Don't Watch Me Now
folder
1 through F › A Man Apart
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,000
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
1 through F › A Man Apart
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,000
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own A Man Apart, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Don't Watch Me Now
I made myself come here. I knew I needed to be near you. This is all I have left.
They took my badge away. Told me to grieve. What the fuck they think I'm doin? What do they think this is?
I keep getting the feeling that everyone believes I'm going to come knock on their door and you'll be standing beside me like you always were. Like they think I'm making a big deal outta nothin. Am I the only one that sees that you're not comin' back? I'm not going to roll over in bed to hold you, or watch you dancing with the stupid cat, or listen to your voice over the phone. Ever again. This is final. No do-over's. Don't they see that?
I wish they were right though. I dream of it. Of waking up to find that this was all some bullshit dream. But I can't let myself hope or even pray for that. It's not going to bring you back. It just makes it hurt more.
They told me doing this isn't going to change anything either. They're wrong. I only hope that this pain that's trying to rip me in half goes away when I avenge you. They took you from me. They took the only thing I ever fuckin' had worth havin'. I can't just let that go.
Your blood is still on the carpet, and on the blankets. It feels like your blood is still on my hands. I couldn't save you. I couldn't do enough. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna find the guy that ordered this. I can't rest until I do. Every time I close my eyes they're there, sneaking up on me, waiting to pull the trigger. I can't stop till they're gone.
I can't bring you back, baby, but I can stop this from happening to the next cop, or his wife, or their kids. And maybe the pain will stop. Maybe I'll be able to close my eyes and not relive that moment.
I tried to be good for you. I was cleaning the streets to give us a better world to live in, to raise our family in. I thought I was good. I was doing the right thing. I never pulled the trigger when I didn't have to. It was too hard to come home to you if I did. How was I supposed to touch you with hands that killed?
And you loved me. Best fuckin' thing I ever had.
Thank you.
But now things have changed. When I think of you my finger pulls the trigger instead of letting go. I want to stop every asshole from thinking he can do this. If he's dead he can't come after you, baby. I know you wouldn't agree. I know you never liked what I had to do.
If you're watching from up there, I'm sorry, baby. I don't know how else to be now.
Sean wiped the wetness from his blood-shot eyes. The curb was before him, insurmountable. His truck sat ten yards to his right, purring to itself, waiting.
"Don't watch me now."
He turned and walked away, determined to end this.
They took my badge away. Told me to grieve. What the fuck they think I'm doin? What do they think this is?
I keep getting the feeling that everyone believes I'm going to come knock on their door and you'll be standing beside me like you always were. Like they think I'm making a big deal outta nothin. Am I the only one that sees that you're not comin' back? I'm not going to roll over in bed to hold you, or watch you dancing with the stupid cat, or listen to your voice over the phone. Ever again. This is final. No do-over's. Don't they see that?
I wish they were right though. I dream of it. Of waking up to find that this was all some bullshit dream. But I can't let myself hope or even pray for that. It's not going to bring you back. It just makes it hurt more.
They told me doing this isn't going to change anything either. They're wrong. I only hope that this pain that's trying to rip me in half goes away when I avenge you. They took you from me. They took the only thing I ever fuckin' had worth havin'. I can't just let that go.
Your blood is still on the carpet, and on the blankets. It feels like your blood is still on my hands. I couldn't save you. I couldn't do enough. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna find the guy that ordered this. I can't rest until I do. Every time I close my eyes they're there, sneaking up on me, waiting to pull the trigger. I can't stop till they're gone.
I can't bring you back, baby, but I can stop this from happening to the next cop, or his wife, or their kids. And maybe the pain will stop. Maybe I'll be able to close my eyes and not relive that moment.
I tried to be good for you. I was cleaning the streets to give us a better world to live in, to raise our family in. I thought I was good. I was doing the right thing. I never pulled the trigger when I didn't have to. It was too hard to come home to you if I did. How was I supposed to touch you with hands that killed?
And you loved me. Best fuckin' thing I ever had.
Thank you.
But now things have changed. When I think of you my finger pulls the trigger instead of letting go. I want to stop every asshole from thinking he can do this. If he's dead he can't come after you, baby. I know you wouldn't agree. I know you never liked what I had to do.
If you're watching from up there, I'm sorry, baby. I don't know how else to be now.
Sean wiped the wetness from his blood-shot eyes. The curb was before him, insurmountable. His truck sat ten yards to his right, purring to itself, waiting.
"Don't watch me now."
He turned and walked away, determined to end this.