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March 4, 2004 at 12:00 AM
*choking back the tears* i want to hold this Will, and look into his eyes and break through that damn humming and i want him to cry!
To begin with; beautifully and evocatively written, as always.
maybe i should have added in my last review that being unable to hear over that humming is would be to me the purest form oychoychoticness without being schizo or having multiple personalities but there you go making Will all Gollum like with the whole 'for us' thing. It's getting pretty intense that i'm shaking.
Thankfully my daf suf suffering from anxiety attacks are well and truly gone, touch wood, but i'm getting so invovled that mind and body are physically remembering it...hard core dude, hard core.
But at least Will has admitted to himself...or selves as it were, that he wants it to be the way it was...i was afraid that he was too beyond caring for that...will he be rehabilitated i wonder or are they all just going to have to deal. In fact i feel that his apathy is waning...before the hum was there and all but he wasn't complaining about it but now there's that sense of begging for release coming from him and it's making the awfully large proverbial lump appear in my throat.
As for what direction you take with your format i can safely say that it won't matter to me what path you pick...i'm eager to know what Jack's thinking...are there as many things left unsaid in his mind as there are in Will's? Does he have the urge to just slap Will, take by the shoulders and just shake him in frustration or is he as patient in that noggin of his as he seems to be? But please DO finish...you've dragged me in so deep here that i need some sort of absolution!!!
Couldn't pick up on anything grammatical this time, just a few spelling issues here and there...from wat i could tell through th tears!!!!! Damn me being so empathic and emmotional!!!!
And if this review doesn't get posted properly, there may just be more tears.
To begin with; beautifully and evocatively written, as always.
maybe i should have added in my last review that being unable to hear over that humming is would be to me the purest form oychoychoticness without being schizo or having multiple personalities but there you go making Will all Gollum like with the whole 'for us' thing. It's getting pretty intense that i'm shaking.
Thankfully my daf suf suffering from anxiety attacks are well and truly gone, touch wood, but i'm getting so invovled that mind and body are physically remembering it...hard core dude, hard core.
But at least Will has admitted to himself...or selves as it were, that he wants it to be the way it was...i was afraid that he was too beyond caring for that...will he be rehabilitated i wonder or are they all just going to have to deal. In fact i feel that his apathy is waning...before the hum was there and all but he wasn't complaining about it but now there's that sense of begging for release coming from him and it's making the awfully large proverbial lump appear in my throat.
As for what direction you take with your format i can safely say that it won't matter to me what path you pick...i'm eager to know what Jack's thinking...are there as many things left unsaid in his mind as there are in Will's? Does he have the urge to just slap Will, take by the shoulders and just shake him in frustration or is he as patient in that noggin of his as he seems to be? But please DO finish...you've dragged me in so deep here that i need some sort of absolution!!!
Couldn't pick up on anything grammatical this time, just a few spelling issues here and there...from wat i could tell through th tears!!!!! Damn me being so empathic and emmotional!!!!
And if this review doesn't get posted properly, there may just be more tears.
schedule
March 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Yea for the updates! I've been busy with school and haven't checked in for awhile so:
I wanted to say that in the previous chapter Will's behavior was getting increasingly irritating. If I was his friend, and knew what had happened, I'm not sure that I would be so understanding and patient with his rudeness.
Which brings me to this chapter: I am so glad Jack finally addressed the fact that Wraperaped him. I'm not quite sure if Will even understood that, but I'm glad Jack was able to confront him about it. I'm kind of wondering if the 'whores' were some sort of rape-test for Will for Jack to judge his character. (I just can't see Jack forcing anyone to do it with Will).
All in all, very thought provoking.
I wanted to say that in the previous chapter Will's behavior was getting increasingly irritating. If I was his friend, and knew what had happened, I'm not sure that I would be so understanding and patient with his rudeness.
Which brings me to this chapter: I am so glad Jack finally addressed the fact that Wraperaped him. I'm not quite sure if Will even understood that, but I'm glad Jack was able to confront him about it. I'm kind of wondering if the 'whores' were some sort of rape-test for Will for Jack to judge his character. (I just can't see Jack forcing anyone to do it with Will).
All in all, very thought provoking.
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March 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM
All in all, your Will scared my friend, where as i started relating to him. Jack Sparrow does not annoy me in the slightest because i do love him so but i can imagine how it is for friends to whom i go on an on about the whole PotC slash thing when they really could care a lot less.
for example;
/“How did it go?” That grinning is incredibly oiousious./
if i felt as much contempt for the man as Will seems to in this fic, yes i would find his grin obnoxious...i would find everything ABOUT him obnoxious in fact which is why i love this next line so much;
/He winked when he said this, making me want to smack him. We can never have a straightforward conversation, can we?/
what i'm trying to say is that...well i'm not really sure what i'm trying to say...probably that your characterisation of Will is completely just and believeable and what's more, it's constant.
Also, you've put Jack in a position of ignorant naivity;
/He looked ready to hit me. “Because you aren’t yourself, Will.”
“Then why do you treat me like I am the same innocent little blacksmith you found in Port Royal?” Answer that one, Captain.
“Part of the old Will is in there somewhere. I want him back. I thought letting you do that to me would make you realize you didn’t have to be the way you are now.” His eyes softened a bit at this.
“There is no ‘WillWill’. There is just me.”
He kept his eyes locked with mine, “How do you know?”/
Our favourite pirate captain can't really grasp the concept that things can't always be the way he wants them, can he? An i LOVE it. Don't think i've read him like this before.
I was just reminded of something else that i loved in the last chapter and that was the descsription of the hum that Will can't shake from his head...too me it just seemed like he's reached like this perfect state of psychoticness...and by perfect, i think i mean pure...i was tyring to imagine what it was like to have to yell over a hum that no one else heard that i did not believe to be in my head...it's like sanity is skating on really REALLY thin ice and it's so terrifically horrible that it's beautiful.
which leads to me being completely in love with this;
/I restedheadhead next to the broken frame, trying to remember if I was breathing./
So from one queen of sarcasm to another, well bloody done...and that was not menat to be sarcastic in the slightest!!!
*clears throat* sorry if i rambled
-the seraph
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March 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Grrr, it cut off the first part of my review!!!!!
what i meant to say was that firstly, there's a grammatical error in this paragraph;
/I studied the two, starting with the female. She was definitely attractive. Most of her kind started as young girls but she seemed to be rather new to this. *A run of bad luck can do that and as the age of about twenty-five, it seems that she has given up. It is sad how provocative she is trying to look, with the hopes that she will be chosen and get paid well.* As for her physical attributes, she had brown colored eyes, which matched her hazelnut hair. She was a bit on the thin side, but I know that is probably from the lack of food she is able to get. Her thin form does accentuate her other parts though, giving her a rather nice shape. I really just wanted to run my fingers through her hair./
between the asterix you changed tense which sorta read a bit weird.
Also, i sent this chapter to a close friend of mine to help me analyse what it was that draws mt ot your piece so much. Firstly we deiceded that it's because i think like what your Will thinks like so you're not alone there. Only difference being that he is a little more restrained than myself possibly in part because of his apathy.
that's about where it cut off i think...i hope...bleh, stupid techonology
-the seraph
what i meant to say was that firstly, there's a grammatical error in this paragraph;
/I studied the two, starting with the female. She was definitely attractive. Most of her kind started as young girls but she seemed to be rather new to this. *A run of bad luck can do that and as the age of about twenty-five, it seems that she has given up. It is sad how provocative she is trying to look, with the hopes that she will be chosen and get paid well.* As for her physical attributes, she had brown colored eyes, which matched her hazelnut hair. She was a bit on the thin side, but I know that is probably from the lack of food she is able to get. Her thin form does accentuate her other parts though, giving her a rather nice shape. I really just wanted to run my fingers through her hair./
between the asterix you changed tense which sorta read a bit weird.
Also, i sent this chapter to a close friend of mine to help me analyse what it was that draws mt ot your piece so much. Firstly we deiceded that it's because i think like what your Will thinks like so you're not alone there. Only difference being that he is a little more restrained than myself possibly in part because of his apathy.
that's about where it cut off i think...i hope...bleh, stupid techonology
-the seraph
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March 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM
*gapes*
*swoons*
(*from place on floor*) *cannot even speak so lets Jack type*
Jack: She basically wants you to know that she loves the Dark!Will...well, she loves her SexuallyCuriousAndInnocent!Will as well, but she likes your Dark!Will too.
Will: *scowls at Jack* I'm not sure I like it...
Elven: *hops up from the floor* Well, Will, you don't have to like it. We're fanfiction writers, and we write you how we want to write you, savvy?
Will: *holds up finger threateningly*
Elven: *takes a hold of Will'ngernger and growls* Don't make me break this, damn smith! You raped Jack (although I was in need of a cold drink after that! ^__^;; ), you're being a complete ass, you're going to threaten me?! I do NOT think so! *releases Will's hand*
Will: *narrows eyes* (*mutters*) Bitch...
Elven: *pointed ears perk up* Excuse me? What did you call me? Because last I checked, I was about ready to kick your ass.
Jack: *looks at the two glaring at each other with amusement*
Will: *grumbles and backs down*
Elven: *smirks* That's what I thought, mate.
I LOVED IT AND I HOPE YOU CAN UPDATE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE I JOINED THE RANKS OF YOUR FANS THAT BUG YOU NOW!
*coughs*
Well, maybe not as drastic as that...*grins sheepishly*
I love the story!!!!!
Elven
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March 1, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I don't really remember what I tried to post now. *sheepish* Must not have been that important.
But poor whores, 'specialy the boy, 'cause he doesn't seem to have done this as long as the girl, like it's only his second time or something. He doesn't seem too broken yet. ;_; poor broken Will. And poor stupid Jack, thinking that giving Will whores will make him all better. <<;; ;;>> I want to take all four of them, and smooch them a lot, and feed them icecream and brownies, and.... *ramble*
But poor whores, 'specialy the boy, 'cause he doesn't seem to have done this as long as the girl, like it's only his second time or something. He doesn't seem too broken yet. ;_; poor broken Will. And poor stupid Jack, thinking that giving Will whores will make him all better. <<;; ;;>> I want to take all four of them, and smooch them a lot, and feed them icecream and brownies, and.... *ramble*
schedule
March 1, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Ok, i must confess that i've been reading this from the very start and have not yet reviewed. Shame on me so i'm gonna make this a good one.
First things first, keep doing what you're doing. Wonderful fic, great characterisation, perfect pace, just great.
I'm not normally one for first person but here you've written something i can't walk away from.
Will is fantastic...i think maybe a more realistic product of that sort of experience but then agian, not having been there myself, i can't really comment that much.
I love the one sentence paragraphs you've been using as end of thoughts. They work really well and give me a wonderful pause to be able to scream at my family to 'shut the f@@k up, i'm trying to read art!'
i love your sarcasm abuse, it makes me cackle wildly.
Sometimes i wonder what Jack's response would be to some of the stuff Wil just thinks but doesn't say, the first section of chapter 7 esp.
Can't express how much this just amused me beyond belief>
/Once in a while it takes over, drowning out every other noise around me. I have to yell to hear myself. Jack doesn’t seem to like it when I do that. It bothers him.
If it bothers him so much, you would think he would try to make it go away./
Could probably do with longer installments but am happy with anything you give us...please give us more soon though!!!
-the seraph
First things first, keep doing what you're doing. Wonderful fic, great characterisation, perfect pace, just great.
I'm not normally one for first person but here you've written something i can't walk away from.
Will is fantastic...i think maybe a more realistic product of that sort of experience but then agian, not having been there myself, i can't really comment that much.
I love the one sentence paragraphs you've been using as end of thoughts. They work really well and give me a wonderful pause to be able to scream at my family to 'shut the f@@k up, i'm trying to read art!'
i love your sarcasm abuse, it makes me cackle wildly.
Sometimes i wonder what Jack's response would be to some of the stuff Wil just thinks but doesn't say, the first section of chapter 7 esp.
Can't express how much this just amused me beyond belief>
/Once in a while it takes over, drowning out every other noise around me. I have to yell to hear myself. Jack doesn’t seem to like it when I do that. It bothers him.
If it bothers him so much, you would think he would try to make it go away./
Could probably do with longer installments but am happy with anything you give us...please give us more soon though!!!
-the seraph
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March 1, 2004 at 12:00 AM
' “Will, do you think I’m fat?”
I bolted out of bed, trying to fully register what he had just said. “What?!” '
*Grins stuy* Ty* That is so funny... and I am a dork, but I don't care.
Please write more soon, I really enjoy the style of writing you are using (whatever style that is)...
Okay, I'm gonna stop, before I make an even bigger fool of my self
*Starts to sing ' I'm a fool, fool, for you...may take a while but I'll prove that it's true...'*
I bolted out of bed, trying to fully register what he had just said. “What?!” '
*Grins stuy* Ty* That is so funny... and I am a dork, but I don't care.
Please write more soon, I really enjoy the style of writing you are using (whatever style that is)...
Okay, I'm gonna stop, before I make an even bigger fool of my self
*Starts to sing ' I'm a fool, fool, for you...may take a while but I'll prove that it's true...'*
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February 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
*giggles at the mental image of someone's lungs popping out of their nostrils* Yeah, I know how loud snoring men are, tho'. <<;; I can hear my daddy snoring from aaall the way downsairs a lot. *grumbles*
But, awww, Will's all jealous. Although he may deny it. And I heart him and want to squeeze him and make him have Jack's babbies. They will be named, uh... Wick... and... Jall. %.@ <-- a face. *looks around*
Know what? I love you. Know why? Besides all the reason's I've said before? 'Cause you update a whole bunch, which makes my heart soar.
We are both filled with the cheeses, we can be the Cheesealicious Duo *squees*
But, awww, Will's all jealous. Although he may deny it. And I heart him and want to squeeze him and make him have Jack's babbies. They will be named, uh... Wick... and... Jall. %.@ <-- a face. *looks around*
Know what? I love you. Know why? Besides all the reason's I've said before? 'Cause you update a whole bunch, which makes my heart soar.
We are both filled with the cheeses, we can be the Cheesealicious Duo *squees*
schedule
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
OMFG and other such acronyms! I posted a whole lot more then that! *screams loudly* Why do you do this to me, adultfanfiction.net, why?! *weeps brokenly* and now I am too lazy to type it all again! waa*sul*sulks in corner, sniffles*