You Say To-may-to, I Say To-mah-to... Naked

"I'm alive!" Norrington patted his arms, chest, and head, just to make sure. "I'm alive! I'm—"

Then he noticed where he was.

"What's all this?" he asked, looking around. There were trees in every direction, he was standing in a circle of white pebbles, and, most curiously, Jack Sparrow was sitting inside the circle, legs cross and eyes closed. "Why are you naked?"

Jack cracked open one, eye, then the other. "Trick I learned from Tia Dalma — ah, Calypso, that is — 'fore she got the boot back to the heavens. A ritual. It's a bit harder to do when you're not a goddess, though."

Norrington raised his eyebrows. "And you needed to be naked for this?"

Jack stood up, brushing the dirt off of his ass and legs. "Not really, but it's far more comfortable. I've been sitting here for the better part of three days, mate. Ran out of rum hours ago. Well, minutes."

Norrington about-faced, not really prepared to see Jack Junior. "Well, if we're done then, I'm going to—"

"Don't!" Jack called before he could step out of the circle, freezing him on the spot. "It's not done yet!"

Norrington turned halfway back, keeping his eyes carefully off of Jack's assets. "Where's Elizabeth? She didn't want to help bring me back?"

Jack shrugged. "Still in the Caribbean."

"Where are we?"

"We are in a little place called Florida." Jack moved slightly to the side, getting right into Norrington's view. "And we really should finish this ritual soon."

"I would've figured you'd stick around Elizabeth. Or Will." Norrington had suspected the pirate would have jumped any pretty thing on two legs. Or one. Or none, if it came to that, so long as it had some orifice to stick things into. "Why Florida?"

"Fountain of Youth!" Jack cried, raising his arms and making certain things jump in his enthusiasm. "Found it a few years back, but then I lost it, so now I need to find it. Again."

"Of course."

"Back to the ritual," Jack said, stepping closer to him. Norrington barely forced himself not to step back in turn. "Most of it's done with, but now..."

"But now?" Norrington asked, afraid of what the answer might be.

"Exchange of bodily fluids," Jack said, sticking his right hand into Norrington's face. The ex-admiral cringed when he saw — and smelled — the semen covering it. "To bind you to this world."

"Couldn't it be blood?" Norrington whimpered. Asking to drink blood — that was something he'd never thought he'd do. It was right up there with aiding pirates and stealing still-beating hearts.

"'Fraid not, love."

Norrington shuddered at the pet name and then jumped as Jack grabbed his arm, pulling him closer and sticking a semen-covered finger into his mouth. He sputtered when the finger was gone, hating the bitter taste of it. "That's disgusting!"

Jack shrugged again. "We'll have to respectfully disagree on that," he said, then dropped to his knees, opened Norrington's trousers, and sucked his dick into his mouth.

Norrington grit his teeth, not sure whether he should fight the instinctive need to think unsexy thoughts. He was just preparing to give in — for his life, he reminded himself — when Jack pulled off him with a pop.

"Lose the wig," he demanded simply, then went back to his task.

Figuring it was the least he could do for someone who had brought him back from the dead, Norrington grasped his hat and wig and threw them off. As they sailed to the ground outside the circle, they burst into flames, sizzling up into nothing almost instantly.

Suddenly Jack seemed to have twice as much enthusiasm, grabbing Norrington's ass in both his hands and pulling him forward. His throat opened and as Norrington felt the head of his dick bump into the back of the pirate's throat, he shouted and came.

When Norrington opened his eyes again, he realized he was on the ground outside the circle and — thankfully — not bursting into flames. Jack stood over him — and he once again carefully ignored looking at those bits — and offered him a hand.

"Come on, then. We've got a fountain to find."

As Norrington took his hand, he shot the pirate a confused look.

"What? You didn't think I brought you back for your conversation, do you?" Jack scoffed.

Norrington frowned.

"The sex is just a bonus," Jack said, and walked off, buck naked, into the woods.