Worst Day Ever

Working title: Bernards Worst Day Ever. (Or why Megamind forgot he had a cube in his pocket.)
Bernard/Megamind. Also Bernard/Bernard. Sort of. Well, you’ll see.

Setting: During Movie. This is set when Megamind is still falling for Roxie using his Bernard hologram, and having a natural "down" moment to balance his ridiculous highs he gets from her SMS-ing. My theory is that Megamind has been carrying this Bernard cube around as a Good Luck Charm.

Obligatory disclaimer: This Fanfiction contains adult content. The characters and the movie do not belong to me, and I gain no money from writing this work. Also this Fanfiction contains tentacles. And don't say I didn't warn you about the adult content!

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Megamind stalked into Evil Lair, and headed straight for the bathroom. Another blissful afternoon of watching Roxie research him. Another night of work in the workshop before he collapsed into bed at daybreak. Everything was going so well. Except that it wasn't.

Megamind locked the door on the bathroom and stalked into the middle of the blue-and green-tiled room. A wide, solemn, cream-coloured clawfoot bath stood in one corner with a huge outdated copper water heater he had revamped standing majestically next to it. Three wide shower heads marched along the wall along from it, over dark blue tiles slightly lower than the rest of the bathroom floor, draining through antique bronze gratings. The roof had rippled skylights, and leadlighted frosted glass glowed with art deco patterns along the top half of one wall.

The bathroom contained a full length mirror along the wall near the door, opposite the bath and showers, and Megamind stared at himself for a moment. The glasses were crookedly falling off his nose, and he pushed them back up and glared, upset, at his - Bernards' - reflection. This, he pointed out spitefully to himself, THIS was what Roxie was seeing when she researched his evil genius. Not beautiful blue skin, but horrid pink skin, brown hair a mess above his undersized head. His hands bare and unprotected. Altogether... HUMAN.

He reached out his hand and watched his reflection in the mirror, watched Bernard, reach out also. He turned his hand over, watching the mirrored Bernard turn his hand over, then showed the Bernard his palm, staring at Bernards' palm through the clear glass. He grasped the edges of his jacket, thumbs along the collar, and tugged the jacket into better shape, checking how it looked at the back, watching Bernard turn. He turned right around and back, and leaned in towards the mirror, to watch Bernard do the same. Bernard leaned in so close he could almost touch... He tilted his head and stared into Bernards eyes, and blinked. Those weren't Bernards' eyes. Odd. He hadn't realised he'd messed up the hologram generator.

With a sigh he turned on his heel and marched up to the tall water heater, slipping a plug into the bath and turning round antique taps, sending a torrent of water into the bath. He flicked a series of switches, turning off the lights and turning on the speakers. Music was what he needed. Music and a bath. AC-DC started to play rather loudly while Megamind made faces at himself in the mirror wall. He found the bubble bath, and watched white fluffy bubbles start spreading across the surface of the water. The bubbles took on the red, green and blue of the stained glass windows high above him, now the only source of light in the room. It was getting really dark in here.

He was finding himself remarkably reluctant to take off the hologram. Bernard looked quizzically at him through the glass, which was slowly fogging up now, closer to the bath. The glass was becoming less transparent, yet more... as if he could reach through it, more like a curtain. Megamind watched Bernard slowly disappear into the fogging glass. Through the curtain, Bernard looked shocked, even regretful. He gave a last despairing wave.

He sighed as he looked down at the holographic clothing. Fumbling, he undid the catches on his own hidden clothing underneath the hologram, trousers and jacket, shirt and socks and shoes and even gloves, until all he was wearing was the hologram, standing in the warm steamy air. He turned off the tap, and pushed a hand into the water, checking that it wasn't too hot. He turned the cold water tap on, making the water more bearable, watching Bernards' hand turn the tap, watching Bernards' hand be reflected in the water. Bernards' hand was wet. He looked at it thoughtfully, and on an impulse stuck the wet finger in his mouth. It tasted of bubble bath and warm water. He sucked on the finger thoughtfully and gazed down at holographic fabric. Hmmmm.....

Megamind turned off the flow of water again, and vaulted into the bath, The watch was waterproof. He'd see what it was like to be Bernard in a bath. The holographic fabric didn't really act wet properly, and misjudging the edge of the bath, he slipped and splashed water. Suddenly having fun, he sat down in the bath and splashed water high into the air. He pulled up some bubble bath and pasted it to his face. Bernard with a beard. He giggled to himself as he reached out of the bath to wipe some of the mirror clear of steam to see himself, and a hand grabbed his own.

"AAAAAAAARGH!"

---
Bernard had been talking to some dweeb in a weird costume just before closing at the Metroman Museum. This guy was dressed to look like Megamind, but the costume, instead of the manly black leather that Megamind always wore, was made of fluffy brushed cotton, and had too-cute little danger and warning symbols all over it. The collar stood up like it was meant to though. Not bad. Next thing he knew, the dork was pointing a pretty good replica of Megaminds gun at him, and all he could think was that it was a better replica than the one he had made, and he said something patronising to the dweeb in the silly costume with the better modelling skills than him... then suddenly he wasn't standing up any more.

He was tangled in... a pool of black leather... on the floor of a dark room, dimly lit by coloured lights far above on the wall. There was a splashing sound, and he realised groggily that he was under the edge of a bath, and was lying on wet tiles. He felt like he'd hit his head, and he couldn't untangle his legs from the leather. A hand reached out and he grabbed hold of it, and the hand helped him to pull himself up and out of the puddle of leather and water on the floor. As his eyes rose above the edge of the huge old clawfoot bath, he saw... himself... in a bubble bath, fully clothed, with bubbles smeared on his face and arms.

"AAAAAAAARGH!"

Both of them stopped screaming, then stared at each other for a full beat. Megamind stared in horror at what he'd pulled through the mirror. Bernard stared in horror at himself, fully clothed, dripping wet, in a warm tub of water. He tried to retreat backward, finding a smooth wet glass wall, and madly tried to shuffle away from... himself. This was turning out to be a really weird dream. He needed to wake up now. Right now.

The music rumbled on, and the Apparition tried to climb out of the top of the bath, reaching for the pile of leather clothing, while Bernard got thoroughly cornered against the tiles near the end of the bath, with the huge hot brassy boiler right next to him, unable to get away.

The Apparition -Doppelganger?- had finally climbed out of the water, and was standing next to the bath, holding onto the side. Both of them stared at each other, standing on the tiles next to the bath. Bernard suddenly drew himself up with a deep breath, looked his Apparition right in the eye and said "Stop. Wait."

The Apparition stood there, holding his own breath, while Bernard walked slowly up to him, reached out gently, and touched it on the cheek. Real. Felt solid. Wet. He leaned right in, this double, this Apparition, breathless in front of him, and looked him solidly in the eyes, nose to nose, then tilted his head to the side slightly, and sank in to a kiss, one hand on the Apparitions bubble covered cheek, the other on his wet neck.

The kiss wasn't the best kiss he'd ever performed, but whoever this twin of himself was, they just melted into it. Bernard gave the kiss everything he had, and felt warm wet hands run over his own neck and head, catching in his hair. When he eventually pulled himself out of the kiss, both of them were breathless, and staring at each other. "I've always wanted to do that." said Bernard, wiping bubblebath off his cheek.

The Apparition stared at him in wonder, still rubbing a hand through Bernards hair. "I. Um. So. Is.... There... anything else you've always wanted to do?"

Bernards eyelids drooped, and his lips closed, staring at this copy of himself. He certainly seemed to have turned this dream around. Unfortunately that usually meant that he would wake up.... But he'd see how far this was going to go. He leaned his head in, meeting his double in another kiss, and then began pulling off his own jacket. The Apparition stepped back, watching him undress with wonder on his face, putting the bath between himself and Bernard. He was still holding on to the edge of the bath though, still watching, still close. Fascinated.

Bernard pulled off all of his clothing, dropping it beside the bath, and leaned into the tub to feel the water. Warm. He climbed quickly in, then looked sternly at his double, who had frozen by the side of the bath. He slid to the near side of the bath. He held his Apparitions hands at the wrist, not allowing him to get away, and kissed himself a third time, chasing himself and pulling the wrists of this remarkable Doppelganger, pulling him closer, as he leaned away and away, until their lips met and his double again melted into the kiss. When he pulled out of this kiss, he was suddenly really glad the water and foam level was above his waist. It was turning into one of those dreams.

"Your turn. Take off your clothes."

The doppelganger looked reluctant, then his green eyes widened with an idea. "Close your eyes then."

I'm that squeamish? Thought Bernard. I can't even undress in front of myself? It's dark enough in here already. He obediently closed his eyes, and bit back a sneering comment. This was going to work dammit, and before he woke up. The wet wrists were pulled out of his hands.

In a remarkably short amount of time, he felt his double move around and climb into the warm water. He raised an eyebrow. "Can I open my eyes now?"

The reply was a warm wet splash of water, as a handful of foam was thrown at his ear where it stuck, and the shock made him yell, and turn around and push his doppelganger under the water with a splash. The foam closed completely over the others' head, and for a moment he thought he'd made the Apparition disappear entirely. He reached forward, slipped on the floor of the bath, and ended up lying on top of his double, chest to chest, face to face, the Apparition, very solid, covered in foam, both of them propped on the sloping end of the bath, eye to eye and nose to nose.

His double looked incredibly scared, and obviously didn't know where to put his hands. Bernard pulled first the left then the right hand around himself in a hug, taking advantage of the closeness to kiss himself again. This time the kiss became something more, and his double was soon obediently sucking his tongue, moaning, one hand falling lower to squeeze his butt, and Bernard, lying on top of this strangely very real double of himself could tell that his arousal was also mirrored as the rest of him was. Yes. Very much THAT sort of dream. Okaaaay. We can deal with this.

He reached down, running his hand over the surprisingly slim frame underneath him Have I really lost that much weight? and while holding close behind this doubles shoulder with his left hand, he slid his right hand between them, and stroked the fascinating.... tentacles? Between them. Here there were some obvious anatomical differences, and he nuzzled the Apparitions ear through the bath foam, enjoying the moans being created as he explored this new... development....
---

After throwing a handful of bath foam, Megamind was pushed under the water, and he quickly slid backwards under the bubbles to the armchair-like slope at the back of the bath, a place he loved to lounge when he had the bath to himself, although this time he was just trying to rethink the situation, get some room. To his horror, Bernard followed him, and they ended up face to face, Bernard on top of him, with quite a... noticeable... erection pressed between them. He had absolutely no idea what to do next, and dithered, terrified. Bernard seemed to have a plan, though, and grabbed each of his hands, sculpting the moment of awkward into a hug, and leaning in for yet another kiss.

This kiss was good, and Bernard allowed Megamind to explore his mouth. Bernard had somehow managed to fit one of his hands under Megaminds shoulder, rubbing Megaminds back in a delightfully intimate way, and used it as leverage to fit his other hand in between them, and touch... oh. OH. Megamind moaned helplessly as several of his tendrils were found and thoroughly squeezed. Bernard was sniggering into his ear, obviously utterly enjoying himself.

Bernard was collecting up more of the eager threads, pulling and squeezing and chasing them, running them through his fingers, and Megamind was completely loosing track of the entire situation. He moaned and writhed, twitching helplessly, obviously exciting Bernard more and more with every reaction. This was getting totally out of control, but Megamind wanted to do anything other than make it stop.

Bernard reached lower, exploring the base of the stamens, eliciting helpless moans from Megamind. Bernard chewed on Megaminds shoulder, and Megamind buried his face in Bernards hair, holding onto the hair desperately with one hand, gripping the edge of the bath with the other hand. Bernard delightedly rubbed at the roots of Megaminds spray, and Megamind helplessly grasped onto the hand with every tendril, a thoroughly dreamy smile on his face, whimpering with pleasure. It felt so good. It felt sooo good. Soooo good. It felt.. too good. Uh oh.

"Aaagh, Bernaaaaard, wa--!" was all he could get out of his mouth before being muffled by another kiss, this one desperately rough, and Megamind totally lost control, scratching at Bernards back as Bernards pumping brought him completely over the edge.

---
That was remarkably easy Thought Bernard, feeling his partner climax under him, enjoying the scratches over his back, not caring that it was going to hurt later. When this strange tentacled being had completely finished, Bernard drew himself back through the water onto his knees, and gazed down at...

Blue?

---
Sated and feeling delightfully better all over, Megamind felt Bernard move from him, across and up, making the slowly cooling water splash and drip. He kept his eyes closed, feeling incredibly whole, incredibly happy. So the scream came as a complete surprise.

He opened his eyes to see Bernard flipping out of the bath, grabbing his clothing on the way past and sliding over the tiles to the (thoroughly locked) door. He struggled with the latch a few times, realised that it was not a viable exit, and cornered himself in the far corner of the wide tiled room, staring angrily at Megamind as he struggled into his clothing.

Megamind gripped the edge of the bath with both hands, staring over the edge at the terrified Bernard, with just his eyes and the top of his head showing. Bernard was standing, shivering and wet, not very thoroughly dressed, in the corner.

"Are you okay?" he asked, carefully.

"Okay? Do I look like I'm okay?"

Megamind retreated to the far side of the bath, and climbed out in as graceful a manner as he could. He bent to pick up his gun and Bernards glasses from the pile of wet leather on the floor next to the bath. He then approached around the bath, grabbing a towel, and pulling it around himself carefully.

He dried the glasses nicely with a the corner of the towel, and approached Bernard as slowly as he could, trying not to scare him. Bernard flinched at every footstep, and put his arms out in front of him to push Megamind away, closing his eyes and scrunching his face up as if he expected an explosion. Megamind very gently placed the glasses on Bernards' face, and Bernard opened his eyes, looking at Megamind with a shocked face.

Megaminds wide green eyes were worried. His whole face looked rather grim, and he watched Bernard carefully as Bernard instinctively pushed the glasses up his nose with one finger. He was absolutely sure that whatever had just happened had been entirely his fault, and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

Bernard was utterly embarrassed. He pulled at his clothing, neatening himself up, tugging his jacket in exactly the way Megamind had done earlier, and Megamind growled in frustration at the situation. Loosing patience, he fired the dehydrator, picked up the cube and put it on top of the washing machine, before returning to the bath to see if he could run fresh hot water from the heater.


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