Hanging On

Author’s Note: Sequel to “Hang On To Me.” But, I’m not sure where to go from here. I’ve been rather discouraged lately. No one has reviewed three of my last four postings. I would REALLY appreciate a review if you have the time. Thanks, T.H.

“Chad, Ryan’s here!” Ayana Danforth called out to her youngest son as she smiled brightly at his boyfriend and tried to pretend that she didn’t hear the crash from Chad’s room that meant he’d tripped over something and the very creative shouted curse that followed.

“Ow, ow, ow!” She heard the door to her son’s room open quickly and Chad’s clear, disembodied voice floated down the stairs, “Tell him I’ll be down in a minute, Mama!”

The door slammed again and was promptly followed by another string of very creative words she was sure were supposed to be another curse. But, she couldn’t fault him. It was creative, not obscene. She shook her head. Chad was her baby, and she loved him, but sometimes she just had to shake her head over him. He was so much like his father, she mused. Jackson Danforth had always been a bit dramatic, a bit over the top. No one had ever doubted what Jackson Danforth was feeling. He carried his heart on his sleeve and his emotions right there on his face and he had passed that trait on to their youngest. Both of them could also be loud, she admitted silently, wishing it was a trait that Chad hadn’t picked up from Jackson. She winced when she heard him running, like a small elephant, into the bathroom, and then turned to smile at Ryan again. He was looking up at the ceiling Chad had just run across, just over his head, smiling that gentle smile that was only ever associated with his much loved boyfriend. He rolled his eyes good-naturedly and looked back at her. She laughed when he just shrugged and sighed. Yes, Ryan did know her baby and he loved him. She loved him all the more for it.

She took a moment to study him. Ryan seemed dressed to the nines this evening. Not that he didn’t always look good. Her boy’s sweet love had more fashion sense that she and her daughters combined. But, tonight seemed somehow different. She was sure she had seen him in that same outfit before. After all, it was just jeans and the dark blue with white stripes button down that made his eyes pop, as he said. He had his white newsboy cap tipped at a chic angle on his blonde hair, but he was almost always wearing a hat. The only time she had ever seen him without one was when he was in the hospital just a couple of months ago. She didn’t want to think of that, as it still made her heart a little heavy to think of Ryan as anything less than fully healthy, and continued her observation. Was his shirt ironed just a little crisper this evening? Was something new? She couldn’t find anything in his clothes.

She realized that it was in Ryan himself. In the way he was standing, the way he was holding himself. He had always seemed like a very happy person to her in general, content with everything in his life, ecstatic in his love for Chad, but there was such a peace and inner joy in him tonight and she wasn’t sure how to explain it. He was practically glowing. She smiled. Whatever it was he had to tell Chad this evening must be very good. He had been gone over the weekend and Chad had been driving her crazy with his pouting and moping that alternated with a high-strung nervousness that she couldn’t explain until she had demanded that Darrick, his older brother, take him off of her hands for a while. Darrick had taken Chad over to his own house to help with the building of a sun deck off of his master bedroom for his wife. Emily was a week and a half overdue, but still so sweet that when she had made the request for the deck Darrick had not been able to deny it. She reminded herself to tell Chad to make sure no matter where he went tonight his phone was on at all times just in case Emily went into labor.

“Did you have a good weekend, sweetheart?” She asked Ryan, hoping to get something more out of him than she had gotten out of Chad.

“The best,” He answered, “But, if you don’t mind, I want to tell Chad about it first?”
It had become a question, and she just smiled at him as Chad barreled down the stairs to let him know that she did not, indeed, mind at all. Chad, she was surprised, had put on a clean pair of jeans and a black button down shirt that he only ever wore on special occasions. He had bound his abundant hair back in a tail tied in a strip of leather that had come from his sister, Hazel, when his hair had begun to get long. She was so surprised to see him out of his worded tee-shirts and dirty jeans that she wasn’t able to speak for a moment.

Despite his exuberant entrance, Chad took Ryan’s face between his hands gently and kissed him softly in greeting. Ryan held onto Chad’s wrists and Ayana had a passing thought that she had never seen anything more beautiful in her life than this love that was so obvious between her youngest and this young man she had come to love so much as well. Then she thought of her other children, moments shared with her late husband, and her grandchildren and knew she was just being sentimental because soon enough Chad and Ryan would be off at school and she would have an empty nest. She wasn’t sure how she was going to deal with that, but quickly decided to worry about it when the time came. She still had a couple of weeks of school left and all of the summer. No need to borrow trouble.

“I won’t be too late, Ma,” Chad turned to her.

“I should think not,” she put her hands on her hips and looked at the boys in front of her with mock severity, “It’s a school night.” She smiled at them. “Have a good time, darlings.” She kissed them both and smiled as Chad held the door open for Ryan.

“Love you!” He called behind him.

“Love you! Keep your phone on!” She called back. She turned away as the door shut. Looked like she wasn’t going to be able to hold in her bittersweet melancholy after all. Chad had just looked so grown-up. Maybe she would go put on a sad movie so that she could have an excuse for a good, long cry.

“Well?” Chad asked as soon as they were in his truck and on the road.

“Well what?” Ryan hid a smile behind a look of innocence, “Are you going to tell me where we’re going? Why did you change after school?”

“Why did you?” Chad asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“You told me to look nice,” Ryan lifted an eyebrow right back at him.

“That I did, Mr. I Like To Change The Subject. Come on. Please. I’m dying here. You didn’t call me all weekend and you didn’t say a word in school. I didn’t mention it to anyone because you asked me not to, but, come on, Ryan! There’s only so much waiting and secrecy I can take! What happened?” His final question was punctuated by a quick stop when he looked away from Ryan and noticed that the light had turned red. They both jerked forward but were stopped by their seatbelts.

“Promise not to kill us if I tell you?” Ryan tried to control the high, tight pitch of his voice, but didn’t quite succeed.

Chad took a couple of breaths to steady his heart and looked over at Ryan quickly before looking back at the stop light, “Promise.”

“Okay…” Ryan breathed out, “Could you pull into a parking lot or something? I want to be able to look at you when I say this.”

“Sure.” They were silent as Chad began to drive again and kept a look out for a parking lot that he could pull into. He chanced a quick glance at Ryan, only to see him looking back with a soft, unreadable smile on his face, and reached over to take Ryan’s hand in his own. Ryan squeezed his fingers and held tight as Chad pulled the car into a gas station. No sooner had he turned the key then he turned in the seat to look at Ryan.

“Well?”

“Well,” Ryan’s smiled widened in pure joy, “I’m in.”

“You…You’re…You’re in!” Chad wrapped Ryan in his arms and crowed in triumph, “Congratulations! I knew you could do it! God, I’m so proud of you! So, what happened? Tell me everything.”

“I was so nervous,” Ryan admitted, turning to look out the window at the passing cars and smiling when Chad pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Ryan’s waist. Ryan took a moment to settle in against Chad’s chest and linked his fingers with one of the hands around his waist, “I know I’m not up to one hundred percent in my dance yet and I knew that they could see it. The combination was hard and tiring, but nothing I shouldn’t have been able to do. I was so sure they were going to say that I needed some more work before I auditioned for them again. After I changed out of my audition clothes I was so ready to go back to the hotel and cry and feel sorry for myself and wish that I could explain what had happened in the past couple of months. Then, a lady came up and asked me to come to her office.” He paused and Chad pinched his side playfully.

“Yeah. Who was it?”

“Tala Alterman.”

“Who is Tala Alterman?” Chad asked, confused.

“The founder of the Alterman school and company and their advanced instructor,” Ryan couldn’t hold in his excitement any longer and squealed happily before turning around in Chad’s embrace and pressing his lips to Chad’s. Chad just held him closer, accepted, and deepened the kiss. Ryan pulled his knees up onto the bench seat to give him more leverage and buried his hands in Chad’s hair before attacking his mouth with renewed vigor. It had been so hard to keep everything he wanted to shout out to the world inside all day. It had been even harder to keep it from Chad all day when he had wanted Chad to be as proud of him as he was of himself. He sighed as they broke apart momentarily to change the angle of the kiss, then dove back in, loving the taste that was uniquely Chad, a combination of his wintergreen toothpaste and a kind of spice that Ryan couldn’t name. He wished he wasn’t a teenager as he began to get aroused. It was a little embarrassing how quickly Chad could turn him on, even in public. When they were in private, it was wonderful, but he didn’t like not being able to control himself at other times. He smiled against Chad’s mouth and gasped a little when Chad’s hips lifted to his and he could feel that Chad was just as hot for him as he was for Chad. Perhaps it wasn’t so embarrassing after all.

“Ry…” Chad pulled away from the kiss.

“I know,” Ryan set his forehead to Chad’s and panted a little, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Chad laughed and gave Ryan one more chaste kiss, “I want to make love with you. Tonight. But, I want it to be somewhere other than my truck.”
They both laughed, “So…tell me what Ms. Alterman said.”

Ryan nodded and shifted so that he was comfortably sitting against Chad again, this time with his cheek to Chad’s chest, “She took me into her office and sat down with me on this great massage table and asked me what was up. She said she could tell that I was much better, much stronger than I had shown in the audition and wanted to know what was wrong with me. I told her what happened and she said she understood, welcome to the Alterman school of Performance.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes,” Ryan turned his face up for a kiss.

“I'm so proud of you, babe. I have some good news, too,” Chad smiled before granting him the kiss.

“What’s that?”

“I got my acceptance letter to Denver University this weekend. I’m coming to Colorado with you.”

Ryan couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “Chad…it’s always been your dream to go to U of A.”

Chad just shrugged, “As we get older we get more mature and our dreams change. I have new dreams now. I can sill play basketball, but even if I couldn’t, Ryan, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not good enough to go pro anyway.”

“Chad…”

“No, it’s true. I can admit it. I’m good, but not that good. I’ll have to find a new passion in college. It’ll be okay. The only thing that really matters is that I’m with you. You’re my dream now, Ryan. I love you. I want you to be excited that we’re going to be together.”

“I love you, too, Chad,” Ryan kissed him briefly, “I am excited that we’re going to be together. You’re my dream, too.”

“Good,” Chad shifted and motioned to Ryan to put his seatbelt back on, “Now, I want you to close your eyes. I’m going to put a blindfold on you and you’re going to be breathless with joy when you open your eyes at your surprise.”

“Oh, will I?” Ryan questioned but closed his eyes obediently.

“Yes,” Chad said arrogantly, “You will.”

Chad ended up being right. When Chad finally took the blindfold from Ryan’s eyes as told him to open them he had no idea where they had ended up. But, when he did finally open his eyes they filled with tears immediately. Chad had brought him to the restaurant that they had had their first date, only they had been pretending they were just friends at the time. Now, Chad walked into the small Italian bistro holding his hand and making it obvious what they were to each other.

“Just thought we’ve been through so much this year, we should bring it full circle. I told you I would never be ashamed of what we have. And I won’t. Not just at school
where all of our friends are with us, but everywhere.”

“Thank you, Chad.”

Even though they got strange looks, some interested, some openly hostile or disgusted, Ryan could only smile as a waitress led them to the same corner booth they had shared nearly a year ago when they had first come. They had just been seated when Chad’s phone began to buzz. He took it out and read the text, his eyes going wide before a smile spread across his face.

“Well, it might have been a good, thoughtful idea, but we have to go now!”

“What? Why?”

“Emily’s just gone into labor.”

Ryan jumped up from his seat and grabbed Chad’s hand. They got even more strange looks as they ran from the restaurant, laughing like loons.