Moments Lost

Moments Lost in Time
by Mimine

I think about it sometimes. It has been many years. I have no scars anymore but the memory is buried deep inside and nothing can touch it. I've never told anyone about it. Not the whole story. Rachael has a general idea but even to her I hadn't been able to say everything.

It had been so brief. A fraction of a second during which I knew I was going to fall to my death. And then a strong hand gripped my wrist which complained when my whole weight dangled from it. He lifted me to safety so easily... then let me drop in front of him. I stared at him dazed, trying hard to understand what was happening. I felt the relative safety of the ledge with my hands. It had all happened so quickly that part of my brain was convinced it was a hallucination and I was actually falling tens of storeys down to my certain death.

He'd driven a nail in his hand. He was falling apart, I suppose. He was the last of them and knew that his time had come. Revenge had been all he'd managed to extract from Tyrell. The old man had probably been unable to prolong his life. I can't think that Roy would have killed him otherwise. Useless revenge. But he had saved my life even though I had killed his companions.

The wounded look in his eyes got to me. He loved life so much at that moment that it was simply impossible to let go. I cowered when he approached me. He set down the dove he was holding, the bird was artificial anyway, and reached to touch my face with his good hand. The nail stuck in the other made me avert my gaze.

His hand was cold. Even colder than the rain that was seeping through my clothes chilling me to the bone. His hand had already begun to die.

"I don't want to die alone," he whispered in the voice of a little boy lost and scared. He leaned closer to me until his forehead was touching my chest.

Unthinking, I gathered him in my arms stroking his surprisingly soft hair. There had never been a mother to cajole him, all that he had ever known of love, compassion and tenderness had been self-taught. But I couldn't think of him as a replicant as I whispered soft words of comfort. He was trembling in my arms. I clenched my jaws firmly to keep my teeth from clattering. It felt as though I was hugging a block of ice.

The cold lips searched mine and before I knew what had happened Roy was kissing me desperately. It was a kiss that tasted of fear, a cold kiss of fear on my wounded lips but I accepted it ignoring a little voice in my head that was screaming that I must be out of my mind.

The muscular body had covered mine fully. He was in his underwear and I could feel the contours of the bulging muscle with my hands. I leaned back under his weight, his compact weight that you couldn't guess just by looking at him.

I broke the kiss gasping for breath. I suppose he could have lasted for much longer. Superior strength, superior stamina, superior in every way but destined to an early death. Their human creators had been jealous of their perfection. His weight was smothering me and he must have guessed for he partly supported himself on one hand to let me breathe.

At 36 I had never as much as kissed a man which was an indication that I was definitely as heterosexual as you can get. However, the replicant's kiss had not appalled me and the hardness I felt against my thigh was answered by my own.

Eyes light blue as the summer sky met with mine, reading me. He brought our groins together lighting a fire in my belly. I couldn't feel the rain anymore or just how hard the ledge was. I risked joining my lips with his again hoping he would let me pull out before I passed out. My hands roamed on his back rubbing on the cold skin then moved lower to cup his firm buttocks over the thin material of his boxer shorts. I pressed his erection against mine. He moaned and whimpered in my mouth, the primal urge had overtaken him. I knew it would feel better without all of the infuriating layers of clothing between us but I didn't dare break contact even for the few seconds that it would have taken me to release our cocks. I slid my hand under his boxer shorts and felt his ass, the muscle stirring with his movement. I liked how he felt. I wished that moment the light was better. I wished I could explore every corner of his body, have the image of his perfect nakedness burned in my mind forever.

His whole body shook against mine as he came. He had collapsed against me and I was struggling for breath as I also came in my pants. I gently tried to get him off me. It occurred to me that he might have died, the thought hitting me like a punch in the gut. But he did stir and carefully got off me. His body was next to mine. He stared at me with wide-eyed wonder propped on his elbow. I placed my hand at the nape of his neck and brought his head to lie against my chest. I pressed a kiss on the white-blond silky hair. The situation was absurd. That creature had tried to kill me. He had broken two of my fingers, I could now feel them throbbing as they started to swell. And now I was cradling him in my arms while he was telling me of the things he'd seen. Of all the moments that would be lost in time like tears in the rain.

I didn't know what the wetness on my face was anymore... acid rain or scalding hot tears? I held on the replicant as life left its cold body. The faces of all the replicants I had retired over the years came back to haunt me. Fear in perfectly designed eyes, blood flowing as red as mine, screams of pain... All that I had never allowed myself to think much about.

He took a last labored breath and then there was silence. Carefully I got up letting his head rest on the cold concrete. It was over. No one would ever have to know anything. Perhaps someone would notice that the replicant had ejaculated prior to its demise. So what. No one would bother much with it. They'd extract the spare parts they needed and incinerate the rest.

I dream about him sometimes. These dreams leave me confused and fighting a strange feeling that there is something missing. That something has been taken from me. I had one of those dreams a few weeks ago. He was naked as I never did see him standing in a field of sunflowers that in his slave's existence I'm sure he'd never seen.

I'd woken up upset. Rachael had asked me if I'd dreamt of unicorns again. She knows the significance of unicorns and I think part of her wants to believe that I too must be a replicant. I have no desire to know whether there are serial numbers in my eyeballs. Whether my memories are someone else’s and the few photos I have are fake. I had a mother. Her name was Jennifer. I have years and years of memories and I definitely do not possess superhuman strength. I'm not like Roy. The significance of my dreams of him eludes me. My face is wet when I wake up and that embarrasses me. It m no no sense that I should grieve for Roy Batty. It makes no sense that after all these years I should wish to caress his naked body. It makes no sense that I should often find myself getting hard not thinking of the beautiful woman in my bed but of his mouth on mine, his muscular back and the little cries he gave out when he came. It makes no sense at all.