rate_review Reviews

Update please. This confusing plot twist is driving me crazy!

please write

you left us with an odd cliffhanger

Yes...the tension is...dying. Am I confused, or are you, because I thought Christian was dead?

I'm so confused, did you explain why women chase Kain?

Your story is improving. Needs some juice though. The tension is sort of dying...

You're making great improvements.

Nice writin', love - keep it up; can't wait to read more.
btw, I don't have a problem with yer paragraphs - I've seen much worse ;)

You're making steps forward. Keep it up.

Definite improvements. You really gotta fix that dialogue habit though, hun. Just hit enter. It will make your stories better just because they'll be easier to read!

Not bad, you could use to organize your paragraphs better..(not running dialogue together, etc.) It'll make a more readable product.

:) Just keep on trying. You have a good start.

Good start so far...sounds as if ouldould become very interesting. A couple of things that could be improved. One, every time a new person speaks that should be in a new paragraph; it is confusing to the reader when more than one person is talking in the same paragraph. Two, the structure which ou used at the end of part two...they were dressed as pirates so that is what they are...is wordy and can lose your reader. And three, you need more description; you use some, like wen you are describing the consistency of the rum, but what does the ship look like? What does Jack look like (you should introduce him at least briefly as you would a new character so that you and your reader are on the same page)? More details about the inside of Sage's cabin and about Sage's and her brother's looks. Do they have dark eyes, pointed noses, etc? All of this will bring your reader deeper into the story.

Your premise is sound and I look forward to reading more.

Good luck!

Jamie :)