Whisper Your Weakness

Well, I was going to give thank-you's to the people who kindly reveiwed this, but aff.net won't let me on the reviews page for some reason, so...if you reviewed, THANK YOU!

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Her face frozen into a mask of composure, Mara shed no tears at Luke’s service. It was difficult during the private ceremony. These were Luke’s family, friends, former wingmates, and Jedi companions. Leia had asked Mara if she wanted to say a few words, but the trader knew that would be impossible for her to do without revealing to everyone exactly what Luke had been to her. Mara didn’t think she could stand up there, looking down at her slain lover, and talk coherently about what a wonderful man he had been. Hopefully, Leia understood when she declined.

Her heart twisted as she listened to Wedge speak, his voice cracking. Mara could feel the waves of guilt coming off him and she struggled to squash the little flare of anger she felt. She felt a spike in Leia’s sense in the Force and glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. Leia’s chin was trembling slightly and Mara had the feeling that Luke’s sister was struggling with the same ambivalence towards Antilles that Mara herself was.

She didn’t precisely blame Wedge. How could she? Luke would have gone to help a perfect stranger who’d brought him that note. But the fact that Antilles was indirectly responsible for the death of the man she’d just admitted her feelings for - after so many years of fighting them - left a smoldering resentment in her chest.

Mara dropped her gaze to the clasped hands lying in her lap. The resentment caused her to feel guilty, because she knew that Luke would not approve. Wedge was one of his dearest friends and Luke would be sorely disappointed in her emotions, both as his fiancée and as a Jedi. Taking a deep breath, she raised her head back up and listened to Luke’s closest friends eulogizing him.

The true test of Mara’s patience came during the public service. The death of the Jedi Master had drawn the politicians out from under their rocks so they could raise themselves up by pretending a connection with such a famous citizen. The reality was that most of them had never even met Luke Skywalker and of those who had, most had only done so in passing. The ones that had known Luke well, had detested him and everything the Jedi stood for because it was in direct opposition to their own interests the majority of the time.

Yet his real family and friends were forced to listen to these frauds as they rambled on and on about how much Luke Skywalker had meant to their lives. Mara barely kept herself from gagging. And if one more of them made the statement that now Luke was truly ‘walking in the skies’, she might have to hurt someone.

After what seemed an interminable amount of time, the service was at last over. Han and Leia and the children stood just beyond the casket as the hundreds of ‘important people’ filed by Luke’s body and then paused to speak and pay their respects to his family. The general public were crammed into balcony seats and were not allowed on the floor.

Mara sat, still numb, in her seat as the procession filed slowly past. She overheard a few snide whispers about her prominent position sitting with the Solo family, but she ignored them, her stare locked on Luke Skywalker’s lifeless form. When she had first seen him lying there so still, his hands folded neatly across his chest, Mara’s mind had rebelled. This could not be her Luke! It could not! Memories assaulted her instantly: Luke’s smile; his laugh; the look on his face as he’d made passionate love to her; the timber of his voice when he’d said ‘Whisper your weakness to me, and I will lend you my strength’.

“This is my weakness, Luke. I don’t know how I’m going to go on without you,” Mara mumbled to herself, her head dropping again so the curious onlookers wouldn’t see her pain.

Eventually, the long line of mourners trickled out and there was no one left in the auditorium except for the Solos, the Horns, the Antilles, Calrissian, Karrde and a few of the Rogues…and Luke and Mara, who still hadn’t moved from her seat on the first row. The group had gathered at the ornate doors at the rear of the chamber that had been closed behind the last stranger, a few of them sending worried glances Mara’s way, but none of them wanted to disturb her.

Mara was vaguely aware of the soft murmurs of their conversation behind her and she heard Leia say that she was going to take the children back to their apartment. Han replied that he wanted to stay for a little while longer. Gradually, the others drifted away until only Han and Talon remained. She could feel the intensity of their stares at her back, but still they left her to grieve in her own way.

It might have been minutes, hours, or days that she sat there, Mara had no way of knowing. As if in a fog, she got to her feet and slowly walked up to the gleaming silver casket that held the body of Luke Skywalker. Staring down at him, Mara was nearly overwhelmed at the emotions and memories that surged upwards in her.

Only five years ago, this had been what she’d wanted more than anything in the galaxy. She had dreamed of his death, planned it down to the smallest detail, shivering with anticipation at the hope of avenging her Master’s murder. When she’d finally laid eyes on Skywalker in the flesh again that long ago day, Mara had barely been able to stop herself from howling with joy at the chance to finish what she’d begun at Jabba’s palace. And yet…something had kept her from fulfilling Palpatine’s last command.

It wasn’t until some time later that she’d realized that something was Luke himself. His purity, his utter goodness, had battered at her defenses until Mara had finally given in and admitted that she couldn’t kill him, didn’t even want to kill him. Her Master had been the deceiver, not Luke. Never Luke.

It still baffled Mara how she had gone from wanting to kill him to wanting to kiss him. That had occurred to her as she’d watched him sleeping one night during their trek through the forests of Myrkr. The realization had both fascinated and horrified her. The greatest enemy she had ever known and yet Mara had found herself mesmerized by the lush fullness of his lips. A tiny smile quirked the corner of her mouth as she remembered that moment, although it had definitely not been amusing at the time.

Naturally, Mara had made certain that Skywalker was never aware of her growing feelings. Now, having lost him so soon, she cursed herself for the wasted time. Several years had slipped by, years they could have spent together, loving one another, instead of the few brief weeks they’d had.

Mara’s eyes wandered slowly over every centimeter of Luke’s face, thinking it unnaturally calm and serene. The last time she’d seen him, he had been smiling. Luke Skywalker had been a handsome man in any regard, but when he’d smiled, truly smiled - not the Jedi Master tiny curve of the lips that strangers saw, but the rare beaming expression of joy that only close friends and family were graced with - he’d been luminous.

Slowly, she reached out and touched his right hand, the real one, stroking the back of it softly with her fingers. Sliding her fingers underneath his slack ones, Mara lifted Luke’s hand to hold it between both of hers. She lowered her head and gently kissed the hand she held, a shiver passing through her at the coldness of it.

Mara’s eyes drifted closed as she held his hand up against her lips, the shiver of a few moments ago becoming a trembling that would not seem to stop. A knot of tension began to build somewhere deep in her gut, stabbing at her with the precision of a vibroblade. The wall that she had so determinedly constructed to suppress all her pain began to crumble and crack, the emotions surging upwards faster than she could contain them.

Her breath came in sharp gasps as she felt the pain expanding in her chest until she thought for sure her heart would burst. Vaguely, she sensed Han and Talon walking towards her, concern pouring out of their Force signatures, but Mara couldn’t hold it back any longer.

The despair, the anguish, the utter agony that had been churning in her system from the moment Luke had been ripped away from her finally erupted like a volcano on Mustafar. Mara sensed Han and Talon rushing forward as she fell to her knees, still clutching Luke’s hand to her cheek as an inhuman howl of misery was torn from her throat. Every tear that had been held back over the last three days poured from Mara’s eyes, blurring her vision until she could see nothing but the blond tint of Luke’s hair.

Talon was on one side of her and Han was on the other, each of them supporting her elbows to keep her from sliding all the way to the floor. Han tried to gently prise Luke’s hand out of her grip, but she held on with the tenacity of a mankooth. Mara couldn’t speak at first, her sobs so harsh that they wracked her entire body. She had never cried like this in her life and now that it had begun, it seemed it would never cease.

Finally, though, the intensity of the storm abated and her sobs quieted to small sniffles. Mara didn’t look at either man kneeling beside her, ashamed to have lost complete control the way she had.

“Mara? Are you all right?” Han asked.

“No. No, I’m not all right. Nothing is ever going to be right again because he’s gone,” Mara replied bitterly.

“Uh…” Han said, a little taken aback by her vehemence.

“It was me, Solo. The woman he’s been with all these months, the one he wouldn’t tell you about, because…because I wouldn’t let him,” she had to pause as the tears threatened to start again, “because I was too stupid to see what a beautiful thing we had together. I should have told everyone I saw that Luke Skywalker loved me…ME, Mara Jade, but I was scared. And I wasn’t good enough for him, but he didn’t care, he didn’t care. He loved me anyway, and I could never understand why and now he’s gone and I can’t bear it, I can’t!”

The slight shrillness of her voice bordered on the edge of hysteria, but she somehow managed to hold herself together, the Emperor’s Hand – a part of her which would never completely go away - refusing to allow another total breakdown in public.

Han’s hand awkwardly stroked her hair as he muttered, “Aw hell, Jade. I’m sorry.”

“How ever much time off you need, Mara, you take it. You do whatever you need to do to get through this,” Talon said quietly.

“What I need is Luke, alive and safe and in my arms, Talon,” Mara said.

There was nothing that Han or Talon could say to that, as it was what both of them wished for as well, so neither of them replied to her resentful words. She turned to Han with a shaky smile.

“Five minutes alone in a room with whoever did this might make me feel better, too.”

“Hey, you’d have to get in line for that privilege, Jade. I think there’s quite a few of us who feel the same way,” Han said with a slight grin.

The three of them shared a nervous chuckle, and then sat in silence for a long moment, each lost in their memories of the Jedi Master. With a sigh, Mara began to get to her feet. Han carefully took Luke’s hand from hers and this time she allowed him to. He tenderly placed it back atop Luke’s chest. Clearing his throat, Han shot a glance at Mara.

“So. You and the kid, huh?”

“Yes, Solo. Is that so hard to believe?” Mara said with an exasperated look.

“Actually, no. I’ve always thought there was something between the two of you.”

“So did I,” Talon said and pretended not to see Mara’s glare at him.

“What I always wondered was why it took the both of you so long to realize it,” Han said and instantly regretted the words as she gave him a stricken look. “Hey, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“No, you’re right,” Mara said, her words strained, as she held up a hand to halt his stumbling apology. “We wasted a lot of time and that’s something that I will forever regret.”

“I know it doesn’t make it any easier, Jade, but I’m really glad that you did have each other for a little while. I talked to Luke the day before…before…well, the other day and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. He was almost floating,” Han said.

“He asked me to marry him,” Mara said softly, causing Talon to give her a startled look.

“And you said…?” Talon asked.

“I said yes, Talon,” Mara said with a small grin.

She jumped in surprise when Han took her by the shoulders and gazed at her intently. Sensing that he was about to say something very serious and very important to him, Mara didn’t protest the somewhat rough treatment.

“You understand that even if it never got to be official, you’re a part of the family, Mara. You’ll always be a part of the family, if that’s what you want.”

“Would Leia agree with that statement, considering that it’s me?” Mara asked, still a little skeptical about Luke’s sister’s acceptance of a former Imperial as her brother’s intended wife.

“Leia would agree with anything that made Luke happy, and from what I saw the other day, you made him happy. Hey, why don’t you come up to the apartment and talk to her?”

“I don’t know about that-” Mara tried to demur.

“Come on, I know she’ll wanna see you, ‘specially after she finds out that you and Luke were engaged.”

“Well, all right, but I can’t stay long,” she said decisively, unsure if she was ready to be pulled into the Solo family without Luke there.

“Talon, you’re welcome, too, of course.” Talon nodded as Mara turned her head to gaze at Luke’s casket once more.

“Han, just give me a couple more minutes, okay?” she said quietly as she looked back to Luke’s brother-in-law.

He gave her a look filled with concern. “Are you gonna be all right?”

“I’m not going to lose it again, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Mara replied wryly, certainly not ready to say that she would be all right. She had a feeling that might never happen.

He gently squeezed her shoulders one more time before releasing her and turning to walk back up the aisle towards the doors. Talon followed him, sparing Mara one last glance as if to reassure himself that she wouldn’t ‘lose it’ again before he moved away as well.

Sighing, Mara walked up to the edge of the casket once again. Determined not to embarrass herself with another explosion of tears, she kept a tight rein on her emotions.

“Ah, Skywalker, I’ve always been able to count on you being there for me, even when I still wanted to kill you myself. What am I going to do now without you here?” she murmured.

Her eyes roamed over his perfect face, wanting to memorize every feature so that she would be able to bring it to mind in the many lonely nights ahead of her. A frown crossed Mara’s face as something began niggling at the back of her consciousness, something that was wrong, out of place somehow. The sensation danced around the edge of her awareness, staying maddeningly just out of reach for the longest moment. When it finally struck her, it was staggering.

His perfect face…his perfect face! With a shocked cry, Mara lunged forward, her hands grasping the sides of Luke’s face. Almost afraid to believe what she was seeing, she tilted his head from one side to the other.

“Han! Talon! Come here NOW!”

“Mara, what the hell are you doing?!” Han demanded as he ran to her side. He gaped at her in astonishment as she twisted Luke’s face towards him.

“It’s not him! This is NOT Luke!”

“Have you completely lost your mind? Do you think I don’t know one of my best friends?” Han shouted.

“Mara, you’ve had a huge shock-” Talon began.

“This is not shock, Talon,” Mara snapped. She looked at Han, concentrating on speaking clearly and firmly so that they could not mistake what she was saying. “Look at his face, Han. Where are the scars from the Wampa attack on Hoth? Where’s the scar from Cloud City?” She paused to yank open the front of the body’s tunic, ignoring Han’s gasp of outrage, and pointed to the skin exposed on the right shoulder. “Where’s the scar from the crash in his T-16 back on Tatooine? I know Luke Skywalker’s body, Solo. I know it intimately. This. Is. Not. Luke Skywalker!”

A look of stunned disbelief crept over Han’s face, and in his eyes Mara could see a wary hope. She moved back as he took a step forward and stared down at Luke. Hesitantly, his fingers reached out to touch the cold, lifeless cheek. Han knew better than most anyone about the scars Luke had gained from his run-in with the Wampa. They weren’t there. The skin under his fingers was smooth and clear.

His expression becoming one of frenzy, Han grabbed Luke’s left arm and pulled the sleeve of his tunic up, revealing the underside of his forearm. “Luke had a burn mark on this arm just two weeks ago from helping me work on the Falcon,” he said in a hoarse voice.

Mara glanced down at Luke’s arm…it was as smooth and blemish free as the skin on his face. Han dropped the arm as though it were suddenly burning his fingers and let out a string of harsh Corellian curses. None of them seemed to know what to do, staring alternately at the body that was not Luke and each other in confusion.

A tiny, anxious giggle escaped Mara and before she knew it, she was laughing out loud as Han and Talon looked at her as though she’d lost her mind.

“Don’t you understand? Don’t you see? If this is not him, then that means he’s alive. Luke is alive!”

“How do you figure that?” Han asked, still too afraid to hope for anything.

“Whoever did this went to a lot of trouble. Someone had to have hated Luke very much in order to put all this together. That much hatred wouldn’t be satisfied with just killing him…” Mara’s laughter died and a somber expression crossed her face as the implications of her words sank in. “We need to find him and fast.”

“I think we need to keep this very quiet. Right now, whoever did this is thinking that they’ve gotten away with it. If we alert NRS that we know this isn’t Luke, we’ll have tipped our hand,” Talon said.

“Right, right,” Han said, his expression still dazed. “We need to talk to Corran and some of the Jedi, maybe some of the Rogues-”

“What about Leia? Do you think she’ll be able to handle this?” Mara asked.

“Are you kidding me? Leia has a bond with Luke. If I don’t tell her what we’ve discovered, you guys might be attending my funeral next week,” Han said.

“That’s a place to start. I have a bond with Luke, too, yet I can’t sense him over it. He’s just…not there. They must have ysalamiri. Talon, can you-”

“I’ll get on it immediately. Even those who go through the black market are usually dealing with one of my people in one way or another,” Talon said, even as he was pulling out his commlink. He stepped back a pace as he turned the commlink on, barking orders into it almost instantly.

“What do you think this is? Clone?” Han asked as he and Mara leaned over to look at ‘Luke’ again. Now that they knew it was not really him, they were relieved, but still uneasy about seeing a dead body that looked exactly like the man they both knew and loved.

“No doubt,” Mara nodded as she reached over to check the clone’s right hand. “Look at this. They even went to the trouble to give it an artificial hand, just like Luke’s,” she said in astonishment. She cast worried eyes up at Han. “We need to find him fast, Solo. I have a very bad feeling about this.”

“I really wish you hadn’t said that.”

********************************************


So-ooo, how many of you are shocked that it wasn't the real Luke? My bet is NOT TOO MANY! Must work on my 'keeping the suspense' skills...