Alone

Disclaimer: - I don't own any of the characters of The Mummy, I'm just borrowing them to play with.

Alone Chapter 18

With a tired sigh Jonathan finally dropped the book he'd been holding down onto the table next to him. He'd re-read the same page five times and had no idea at the end of it what it said so was pretty sure that he really wasn't in the mood for reading. Not that he'd ever been a book worm, not like Evy who'd devoured every book she'd ever gotten her hands on ever since she'd been a child. No, Jonathan liked to think of himself as more of a people-person, at his happiest when surrounded by others. He liked crowds…he could lose himself in the anonymity of a crowd. Amongst a crowd of strangers or acquaintances he become another person – confident, charming, irreverent. It was a persona he could slip into so easily that it was like a second skin. Except that now that skin had been shed. What Holden had done to him had striped away his mask and left Jonathan feeling naked and weak. All his insecurities, the acid burn of self-hatred that he kept hidden and suppressed inside, had been dragged out into the harsh light of day.

So he hid himself away in the sitting room that was attached to his bedroom. He refused to leave his rooms and turned away any visitors, thankful that since he'd recovered physically Evy and O'Connell had been busy finishing their business in Egypt and arranging their passage to England. He loved Evy more then anything in the world and seeing how much O'Connell adored his sister Jonathan had even begun to have a growing affection for the brash American, but when they both hovered over him trying to be helpful and kind he found it almost claustrophobic.

Besides the sooner they organised their trip back to England the sooner he could leave Egypt behind, his love for the country being blighted by too many bad memories. He'd be glad to leave except for one thing, or rather one person…Ardeth Bey.
The man had somehow gotten under Jonathan's skin despite his trying to keep everyone at arms length, afraid that if he let anyone too close one touch would be all it would take for him to shatter into a million pieces. Jonathan couldn't understand why something inside him, some vicious tight knot, loosened just a little in Ardeth's presence.

Yawning Jonathan leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes for a moment. Just a moment, he told himself, unwilling to go to sleep too afraid of what, of whom, waited for him in his dreams. Yet he was so tired. He hadn't slept properly since the attack, his rest shattered by terrifying nightmares that left him too afraid to go back to sleep after he'd awoken from them or just plain afraid to go to sleep in the first place.

Despite himself though his exhausted body had other ideas craving rest and Jonathan found himself drifting off into a doze that he just didn't seem to have to will to drag himself out of, it felt too good. However, a gentle touch on his shoulder and a voice calling his name soon startled him awake and Jonathan reacted instinctively to being touched. Crying out he tried to stand up and get away at the same time. Still half-asleep Jonathan found himself falling as he tried to stumble back only to find himself getting tangled up in his chair. The chair hit the floor with a heavy thud and Jonathan found himself falling in the opposite direction from it and his backside connecting with the wooden floor with an equally resounding thud that jarred his entire body from his coccyx up until it made his teeth rattle in his mouth.

Adrenaline coursing through his body he prepared himself to scrabble backwards away from his attacker before the soothing tones of the other person in the room broke through his fear and confusion. Looking up he saw the horrified face of Ardeth Bey looking down at him from several feet away after the man had obviously backed rapidly away from him after waking Jonathan up and finding himself in the same room as a mad man. Seeing the hands raised in front of Ardeth in an obviously placating gesture and the look on the Magi leader's face, a mixture of shock, horror and pity, Jonathan felt his own face begin to burn with a blush of embarrassment. Damn it he was going insane. If this was how he reacted to one of the people he trusted most in the world how would he ever be able to function in London society? Feeling a growing sense of despair Jonathan looked away from Ardeth and slowly pulled himself to his feet. He cast around in his mind for a quip or self-depreciating joke to lighten the mood, to deflect the other man's concern, to hide behind, but his mind was a blank.

"I'm sorry." The cool, measured voice of the other man broke the silence that was beginning to stretch too long. "I did not think. I did not mean to startle you."

Clearing his throat Jonathan tried for amused and confident, but knew that the slight tremor in his voice spoiled the effect somewhat as he replied,

"Oh that's alright Old Boy, you just caught me napping…gave me a bit of a start that's all."

Finally looking up into Ardeth's face Jonathan wondered if the smile he was attempting looked as brittle to other man as it felt on his lips. Judging by the way the slight frown on Ardeth's face deepened he surmised that it probably did.

"I think you are not being entirely truthful. This is more than me surprising you, you have not been comfortable around others since what happened." Ardeth said.

This wasn't a conversation Jonathan wanted to have – not now and perhaps not ever. If he were having a nervous breakdown then he'd just jolly well get on with it by himself without any interference from anybody else, thank you very much. Besides there was that feeling again in the pit of his stomach – that relaxing, a feeling of peace that the other man's presence always managed to elicit in him. It confused him and Jonathan was sick and tired of feeling off balance, of having no control, so he reached down inside of himself and tentatively grabbed hold of the other emotion he'd been feeling a lot of lately, one he'd tried very hard to suppress – anger. A dark seething mass of rage boiled and writhed deep inside of him and it frightened him so Jonathan had been doing his best to deny it, to keep it bottled up and shut away afraid of what might happen if it was unleashed. However, he thought that maybe just a little might make Ardeth go away, and if he went away then Jonathan could scrabble back some form of control over himself, maybe he could slip a mask into place and stop feeling so broken.

With a sneer he coloured his tone with just enough contempt to make his words sound more cruel,

"What as well as native mumbo jumbo and healing herbs you're also full of worldly wisdom are you?"

Ardeth looked startled at Jonathan's tone and a little hurt, and Jonathan felt his heart clench, surprised at how much seeing the other man hurt made him ache inside. He could feel his resolve crumbling and had to forced himself to look away from those dark, questioning eyes as he continued,

"Isn't it time to be off now anyway? Don't you have some ruins to guard or something?"

There was silence for a while and Jonathan almost wondered if the other man had silently left the room but then Ardeth spoke,
"It will not work."

Glancing up at him surprised Jonathan asked,

"What?"

"Trying to push me away…it will not work. You are hurt and confused and do not mean what you are saying."

"How do you know?" Jonathan asked him before adding. "You don't know me. You don't know what kind of person I am."

"I know that you are kind and brave. That you are loyal to your friends and that you love your sister and would do anything to protect her. I also know that you are hurting and confused and that you feel very alone, but you don't have to be."

At Ardeth's softly spoken words Jonathan felt something taut and painful inside his chest snap and his mouth went dry and it became a little difficult for a moment to breathe around the lump in his throat. Shaking his head he took a step back from the other man afraid that he was going to give into the almost overwhelming urge, the need, he felt to reach out and grab onto Ardeth's strength. But it was as if the Magi leader knew exactly what Jonathan was thinking, what he needed, because slowly and cautiously he stepped forward until he stood in front of Jonathan, and Jonathan was sure he could feel the heat from the other man's body and the tension in his own body felt intolerable. He was so tense, so tightly wound up, that he couldn't stop the trembling that overtook his body. Then very slowly and gently Ardeth reached out and stepping closer he pulled Jonathan into a hug whispering,

"You don't have to be alone…I'm here."

Finally Jonathan broke and as he wrapped his own arms around Ardeth's body, clinging on as if his life depended upon the contact, sobs began to wrack his frame and he buried his face in the other man's neck to hide his tears.