Southern Fried Sith

TITLE: Southern Fried Sith
AUTHOR: Schmootika
SUMMARY: The southern girls continue to reek havoc in the GFFA.
RATING: R and at times NC-17
DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything in the Star Wars universe, nor do I make any money from this or any of my stories. If I did own it, I would have a naked Sith Lord in my bed and would not be writing this story.


Chapter I


Martha sat back on the couch, glass of cognac in her hand, resting after a particularly long day. As she flipped through the channels, she heard the familiar refrain of the “Star Wars” theme and paused. A smile crept onto her face and she held up her glass. “Here’s to ya Renee.”

She guzzled down half of the glass and sat it down on the coffee table. Memories of her trip to that elusive galaxy far, far away were still etched in her mind. The smells of the bustling city, the immense castle that Vader lived in, and the sight of her friend waving to her as she boarded the shuttle to bring her home.

She was the only one out of their group of five that came back and although they were never very far from her thoughts Martha still had a hard time picturing some of them in that place. Renee seemed to settle into a very comfortable spot but she could not wrap her mind around Bonnie, the consummate redneck, in a space setting. A sudden mental image of Bonnie all dressed in camo with a blaster in her hand made her snicker.

A loud chirping interrupted her musings and Martha looked around, fishing her cell phone out of her purse. But that was not what was making the noise. The realization dawned on her and she went to her bedroom. The little silver device Renee gave her before she left for home was the culprit. She pressed the button on the side and saw her friend appear in a shimmering blue projection.

“Hiya wench. How’s things back home?”

Martha’s face lit up. “It’s about fuckin’ time you hollered at me. Home is fine, work’s a bitch but that’s nuttin’ new.”

“I miss you babe. I am gonna send a small shuttle back home to pick up a few things, can you help the Lieutenant?”

Martha snorted. “What’s he look like and what’s he gonna do fer me?”

Renee laughed. “I hand picked this one just fer ya. I told him to do anything you say.”

Raising her eyebrows, she looked over her glasses at Renee. “Anything eh? That sounds like a whole barrel full of fun. Does he got a list of shit you want?”

“Yeah. The main thing is whiskey. Fer some reason they just don’t make it here like they do in Tennessee. I am sending a money card with him. Vader says it will work on Earth. Let me know if it doesn’t.”

“No problem. So, how’s my Sith anyway? Has he been good to ya? I would hate to have to pack my shit up and come up there to whoop his ass.”

Renee eyes seemed to twinkle. “Oh hell yeah, he’s been real good to me. Although he’s gone on a mission right now and, damnit, I’m kinda lonely. Wanna come up fer the weekend?”

Martha tilted her head and lit a smoke. “I do need to get away. Have you seen Mace? I still owe that bastard a kick in the ass.”

“Naw. I don’t mess around with the Jedi and for the most part they don’t fuck with us. Well, they try to get to Vader but he put the smack down on the temple not too long ago and I don’t think there’s many of them left to fuck with him.”

“No shit? Well, I’ll be damned. Have you heard from Cindy?”

Renee looked down and shuffled her feet. “Naw. I think we’ve got a line on her but the bounty hunter ain’t come up with anything concrete yet. Look, I just sent the shuttle. It should be there in a few hours. If ya want, pack yer shit and come on back with it. I will make sure you get back home in time to go to work Monday.”

Martha snuffed out her smoke and thought about it for all of two seconds. “What the fuck. Sure. I’ll keep an eye out fer him.”

“Thanks babe. I’ll be waiting on ya.” Renee waved and her figure phased away.

Martha mumbled to herself as she pulled a bag from under the bed. “I hope it ain’t so damned fucked up there this time.”

Renee sat down on her bed and Nikolas came scampering over. As he curled into her lap, purring loudly, she stroked his soft fur and a smile crept onto her face. She was glad that Vader brought her stuff back here because the longer she stayed the more the realized that she never really wanted to leave. Take it, it was hard to be apart from him for such long periods of time. She never did seek out anyone else’s company, so the small comforts of home she surrounded herself with made things at least bearable.

Several times, she thought of Bonnie, but usually that just served to work up her anger. As an outlet for that anger, Vader tried to instruct her on some lightsaber techniques and she was picking up on them fairly fast. Renee smiled when she thought of him, dressed only in his thin black pants, covered in a slick sheen of sweat as he worked out with her. Reaching up, she ran her fingers over a small scar on her shoulder. He gave that to her when she turned too fast and he countered before he even thought about it. Vader was upset but Renee wore the scar like a mark of honor. It was almost as if he had marked her as his own. That thought made her smile widely.

She was a far cry from the squealing little fan girl she had once been. In fact, she felt like she hardly knew that little southern girl anymore. The only times when she was reminded of the fact she was indeed that girl was when she opened her mouth and that drawl came washing over her tongue.

Picking up Nikolas, she hugged him tightly, smiling when he oomphed, and then placed his furry body back on the bed. “I need to go work some of this out, Nikki boy. I’ll be back later.”

Nikolas cooed and pulled his long body into a tight ball. Renee walked over to the closet, threw her robe off and grabbed a pair of Vader’s back pants. She pulled them on and grabbed a t-shirt from her drawer. Oddly enough, her hands fell on a “Star Wars” logoed shirt. She chuckled as she tugged it over her head.

Petting Nikolas as she passed by, Renee grabbed a large rattan stick that lay beside the door. Blowing a kiss at the now sleeping cat, she strolled out the door and downstairs. Making her way down the corridor, one of the staff passed her and said, “Good morning, my lady.”

Nodding her head, Renee replied, “Mornin’ sweetie.”

Twirling the stick like a baton, she walked into the training room and took a deep breath as she looked around. Her eyes fell upon a punching bag that she made Vader get for her. Dropping the stick, she stomped over to it and punched it soundly, making the chains holding it to the ceiling rattle loudly. Her eyes glowed amber and her jaw clenched as she pictured the face of her friend turned enemy on the bag. “Fuckin’ bitch!” she screamed as she crouched down and pummeled it with short jabs.

Bonnie kicked back, propped her feet up and placed her hands behind her head as a big grin curled her lips. She had just beaten the blue-eyed hell out of a young rebel and she sat back as his friend helped him back to his feet. “Next time, you gonna show me some respect, you little bastard.”

Wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth, he looked at her with rage and respect in his eyes. He replied though clenched teeth. “Yes ma’am.”

Chuckling, Bonnie nodded at him. “That’s better. Now go fetch me a drink.” She waved her hand and he snorted as he left the room.

Obi-Wan watched the whole spectacle and once they were alone, sat down next to her. “You are going to have to be a little nicer to them or we won’t have anyone left to fight the empire.”

Throwing her head back to toss her hair over her shoulder, she smirked at him. “Well baby, these boys need to learn how to treat a woman, damnit. I ain’t gonna put up with no shit from a snotty nosed punk.”

Cocking one eyebrow up, trying not to laugh at her, he replied. “I see that. I guess I should be thankful that I am not a punk.”

Stretching her arm back, she placed her hand behind his head and drew him in close to her. “Naw baby. You ain’t got nuttin’ to worry about. Well except for my other appetites.”

Bonnie kissed him soundly as a small cough came from the door. The young rebel was back with a cold drink. “Sorry for the disrespect ma’am.”

Grabbing the drink, Bonnie sat up and looked deep into the boy’s eyes. “Not a problem. Just don’t let that shit happen again.”

As the young boy left, Obi-wan could not help but chuckle at Bonnie’s attitude. “It seems that you have carved out a place for yourself in the rebellion. ‘Head Bitch’ I think is the title that fits you best.”

Bonnie laughed loudly. “Hell yeah! That fits me just fine.”


Renee fell back onto the floor, panting heavily as she finally fell back to some resemblance of normal. It stuck her as funny that she still carried so much rage inside her but she just chalked it up to her being alone and letting her thoughts wander too much. “There are some things that you just shouldn’t dwell on.”

Getting up from the mat, she went though the castle humming a tune as she went back to her room. Just as she turned down the hallway, a voice from below called to her. “Miss Renee. We just received a message; the transport is due back shortly.”

“Wonderful, call me when they arrive.” She hurried into her room and stripped her clothes off as she walked to the fresher.


The ship landed safely and Renee waited anxiously for the door to open. She smiled and squealed when she saw Martha emerge from the ship. They ran to each other and hugged tightly. “I’m so glad you could come,” Renee said gleefully.

“Hell babe, I needed an escape and you needed some company. Plus, I wanna get into some of this whiskey I brought with me.” Martha waved her hand toward the ship and Renee gasped as she saw four cases of Gentleman Jack being unloaded.

“Oh shit. We’re gonna have to break into those! Come on; let’s get you settled while they bring the goodies into the castle.” Renee walked and giggled with her friend all the way into the main hallway.

Martha paused as she looked around. “You’ve done something different, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

Renee snickered, “Yeah. I spruced up the old place a bit. Want your old room?” She asked as they walked upstairs.

“Naw, but I’ll take this one.” Martha opened the door to the room adjacent to Renee’s.

“No problem. Let’s say we meet in the dining room in a few.”

“Sounds good. I need a moments to get my shit together anyway.” Martha replied as she stepped back to allow the trooper to bring in her bags.


Renee had already instructed the staff to prepare a special dinner and now sat down at the large table waiting for her friend to join her. It had been a long time since she had guests and the thought of catching up over a bottle of good whiskey made her smile. Loneliness was not something that she relished. Sure, it was good ever now and then, but this was going to get to her quickly. Vader had been called out on several missions in the months since she moved here and it drove her nuts that she was left here alone. She had to find a new hobby - but that was not foremost in her mind right now.

Martha walked into the dining room and grinned as she sat down next to her friend. “Is all this fer me?” she asked as she waved her hand over the table.

“Well, I know how you like to eat.” Renee giggled as she pulled her over for a hug.

They grazed and munched from the table as they swapped stories from home and from Coruscant. The conversation soon took a turn; maybe it was the whiskey, which was half-gone, or maybe it was just curiosity. Martha snorted as she fiddled with her cigarette case. “So, what is the deal with Cindy?”

Renee grabbed a smoke and lit up, drawing in deeply before she replied. “I have not heard a damned thang. Vader said the bounty hunter he hired was the best, but I’m beginning to wonder. I just hope she’s alright. No one has seen or heard of her.”

“Damn girl. That kinda sucks. You’d think Vader could pull some strings or at least flex some muscle and find anything he wants.” Martha snickered as she realized she just set Renee up.

“Fuck yeah. Flexin’ muscles is what he does best baby. But I don’t think the troopers would be as impressed by that as I am.” Renee could not stifle the huge smile on her face as she thought about her Sith Lord and those wonderful muscles. Damnit she missed him. Sighing heavily, she changed the topic. “So, you wanna see if we can run into Mace? I know how much you’d LUV to see him.” Renee cackled.

“Oh fuck you! That ain’t right. And if I do run into the mutherfucker, I’ve got a few things to tell his ass.” Martha looked over her glasses at Renee and flashed a big toothy grin. Even in her drunken stupor, she resisted the urge to ask about Bonnie. She knew that was still a sore subject but she wanted to know about her as well. Maybe she would corner one of the staff and ask.

Renee stood up, her legs slightly wobbly but she regained her composure quickly as she sat down on the table next to Martha. “Oh! I wanna show you what he got fer me. Hold on, I’ll be right back.” Running up to her room and back, as she entered the dining room, she turned on her lightsaber and smiled.

“That’s fuckin’ cool! Did he make it fer ya?” Martha asked her eyes wide as she watched the glowing crimson blade.

“Yeah. He figured I needed something to work out with,” she paused and chuckled, “well, besides him that is. He’s been teachin’ me. Watch this shit.” She twirled the saber around and delighted in Martha’s gasps.

Getting up and walking over to Renee, Martha asked, “Can I hold it?”

“Sure. Just be careful. I don’t wanna have to call over a medical droid.” Renee smirked.

“Damn. This thing’s heavy. Nifty! I want one.” Martha giggled as she handed it back to Renee.

“Well, we will see,” she replied as she shut off the saber and sat back down. Grabbing the bottle of whiskey and taking a long, deep gulp, she gritted her teeth as she sat it back down. “Damnit! That shit’s sweeter than honey.”

Martha grinned and stretched her arms out, yawning as she did so. “Ok Chickie. I need to get my ass to bed. That trip killed me this time.”

Renee hugged her and smiled sweetly. “Alrighty babe. See ya in the morning?”

Martha walked away and paused at the doorway. “Yeah. See ya.”

Sitting back down on the edge of the table, Renee smiled. It was good to have someone to talk to again but her mind started to go down a dark path and her brow furrowed as she thought of Bonnie. Shaking her head, she tried to wipe the thoughts from her head. She was determined not to let her anger get the best of her this weekend.