THE WORD IS LOVE

Title: THE WORD IS LOVE
Author: dmcintoshtx@yahoo.com
Fandom: Brokeback Mountain
Pairing: Jack and Ennis
Rating: R
Warning: None
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx
Summary: Junior finds Ennis’s last letter.

THE WORD IS LOVE

"Junior?" her mom called into the little trailer after her, wondering
what could be keeping her daughter.
"Momma, come on inside. It's cold out there and I'm not ready to
leave yet."

She was crying again, Alma could tell. How, on God's green earth,
she could have gotten so close to her dad was something she couldn't
understand. In the 12 years she had been married to him, he never
opened up to her about anything. Always kept himself so closed off
from everything and everyone. She used to think it was because he
had had such a sad and lonely childhood but even after he had a
family of his own, his demeanor never changed. Didn't want nothing
to do with friends or neighbors; and even with relatives sometimes he
was downright rude. She just couldn't understand him and her only
regret was wasting 12 years of her life trying to figure him out.
The only person he ever seemed like he even liked was that awful Jack
Twist. Jack Nasty Twist! The bile rose in her throat when she
thought of him.

"Honey, just leave it for now. We can get someone else to clean this
place up and get it sold." She took barely a step inside.
Junior was sitting on the corner of the bed weeping into a ragged
tissue.

"Momma, I found something. Something Daddy wrote. It's dated the
day before he passed." She blew her nose again. "I'm not sure if
you should read it or not. Might hurt your feelings."

"My goodness, girl! Any feelings I ever had for your Daddy were long
since gone. Only thing I felt for him in years was just pity for a
wasted life!"

"It's a letter; a letter to Jack Twist. You remember him? Daddy
used to go fishing with him?" She handed the letter to her mom.
Alma sat down on the chair opposite her daughter and read the letter.

"Jack,
My time is coming to an end here and if there is a loving God in
heaven, I'll be seein you soon. Doc says it won't be long now and
I'll be glad when it's over.
I used to think that time would ease the pain of losing you but it
didn't. It only gets worse. Day after day; night after night, I’m
Alone. Don't matter how many people are around, I'm still alone with
you gone. Still can't believe it sometimes. Sometimes I think I can
still hear your voice and the crackling of the campfire. Seems so
real. The smell of the burning wood; the snorting of the horses
tethered nearby. Guess I'm going a little crazy in my old age; but I
don't care. If it means I get to spend a little more time with you,
then bring it on.
I guess what I'm really tryin to do is apologize to you. You were
right, Jack. I wasted both our lives and now our chance is gone. I
pray God that he will bring us together again in our next life. I
promise you, I will not let you down next time.
I was just so scared. Scared for my family; scared for myself; but
most of all I was scared for you. You were so damned trusting and
outgoing I was just terrified they'd get you. Those bastards with
the tire irons. Still don't know if they did or not. I talked with
Lureen and she said it was an accident but I didn't really believe
her. Don't know why.
I swear to God, Jack, that I really did try and figure things out.
Get a handle on our situation. Just couldn't figure what was
happenin between us. Kept tryin to find some catagory that we fit in
but there wasn't none. Kept tryin to figure what it was that kept us
at it for 20 years. 20 years seems like a long time, but it wasn't;
cause I only count the times we were together and that was definitely
not enough. Not enough for a lifetime; two lifetimes.
You told me one time that I didn't know how bad it gets for you.
There's no way one person can know that for another; but I can tell
you how bad it got for me. I spent my days trying to force you out
of my mind so I could go on with my job; my life. And I spent the
nights reliving each and every moment we spent together; daydreaming
about how it might have been for us if I had just listened to you.
I drank too much; didn't eat right, if at all. Don't care about any
of those things anymore. Alls I can think 'bout is praying now that
I didn't live so bad a life that the good Lord will punish me by not
letting me be with you again. Don't think HE could be that cruel to
make us suffer through this in another lifetime.
My hand's hurtin somethin fierce so I'm gonna close this letter. I
just wanted to say I was sorry and let you know that I finally did
figure things out.
What was happenin between us all those years; the one word that
defines us; was love. That's was it was, Jack Twist. Something as
pure and beautiful and simple as that. The word is LOVE!"

There was no signature. None was needed. He didn't have any place
to mail the letter to and he figured no one would see it anyhow.

Alma folded the letter neatly and placed it back in the envelope. She
handed it back to Junior. "C'mon, honey. Let's go." She stood to
leave.
"Did you know about this? About Daddy and Jack Twist?" She walked to
the door with her Momma.

"I didn't at the time. I think over the years I began to suspect it
was why he never married again.' They walked out the and
straightened the "FOR SALE" sign on the door behind them.

"I don't understand, Momma. WHY? If they loved each other; why
couldn't they be together?"
"Times were different then Junior. Two men just didn't live
together. It wasn't done." she answered.

"It just breaks my heart to know that all those years he was hurtin
so!" Junior dabbed at her eyes, then added "Do you think we should
show this to Jenny?" She held the letter to her chest as if it were
the most precious thing.

"Honey. I don't know. You found it. I think you should make that
decision."

"I think I will. It might make things a little easier for her and
Barbara. Don't you think?"

THE END