I Need Help

Disclaimer: I do not own “High School Musical” and make no profit off of the writing of this story.

“Chad, I need help.”

Four little words. Chad . . . I . . . need . . . help. How was it that those four little words had thrown his world completely off of intended course? Because of those three little words Chad found himself sitting on the cool locker room floor leaning against the stone wall, tears running down his face as he whispered that he would do everything he could for the sobbing boy he currently held in his arms. He placed a kiss to the sweet-smelling hair, and then set his cheek against it, wrapping his arms around the boy more tightly, hoping somehow that by holding on tight he could keep them both sane. He hadn’t even seen it coming. That was what hurt the most. He had considered the boy in his arms one of his best friends and he had never even considered that he would do something like this. But, hadn’t there been signs everywhere? He kissed the golden hair again. There had been signs. They had all just ignored them, preferring to think that everything was fine with him because everything was fine with the rest of them. They should have noticed something. He should have noticed something. So many times he had wanted to say something . . . and hadn’t.


“Hey, Evans!” Chad happily threw his arm around Ryan’s shoulder when he saw that his newest friend had come out for the baseball team like he had been saying he might.

“Chad?” His voice was so low Chad wasn’t sure he heard it, but he just figured he had, and so responded.

“Yeah?”

“Can I just be Ryan for a while?” There was something in that quiet voice that made Chad pause and he looked down at the smaller boy he still had his arm around, resisting the urge to push the hat up so he could see what was going on behind those bright blue eyes.

“What?” He made sure that his voice was gentle.

“Not an Evans, not Sharpay’s twin, not the Drama King. Can I just be Ryan for a while?” There was an emotion behind the statement that Chad couldn’t place, but he chose to ignore it, like he always did when things started getting too serious.

“Yeah. Sure. Cool . . . Ryan.” And he punched the other boy in the arm playfully, smiling when Ryan smiled and looked up at him before they were called in so that the coach could speak to them before the try outs began.


He should have done something then! And every other time he ever got that feeling that there was a lot more behind those statements that Ryan made that had him feeling off in his chest, like his heart was hurting a little. There had been so many opportunities. Ryan made him feel like that, and a lot of other different ways, all the time. All it would have taken was just three words and this might have been avoided.

“Is everything okay?”

Maybe he wouldn’t have answered. Maybe he would have lied and said that everything was fine. But, maybe, just maybe, he would have said that no, everything was not okay and Chad could have asked the one question Ryan needed to hear more than anything.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He would have listened. Here in the locker room, at the park, in a car in the parking lot, anywhere . . . just so that the boy he cared about more than anything could get it all off of his chest and they could have done something about it, together. He knew that they said hindsight was 20/20, and that it was true. But still, it didn’t have to come to this! Now, their options were going to be so limited. Ryan might get taken away. Chad didn’t know what he’d do if they took him away. He tightened his hold once more. They would regret it if they tried to separate them. It wasn’t going to happen. He hadn’t been there before it had come to this without any of them noticing. There was no way in Hell he wasn’t going to be there now that it had.

“I’m sorry, Chad,” Ryan sobbed into Chad’s strong chest, his fingers alternately gripping and releasing the fabric of Chad’s dusty baseball jersey, “I’m so sorry!”

“I’m sorry, too, baby,” Chad was not ashamed of the fact that his voice broke as he cried and breathed in Ryan’s sweet scent, “I’m sorry for everything. I’m so damn sorry I never noticed. I could have lost you, Ryan!”


“Ryan! What’s taking you so long?” Chad called out as he stepped into the locker room.

The East High Wildcat Baseball team had just won their first victory of the season. It was all due to Ryan’s fabulous pitching, they knew, and they were grateful that Ryan had come out to join them even if most of them were surprised that the younger Evans twin, the Drama King of East High, was a better ball player than most of them. It had stung some pride at first, but as they’d gotten to know Ryan, and the fact that in private Chad threatened to tear them all apart if they didn’t treat Ryan like any other member of the team, they’d all come around. Now they were nothing but happy to have Ryan on the team. They had been waiting for nearly forty-five minutes to go eat, all of them deciding to forgo changing and showering in favor of food. Ryan had told them he would just be a minute, but hadn’t reemerged. Chad sent the others on ahead, saying he and Ryan would catch up, before going into the locker room for Ryan.

What he saw made his heart stop momentarily. Ryan was sitting on the locker room floor, an empty pill bottle next to him, staring straight forward. He was still in his baseball uniform and there was a note addressed to Chad sitting next to him. Chad didn’t know why, but his focus went to Ryan’s hands. They were folded demurely on his lap, his long, slim fingers, linked. His fingernails were perfectly manicured, but had a little dirt under them from the game they’d just played. And he noticed Ryan’s hats. His baseball cap and the newsboy cap they’d all assumed he’d come in the locker room to get were sitting side by side on the bench. Ryan was staring at them as if they contained the meaning of the universe in the fabric they were made of or the way they were shaped.

“Ryan!” Chad screamed. Ryan jumped and turned to look at him, shame and fear warring for dominance on his face, “What are you doing?”

“I’m happy right now, Chad,” Ryan’s voice was frighteningly quiet and calm, “For the first time in a very long time, I’m happy. I just want it to end it when I feel like this.”

“Oh, fuck!” Chad groaned. He ran to Ryan and picked up the pill bottle, noticing the prescription was for Ryan’s mother. Sleeping pills, “How many did you take, Ryan? How long ago?”

“Just a few minutes,” Ryan smiled at him, “I had to write you first, didn’t I?”

“How many did you take, Ryan?” He shook Ryan a little when he didn’t answer, “How many?”

“What was left,” Ryan answered, tears coming into his eyes, “Chad, please . . . just let me do this. I . . .”

He didn’t get to continue as Chad picked him up and carried him to the toilet stalls. He set Ryan in front of the toilet. Ryan just looked up at him, knowing what Chad wanted him to do and unable to think of a single reason to do it.

“Chad . . . no one wants me here. It hurts too much to be here. Just let me go. Walk away, Chad. I won’t blame you.”

“You’re such a fucker, Evans!” Chad screamed in his face, pushing Ryan’s head over the toilet bowl and sticking two of his own fingers down Ryan’s throat to activate his gag reflex, “I want you here!” He continued to scream as Ryan heaved in the toilet, everything in his stomach coming up, “You didn’t think about anyone else, did you? Didn’t think how Sharpay would feel. Didn’t think what this would do to your parents! Didn’t think what it would do to me! You selfish fuck!”

He took a moment to breathe as Ryan continued to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet and braced himself to look. He didn’t care about the tears that came to his eyes when he saw that there were numerous pills in the toilet bowl and they were all undigested. Ryan hadn’t been lying when he’d said that he’d only taken them minutes before. Not much could have gotten in his blood stream. Chad fell to his knees, they were too weak with relief to hold him any longer. Ryan was gripping the toilet bowl now, sobbing himself in between heaves. Chad put his arms around Ryan, rubbing his abdomen gently, and set his forehead to Ryan’s back.

“Get it all out,” he said quietly, all of the anger gone from his body and his heart, “Please, get it all out. Oh, God, Ryan . . . please . . . don’t leave me.”

Ryan turned his face to look at Chad for a moment as Chad continued to hold him. Chad did not try to hold back the sob when Ryan saw the truth in his eyes and stuck two fingers back down his throat, inducing the gag reflex again to make sure he’d gotten everything out. Chad just continued to hold him as they went through a second round, then a third when Ryan did it again, scared now that he would die when he no longer wanted to. When they were both fairly certain that everything was out of Ryan’s stomach, Ryan fell against Chad’s chest. Chad leaned against the stone wall and lifted Ryan’s face to look at him. Ryan began to sob, turned over, and threw his arms around Chad.

When the sobs had calmed a little, Chad heard the four little words that changed his whole world.

“Chad, I need help.”


“I’m scared, Chad. I’m so scared that I’ll try again. It hurts so much sometimes. I can’t see how it will ever get better!”

The statement scared Chad more than anything, but he just held on and rocked a little. “We’ll get help, Ryan. You and me together. We’ll get through it. I’m not going to lose you. I won’t leave you. You want to do something like this again, you just come to me. I’ll hold you. We’ll get through.”

Ryan wrapped his arms around Chad and began sobbing again. Chad just held him and rocked, crying into the golden hair.

“Chad? Ryan?” Coach Bolton’s voice broke through their haze of grief and fear. They weren’t sure how long it had been. It could have been minutes or hours that they were on the locker room floor before Coach had come in to shut everything down for the night. There was fear in his eyes and in his voice as he tried to put together what had happened just from the scene surrounding his son’s best friend and the young man he was just getting to know.

“What happened here?”

“Coach Bolton,” Chad looked up at him, not ashamed of his tears, “Ryan needs help. We . . . need help.”

Jack Bolton fell to his knees and wrapped both the boys in his arms, holding tight, relief and grief warring for dominance as they raced through his system, “Okay. Okay, boys. It’s all going to be okay.” He could help but wonder and pray that what he’d just told them was the truth.

Author’s Note: I’m not sure if I should continue this or leave it as a One-Shot. If you have an opinion, please leave a review and let me know. As always, if you feel the need to flame, please be civil! Thanks so much!