Control

Title: Control
Chapter Fourteen
Author: Angelsdee
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Mikaela has trouble letting go of Rob. And Dom learns the unusual identity of the voice he has been hearing in his head.

“You have an amazing voice. Most people aren’t secure enough to sing like that in front of people. That was beautiful.”

“Well”, she chuckled, “we both know I am far from secure but thank you.”

“How did you alter your voice like that? You sounded just like him.”

“Lots of practice. I use to sing with a band when I was in high school. Since I have a lot of time on my hands I kind of keep up with it.”

“Will you sing for me again?”

“Ok. But I can’t sing like a girl. My voice is too deep.”

He laughed softly and gave her a tighter squeeze.

“Dominic…”

“Yeah, baby?” He lightly kissed the side of her head.

“Can I turn around and wash you now?”

“Whatever you want, darlin.” He released his hold on her and she turned herself around to face him. He scooted forward a little and she placed her legs over his crossing them around his hips.

He watched her with hungry eyes as she grabbed the sponge, soaked up some suds, and ran it down his chest. He leaned his head back and enjoyed the attention she was lavishing on him. She appeared to be loosening up a little and he couldn’t help but feel like she achieved a major break-through with his help.

The feeling of her hands running along his skin relaxed and excited him at the same time but he let her explore at her own leisure. She grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage, lifted her ass up and lowered herself on his lap. Then she wrapped her arms around his back and lowered her upper body against his. She moved her head into the crook of his neck and kissed him lightly just below his ear. She could feel him harden beneath her bottom.

She heard another favorite of hers come on the stereo, turned up the volume again, and hit another switch that turned on some speakers in the bedroom. “I’ll sing this for you. It’s Alice in Chains. The song is called Down in a Hole. It kind of touches a spot in me.” She smiled shyly. His arms came around her back and he waited for her voice to hit him when the ballad started.

Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers in a tomb

Down in a hole and I don’t know if I can be saved
See my heart and I decorate it like a grave
Oh you don’t understand who they thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man who won’t let himself be

Down in a hole
Feeling so small
Down in a hole
Losin my soul
I’d like to fly
But my wings have been so denied

Down in a hole and they’ve put all the stones in to place
I’ve eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more of my feelings beneath

Down in a hole
Feeling so small
Down in a hole
Losin my soul
I’d like to fly
But my wings have been so denied

Bury me softly in this womb
Oh I want to be inside of you
I give this part of me for you
Oh I want to be inside of you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Oh I want to be inside of you
Holding rare flowers in a tomb
Oh I want to be inside

Down in a hole
Feeling so small
Down in a hole
Losin my soul
Down in a hole
Feeling so small
Down in a hole
Out of control
I’d like to fly
But my wings have been so denied
By the middle of the song she had closed her eyes and sang her heart out. She had tears in her eyes by the end. When she looked up into his face to see his reaction, she saw a gentle smile and eyes filled with wonder. He wouldn’t stop staring.

“Well?” She was getting uncomfortable by his silence.

“I don’t know what to say. That was…moving. You have a passion about you when you sing.”

She stared into his eyes for a moment until she felt herself float. He was captivating. She placed her hands on the sides of his face, leaned forward, and kissed him with a passion she didn’t know she possessed anymore. She caught herself, pulled slightly back, her lips only a breath away from his, and looked up into his eyes.

She held his gaze, her forehead creased, and he could tell she was trying to work through what she was feeling. Finally her features softened and she reached a hand down between them to grasp his straining erection in her palm. He gasped at the contact and watched her intently. “Baby?”

Her eyes never left his as she rose up, positioned him at her entrance, and lowered herself onto his shaft. They both moaned and closed their eyes at their joining. He opened his first and stared at her. Her eyes were still closed, she was breathing deeply through her mouth, and held onto his shoulders, swaying slightly as if in a trance. “Baby”, his voice was strained with need. She opened her eyes and looked at his tense face. “Are you sure?”

She unhooked her legs from around his waist and moved them back until she was straddling him on her knees. “Show me how to please you.”

He looked at her in awe. She had initiated first contact and wanted to please him. He moved his hands to her waist, lifted her up and then lowered her back down on him. His eyes clouded over from the pressure on him. She was still incredibly tight. “Hold on to my shoulders and just ride me.”

She tested his instructions and found a slow, steady rhythm that pleased them both. She arched her back when she moved down hard enough to feel him deep within her. When she arched her back, he leaned forward, and captured a nipple between his teeth. She threw her head back, reeling from the sensations she was feeling.

She moaned loudly and increased her pace on him. She rode him hard and he pounded up into her matching her rhythm. The only things to be heard besides the music was splashing water, slapping flesh, and the sound of increased ecstasy.

He knew she was tiring from the exertion so he used his hands on her waist to move her on his cock. He felt her orgasm approach and saw her bear her neck to him. He pumped up into her with a few more hard thrusts, leaned in and latched onto her throat with his teeth. When she screamed her release, it pushed him over the edge and he buried himself in her to the hilt and released his seed into her with a cry.

Utterly spent they collapsed into each other. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and her forehead rested against his. He was holding her in a tight embrace trying to ride out the effects of his climax. When he finally caught his breath, he noticed the water was cooling.

“Baby?”

“Mm Hmm.”

“Let’s get washed up and go to bed.”

“Mm okay.”

He lifted her off his lap and used the sponge to clean her up and then washed himself. He picked her up in his arms and walked up out of the tub. He placed her back on her feet, grabbed a towel, dried her entire body, and then used it to dry himself.

He picked her back up and carried her out to the bed. He knelt down on the edge, gently lowered her down in the center and moved to lie beside her. She curled into his body and he wrapped her in his muscular arms.

“Mick…I love you.” He felt her stiffen in his embrace.

“You…shouldn’t.” She whispered so softly he almost didn’t hear it.

“Why not?”

“Nothing good comes from loving me.” She said in a dead serious tone.

He pulled back, rose above her and looked at her blank expression. He was confused. She was like quicksilver with her moods. He couldn’t tell from looking at her face if she was the same passionate creature he just made love to. He grabbed her upper arms and shook her. “Isn’t this good? What we have!”

“I don’t know what this is.” She said in an empty voice.

He was getting angry at the way she acted like nothing just happened. “Whatever you think, it is love and we are bonded. You are my mate!”

Her eyes widened and she tilted her head towards the music that was still playing in the room. An old song remade by Pearl Jam had started. She ignored him completely and listened for the words. Tears started to fall before the lyrics could even begin.

Oh where, oh where
Can my baby be?
The lord took her
Away from me
She’s gone to heaven
So I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby
When I leave this world

We were out on a date in my daddy’s car
We hadn’t driven very far
There in the road straight ahead
A car was stalled the engine was dead
I couldn’t stop so I swerved to the right
I’ll never forget the sound that night
The screamin tires the bustin glass
The painful scream that I heard last

Oh where, oh where
Can my baby be?
The lord took her
Away from me
She’s gone to heaven
So I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby
When I leave this world

When I woke up the rain was pouring down
There were people standing all around
Something warm rolling through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head she looked at me and said
Hold me darlin just a little while
I held her close I kissed our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I missed
Well now she’s gone even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life that night

Oh where, oh where
Can my baby be?
The lord took her
Away from me
She’s gone to heaven
So I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby
When I leave this world

Her whole body was shaking and her tears were running freely. He watched the distant look in her eyes as if she was someplace else in her mind. He could feel agony, loss, and guilt flowing into him from her. Eddie Vetter’s words took her someplace painful and she was watching something play out before her mind’s eyes that was killing her…and, because of the bond, him as well.

“Mick…baby, stop it!” He gasped at the pain filling him.

“No. This is not fucking happening.” She repeated the words that she said that fateful night.

“Mick, stop please.” The emotions were overtaking him. She heard his choked words vaguely through the replay of the worst day of her life. Then she felt him and the pain she was causing him so she let go of the memory.

“Dominic! I’m sorry!”

He took some calming breaths and looked at her. “It’s alright, baby.”

“No, it’s not. I can’t say it.”

He gave her a confused look and asked, “Can’t say what, Mick?”

“I told you I don’t know what this is. A person can forget a lot of things in the years that I lost. If this is what you say it is…love, I can never say it to you. I have lost everyone I said those words to and I won’t risk it again. Not with you. I told you…nothing good comes from loving me.”

“You’re wrong!”

“No. I’m not. You are my mate. We have a bond that even death cannot break. The only way to break it is if we both want it and I know you won’t let me go. But I have to say I think you are a fool for allowing it to happen or wanting it in the first place.”

“Mick…”

“Please shut up and let me finish. You know what I am and you bonded yourself to me. You just felt my greatest agony. How did it taste? Pretty shitty, huh. You made a terrible mistake, Dominic. You thought you would destroy me but I will be your destruction. I’m giving you an out here. I’d consider taking it if I was you.”

She got up off the bed and walked to the stairs. She turned to look at his stunned expression. “I might have learned to…feel some things again. Thanks to you. But I am a ghost. A shell of a being that use to be. What could I possibly have to offer you? I cannot say those words to you even if I wanted to. I’m sorry.” With that she ran down the stairs.

“Mick!” He got up and ran after her. By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs, she was turning down the hall. “Mick! Stop!”

When he got to the hallway, she had run into the dojo and yelled, “Boys! Door!” He saw the dogs exit the room and she slammed the door behind them.

He passed the library door and when he approached the second door, the dogs stood their ground and defended their beloved owner. The animals that had been accepting of him earlier were growling a warning. When he tried to move towards them, they flashed their teeth and the growl stepped up to a last warning.

“Mick! Baby, please let me in!”

“I already let you in, Dom. That’s the problem. Now please leave me alone.”

He heard the finality in her voice and knew he wasn’t getting anywhere near her right now unless he risked some serious injury going against the dogs. He leaned back against the library door and slid to the floor.

She was lost. She started to feel for him and when she heard that song memories of Rob flashed through her head. Their friendship, their unspoken love, the accident, his death, and her guilt.

Her bond with Rob never affected him the way it just did Dom. The baggage she carried around these days was so huge that high school shit couldn’t compare to it. She hurt him with her words and the mental backlash. Her tears turned bitter and she got angry with herself for the pain she caused him. She strode up to her heavy bag and released her anger on it.

He could her hitting and kicking the punching bag out in the hall. He closed his eyes and pictured her naked and angry unleashing her fury on the bag.

A half an hour later, her punches started to slow down. She was wearing herself out. She wrapped her arms around the bag, trying to hold herself up but exhaustion weighed her down, and she slid to the floor.

Breathing heavy with exertion, she crawled on her hands and knees to the wrestling mats and laid down. ‘I suck.’ She pulled her knees to her chest and noticed her knuckles were bleeding…badly. In her anger, she forgot to wear gloves.

~*~
*Hey.*

‘Well, it’s the devil. What the fuck do you want?’

*You haven’t figured out who I am yet, have you?*
‘Workin’ on it but at this moment you aren’t my concern. But, if you want an answer now, I would say a pain in the ass!’

*It should concern you. Especially now!*

‘Nothing concerns me right now but her!’

*Exactly.*

‘What are talking about? Are you saying that you’re her?’

*Part of her.*

‘You sound like a guy.’

*Can’t slip anything past you, huh? All right look, I know I shouldn’t do this but you need help. She’s asleep now. I am her subconscious mind trying to get you to understand what she can’t put into words.*

‘I repeat, you sound like a guy.’

*She’s pretty fucked up that way. She made me a part of her mind when I died. She never would let go. Fuck, after my funeral she spent every night of 6 six weeks sitting by my grave. That was a hell of a feat cuz something about cemeteries and her never jived well. She’d freak whenever she went to one when I was still alive. Anyways, she got claustrophobia then because I was in the ground and she felt like she was too.*

‘I don’t understand. You are talking like you are two different people.’

*In a way…we are. Remember she said that death couldn’t break the bond. I was the last person she was connected to. Kind of gave her the ability to put me in her head as a separate entity but not. I told her it was all very confusing. I mean you can feel her now. Can you tell where she ends and you begin? Either way, I am the reason why she ran from you just now and locked herself in that room.*

‘Why?’

*Couple of reasons. Earlier today I told her to walk away from me and go back to you. She did. She needs you and she wants to love you. Then that thought of her being death to whomever she loves hit her and that fucking song came on to drive the nail in the coffin. Do you remember she said that the bond couldn’t be broken unless you both wanted it? It just hit her that she wanted to break our connection and she felt guilty about walking away from me.*

‘You’re the one in the picture.’
*Yep.*

‘Are you the one who broke her?’

*My death started it and that’s all I am going to say about that. I am her agony and loss. Her pain and fear is coming both mentally and in the flesh. She won’t survive without you.*

‘What do I do?’

*First of all I have to say I’m impressed you haven’t run from her yet. She’s pretty complex. Most people would think this is insane. Anyways, you are her mate. She loves you but won’t allow herself to admit it and is scared when she feels it. Her fight is coming. The only way she’ll make it is if she admits her love for you. You are her anchor now. I will not interfere or help her anymore. You are her new bond mate.*

‘You were her mate!’

*Whoa buddy! You’re getting jealous of a dead guy. Souls only. Not flesh. One more thing, if you concentrate hard enough right now you could tell she is going to need you in there real soon. So figure out how to get past the dogs. Oh and you better learn how separate her feelings from yours too. Take care of our girl.*

‘My girl.’

~*~
No! This is not fucking happening!
Two cars racing towards her. A third coming from the cross street.
The screamin tires
The bustin glass
The painful scream
That I heard last
Rob! Come on, baby! Wake up!
Miss! I’m sorry. He’s gone.
Help me get him out!
The impact impaled his chest on the steering wheel.
We didn’t apologize yet.
~*~
He felt the pain in his chest and got to his feet immediately. He started towards the door but the dogs stood their ground. “Boys! Nyet! She needs me!”

Zeus heard his master’s pain through the door and gave the other 2 dogs a bark. Ares and Apollo sat down to guard the entrance. The red dog opened the door to the dojo, barked at Dom, and they both ran past the other two dogs into the room.

Dom saw her across the room lying on the mats and ran to her side. She was curled into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest with bloody hands, and crying in her sleep. He ran his fingers through her hair. Somehow it seemed the right thing to do and she seemed to relax at his touch then she came awake.

“Baby?”

“Rob?” She kept her eyes closed.

“No, baby. It’s not him. It won’t be him ever again.”

“No.” She clenched her eyes, tears falling, and shook her head. “He left me because I left him.”

“He left you to me. He wants us to be together. Are you going to honor his last wish for you?”

She opened her eyes and stared across the room at the picture of them. ‘If you ever loved me please do as I say.’ She sat up and then rose to her feet. She walked on shaky legs to the dresser and looked at her best friend’s face smiling down at her. ‘Wake up and go back to him. Walk away from me and go live in the real fucking world.’

Dom stood at a short distance behind her. He watched her legs shake and her hand reach out to skim her fingers over the photo. He inched closer when her knees started to buckle under her.

“I loved you too. Bye baby.” Her eyes rolled up in her head and she passed out. He caught her in his arms before she even got close to hitting the floor.

~~Song “Down In A Hole” by Alice In Chains~~
~~Song “Last Kiss” by Pearl Jam~~