ELFGIFT - the story of an elf and his gift
folder
M through R › Matrix, The (All)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,547
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
M through R › Matrix, The (All)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,547
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the movie that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
ELFGIFT - the story of an elf and his gift
~ELFGIFT~
-the story of an Elf and his 'gift'
lotr and the matrix characters and a bastardisation of the book Elfgift, doesn’t matter if you haven’t read it, you’re lucky, believe me.
nb: Is Smith/Smith counted as incest, masturbation, or something else?
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Lord of the rings, or the Matrix, those people have names that I can’t spell. I mean no offence to the characters and such. I also didn’t write ‘Elfgift’, that was someone called Susan Price, and I mean no offence in using ---- actually screw it I really hate that book and think it had it coming. Sorry anyway.
============================================================
It was Elfgift’s birthday and he was prancing through the Land of the Blessed. He didn’t tell anyone it was his birthday because he was so busy battling the royals in Brierley, so he was surprised when some other elves jumped out and yelled ‘SURPRISE!’ They gave him their presents, except for Elrond, the King of Rivendell, who said that when it came to him, Elfgift could have anything. So Elfgift and Elrond went behind a tree and Elfgift got a blowjob.
When they went back to the party all the elves had broken into the bubbly and were beginning to get sloshed. They played some games like pin-the-tail-on-the-Dwarf. Erestor, another elf at the party who was blindfolded, won that game and then Elrond gave him a blowjob which was very nice because he couldn’t see what was going on. weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Then they played pass-the-parcel which Elfgift won. He was so happy when he found out the centre prize was a sexy new sword – he thanked everyone. “That’s okay Elfgift! You are a truly great fighter! Remember that time you beat up that old lady? That was fucking awesome!”
About an hour later, after playing many other fun games, the elves were all drunk as rats and dancing around in, to tell the truth, a pretty poofy way. Many were in there underpants because they had been playing strip-jack poker before the game got a bit out of hand (what with the drunken rowdiness).
Elfgift was chilling with his peeps and he saw a damn sexy elf walk past and go and get some cake. “Who’s that?” he asked one of his friends. “That’s Legolas, son of Thranduil, a mighty warrior and the finest piece of ass in the land.” Elfgift was now fully perving on Legolas when all of a sudden he stood up and declared “I HAVE A BONER!” All of the people partying stopped and looked at him.
“I’ll help you Elfgift!”
“No! Me!”
“I’ll do it; it is your birthday after all.”
Elfgift was overwhelmed by the amount of people willing to have it off with him. ‘Let’s have an orgy!’ he suggested. There were a few who walked off but the majority of the elves cheered and began removing what clothing they had left on.
Aragorn, who was partying with the elves, turned to Legolas: “I’m in.” Me too.” So they went over to the pile of elves that were naked and rubbing up against each other. “Elf-orgy!” someone cried. All they elves were either fucking someone up the arse or going down on someone, or both, and they were all giving as much as they got.
Elfgift was moaning loudly, sandwiched between some random elf and Legolas’ ass. Legolas was also getting a blowjob from Elrond at the same time. Legolas said “it is truly an honour to have the king of Rivendell kneel before me…oh baby oh oh oh yes! etc etc.” Elrond hadn’t thought of it that way before, but decided that it didn’t matter. “You can do me next then” he said around Legolas’ cock. Didn’t every political leader or King suck people off? Elrond thought.
So basically all the elves were having a bloody good time screwing each other senseless. After Elfgift came for the second time, he saw his good friend Jarnseaxa walking past the party. “Hey Jarny, come join in the orgy! This is freakin’ great!” Jarnseaxa looked at the mass of humping elves and grimaced. “I choose the slain” she declared and stalked off to fulfil her necrophilic fantasies in the graveyard. “Your loss” Elfgift yelled to her as she disappeared and Aragorn wrestled him to the ground.
~~~~~
Meanwhile, in the Matrix land, Agent Smith was going off to fight Neo. All the Smith clones were trying to beat him up, but he was just too strong and sexy. The original Smith was actually standing back watching the fight; watching Neo jumping around getting sweaty and making ‘Ugh!’ noises. Agent Smith secretly though he looked great in leather and imagined whet he might look like with even less leather, maybe even chained up and blindfolded.
“Crud” muttered Smith as he saw the bulge in his pants. He really should learn to control this unhealthy Neo obsession – how long had he thought Neo was hot? He tried to will away his erection, keeping a straight face, but it was too late. All the other Agent Smiths got horny and, instead of punching Neo, found that they were grabbing him and licking and kissing him all over. They were also trying to rip his clothes off. “Eeew!” said Neo as all of the Agent Smiths jumped on him, one of them putting their tongue in his ear. He threw the pile of them off him in one of those cool Special FX thingys.
He tried to run but he was cornered. “Why am I here?” he asked. The Smiths cracked their necks, licked their lips and said in unison: “Take of your clothes, Mister Anderson.” Neo shuddered at the thought. “HELL NO. I can’t, won’t!” and with that he flew up into the air and away.
The Smith clones, disappointed slightly but unable to show actual emotions, decided that they didn’t really need Mister Anderson in the end and started making out with each other.
Anyway, the real Agent Smith was sitting amongst the Smith clones, a bit sad but also incredibly aroused. One of his clones tapped him on the shoulder. “Pretend I am Mister Anderson” he drawled. Agent Smith considered this for a moment and then crashed his lips against ones identical to his own. He walked forward until he was kissing his clone up against a wall. He freed his throbbing erection and rubbed it up against his clones’ eliciting a moan. Agent Smith flipped Smith #2 around and drove into him, closing his eyes and imagining it was Neo who was wriggling under his touch. The best part about shagging his clone seemed to be that they both new exactly how they liked it and so it wasn’t long before they were both crying out in pleasure.
Just as the Smiths were catching their breath, they spied Neo’s head watching them from behind a wall in a nearby alleyway. All the Smiths yelled “Let’s get Mister Anderson” and chased him through the lane. The thought that Neo had seen the whole ordeal was enough to give Agent Smith (and consequently every other Smith) a hard-on again. Neo, who was flushed and pretty horny himself, ran through a door ahead of him, the Agent Smiths hot on his tail (so to speak).
The door turned out to lead to another dimension (don’t all doors?) and it just so happened that this door came out in the middle of the palace gardens in the Land of the Blessed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the Agent Smiths realised they were somewhere completely different to where they were a second ago, they took a moment to look around and saw what appeared to be a huge pile of naked people indulging in carnal acts in the middle of a garden. The Smiths marched a bit closer and saw that the people were actually ELVES! Agent Smith gasped! Rabid elf-orgies were his second favourite fantasy (his first being that one with Neo chained up). Agent Smith was a man of many strange perversions and he simply couldn’t say no to this. He and his clones ran over to the orgy and grabbed as many arses as they could. Soon there were pretty elves and sexy guys in sunglasses everywhere.
Neo had hidden someplace nearby. “Holy shit, that’s gross!” he said, “What has happened to this great world!?!” Elrond noticed him and went over and started chatting. He asked if he wanted to join the orgy but Neo said no. Elrond saw Neo had a stiffy and wasn’t convinced. He offered him a blowjob and Neo thought that was a very good idea indeed. He was a little worried though since Elrond looked a lot like Agent Smith. Hmm….wonder why?…
After Neo’s ‘tune-up’ he looked over and saw someone having a beer. They had medium length brown hair. Trinity! Neo thought, but when they turned around it was a ruggedly handsome man with stubble. Neo thought the guy was extremely good-looking and quite shag-able. “Come back and finish me off, Aragorn!” came a cry from somewhere in the orgy. Neo looked longingly at Aragorn’s manly dimples (not the ones on his face). “If he’s in, I’m in” decided Neo and he ran after Aragorn, throwing his sunnies to the ground in a sexy way.
OH YEAH!
===============================================
And so that’s how it was one fine day in winter: elves with elves, smiths with smiths, elves with smiths, Neo with Aragorn, Elrond’s mouth and EVERYBODY. And everyone had lots of good sex until they got tired and passed out on the grass, only to wake up with no recollection of what really went down that day. Then the janitor came down to tell them about insurance liability and told them to go booze someplace else. So they all went home with inexplicable grins on their faces (except for the Agent Smiths who can’t pull off any expression except ‘evil stare’, ‘evil snarl’ and ‘take off glasses and frown’).
Elfgift thought it was the best birthday he’d ever had and couldn’t wait to see what happens next year! Orgy-rific!
THE.END
…or is it? (Cue spooky music).
Ok, I feel better now I’ve gotten that off my chest. Please r&r.
-the story of an Elf and his 'gift'
lotr and the matrix characters and a bastardisation of the book Elfgift, doesn’t matter if you haven’t read it, you’re lucky, believe me.
nb: Is Smith/Smith counted as incest, masturbation, or something else?
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Lord of the rings, or the Matrix, those people have names that I can’t spell. I mean no offence to the characters and such. I also didn’t write ‘Elfgift’, that was someone called Susan Price, and I mean no offence in using ---- actually screw it I really hate that book and think it had it coming. Sorry anyway.
============================================================
It was Elfgift’s birthday and he was prancing through the Land of the Blessed. He didn’t tell anyone it was his birthday because he was so busy battling the royals in Brierley, so he was surprised when some other elves jumped out and yelled ‘SURPRISE!’ They gave him their presents, except for Elrond, the King of Rivendell, who said that when it came to him, Elfgift could have anything. So Elfgift and Elrond went behind a tree and Elfgift got a blowjob.
When they went back to the party all the elves had broken into the bubbly and were beginning to get sloshed. They played some games like pin-the-tail-on-the-Dwarf. Erestor, another elf at the party who was blindfolded, won that game and then Elrond gave him a blowjob which was very nice because he couldn’t see what was going on. weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Then they played pass-the-parcel which Elfgift won. He was so happy when he found out the centre prize was a sexy new sword – he thanked everyone. “That’s okay Elfgift! You are a truly great fighter! Remember that time you beat up that old lady? That was fucking awesome!”
About an hour later, after playing many other fun games, the elves were all drunk as rats and dancing around in, to tell the truth, a pretty poofy way. Many were in there underpants because they had been playing strip-jack poker before the game got a bit out of hand (what with the drunken rowdiness).
Elfgift was chilling with his peeps and he saw a damn sexy elf walk past and go and get some cake. “Who’s that?” he asked one of his friends. “That’s Legolas, son of Thranduil, a mighty warrior and the finest piece of ass in the land.” Elfgift was now fully perving on Legolas when all of a sudden he stood up and declared “I HAVE A BONER!” All of the people partying stopped and looked at him.
“I’ll help you Elfgift!”
“No! Me!”
“I’ll do it; it is your birthday after all.”
Elfgift was overwhelmed by the amount of people willing to have it off with him. ‘Let’s have an orgy!’ he suggested. There were a few who walked off but the majority of the elves cheered and began removing what clothing they had left on.
Aragorn, who was partying with the elves, turned to Legolas: “I’m in.” Me too.” So they went over to the pile of elves that were naked and rubbing up against each other. “Elf-orgy!” someone cried. All they elves were either fucking someone up the arse or going down on someone, or both, and they were all giving as much as they got.
Elfgift was moaning loudly, sandwiched between some random elf and Legolas’ ass. Legolas was also getting a blowjob from Elrond at the same time. Legolas said “it is truly an honour to have the king of Rivendell kneel before me…oh baby oh oh oh yes! etc etc.” Elrond hadn’t thought of it that way before, but decided that it didn’t matter. “You can do me next then” he said around Legolas’ cock. Didn’t every political leader or King suck people off? Elrond thought.
So basically all the elves were having a bloody good time screwing each other senseless. After Elfgift came for the second time, he saw his good friend Jarnseaxa walking past the party. “Hey Jarny, come join in the orgy! This is freakin’ great!” Jarnseaxa looked at the mass of humping elves and grimaced. “I choose the slain” she declared and stalked off to fulfil her necrophilic fantasies in the graveyard. “Your loss” Elfgift yelled to her as she disappeared and Aragorn wrestled him to the ground.
~~~~~
Meanwhile, in the Matrix land, Agent Smith was going off to fight Neo. All the Smith clones were trying to beat him up, but he was just too strong and sexy. The original Smith was actually standing back watching the fight; watching Neo jumping around getting sweaty and making ‘Ugh!’ noises. Agent Smith secretly though he looked great in leather and imagined whet he might look like with even less leather, maybe even chained up and blindfolded.
“Crud” muttered Smith as he saw the bulge in his pants. He really should learn to control this unhealthy Neo obsession – how long had he thought Neo was hot? He tried to will away his erection, keeping a straight face, but it was too late. All the other Agent Smiths got horny and, instead of punching Neo, found that they were grabbing him and licking and kissing him all over. They were also trying to rip his clothes off. “Eeew!” said Neo as all of the Agent Smiths jumped on him, one of them putting their tongue in his ear. He threw the pile of them off him in one of those cool Special FX thingys.
He tried to run but he was cornered. “Why am I here?” he asked. The Smiths cracked their necks, licked their lips and said in unison: “Take of your clothes, Mister Anderson.” Neo shuddered at the thought. “HELL NO. I can’t, won’t!” and with that he flew up into the air and away.
The Smith clones, disappointed slightly but unable to show actual emotions, decided that they didn’t really need Mister Anderson in the end and started making out with each other.
Anyway, the real Agent Smith was sitting amongst the Smith clones, a bit sad but also incredibly aroused. One of his clones tapped him on the shoulder. “Pretend I am Mister Anderson” he drawled. Agent Smith considered this for a moment and then crashed his lips against ones identical to his own. He walked forward until he was kissing his clone up against a wall. He freed his throbbing erection and rubbed it up against his clones’ eliciting a moan. Agent Smith flipped Smith #2 around and drove into him, closing his eyes and imagining it was Neo who was wriggling under his touch. The best part about shagging his clone seemed to be that they both new exactly how they liked it and so it wasn’t long before they were both crying out in pleasure.
Just as the Smiths were catching their breath, they spied Neo’s head watching them from behind a wall in a nearby alleyway. All the Smiths yelled “Let’s get Mister Anderson” and chased him through the lane. The thought that Neo had seen the whole ordeal was enough to give Agent Smith (and consequently every other Smith) a hard-on again. Neo, who was flushed and pretty horny himself, ran through a door ahead of him, the Agent Smiths hot on his tail (so to speak).
The door turned out to lead to another dimension (don’t all doors?) and it just so happened that this door came out in the middle of the palace gardens in the Land of the Blessed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the Agent Smiths realised they were somewhere completely different to where they were a second ago, they took a moment to look around and saw what appeared to be a huge pile of naked people indulging in carnal acts in the middle of a garden. The Smiths marched a bit closer and saw that the people were actually ELVES! Agent Smith gasped! Rabid elf-orgies were his second favourite fantasy (his first being that one with Neo chained up). Agent Smith was a man of many strange perversions and he simply couldn’t say no to this. He and his clones ran over to the orgy and grabbed as many arses as they could. Soon there were pretty elves and sexy guys in sunglasses everywhere.
Neo had hidden someplace nearby. “Holy shit, that’s gross!” he said, “What has happened to this great world!?!” Elrond noticed him and went over and started chatting. He asked if he wanted to join the orgy but Neo said no. Elrond saw Neo had a stiffy and wasn’t convinced. He offered him a blowjob and Neo thought that was a very good idea indeed. He was a little worried though since Elrond looked a lot like Agent Smith. Hmm….wonder why?…
After Neo’s ‘tune-up’ he looked over and saw someone having a beer. They had medium length brown hair. Trinity! Neo thought, but when they turned around it was a ruggedly handsome man with stubble. Neo thought the guy was extremely good-looking and quite shag-able. “Come back and finish me off, Aragorn!” came a cry from somewhere in the orgy. Neo looked longingly at Aragorn’s manly dimples (not the ones on his face). “If he’s in, I’m in” decided Neo and he ran after Aragorn, throwing his sunnies to the ground in a sexy way.
OH YEAH!
===============================================
And so that’s how it was one fine day in winter: elves with elves, smiths with smiths, elves with smiths, Neo with Aragorn, Elrond’s mouth and EVERYBODY. And everyone had lots of good sex until they got tired and passed out on the grass, only to wake up with no recollection of what really went down that day. Then the janitor came down to tell them about insurance liability and told them to go booze someplace else. So they all went home with inexplicable grins on their faces (except for the Agent Smiths who can’t pull off any expression except ‘evil stare’, ‘evil snarl’ and ‘take off glasses and frown’).
Elfgift thought it was the best birthday he’d ever had and couldn’t wait to see what happens next year! Orgy-rific!
THE.END
…or is it? (Cue spooky music).
Ok, I feel better now I’ve gotten that off my chest. Please r&r.