Breath and Dreams

Had I known then that I would be forever asking the night for the answers my life’s greatest riddles, I would still do it all again. And so I peer into the gathering twilight- the colors of the world around me melt into moonless veils of the blackest midnight.

I am not afraf thf the dark- truth is somewhere shrouded in that black velvet curtain. Darkness is what kept Anakin and I safe from exposure. Wondrous things lurk in the cloak of shadows… So what if it was the dark side of the Force kept our secrets safe? It was fated for the truth to be exposed eventually- the Dark only played its part. After all, the Dark cannot exist without the Light- and that would make them akin to each other.

The truth is ie she shades of gray. It might have been merely our part to play in the Prophesy. How was I to know the road to hell was wide and paved with amorous intentions? I simply couldn’t know that if you feed the monster once it will always expect more- waiting, lurking, growing ever more powerful on the unwillingly given sustenance…

No matter. I don’t care now- and I am not sure I would have cared then. I surrendered to my uncontrollable emotions and devoted my life to Anakin with my eyes opened- but the same eyes were wide shut to the means to that end. For what it was, I knew that we were meant to be and that there was no escape from our ill-fated association. The more I fought him the more I saw how clearly it had all been scripted by fate eternal.

I lie here while the medics and the healers work desperately to keep me alive- but they will soon learn what I already know. I am comfortable with the fact that I played my hand in fate. My children are safe and will fulfill their destiny; and my husband will never be revived from the armored corpse that holds his marred body and soul in this lifetime.

That man was not my husband- both psychically and physically, the demon that has overtaken Anakin’s body has banished his soul. That demon that needs to destroy me in order to live is the same demon that needs me to thrive.

This was my hand. I had always known the deck was marked. Anakin had tried to deny it- he thought he could change it. He had not known that his character was his destiny- that all roads that he could take would still lead him back to the same place.

It is often like this- why should Anakin and I be any different? Those who are destined for great impact on the universe that they live in are often laden with great burden. The yoke is one that I accepted gratefully… to love in such a way- so wholly and completely- to burn for someone the way I burned for Anakin ire are and so incomparable to ordinary love. It is extraordinary love that often pushes us to our limits, and makes us capable of both heights of greatness of and depths of despair that are unfathomable.

Life will excuse me as I tend to the way that I feel-the yesterdays rush to me in a tidal wave of false realities. The past is a vivid reality that I can hold onto and take into my every fiber of being. And so I open my mouth and drink from the blackened oceans of memory- I choose my death, to get drunk on the sea of remembrance- to drown on the elixir of truth and darkness. That is where my heart is- and where his remains.

And so I plunder the eternal night for morcollcollections- intangible nothings that become my virtual reality…
~~~

I hated that Anakin’s physical persuasions and sexual abilities were perfected on women other than me. He was so able- so eager and willing, without any apprehension whatsoever. He was a master of sensuality and let it be known from the first time we were together. He also thought nothing of reminding me in his own subtle ways that he was clearly dominant and more knowledgeable in the arts of pleasure than I was with good reason. He knew how to fuel my desire- anger and jealousy transformed themselves into pure want.

What angered me the most was that he played it off all so well. I am sure I was not the only one who was shown the face of the innocent and sheltered jedi padawan- only to find that once I was alone with him,was was a wolf ready to attack with a well timed lunge and an artful plan to break mwn bwn before he built me up again.

But then again, I was not the everyday conquest. I was something altogether apart from everything and everyone- but Anakin had particular standards when it came to me. He certainly didn’t appreciate being challenged; coming from me in particular, it was too much a threat to his stability- and in ways it gave me a slight advantage…although, I was playing with fire.

There were times that I had to resort to coquettish tactics with him just to even the score- but it always worked against me. Anakin was the ultimate master of the game by virtue of the fact that I was a slave to desire the moment he would lay a finger on me. I had realized this after one occasion, after we had been married a few months, and he had been stationed back at the Temple while the Senate was in emergency sessions due to the escalating situation with the clone army and the Trade Federation.

We would be able to see each other a lot more easily- gods know it was growing increasingly more difficult to arrange being together and keeping our marriage a secret- and I knew that it couldn’t last much longer. The fact that we had already hidden such a thing for so long was a constant source of amazement to me- I was sure we would have been discovered by now. At the time, I was afraid to think of the reasons why such a thing was so easily concealed. Even still, Ani and I had begun to discuss alternatives- it was not a matter of if we were revealed, but when.

It had been an entire month since Anakin and I had been together, and we had arranged to meet in the lower levels of the City in order to avoid detection. I had not frequented the streets, and Anakin was far more acquainted with them due to the nature of his peace keeping duties- but I wondered if it was more than that which bestowed such intimate street knowledge on him.

The lower levels of Coruscant were nicknamed “Sin City” – the lowest levels of decadence paralleled contrastingly by theis…” he hissed. Like a snake, his hand slithered up the front of my jumpsuit, provocatively grazing my breasts until he reached the zipper at my throat. I tried to show no emotion as he tugged the zipper down roughly, though my heart was pounding right out of my chest.

I glared at him icily, and he held my gaze with white-hot fire. Dipping his head to where my neck met my collar, his lips captured my pulse point as his hand reached into my jumpsuit and took my breast in his hand. I fought the sounds of pleasthrethreatening to escape from my mouth while the sheer ecstasy washed over me.

“Five minutes less of this, Padme,” he whispered as he pulled my back into his chest during his ministrations. “And five minutes less of this,” he taunted, his free hand massaging my upper thigh and traveling ever higher. He continued to tease my puckered nipple as he licked and suckled my neck, but his other hand would travel no further than the upper part of my inner thigh. He rubbed my thigh vigorously, the blood pumping through my veins as the material of the jumpsuit grew warm under his hand from the friction.

“Tell me Padme, do you know what else it is five minutes less of?”

My world was a blur, his hands wreaking havoc on my all too willing body. He wanted me to ask for it, yet I would not. He sensed my reluctance and pressed me ever harder. I felt a cool trickle running down my neck before Anakin’s hot mouth closed over it and sucked. It was the brandy. My whole body was throbbing now, a hot whirlwind from my lower abdomen spinning out into my entire body. Again, he asked me. “What else is there five minutes less of? You tell me, Padme.”

“Take me out of here, and I will show you.” I panted. My eyes suddenly opened as I felt Anakin’s length grow rock hard as he pressed against me. Anakin grunted and pushed back the table, jerking me to my feet as he rose.

“You like Corellian Brandy?” he asked, his eyes heavy lidded as he watched my mouth answer affirmatively.

He parted the curtains and took my hand, pulling me through the crowd. He must have been using his force abilities because the crowd immediately parted. Off of a table, he gabbed a full bottle of brandy, waving his hand with a force suggestion so that the patron was oblivious.

We exited the club through a side door that looked like it was part of the wall, and after following a long low-lit hallway; Anakin drew me into a dimly lit area. A bluish pallor cast on the room, and it was filled with extra furniture, bar stools, and audio equipment. It seemed like a storeroom to me. Anakin led me over to a large blue velvet couch- much like the ones in the lounge area in the club.

“Where are we?” I asked breathlessly. The dulled noise of the music from the other room was a low hum in the shadows.

“Where nobody will find us,” he grinned lasciviously. I looked up at him and he filled his arms with me, pulling me up to him for a deep and soulful kiss.

“My Angel, you have no idea how much you torment me,” he rasped against my mouth. I threw my arms around his neck and tried to pull myself ever closer to him, abandoning all resolve I had to make it hard for him any more. We belonged to each other. Our kisses deepened and his hand searched my hair to release it from its binder. Lacing his hands through my loosed mane, he held my head still possessively; his kisses becoming hotter and hungrier as his tongue mated with mine.

A few minutes later, I had straddled him and he had peeled my jumpsuit down, trickling the cool brandy on each breast and licking it off before he suckled their aching tips. I pressed myself against his engorged member, grinding and writhing against it as he drank his fill of me. I wound my fingers through his hair, guiding him, desperate for what Anakin gave to me as he was for what he took from me.

Laying me down on the couch, he removed the last bit of clothing on my body, kissing each bit of flesh with his warm lips. When he lowered his head between my legs, his mouth ghosted a line up from my thighs to the core of my desireis…” he hissed. Like a snake, his hand slithered up the front of my jumpsuit, provocatively grazing my breasts until he reached the zipper at my throat. I tried to show no emotion as he tugged the zipper down roughly, though my heart was pounding right out of my chest.

I glared at him icily, and he held my gaze with white-hot fire. Dipping his head to where my neck met my collar, his lips captured my pulse point as his hand reached into my jumpsuit and took my breast in his hand. I fought the sounds of pleasthrethreatening to escape from my mouth while the sheer ecstasy washed over me.

“Five minutes less of this, Padme,” he whispered as he pulled my back into his chest during his ministrations. “And five minutes less of this,” he taunted, his free hand massaging my upper thigh and traveling ever higher. He continued to tease my puckered nipple as he licked and suckled my neck, but his other hand would travel no further than the upper part of my inner thigh. He rubbed my thigh vigorously, the blood pumping through my veins as the material of the jumpsuit grew warm under his hand from the friction.

“Tell me Padme, do you know what else it is five minutes less of?”

My world was a blur, his hands wreaking havoc on my all too willing body. He wanted me to ask for it, yet I would not. He sensed my reluctance and pressed me ever harder. I felt a cool trickle running down my neck before Anakin’s hot mouth closed over it and sucked. It was the brandy. My whole body was throbbing now, a hot whirlwind from my lower abdomen spinning out into my entire body. Again, he asked me. “What else is there five minutes less of? You tell me, Padme.”

“Take me out of here, and I will show you.” I panted. My eyes suddenly opened as I felt Anakin’s length grow rock hard as he pressed against me. Anakin grunted and pushed back the table, jerking me to my feet as he rose.

“You like Corellian Brandy?” he asked, his eyes heavy lidded as he watched my mouth answer affirmatively.

He parted the curtains and took my hand, pulling me through the crowd. He must have been using his force abilities because the crowd immediately parted. Off of a table, he gabbed a full bottle of brandy, waving his hand with a force suggestion so that the patron was oblivious.

We exited the club through a side door that looked like it was part of the wall, and after following a long low-lit hallway; Anakin drew me into a dimly lit area. A bluish pallor cast on the room, and it was filled with extra furniture, bar stools, and audio equipment. It seemed like a storeroom to me. Anakin led me over to a large blue velvet couch- much like the ones in the lounge area in the club.

“Where are we?” I asked breathlessly. The dulled noise of the music from the other room was a low hum in the shadows.

“Where nobody will find us,” he grinned lasciviously. I looked up at him and he filled his arms with me, pulling me up to him for a deep and soulful kiss.

“My Angel, you have no idea how much you torment me,” he rasped against my mouth. I threw my arms around his neck and tried to pull myself ever closer to him, abandoning all resolve I had to make it hard for him any more. We belonged to each other. Our kisses deepened and his hand searched my hair to release it from its binder. Lacing his hands through my loosed mane, he held my head still possessively; his kisses becoming hotter and hungrier as his tongue mated with mine.

A few minutes later, I had straddled him and he had peeled my jumpsuit down, trickling the cool brandy on each breast and licking it off before he suckled their aching tips. I pressed myself against his engorged member, grinding and writhing against it as he drank his fill of me. I wound my fingers through his hair, guiding him, desperate for what Anakin gave to me as he was for what he took from me.

Laying me down on the couch, he removed the last bit of clothing on my body, kissing each bit of flesh with his warm lips. When he lowered his head between my legs, his mouth ghosted a line up from my thighs to the core of my desire, the feathery light touch of his mouth barely touching my skin as I thrilled with the anticipation of what was about to come.

A cool splash interrupted the haze of pleasure as I realized he had poured the brandy on my already pulsating sex, a small shriek escaping me as my body jumped, only to settle back with a long sigh as Anakin rubbed me skillfully, building my desire up to an even higher level than I thought possible. His mouth closed over my swollen bud, and it was only a moment later that his fingers were searching me inside. His tongue set a rhythm with his hands, his fingers curling gently to massage my sweet spot while plundering my body, seeking to bring me utter gratification. I grew ever more wound up, Anakin’s gentle thrusts and whorling fingers winding me so tightly that I thought I would explode.

“Come for me, Padme,” he said in a voice wild with need. As if he commanded it, the heightening tension reached an unfathomable peak and then exploded, the great bursts of pleasure radiating from my center and pulverizing my body to ever last nerve ending. He continued his ministrations as my pleasure crested and began to ebb. But I was still pulsing when I felt him position his stiffened length at my wet entrance.

“Are you ready for me?” He grunted, rubbing his sex against mine. “You feel ready,” easeeased. I shuddered at the touch of the smooth, hard tip of his manhood and then nodded dizzily, still reeling from ecstasy.

“ I have to feel you from the inside,” He quickly thrust himself deep inside of me and my back arched with welcome acceptance as the air whistled through his teeth. “You’re so hot and wet- so tight for me, Padme,” he murmured, his eyes closed.

“Yes, only for you, my love,” I breathed. “Only you make me this way.” Our words drove me wild with passion once more and I bucked beneath him. He held my body still, however, savoring the moment as he lie buried to the hilt inside of me. “ I can never get enough of you,” he said huskily, beginning to move within me as he captured my lips in a searing kiss.

Over and over again, his hardness worked my body mercilessly, pumping in and out of me, his body searching mine as he enflamed my passions relentlessly. Rolling me on top of him, he rocked me gently, a dirty and yet sweet demand to return the favor that we could mutually enjoy.

His hands roamed over my body and caressed my face as I rocked against him, the slow swaying becoming more fervent as I began to ride him rhythmically, faster and faster as my center rubbed against him with each plunge and grind.

“Come with me, Padme,” he demanded, his voice strangely calm. His hands moved to my waist and tightened, positioning my hips so that our motions were limited. His thrusts began to meet mine, becoming harder and stronger with each movement. In another moment we peaked together, the sobs of my passion answering his heavy breathing as he controlled my hips firmly. He released himself inside of me as soon as he was sure I was coming, and I rode him until he was totally spent.

I collapsed on top of him, and Anakin embraced me tightly. “I have missed you too much- I can’t take much more of this,” he whispered as he smoothed the hair from my face and kissed me.

“It is all that we can do right now, Ani,” I said, my heart filling with sadness. Anakin sensed my growing sorrow and captured my chin in his hand, forcing me to look into his eyes as mine filled with tears.

“One day, Padme, it won’t be like this. I swear it.”

I shivered at what that might mean. There was no way that could happen without all of the galaxy being turned upside down- we both knew that. Yet Anakin insisted that he could make it happen- and I believed he would.

I just wondered at what cost.

~~~
Indigo Moone
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PioneersWithPlots/