Control

Title: Control
Chapter Fifteen
Author: Angelsdee
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Micki tells Dom a little about her past.

She could feel something touch her skin as she struggled through the darkness in her mind and tried to get back to the light. There was no safe place in her head anymore now that he was gone and she wanted out. She pulled herself towards the only one she had left and he was nearby.

She could smell his scent all over her. She could feel his concern and love for her. ‘It’s a wet washcloth.’ He was running it over her forehead and his other hand was gently touching her cheek. “Dominic?” She whispered as she came to.

“I’m here, baby.” Relief flooded him as she regained consciousness.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you still here?” She opened her eyes and looked into his face. “Why haven’t you run screaming from me? I’m a fucking nutcase.”

“Mick. You’ve had a hard time of life. Fate hasn’t been very forgiving of you either. You lost the only person you ever loved and…”

“No.” She interrupted him before he could continue. “I had three. Three loves and I lost them all. Two of them to death.” She had a look in her eyes like she needed to say something so he waited while she worked it out.

She looked down at her body and noticed he dressed her. Her hands were wrapped in gauze bandages and she was in her bed. “You dressed me.”

“Yeah. I figured you might be a little disoriented when you came to and finding yourself naked might have made it worse so…”

“This isn’t mine.” She looked at the jersey she was wearing and caught his scent. “It’s yours.”

“I picked up some of my stuff when you went for your ‘run’. I didn’t know if you wanted to wake up in my arms but I wanted something of mine wrapped around your body.” He gave a hesitant smile hoping he didn’t fuck up again with her.

“It’s fine.” She glanced at her bandages.

“Yeah. I fixed those up for you too. They were pretty much hamburger.”

“Thank you. Dominic…I wouldn’t have minded waking up in your arms. I’m sorry I left them earlier.”

“Well we can fix that now.” He pulled back the blanket and crawled in next to her. He opened his arms, said, “Come to daddy”, and she threw herself into his embrace. “Talk to me, Mick. Tell me what you need to say.”

“That’s not the way this works. I’m the one that is supposed to listen and help you.”

“Who says, baby? Why can’t someone help you for a change? I don’t understand why you would even want to help anyone if you can feel what they feel. I’d want to stay as far away as possible.”

She looked at his profile and could see his frustration. “Which question do you want answered first? I don’t seek out people that need help. If they are nearby and not leaving anytime soon then I help.”

“Why? Are you on some good Samaritan mission or something?”

She laughed softly. “If I am it’s a pretty self-centered mission.” She rose up on her right arm and looked down at him. “I make their pain go away and I don’t hurt from it. Get it now?”

Understanding crossed his face and replaced the frustration. “Is it bad?”

“It got worse. When I was younger I could handle it better unless I was in a large crowd. Now, it’s just a bitch.”

“You lost your control.”

“Yeah. I did.” She couldn’t look him in the eyes when she admitted it.

He cupped her face in his palm and used her original safe word to urge her on. “Mick.” She looked back into his eyes upon hearing the name only Rob had called her before Dom stumbled upon it. “Keep going. It started with him. Your friend in the picture.”

“Yeah, it did.” She stared through him, trying to figure out how to explain this, and decided the beginning was best. “It’s funny. A shrink asked me once if I had a happy childhood. They always ask that. I think its procedure. I told him it was okay. I had loving parents that gave me everything I wanted but I was always morose. My moods were mercurial. I told him all of that and he asked if I wasn’t happy with my life. I said I had my good days and my bad days but I couldn’t say that on my good days I was skipping along whistling a fucking tune.”

She laughed and it got a smile from him. Dom had a feeling that he was fixing to hear something that she hadn’t said to anyone before and he didn’t want to derail her.

“I knew I was different from other kids at a very young age. This thing I have made me older than I really was. I became a ‘difficult child’ in elementary school. I had a lot of anger and I hit other kids. My father thought taking martial arts would teach me some discipline. At the age of 6, I was voracious to learn everything I could. It was a good effort on his part to try to get me to control my anger. It worked in a way. In other ways, it made me worse.”

“I had really bad headaches and I ran a lot of fevers. High ones that landed me in the hospital quite often. I’d go ballistic when my parents took me to the hospital. I could feel pain and suffering everywhere. My mom said I was acting like a baby but my father seemed to understand. Unless they couldn’t get my fevers to break, they would just give me ice baths at home.” She glanced down into his eyes and smiled. “A practice I still maintain by the way. I keep a freezer full in the garage.”

“Useful information. I’ll make sure to remember that.” He smiled at her and ran his hand over her forehead. “You were hot when I found you earlier. Do the fevers come when things get bad?”

“I guess. My normal body temperature is a 100.1. I’m not like you normal humans. I always get overheated and have to cool down. I think the exertion from dealing with this shit kicks up my body heat.”

He could feel warmth a little higher than his with his palm. “You’re back to what passes as normal for you now. I guess the cool rag was good enough this time around.”

“Thank you for taking care of me. I still can’t believe you didn’t take the out I gave you though.”

“You’re welcome, not gonna happen, and keep going!” He smiled at the indignant look on her face.

“In middle school they called me a ‘trouble maker’ because I still fought a lot. I dated a boy that lived next door to me. We had known each other since we were in a playpen. I actually let him take my virginity in the 6th grade. I know some would think that is awfully young to have my cherry popped or that I was a slut or something but he was the only guy I had sex with up through high school. We ended up going to different high schools but we stayed together. He died in a car crash when I was a junior. Russell was my first love.”

For some reason jealousy ran through Dom when he thought about someone other than him touching her, loving her, or seeing the look on her face when she has an orgasm.

*You’re getting jealous of another dead guy. Fuck man, she’s got you whipped already.*

‘Fuck off!’ Rob’s words ran through his mind. He knew it was ridiculous but she was his mate. He also knew the most painful part of the tale for both of them was coming. “Tell me about Rob.”

“We met my first day in high school. I just finished kicking this guy’s ass for picking on another kid. In all the fights that I got into before, I never used any of the skills I learned in the arts but I knew this guy. He was a year older than me and a prick. He was showing off in front of his friends and I lost it. I laid his ass out in all of 10 seconds.”

“When I walked off, up walks this guy telling me how amazing it was.” She smiled reflecting back on the first day of a friendship with a man that she ended up loving more than life. “We were inseparable after that day. One year after we met, he figured out my secret. The devious, little bastard even put me through the wringer just to make sure. A year after that, Russell died and I bonded with Rob.”

“I was crying about Russell. We were in a park that was our spot. We went there for alone time. He was holding me and I looked into his eyes. Something happened, it was weird but we were inside of each other. We bonded. After that day, he was capable of feeling my moods. No matter what time or how far apart we were physically, he knew when I needed him and he would come running.”

Tears were running unnoticed down her face. “I lost him a year later in a car crash right in front of my eyes. I refused to let him go. I did something completely out of my nature after he was buried. I spent every night of six weeks time at his graveside. I do cemeteries about as well as I do hospitals. Both of those places can bring me to my knees with pain, grief, and suffering. But I stayed.”

“I lost it. Plain and simple. That place unhinged me. I think I was punishing myself for something. I don’t know. Anyways, in my slight insanity I talked to him just like I would on any normal day. Then, on one of those nights, he talked back to me. I know that’s crazy, right? I don’t know if I just knew him so well that I could interpret what his response would be to the things I was saying or if, because of the bond, I managed to keep part of him with me. I’m still having trouble figuring that one out.”

She was smiling. ‘Trying to keep on a brave face.’ He focused on her tears and reached up a finger to catch them. He knew he shouldn’t ask this question but his jealousy was running rampant. “Were the two of you ever…together?”

“No. We thought about it but never told each other that we had and we never acted on it. We didn’t want to fuck up perfection.”

*I told you, you prick. I can’t believe I helped you get into my best friend’s panties.*

Dom got flustered at the mental scolding and started to firmly believe that Rob was a separate entity. “So those are the two loves that you lost to death. I’m sorry, Mick. Car crashes. Both of them. I’d be surprised if you ever got into a car again after that.”

She smiled at him and said, “I’m a tougher bitch than you think. Well…I use to be. I’ll have you know that I bought every damn sports car that I came across that would give a guy wood or make a girl wet.”

He laughed at her enthusiasm. “Really? I wouldn’t think that would be something you would want to do.”

“It wasn’t. I did it for Rob. He loved to street race. I hated it but it made him feel alive. Ultimately, it killed him. He was racing when he got into the accident. I bought those fucking cars to try to feel alive like he did. I even drove them the way he would have. It was a test for myself. It didn’t work.”

“I wasn’t afraid of the cars. I wasn’t destined to die in a vehicle. I have already been in a car and a motorcycle accident that would’ve taken anyone else’s life. Not me. I was destined to die in a different way.”

Her mood turned solemn and he didn’t want to push on that last statement of her destined death. “What made you leave the cemetery for good?” She got tense and her eyes widened but she kept going.

“Rob and I had another…friend that was a part of our inner circle. We had a lot of friends but just the three of us were the core unit. Bill was our quiet follower. I think he kept calling my house every night after the funeral and was told I wasn’t home. He finally tracked me down at the cemetery.”

“He found me at the end of the 5th week. I was curled up on the ground at the foot of Rob’s grave. He picked me up in his arms and took me home. Every night of the following week he would come for me, pick my shaking body up off of the ground, and take me home. He never said a word to me, not once, until the last day. He told me never to go back there again. And I didn’t. I took what I needed from that place and had no reason to go back.”

“You took Rob with you.”

“Yeah. Therein lies my insanity. I lost a large part of my soul when he died. I really never was the same again. I kind of walked around in a daze because nothing seemed real to me. I didn’t have my anchor anymore.”

“You said you had three loves. What about the last one? He obviously came after Russell and Rob based on the timeline.”

*Don’t go there! She isn’t ready yet!*

“I…I don’t want to talk about him, ok?”

“That’s fine, baby. What about this Bill guy? Do you still talk to him?”

*Dude, shut the fuck up!*

Her whole body went rigid and her eyes flared with some inner rage. She moved off the bed and headed towards the stairs. She turned back to him with fire in her eyes and clenched fists. “No. I don’t speak to him anymore. Nor do I wish to see Bill Cobb ever again. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink and…maybe to hit something.” She said it in a deadly voice. Eerily calm but deadly. Then she walked down the stairs.

Dom stared at the ceiling trying to figure out what set her off. Then his eyes got a look as deadly as hers when it hit him. ‘Bill Cobb! B! C!’

*Bingo genius.*

‘He’s the fucker that cut her!’

*He did a lot more to her than cut his initials into her. You’ll see, or rather feel it.*

‘He broke her! He made her this way!’

*I told you my death started it. I’m her agony and loss. He is her pain and fear. That girl was never afraid of anything until he picked her apart and he used my death to do it. She was vulnerable and he swooped right in. Go to her but watch what you say. She’s angry right now but her moods change fast when it comes to this fucker. If and when the pain and fear come, you are in for a shitty time.*

‘What do I do?’

*Be with her. Love her. Show her it is possible for someone to love her and that she does have something to offer.*

‘It is possible and she does!’

*I guess so since you didn’t take that out she offered you. Go get your woman, big guy.*

Decisions and plans made, Dom went in search of his mate.