Descending - Consequences

Descending – Consequences (Written with permission and suggestions from Musashi) Thanks :)

Ironhide and Optimus sat for what seemed like an age on the grass verge. Ironhide couldn’t meet his leader’s optics and kept his head down. He simply didn’t know what he could say to fix what he’d done. Optimus had said nothing except for his initial apology. Right now Ironhide wished he could read his mind, they had known each other for the longest time. Ironhide had known Optimus since he was youngling; his logic circuits were having trouble coming to terms with what he had done. The shame and guilt washed over him in waves, what had he done, could it even be fixed and why hadn’t Optimus just off-lined him right there in retaliation. He shook his head at the last thought; Optimus would never hurt one of his own, no matter what they did to him. He raised his head for the first time in what seemed like hours and stole a quick glance at his leader. His optics were shuttered, his head hung low, to Ironhide’s horror he appeared to be broken. The ache he felt in his spark right at that moment was enough to make him want to off line himself. He got angry at those thoughts, no he had to speak to Prime, he was going to fix this. Optimus needed to know why he’d been so angry.

“Optimus…” His voice caught in his throat. Optimus didn’t even acknowledge the fact that he’d spoken. He shifted uneasily and tried again.

“I want to explain myself… I…”

“Don’t.”

The one word from Optimus silenced Ironhide like a slap to the face.

“But…I…”

“I said… don’t…” Optimus was looking at him now; Ironhide met his optics and could find no feeling in them. ‘Oh Primus, what have I done.’ Ironhide thought in a growing panic.

“We should head back.” Optimus continued his tone flat, unfeeling, cold. Turning from Ironhide the large mech headed back up the embankment transformed and continued down the highway in the direction of the base. Watching him leave, Ironhide felt a gaping hole within him. ‘Ratchet’s going to put me in stasis lock for this. ‘Just talk to him’ he said, frag it all to the pits. Why’d he send me to do the slagging talking?!’ Ironhide was angry again, this time with himself and indirectly with Ratchet. He transformed and sped off after Optimus hoping to catch up with him before they got to base.

He had no such luck, Optimus had reached the base well before him, having for once not kept to the speed limit and he had disappeared into his own hangar without so much as a word to anyone. Ironhide arrived and was greeted by a very concerned looking medic.

“What did you do?”

“Excuse me?”

“I told you to talk to him. He won’t speak to anyone. I have never seen him so angry for no reason Ironhide. What did you say to him?”

“It doesn’t matter Ratchet, you should never have sent me to ‘talk’ anyway, what were you thinking?!”

“What was I?... You were the one all bent out of shape at his questions about what Barricade was doing! You got yourself all worked up; you just had to speak to him, I told you to mind your own business, Optimus is entitled to his privacy but no you had to speak to him. Frag it Ironhide what did you say to him?”

Ratchet was in Ironhide’s face now and getting angrier by the minute. Ironhide couldn’t deny anything he’d said. This had all been his doing, he’d overreacted and for the life of him he couldn’t grasp why he had gotten so angry.

“We got into a fight ok Ratchet…” His voice trailed off weakly. Ratchet’s jaw dropped open. “You fought him?! You actually picked a fight with our Prime?”

“Would you just drop it. I’m not proud of it.”

“Got your aft kicked huh?” Ratchet stood back looking a little too smug. Ironhide huffed, “Think what you want. I don’t want to speak anymore about it, it’s done.”

“I don’t think so, you need to speak to him won’t do any of us any good to have bad feelings among the ranks, especially with our leader. Or did you neglect to think about that before you let your jealousy cloud all your logic circuits?”

Ironhide swung round to face Ratchet. “My jealousy?! Just what the frag are you implying?”

Ratchet shrugged and looked at Ironhide his expression softened slightly. “I would have thought that was obvious ‘Hide.” He rested a caring hand on the weapons master’s shoulder before leaving him to his thoughts. Ironhide simply stood, aghast at the accusation.
‘Jealous… I wasn’t jealous, I would never be jealous of a slagging human… even if Optimus did have feelings for…oh frag it…’His thoughts trailed off into oblivion as he came to stark realization. He hung his head in shame, and placed a hand over his face. He had been jealous and too angry to see it. He looked up determination filling his face. He was going to explain this to Prime whether he wanted to listen or not, even if he had to beat him into submission again, to make him listen.

****

Optimus sat in his alt mode quietly seething in anger, frustration and downright humiliation. Ratchet had tried to speak to him when he’d returned to base and most unbecomingly of him he’d managed to only snap at him in annoyance before storming off leaving Ratchet to his stunned surprise. He felt a twinge of guilt at his outburst but according to Ironhide they all had their suspicions about him so right now he didn’t actually care what they thought of him.

When had he become so complacent that his Autobots had started to question his mental state, his authority? In all of his four million years of life he had never had to deal with an infraction as severe as the one that Ironhide had carried out and upon him of all mechs. What had he done to drive Ironhide to that level of rage? What was it about Mikaela that made him want her like he did? He shuddered internally at the last thought. ‘No, I don’t want her. I respect her; this is not what this is about. I haven’t done anything wrong, Ironhide has... How dare he humiliate me in such a way, I will...’ “No!” He startled himself at the sound of his own anger.

Transforming he sat down in the corner of the hangar, resting his helm against the wall. His face still throbbed a little where Ironhide had punched him. Optimus knew he wouldn’t do anything to Ironhide, as the leader he had to set an example, to punish Ironhide in anyway would reveal, what Ironhide described as his ‘disgusting perversion’ and that would create a severe rift between himself and the other Autobots. Optimus shuttered his optics, deciding at that point to remain silent about the incident, pretend like it had never happened and pray to Primus that Ironhide do the same. His thoughts drifted back to Mikaela, he remembered the feel of her skin against the seats of his interior, how warm she felt, how pleasant that stolen kiss had felt to him, sensations he had never had before. Optimus clenched his jaw in frustration, his rational mind taking over the desire.

‘I will not take advantage of my position like this; you’re acting like a youngling Prime, pull yourself together. Mikaela is a friend, nothing more. It can be nothing more.’ He sighed as he fought the turmoil within him. How long had it been since he’d felt desire for anyone? Maybe Ironhide was right. He’d been leader for so long he’d neglected himself; he hadn’t let anyone get close to him. He couldn’t afford the others to see through his mask of leader, to see the insecurities and self doubts that plagued him. The utter loneliness and responsibility it meant to be Prime. Optimus sighed; suddenly feeling like the weight of the world was bearing down on him. He allowed himself to slip into recharge as his whole head began to throb from his previous blow.

He awoke to find Ironhide sitting across from him, watching him. This in itself disconcerted him somewhat. He did not like this feeling. He was Prime he should not have to watch his back from his own people.

“Are you checking up on me?” He asked his voice flat but not as icy as it had been. Ironhide dropped his head in response. His tone unnaturally subdued.

“No, I wouldn’t do that… I was just… waiting for you to wake up. You seemed pretty tired you’ve been in recharge for almost two days.”

Optimus laughed shortly at him as he stood, “Ha! You saw fit to follow me Ironhide, why wouldn’t you keep checks on me?”

Ironhide blinked at him his face unreadable, he was clearly torn up but Optimus wasn’t about to make it easy for him.

“About that… Optimus please let me explain…I… urrgghh!”

Ironhide didn’t get chance to finish his sentence, in one swift move he found himself pinned by his armour to the hangar bay wall where Prime had been stood. Optimus’s face was close to his, the heat radiated from his face plates as his steely optics seemed to cut a hole into Ironhide’s spark.

“How can you explain it Ironhide? You can’t change what you did.” He snarled angrily, a noise Ironhide was unaccustomed to hearing from Optimus even during battle with Megatron he rarely got this angry. He struggled a little against the increasing pressure from the larger mech pinning him.

“I wouldn’t change it!” He growled, he could no longer hide his frustration, and having Prime this close to him was more arousing than anything else, making it very difficult for him to think straight. Prime tugged at his armour and bodily threw him to the floor. He grunted in pain and surprise.

“Then why are you here, haven’t you done enough!?” Optimus was leaning over him, his anger fading slightly to sheer frustration. Ironhide had dented his pride; he could see the front of leader slipping away before his optics. The raw emotion that filled his leader’s face, the desperation, Ironhide could bare it no longer.

“I WAS SLAGGING JEALOUS ALRIGHT!” He glared defiantly at Optimus who took a few steps back in surprise, his optics widened at the confession Ironhide just blurted out.

“What?”

Ironhide sighed, “I was jealous… of her… that you could want that… She’s not good enough for you!” He stood now facing Optimus who was utterly gob smacked.

“What are you saying?” He asked hesitantly as if afraid to hear the answer. Ironhide moved closer, their frames now almost touching. He could feel the warmth emanating from Optimus; he wanted him, there was no denying it now. His thoughts were racing, did he want him because he truly desired him or did he desire to keep him for what he thought Prime represented for the Autobots? The great Optimus Prime, youngest of all the Prime’s, the greatest leader Ironhide had, had the honour of serving under. Ironhide couldn’t bear to see the usually passive Optimus racked by emotion and confusion. He was the leader, he was their example. Even he, the oldest of the Autobots looked up to him, aspired to be more like him.

He glanced up at the taller mech “Isn’t it obvious Optimus, how could I have gotten so angry, and what I did… I shouldn’t have…” He grabbed onto the collar of Prime’s armour, tugging him closer, he wasn’t entirely certain of what he wanted but he didn’t want to risk letting go, he didn’t want Optimus’s mind to be tainted with the perversion that he knew was playing on his thoughts and desires. He didn’t want him to want that human woman, no matter who she was, she was still a human.

Just as Ironhide was about to take another gamble, Optimus jerked back as he was buzzed on his internal comm. Ironhide could hear Mikaela’s voice. Optimus hung up and stared at Ironhide for a minute.

“I have to go.”

“That was her wasn’t it?”

“Ironhide please…” Optimus made to leave the hangar. Ironhide cornered him.

“Don’t do this Optimus; you’re not a fragging xeno perv! I know you… please!”

Optimus glared at him. “If you know me so well Ironhide, then you should trust me. But I am sure you’ll just follow me anyway.” His voice was bitter and sad. He pushed Ironhide away from him.

“She just wants to talk. I think I am allowed to talk with humans still aren’t I? Or do I need permission?” Optimus towered over Ironhide, who shrank back slightly at his harsh words.

“Optimus!…” Ironhide called out as he exited the hangar, Optimus paused in his tracks, his back to Ironhide. Ironhide couldn’t find the words to stop him from leaving; he didn’t want to push him further away.

“Ironhide?” Optimus prodded without turning round.

“If you give into this…this… twisted fragging perversion, if you… if you fuck her.” He saw Optimus wince at his hard words.

“It will change everything. You are the last Prime, we… we need you… I need you.” Ironhide’s voice failed him as he watched Optimus lower his head and leave the hangar.

Unbeknownst to Ironhide, Optimus held the faintest of smiles as he exited the hangar. Ironhide’s words strengthening his resolve, he knew he couldn’t risk everything for desire, for curiosity, he had a responsibility to his people, that came first above all else. Now he was in control he knew, he could think straight, he simply had to make amends and repair the damage he’d already done.