A Day's Worth of Deals

A Day's Worth of Deals

Summary: If you thought Dante's days worth of customers was bad, try Jay and Silent Bob's customers for a whole day. First Part is taken from the movie 'Clerks', hopefully, all the dialogue is accurate, although I did use the original script, so there might be a few things different.

"We need some tits and ass, yeah!" Jay yelled out across the street as he tossed his coat to Silent Bob and stepped back, hands balled into fists at his sides. "I feel good today, Silent Bob. We're gonna make some money, and then you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go to that party and get some pussy!" He waved his hands in spaces in front of him, Silent Bob was, as always, silent. He lit a smoke and leaned against the RST video store, taking a drag. "And I'm gonna fuck this bitch.. that bitch.." Jay continued, then raised his hands and yelled. "I"LL FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES!" In true Blue Velvet Hopper style.

Silent Bob lowered his cigarette and pointed to a guy walking on the adjacent block. Some blond-headed punk rock type with a wool cap. "What you lookin' at?" Jay yelled. "I'll kick your fuckin' ass!" He watched as the guy went into QuickStop and looked over at Bob. "Doesn't that motherfucker still owe me ten bucks?"

Silent Bob nodded, stamping out his cigarette and put a hand in the pocket of his furry coat. "Tonight, you and me are going rip off that fucker's head, and take out his fucking soul! Remind me if he tries to buy something from us, to cut it with leafs and twigs...or fucking shit in the motherfucker's bag!" He laughed to himself a bit before he calmed down. He looked down the street again. A few girls were walking past. A bit younger than them by the looks of it. Maybe a few local seniors. "Was'up, Sluts?" Jay sneered out. They looked at each other and kept walking, one flipped him the bird, making him step back in mock offension. He looked over at Silent Bob again, who as usual was smoking and just looking over at the department stores. "Damn, Sielnt Bob! You're one rude motherfucker, you know that?" Jay's face changed. "But you're cute as hell."

Bob lowered his cigarette and looked over a bit with a fake 'whatever' glance and a shrug of his smoke hand. "Mean it, pal. No lie, you're the coolest fucker I've ever known."

As if he knew many others. Silent Bob thought to himself. He and Jay had known each other since freshman year. The kids had always ignored Bob. Not because they hated or were scared by him, he was just, like his nickname, a man of few words and everyone knew it. But he'd seen a lot hanging out with Jay, and then came Amy...

"You'd be a lot cooler if you talked when you weren't being a smart-ass." Jay said in a loud, obnoxious tone, reaching over and snatching his jacket from the ground where Bob had put it and grabbed for his pack of smokes. He leaned over, letting Silent Bob raise his cheap Bic and light it and took a drag of the material, feeling his head clear.

Smart ass? You call giving people advice being a smart ass? I don't get you sometimes, Jay, man.

Jay had the weirdest habit. he'd take one or two puffs before stamping the cigarette out. He usually went through at least 3 packs a day, but probably never smoked more than 5 cigarettes in total with one or two puffs each. And just like he always did, he took another puff and stamped it out, inhaling the smoke and hacked a bit. "Damn, what dumb motherfucker called those filtered?"

Bob looked over a bit at this and raised his hand, clapping Jay on the back as he coughed, he hacked one, spat on the cement near the crack, and straightened up. "Thanks." He said.

Silent Bob nodded. "Don't mention it." He said, making Jay's eyes widen, like they did every time when the rare occasion came that he would talk.

"You should do that more often.." Jay said as another one of his regulars came up. "You got anything?"

Jay adopted his usual business tone, but kept his laid-back attitude. "I got hits, hash, weed, later on.. I'll have shrooms. We take cash, or stolen mastercard and Visa."

"Uh, no thanks.. looking for some china." The druggie said, looking at Silent Bob. "You got any?" Bob shook his head.

"Man, since when are you into that shit? Every week you come down here and buy half an ounce, maybe a little fuckin' hash once in a while, what's with this new shit?"

"No reason, just a little present for my girl."

"Yeah, well, you got it in your pants, you stupid fuck. You give her that shit, she'll be dry as a damn martini when you try and tap her."

"Hey, I don't tell you how to deal, so don't tell me how to fuck my girl." The druggie said, stepping back. Jay stepped forward, fisting his hands again.

"Oh, yeah, motherfucker? You try and deal around here, see how easy it is. Get out of here before I decide to crack your fuckin' neck. You're lucky you caught me in a good mood, you cocksmoker!" He yelled after him as he walked off. "I know how we'll get that motherfucker, Silent Bob.' He said, already thinking of a plan. "Later on, we'll go get a bag of sugar, mix it with some flour and sell a balloon of it to that cocksmoker! See how he likes a toot full of that."

Silent Bob nodded. It sounded like a good idea.