Autobiography

The water had gone cold an hour ago.

Margaux stared up at the ceiling. Even the bathroom hadn’t escaped the off-white textured paper treatment, it seemed. She couldn’t hear any activity elsewhere in the cottage — Margaux wasn’t sure whether that was because there was nothing to hear, or because the bathroom door offered some semblance of soundproofing.

She was starting to shiver, but she didn’t want to get out. Deep red welts had broken out across her skin, and they burned. God they burned.

She’d been stupid. She had grown accustomed to the fear, and she’d forgotten what was hidden beneath the personable facade both her captors presented. She’d forgotten that whether she did what she was told or not didn’t matter when it came to sending a message.

Footsteps outside the door. Margaux drew her legs up and folded her arms over her chest. The door swung open without so much as a knock, and Robert walked in. For a moment he just stood, looking down at her.

“W-what is it?”

“Sorry to barge in on you, love, but I need a piss.”

Margaux wrinkled her nose.

“Oh.”

Robert smirked and shut the door behind him, unzipping his jeans. Margaux pointedly directed her attention at the tiled wall, and he laughed.

“You’d think you’d never seen a cock before.”

Margaux didn’t respond. She was trying to block out what sounded like a racehorse urinating.

“I s’pose you’re cross with me. I just do what I’m told, love.”

“I’m not angry with either of you.”

“That so?” He flushed the toilet and walked to the side of the bath. Margaux hugged herself tighter, and didn’t look up at him. “Those look painful. You alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“Any broken skin?” He knelt down, and Margaux flinched away. Robert tested the water with his fingertips. “This water’s freezing. You’ll catch cold.”

Margaux was silent. He slid his hand beneath the surface of the water and gripped Margaux’s ankle before she could pull it away.

“Don’t struggle. You’ll splash water all over the place.”

“Don’t touch me. Please.”

“You don’t object so much when Bill does it.”

“He doesn’t try to touch me when I’m naked.”

“I’m just trying to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m fine. Please leave me alone.”

They stared at each other, neither of them moving. The only sound was the drip of the tap. Finally, Robert withdrew his hand and stood up, wiping the water off on his jeans.

“I’ll leave a tube of Savlon on your bed. Make sure you put it on any open wounds. If anything gets infected, we can’t take you to a doctor.”

He opened the door and left, slamming it behind him. Margaux pulled the plug, reaching for the towel on the radiator. She wanted to get out of the bathroom before anyone else decided to invite themselves in.

*

There was no broken skin — she thought it would probably have to have been bare for that to happen — but Margaux used the antiseptic cream anyway. In a few minutes, the stinging across both her thighs was replaced by a comfortable numbness. She was sitting on the bed, waiting for the greasy lotion to absorb, when someone knocked on the door.

“Give me two seconds!”

She scrabbled to pull on her jeans. The door opened as she was buttoning the top of the fly, and she instinctively turned away, though she was essentially dressed.

“We’re going out.”

There was something strange in Bill’s voice. When she turned to face him, he was frowning.

“But I—”

“I wasn’t asking. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

*

Margaux walked up the hill in silence. Bill hadn’t spoken since they left, and she’d be damned if she was going to talk to him first. She pulled her coat tight around herself and looked down at the rough slabs that made up the stairs of the footpath.

They had passed over the crest of the hill and started down into the tree-lined valley before Bill said anything.

“You were in the bath for a while. Is everything alright?”

“Just spiffing, thanks.”

“I don’t appreciate that tone, Margaux.”

“Then you’ll have to excuse me.”

He grabbed her arm, and she struggled out of his grip before she could process what she was doing. He caught her again, forcing her to turn and look up at him. It felt as though her arm was in a vice.

“Don’t defy me. I’ve been kind to you so far—”

“If this is kindness, I would really hate to see cruelty.”

“You’re going to be seeing it a lot sooner if you keep this up, Margaux. Do I need to remind you who’s in charge here?”

His fingers dug into her flesh, and she couldn’t suppress a whimper.

“Do I, Margaux?”

“No.”

“What was that?” He shook her sharply.

“No!”

“…Good.”

Bill relaxed his grip, and Margaux turned to bat a tear from her cheek.

“You seem to have forgotten what we talked about earlier. You promised to behave.”

“Yes, well… you forgot first.”

Bill was silent.

“This morning doesn’t count. That was necessary.”

“Well, what else doesn’t count? What will be ‘necessary’ next? What exactly is my motivation for doing as you ask?”

“I’m sorry I had to hurt you, Margaux, but you have to be seen to be in danger if David is going to take us seriously.”

“…You didn’t have to make it so humiliating. That wouldn’t make any difference to him.”

“How did I humiliate you?”

“Throwing your belt at me. Telling me to go clean myself up, as though you’d just fucked me.”

“For all he knows, that’s already happened.”

“That makes me feel so much better.”

They reached a brook running down the hill, toward the river that snaked along the valley floor, and Margaux stepped across it. Bill followed. They passed one tree, then another, until the foliage thickened into a copse.

“It bothers you. The idea of David thinking you’ve been raped.”

“Of course it does!”

“…Why?”

Margaux stopped and turned to face him. “You really don’t know?”

“Humour me.”

She was quiet for a moment. Suddenly she couldn’t bring herself to meet Bill’s eyes, and dropped her gaze to the thick leaf litter.

“No one who knew would ever look at me the same way again.”

“…Then I’m sorry.”

“Yes. Well.” She turned and set off walking again. “Why are we out here, anyway? If you just wanted to talk, it’s not as though I can avoid you.”

“I need to talk to you about Robert.”

“Oh. What about him?”

“He went into the bathroom while you were in there. Why?”

“To use the loo.”

“There’s a water closet en-suite to one of the bedrooms. That’s not why he was in there. What happened?”

“This en-suite is news to me.”

“Don’t change the subject, Margaux.”

“I’m just saying, that loo might have been useful when you were in the bath and I was getting desperate.”

“You could have come in.”

“I was not going to urinate in front of you.”

“You’ve led me off on a tangent, Margaux. I asked you about Robert.”

“Christ! He wanted to look at the belt-marks. That’s all.”

“He didn’t touch you?”

“Well… yes… but not like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like the way you’re suggesting.”

“I’m not suggesting anything.”

“Yes you are. What do you think happened?”

“I was asking you.”

“And I told you, absolutely nothing happened.”

“He didn’t make you feel uncomfortable? You didn’t ask him to leave?”

“…Jesus, if you know everything, why do you always make me tell you?”

“To see whether you’ll tell me the truth. You didn’t. Why?”

“I don’t know!”

“Are you trying to protect him, Margaux?”

“No! I felt stupid, alright? I felt stupid for getting worked up. I realised afterwards that he was just trying to help.”

“You’re certain of that?”

Margaux stopped.

“…What exactly is your problem?”

“Margaux, that tone is creeping in again.”

“Aren’t you two on the same team? What benefit is there in defaming his character to me?”

He stepped towards her and she backed away, until a broad oak trunk blocked her retreat. “I don’t need to defame anyone, Margaux.” He moved in close, pinning her against the tree with a hand on each shoulder. “But I think you need to realise that I am not the only bad man here.”

Margaux looked up at Bill. Bill looked down at Margaux. Somewhere in the distance, a sheep bleated, and another answered.

“Are you really going to cut me up?” The question came out in a quivering whisper. Bill’s grip on her shoulders relaxed, and the look that passed over his features was almost sympathetic. Almost.

“That’s entirely up to your husband.”

“If he doesn’t agree by tomorrow?” Her heart was hammering. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. There was no hint in Bill’s eyes that the prospect of mutilating her caused him any level of discomfort. He absolutely would go through with it.

“That’s plenty of time to secure an agreement.”

“I wish I had your confidence.”

He brought a hand up to her face, and she instinctively flinched. Bill frowned. “I don’t want to hurt you, Margaux.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “David won’t let anything happen. Your friends would never forgive him. He’ll get the money together soon, and then this whole sorry business will be over. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“You just keep doing what you’re told, and don’t cause any trouble. Understand?”

She nodded.

“Good.” Bill’s gaze moved down and lingered on her mouth. Margaux looked away. “Right. Home, then.”

He took her hand and started to lead her back up the hill.