anakin shook his head. “No, I was just wondering.”

More silence followed. Anakin wondered if he should go back to bed or stay where he was at the window. He heard the knight blow out a tired breath behind him.

“How come you’re not sleeping?” Anakin asked, turning around. The Jedi looked out the window for awhile before he answered. His eyes were a light blue speckled with green. Anakin noted that the knight was very young, though acted as if he were of an age with Qui-gon.

“My master and I were conversing of our plans upon arrival to Coruscant,” he finally spoke. “I only just excused myself now to find sleep.”

Anakin nodded. “I can’t sleep. It’s too cold.”

The knight laughed quietly. It seemed strange to seem him laugh, or even smile. “I feel quite same way, Anakin. It certainly feels different than your Tatooine.”

Anakin’s eyes lowered at that statement; the pang of homesickness returning. He suddenly felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw the young knight gazing at him sadly.

“I’m sorry to have upset you,” the Jedi uttered quietly. The two were quiet for a spell; the boy distressed, the knight sympathetically resting his hand on his shoulder. Anakin looked up once again with more tears in his eyes. He could not hold them back. Looking troubled for Anakin, the Jedi shrugged off his long brown cloak and draped it around the boy’s shoulders along with the blanket.

“Thank you,” Anakin whispered quietly, a feeling of warmth finally reaching him as he clutched the cloak’s edges to his collar.

“You’re welcome, Anakin.” The knight smiled.

Of a sudden, Anakin suddenly felt his jaw tugging in a yawn and he strove to stifle it. This only made him look rather comedic however, seeing as how the Jedi seemed to suppress a laugh.

“I think you should return to bed.” The knight stood once more and placed a hand on Anakin’s shoulder, leading him back towards the sleeping quarters. The boy answered with a yawn.

Anakin crawled back into his cot, the Jedi’s cloak still draped around him. The sleepy haze he was in made him feel comfortable and warm. He was nearly asleep as his head cushioned atop the pillow.

“Good night, Anakin.” He heard the Jedi Knight speak quietly.

“Good night. . . .Obi-wan,” Anakin whispered as he suddenly remembered the young Jedi’s name.


To Be Continued . . . . .

If you’d like to, please review. Thank you for taking the time to read this first installment. Much more coming soon :)