Insecurities

Title: Insecurities
Pairing: McCoy/Chekov
Warnings: M/M, Angst, Anal, Oral, Minor (17)
Word Count: 3,290
Beta: Needed

Author Note: I just need to say that I was shamelessly inspired by “Counting the Seconds.” I honestly never thought of putting these two together.

~~~

Dr. Leonard McCoy was drunk.

He wasn’t so drunk that he had no control of himself. No, he had drunken too much in his life to ever get that far. His drinks were like friends and he knew when he had seen too much of his friends.

However he couldn’t remember how or why Ensign Chekov was in his quarters. He did remember that he had a very long shift that day, and that he wanted to go to sleep. But on his table (staring at him) were his drinks, and when you sit down and have a drink after a stressful day, you just have to have a few more.

“Why did you get divorced?”

McCoy gave a cold stare at the intruding ensign. “None of your business, and how did you get in here?”

Chekov smiled. “You let me in,” he stated simply, and continued to play with the various objects on the doctor’s shelf.

The simplicity of the answer angered the doctor, especially since it made it look like it was his fault that the Russian was here. “Alright, why are you here? I don’t even like you that much.”

“Of course you do.” Chekov’s smile brightened as he looked up, “If you didn’t you would have kicked me out by now.”

“I haven’t kicked you out because I’m too drunk to do so.” McCoy began to grow even more and more annoyed with the child prodigy making him look stupid.

“No you’re not.”

“Like Hell, I don’t even remember letting you in!”

Pavel’s smile disappeared and he turned completely to the room’s occupant. “You do have me there.” He exclaimed softly. His eyes grew a little unfocused as he turned to some thought pattern that McCoy didn’t care about.

McCoy grimaced, “You still haven’t answered my question. Why are you here?”

“Ah, yes!” Chekov’s smiled returned, “I enjoy your company.”

“Well I don’t enjoy yours.”

As quickly as it came the innocent smile vanished from the young man’s face. “Do you really mean that?” He asked in a way that made Leonard instantly regret his words.

He stared at Chekov. ‘Christ the kid looks like a kicked puppy. I want him gone but I don’t want him to go off and cry.’ McCoy slowly realized that he was losing control of what little control he had over the situation. ‘Wait, what situation? I just want him gone!’

“No, no I don’t.”

The doctor placed his head in his hand and closed his eyes as the damned smile returned. For a while there were only the sounds of Chekov poking around the shelf on the other side of the room. Then McCoy realized that the sounds had stopped. He wondered if he had dozed off and Chekov had left. But when he opened his eyes he was greeted with the teen standing over him with a thoughtful look in his eyes.

“You are tired, I should leave.”

McCoy was so startled by what seemed to be the sudden movement of the ensign that he couldn’t think of how to respond. Finally he said the only thing he could think of, “Yes.”

Chekov’s smile changed, it was innocent still but less so, more knowing.

“Let me help you to bed.”

The doctor was once again startled, but this time was able to get his bearings faster. “No, I’ll be fine.” He began to stand up to prove his point, but was once again shown that the child prodigy was right and fell back into his chair, “Alright fine, help me up.”

The ensign got the senior officer up and over to his bed. He sat him down on the side, “You can’t sleep in your uniform you’ll feel disgusting when you wake up.”

That got Chekov an annoyed glace, but the doctor relented and allowed himself to be helped out of his over and under shirts. “I’ll be fine; now, you can go do whatever you do now.”

“You make it sound like I’m your attendant.” Chekov pouted and placed his hand on the doctor’s bare shoulder.

McCoy sobered up.

“Get out!” He barked, but once again Pavel’s face made him instantly regret his words. This time he looked like he actually was going to cry. “I’m sor- I didn’t mean- ah Hell stop looking at me like that.” Instantly Pavel stopped looking like he was about to burst into tears and the doctor grew a little confused ‘How does he change that fast?’ He quickly put the thought aside, “Sit down.”

In a quiet voice, more quiet than McCoy had ever heard the Russian speak, Chekov came out with “I’m sorry.”

McCoy sighed, “It’s not your fault, I just don’t like being touched.” When Chekov gave him a confused stare as if to say “I’ve seen people touch you before” he continued “You know what I mean.”

“Why?”

‘This kid was still full of question wasn’t he? Why the Hell does he want to know? Doesn’t he realize what he’s doing?’ And then the thought came to him that he did know what he was doing, Pavel Chekov was (in his own strange way) trying to seduce him.

‘Why the Hell would he want to seduce me? Is this some kind of fucked up joke?’

“Well I-” McCoy stopped, ‘How the Hell do I say this without making the situation more awkward then it already is?’ The doctor decided that the best way to do it was to rip off the bandage; he would spare himself any pain, and the ensign would hurt less, if he would hurt at all, “Chekov you’re seventeen and I’m over thirty.”

Chekov smiled again, that fresh innocent smiled from before. “I don’t care.” he whispered, and leaned over and kissed him.

McCoy did not see that coming in his retaking control plan.

The kiss was as innocent as the smile, it didn’t press or force, but was merely a simple pleasure for both officers. It shed years off of McCoy made him feel like a schoolboy again and made Chekov seem like his first girlfriend. He closed his eyes and decided to enjoy the moment and leave the logical and proper thought for a little while later.

The older man felt a definite loss when Pavel pulled up. He wanted to say no and pull the teen back. At the same time he was grateful and as he began to get his head back and assess the situation with a clearer mind.

But before he could act or even open his eyes Pavel was back again and kissing him. This time the kiss was different. It was ore needful, more passionate. It was then that McCoy knew that he had lost any and all control of the situation. The teen was shifting, moving closer to the doctor. He felt his hands on his bare chest pushing him back and he went with it.

He could feel the hands working on his pants and allowed the button to be undone and the zipper to be pulled down. It was wrong, but it felt too good and too right, and when he felt a mouth pressing down on his member through fabric he officially stopped caring about right and wrong.

The hands moved to his pants and began to pull them and his damp briefs. He raised his hips and allowed himself to be fully unclothed. Once the garments were gone and forgotten the mouth came back with a vengeance.

McCoy cried out as he was taken by the warm lips. The sensation of the virgin mouth felt amazing after the long period of celibacy he had endured due to his ex-wife. His hands reached up and rested upon the hair of the head pleasuring him. He felt the mouth and tongue of the young Chekov play with him, as if he was merely filling the constant curiosity that the teen held.

It seemed as if Pavel wanted to try as many things as he could on the doctor. He pulled his mouth up so he was merely suckling the head of McCoy’s cock and then engulfed him as much as he could. He ran his tongue up and down the bottom and then licked in as many different patterns as he could think of. Taking his mouth off of McCoy he grabbed the member with his hands and sucked on the base right above the doctor’s balls. When he was finished he started over again until he thought of knew things to try.

Throughout it all McCoy whimpered and moaned, keeping his hands on Chekov’s head, holding gently. His breathing was a heavy and soon the moans were turning into soft cries. He finally opened his eyes when Pavel stopped. He lifted his heavy head up and looked to see the young man taking off his clothing.

It was then that the older man felt self conscious. Pavel Chekov looked like a nymph from old stories, while he felt like a used up piece of trash. Yet he couldn’t take his eyes off of the sight before him. Chekov’s pale skin looked pure where he felt his was worn; his body was lithe and beautiful while Bone’s could only count his own imperfections, and his face…

His face was beautiful where his own was tired.

McCoy closed his eyes. ‘What the Hell does he see in me? This doesn’t make sense. He could have anyone he wants and he chooses the oldest most dried up guy on the ship.’

He felt the bed shift and a body climb over him. The doctor opened his eyes and saw Chekov’s worried face staring down at him.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

“No,” He whispered, “Just an old man thinking.”

Pavel him a light kiss, “Well stop.” He kissed him again, this time lips parting and tongue entering the older man’s mouth. A hand reached down to his cock and began to stroke him. It continued to stroke him slowly as his own hands slid up the young body above him. One grasped onto a shoulder, while the other went down and brushed over the Russian’s backside. The hand slipped between the pale perk cheeks and a finger began to caress the hole found there.

This caused the teen to tense up and break the kiss. He closed his eyes and let out a small moan. It was McCoy’s turn to reach up and kiss him. “Are you sure about this?” He whispered.

An impatient nod answered him.

“The nightstand has lube in it.” A new sense of urgency filled McCoy. He told himself that he was afraid that he’d loose his nerve, but he knew he was really afraid that Chekov would realize what a mistake he was making sleeping with him.

He slid his hands away and watched as the body above him slid over his own as Pavel reached across the bed. While the teen struggled with the drawer McCoy pulled himself up to the top of the bed so his was propped up on the pillows. He looked over and got a view of the beautiful butt of the Russian. He longed to touch it, to bury himself in it, to claim it. But he clenched his hands and watched Pavel turn and kneeled over him again.

He was handed the open bottle lube as the Russian leaned down and began to attack his neck. With shaking hands he poured a generous amount onto his fingers and placed them on the ensign’s entrance.

“Whatever you do,” He said, “don’t tense up, and if you want to stop at any time promise me you’ll tell me.”

Chekov stopped sucking and looked into McCoy’s eyes with a smile, “I promise. You won’t hurt me.”

For the first time McCoy smiled back. ‘Why does he trust me so much?’ He pushed the thought away as the man in question went back to his neck.

With closed eyes he teased the entrance and slowly pushed in his index figure.

If anything Chekov could take orders and did not tense up. He didn’t move and allowed himself to adjust to the size of the finger inside him. He continued his attack on the doctor’s neck as a second finger was added and didn’t stop when he felt the fingers scissor inside of him.

McCoy’s breathing was heavy again when he added the third finger. His cock was begging to be plummeted in the body on top of him. He felt the body adjust to his fingers and smiled when Chekov unlatched himself from his neck a whimpered as he began to pump his fingers.

“You’re ready.” He whispered.

Pavel straightened his back after the fingers were removed from him. McCoy quickly grabbed the lube and placed a larger than necessary amount on his hands for his member. He grasped a hip above him and guided Pavel to his lubed up cock.

“Take your time.” He said looking directly into Chekov’s eyes. ‘I’ll kill myself if I hurt him.’

He didn’t push down his hand at all; he waited while a hand grasped his manhood. His teeth bit his lip as he felt himself be enveloped by the warmth above him. Both of his hands grasped the hips before him, his eyes closed, and his mouth let out a low moan. He heard a long low cry as Pavel lowered himself and opened his eyes.

The teen had his head thrown back, one arm twisted behind him still grasping what he was impaling himself on while the other was tense and clutched a fist.

The doctor took one of his hands off of the hips and grabbed the free hand; his fingers interlaced the smaller ones as the descent above him came to an end.

They stayed there for a while. McCoy was relishing the feeling of being with someone again after so long, Chekov adjusting to the flesh within him, while smiling with a sense of completeness.

Leonard McCoy looked up to meet Pavel Chekov’s smiling face, the angel above him took his now free hand to cup the man’s face.

“This is right.”

The doctor opened his mouth to reply but the warmth consuming him began an ascent, the hand on his face slipped and grasped his hand clasping the pale hip in front of him, and instead of words a moan escaped his lips.

Chekov started with a slow pace, but his eagerness and impatience soon set in and he began to ride McCoy faster.

The man under him closed his eyes and began to thrust up. He knew he wouldn’t last. It was been to long and had already lost his last once of control while he prepared the cavern he was now filling. As the movements of the two bodies’ grew faster he felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge. The movements of the two bodies gradually began to get more sporadic. McCoy’s hips moved as fast as they could, his hand gripped Chekov’s hip with near bruising strength.

He opened his eyes and looked up to see his angel’s face thrown back in pleasure. He scanned the body moving before him. The taught muscles covered in sweat now kept a constant, strong pace. His eyes fell towards the view of the young cock bobbing in front of him. The continued pleasure given to him by the willing teen h felt the end rushing up to meet him, even though he fought to hold it as long as he could.

Taking in the sight of the beauty in front of him he let out a strangled cry. His hands tightened and his eyes widened as he gave a final thrust and he emptied himself, filling the body on top of him.

If his face wasn’t flushed he would have been red with shame. He turned his head to the side as he felt Chekov’s body settle down on top of him.

“I’m sorry” He whispered. He knew he had come too early. He wanted to hold off but he couldn’t, it had been to long, and Pavel was just too perfect.

And now he just wanted to cry in embarrassment.

Both of Chekov’s hands let go of him and he felt even more shame flooding over him. He expected the teen to lift himself off with disgust and leave, never to come back; he didn’t expect both to cup his face and turn him to his angel’s face.

“What’s there to be sorry about?”

One of the hands reached and grabbed his own and guided it to the young member now resting in front of him. He instantly went to work on it as Pavel’s other hand grasped his shoulder. He watched as Chekov tensed and thrust up, he watched as his eyes closed and mouth opened letting out small whimpers, he watched as his angel came over his hand and chest.

He closed his eyes as his lover leaned over and gently kissed him.

The kiss ended and he felt Chekov slow pull himself of him. He could feel the movement on the bed and heard the Russian head into the bathroom. The sound of the faucet penetrated the air and Bones opened his eyes.

Sitting there alone McCoy couldn’t fight off his constant insincerities. ‘Is he going to leave now? Will he want to see me again? Did he just use me to get rid of his virginity? Was I just an easy target?’ The doctor wanted to curl up into a ball, but was far to tired, so he just closed his eyes and laid there.

He didn’t notice the sound of the faucet disappear; he was too caught up in his thoughts. He was only brought out of the dark world he had created for himself by Chekov’s whisper.

“Are you awake?”

Leonard’s eyes shot open and he looked over at the naked and clean Chekov holding a damp cloth. He climbed onto the bed and knelled next to McCoy’s body. Gently he began cleaning the remains of their sex. The whole time McCoy didn’t take his eyes off of the scene before him. He opened his mouth to say something, but was at a lost for words. Chekov returned the cloth to the bathroom and returned to the bed.

The ensign laid down and placed his head on the doctor’s chest. His fingers began to trace patterns on the hairs of Leonard’s stomach in slow, lazy circles.

The silence that settled wasn’t awkward, it was comfortable. McCoy felt relaxed, more relaxed than he had felt in a long time. Not sure what to do he placed his arm around Pavel’s shoulders and watched the patterns being traced on him. However his eyes quickly began fall.

“We need to get you under the covers before you fall asleep.”

His eyes snapped open and he was once again greeted by the seventeen year old eyes staring at him.

He nodded and Pavel got up. He rolled over to the edge of the bed and allowed the covers to be pulled down. Slowly he climbed into bed and pulled the covers over him.

It took him a few seconds to realize that he was alone in the bed and looked up to see Chekov grabbing his clothing. He watched as the ensign began to dress, to afraid to say something.

‘Oh God no, please don’t.’

When Pavel was done dressing he looked up at Leonard and smiled, “Thank you, I’ll see you later.”

Leonard McCoy watched as Pavel Chekov walk over to the door and leave.

When the door closed he called for the lights to turn off. He laid alone in the darkness and allowed his insecurities take over.

~~~

Author Note: This was supposed to be a simple “Plot? What Plot?” involving alcohol, but McCoy totally just developed this insecurity that I thought really worked with the character (the original age outburst was inspired by “Counting the Seconds,” but I feel like you need to have that problem arise when you have these two characters have their first time together). I do plan on following up on this (seeing I made the conscious decision to make Chekov leave… he was supposed to stay… my bad).