Breath and Dreams

Title: th ath and Dreams
Author: Indigo Moone
Rated: NC17
Summary: My thoughts on Episode 3 time frame; speculative cannon. This is a dark Anakin/Padme romance
Disclaimer: None of the characters or the SW universe belong to me and I am not making any money from this endeavor. This is just for fun!


Prologue and Part One

He was always there. I tasted him, I breathed him- his presence was like an oppressive grasp that twined around my lungs, constricting at his will.

Dreams that I have- they are all but the hazy images that take the form of ephemeral shadow in my state of consciousness. All I want to do is roll over on my pillow and try to see them in the flesh instead of my mind’s eye. Until I sleep again, they remain intangible, just the faraway ideas of what-and who- I think I saw and what happened. The whispers of what might have happened in another existence, or just the reflection of my inner longings remain untouchable and unfathomable in the waking world that is my existence.

Although the overall picture is elusive, I can remember the essentials. The pungent aroma of his tangy cologne, how his eyes glittered in the light like hard diamonds- how warm his skin felt against mine when he wrapped his strong arms around me protectively. My heart flipped over in my chest when he whispered the words I had been dying to hear my whole life through. It was if he knew me implicitly, understanding all of my motivations and needs.

Ah yes, too good to be true. I wake up for another day and find myself here instead of that world awash in vivid color and fragrant beauty. The velvety textures and dramatic landscapes of my dreams are contrasted with the harsh realities that I face on a daily basis.

People spend a good portion of their lives asleep- one can live an entire lifetime in that subconscious world. Who is to say that we don’t? My husband lying next to me can be living in that altered state of consciousness just as I do- it is possible that we may even know each other. Maybe when we sleep at night, we live our other lives- our soul transmigrates to the other world and communes with others, and this consciousness becomes nothing but a shadowy memory.

Perhaps when we die, it is that subconscious world we return to.

Perhaps when I die, he will be there waiting for me.

Anakin always told me that no matter where I went, he would never be far behind. Why would my dreams be any different?


~~~


“She’s been like that for nearly a week.” I knew the healer was informing someone of my medical condition. The voices- I always heard them but I tuned them out. I did not care what they were saying- I was in my own reverie and I liked it there. My private world was both my hell and my paradise, and reserved exclusively for me. I didn’t welcome the intrusion of anyone, and I wanted to stay where I was. I had no vitality left for that other realm. I would just stay here and relive, making the lies an untruth hard facts. I could twist and mold things to my liking, a lucid fantasy that I could forge with my imagination. Nobody had to know but me.

The fragrance of jasmine and lavender blanketed the ballroom. From the mahogany rafters high above the creamy marble dance floor hung long vines of flowers hues of gold and coral like colorful streamers. Music filled the room, the thunderous explosions of the bass reverberating throughout the palace and then receding into an undulating lull as revelers danced to the changing sounds in rhythmic synchronization. The banquet tables were set up along the perimeter of the great hall, heavily laden with food and expensive delicacies, and the tables were canopied in sheer gold organza encrusted with colored beads. Votives in jeweled hurricane lamps sat in the center of every table, and on alabaster wall sconces, alighting the room in a warm and golden glow.

Alive with energy and excitement, the night was electric. The very air was invigorating, an adrenalizing toxin surging through the undercurrents of the palace. A feast for all senses to behold, vivid and tangible, the ball was every bit fitting for its occasion.

Gods, I remember it like it had all just happened. I had been queen once, and truth be told, part of me missed it. Although I have often said that I was relieved when my terms were up, a fraction of me always felt the queenship was a part of my identity. After being the queen for so long, I wasn’t sure whom I was if I weren’t. When Jamilla asked me to stay on as Senator, I was secretly thankful- not a soul would have believed that I was about to suffer a major identity crisis. And nobody would ever know. I was a master at disguising my true feelings; and it would be political suicide to reveal such an intimate weakness. Well timed tears, charming smiles, and a mask of stoic countenanere ere all the trappings of a skilled politician. I could even fool Anakin, if need be. Obi Wan had always told him not to trust a politician…

When I asked Anakin at the retreat if he could live a lie, I half hoped he would say that he could. I said those words knowing that they were the proper ones, but all I needed was a gentle push and I would have abandoned them. My principles were once metal clad and impenetrable, and now they were so easily malleable by the cobalt fire that burned in Anakin’s eyes. It was a delicate and exhilarating balancing act, teetering on the edge of oblivion while clinging to safety… if Anakin had pressed me any further, I would have given in that very night. I knew that we belonged together- we were fated- we were doomed.

But I hadn’t known then that Anakin was more than my match. I had underestimated the situation in the most basic of ways- he was a man, and I was a woman. I had no idea that I would be so desperate for him by the time he was through with me.
Every woman should at least be kissed once by a man such this- a dangerous man with a dark streak, who reminds you of what it is to be woman. Breathless kisses and mind numbing toucare are the weapons of such a man. His arsenal is full of intoxicating armaments, aphrodisiacs that were designed for sexual conquest. He could evoke a throbbing heat from your innermost core, and make it radiate throughout your body with the slightest of nuances. Anakin made me feel more like a woman in the most primal sense of the word- and the more I felt that way, the more attractive he became. Nobody had ever been able to bring me to such depths of need. Such are the tools of a dangerous man like Anakin Skywalker.

Our first night together as a married couple was all he needed to turn the tide in his favor. The time we spent together, although fleeting, was enough give an indelible mark to my soul…ved ved him wholly and completely with every fiber of my being; and nothing was going to keep us apart.

Living the lie was a noxious fume that would prove deadly- and we both knew it. Even still, I would stand by my husband, come what may. No one else would do- and there could never be a substitute.

And that was how I felt at the ball; the memories linger, so much larger than life. It was the first time since we had seen each other since we married. I was starved for his touch, each and every night I longed just to be near to him. One night with him was not enough- one night before he had to leave me and return to the Temple to live the lie. There was so much more I wanted to do- so much more I wanted to say… Over the last two months, I sought every possible reason to get a chance to see him- but there were none. Although I was dying a million little deaths each day without him, I would be damned if I showed him. Even though I was driven to distraction with desire, I certainly wasn’t going to look it. Even then, with the strongest of love in my heart, I hated him for making me this way.

And so, I scanned the ballroom efficiently; searching for the object of my love and lust, and emitted a deep sigh of regret when I realized Anakin was not there.

“Padme, what is it?”

“Oh, nothing, Bail. I am just wondering if Master Kenobi was in attendance. It has been a while since I have seen him and I wanted to talk. I understand the Jedi are interested in thwarting the War effort and that is good news to me.”

“Yes, it has come to me as quite a shock that the Order has aligned itself in such a way. Perhaps they know something that we do not.”

“Perhaps…the Jedi are known for their secret keeping abilities. They are trained to shield themselves, after all.” I laughed lightly, putting my arm on Bail’s as a subtle request to take me to the dance floor. He was more than willing to oblige. Bail had always been a faithful friend to me, and as of late, he was making his intentions known to me that he wanted to be much more. I wondered if word of Bail’s intentions had reached Anakin at the Temple. The Galactic Senate building was quite close to the Jedi Temple, and many a jedi and senator frequented the two places. Surely the nexus would carry such gossip, and I wondered about his reaction. Bail took me in his tutored arms and skillfully lead me in the dance. He was a wonderful dancer- I felt light as a feather as he dipped and twirled me gracefully.

The images swirled around my head, bleeding into formless colors… thought evoking fragrances… tingling sensations.

“She canoverover if she chooses, Master, but I think she does not want to be reached. She just regresses further into unconsciousness.”

Gods, shut up!


And my gown- it gown was truly magnificent. I can still feel the shimmering silk as it flowed softly from the train I had gathered on my arm. The vibrant colors spilled over my arm like a waterfall, and I floated on its luxurious liquid texture. My hair was piled behind my head, cascading in bronzed curls and secured with an spaying pin of amethysts, matching the necklace around my neck and the deep hues of indigo and lavender of my gown. I wanted to enjoy the opulence while I still could- something told me that the days of the Republic’s bounty were nearly at an end. It was the destiny of all civilizations to rise and fall- perhaps it was the time our golden age was ending, an era ushered out by the Clone Wars that I had been so much against.

Looking back on it now, the Republic’s decay could have been a metaphor for my own life. Troops were pouring into all corners of the galaxy, and taking control; much like the delicious poison that I craved more and more of.

As we danced, I became aware of his eyes. They were searing into me. I felt his presence surround me- he was everywhere. I breathed him on the air; I tasted him on my lips. His essence engulfed me as my eyes darted over the throng of people, seeking the source but to no avail.

“Anakin,” it was only a faint murmur- but it was real. He was imposing suggestions with the force to make it known that he was there and wanted me to know it.

Oh, how he wanted me to know it.

Bail was talking to me but I wasn’t listening, nodding my head as if I was engrossed with his conversation. He could have asked me to marry him and I might have agreed, so engrossed I was in the rapture overtaking me.

What a cruel and cunning trick-while innocently in the arms of another man, Anakin was heightening my desire for him by calling attention to the fact that Bail his substitute proxy. As Anakin ministered erotic suggestions with his signature, I was acutely aware that Bail was not the one whom I wanted to be in the company of. I didn’t want to be dancing with this man-these were not the arms I wanted to be held in and that was not the mouth that I wanted all over me…

Anakin had managed to make an innocuous dance an erotic trap; I felt the heat of Anakin’s need he dhe downy hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, my body warming and obeying his every command. Invisible, ravenous hands that exercised a practiced control roamed over me- warm lips dragged down the column of my neck. A stab of heat shot through my pelvis and throbbed throughout my body, like massaging fingers unfurling from an artful hand. My nipples had hardened and I felt a wet tongue of warmth flick over them as I gasped.

“Padme, are you alright? You looked flushed.”

As abruptly as it started, immediately it all ended, and I sought to control my beleaguered breathing as I looked up into Bail’s concerned eyes.

“Just a little warm,” I heard myself mumble reassuringly. Bail thankfully led me to a canopied settee where Dorme was sitting, and took his leave politely, citing that there were some heads of state he needed to speak with before they were too inebriated to converse logically. Dorme had risen to get me something to drink and I was alone, anonymous in the crowd. My heart was beating wildly with anticipation, waiting for Anakin to reveal himself to me. Deciding I could no longer wait, I decided to search for my husband.

The sea of bodies churned, richly dressed and scented with heady perfumes. I struggled to stay afloat as I sliced my way through , us, using my agility and small frame to take care not to bump into anyone. Like a magnet, I could feel Anakin pulling me to him. He knew his way around the Royal palace of Theed, but even I was surprised to see how well he navigated it. I was being drawn into one of the least frequently used parts of the palace, following his force signature like a trail of breadcrumbs he deliberately left for me.

Now far enough away from the crowd, I knew we were safe from any straggling revelers who were wandered the palace grounds, but I had yet to see Anakin. I sat on a small upholstered bench against the wall, searching the great empty hallway for some sign of him. I was about to rise and return, thinking the trail was cold when he emerged from the shadows directly across from where I sat.

“Padme,” he declared provocatively. “You have been a naughty little wife.”

Before I had a chance to answer him or fell any sort of emotion, he descended on me swiftly. His hands had hiked my skirt up to my waist and pushed my legs apart, kneeling and settling between them as his upper body pressed me to the wall. His hungry mouth captured mine in a torrid kiss, as he pulled the top of my bodice down, filling his demanding hands with my breasts.

“Tell me Padme, can Bail make you feel like this?” his voice was husky as he whispered against my mouth, pulling and rolling my nipples in his skillful fingers as he rubbed his rough pants against my sweet spot. It felt so good to be rendered so helpless- it felt so delicious to have his ultimate attentions on providing such sensations to my body.

“Maybe,” I managed playfully, knowing it would incite him. Besides, he deserved it for the way he treated me. I didn’t care how long it had been since I had seen him; it was a cruel trick he pulled on me in the ballroom. And although I missed him horribly, I wasn’t going to let him see that- especially with this attitude.

Anakin grunted, standing and roughly pulling me up from my seat. I laughed defiantly as he glared at me. Without any words, he held my gaze and pushed me to the wall as he hooked my leg over his arm.

“You wouldn’t,” I gasped, knowing he was freeing his swollen erection from his pants. I knew Anakin was capable of many things, but this was something I thought he would never do. Not this- not this way- and not here.

“Why not?” His eyes gleamed with darkness and my knees nearly buckled. With his mouth half opened in an arrogant smile he pulled my panties to the side and pushed himself deep inside of me. A sharp intake of air through his gritted teeth told me that he was glad to be inside of me, the frustration of not being together about to be assuaged.

Over and over again, his hardened length pumped into me, and like hot wet velvet I clenched tightly around his massive girth. A hiss of pleasure escaped his lips before he began to taunt me, an evocative rhythm set by his hips as they slammed into my supplicant body. I was melting, flowering for him as he mercilessly slammed me into the wall.

“Who do you want, Padme? Tell me, who makes your legs shake like I do?” He continued his maddening thrusts as my strained inner thighs pulsed with ecstasy. When he realized I couldn't answer, he buried himself to the hilt inside me and pressed against the core of my desire, grinding in small circles. Anakin always knew just what to do when it came to me. “You know there is only me, only me, my love…”
Of course, there was only him.

When I think about it, the enormous averwverwhelming situation was not what condemned my husband and I to ruination, but instead it was the smaller intangibles. It was not the great arguments, not the collision of two worlds or the jealous rages- but the small and frail things that come from living a lie. Those little things built up onto a single and formidable murderer.

Yes, it was those insignificant things that killed: the look that lingered too long on Bail, a shadow a little too ominous as it passed ovnakinakin’s face- a sly remark made by Obi Wan in passing…trivial things like that…

And of course, a dose of compassion for the devil.

***TBC***
Indigo Moone
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PioneersWithPlots/