Painless

I’ve lost something and it pulls at me. I search for it but I don’t even know what I’m looking for.

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Anna-Maria came to see me this morning. At least that explains the female voice and poor grammar. She told me that she’s worried about Jack. Because, you know how hard my whole ordeal has been on him. Let’s be worried about me for a little bit, okay? She says she’s caught him crying. I don’t understand how that makes him special. You don’t see me crying.

I’ve taken to poking at my wound. At first it ripped open rather easily. Now it’s a little harder. The first time I did it the feeling, what I assume was supposed to be pain, excited me. I felt myself swell and grow harder the more I played with the wound. Unfortunately, I couldn’t attend to my member and the wound at the same time. It wasn’t as sensitive anymore.

I had to start fresh. A slow drag of a sharp blade across my stomach allowed for my erection swell and twitch. I barely needed to touch myself to reach climax. I could feel the blood trickle down my sides as I lay on my back, my body spent. The opening stung and I couldn’t help but to smile.

It’s becoming harder to feel anything now. I’m worried that if I don’t try to keep some sort of grasp on it, I’ll lose my ability for felling forever. That’s why I need to do this. It’s not an excuse. Well, it is in a way. I like it and I don’t see why I should stop. I just need to cover my ground if anyone wants to know why.

I don’t need to be innocent anymore.

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They finally let me out of that room today. I would have frolicked about the deck, but that would have been suspicious. It also would have looked odd. It was so hot out there, but I made a promise to myself. I wouldn’t take off my shirt. I wouldn’t let them see, make me stop. I would have passed out from the heat, but I didn’t want to make it look like I do that all of the time. After a while it starts becoming a little cliché. Then I would just have them following me around wondering when I’ll do it again. I opted to go back below deck until the sun set. That and I was hungry again. The food tastes like shit too. Jack promised me I would get some real food when we stop in Tortuga tomorrow. He’d better not be lying.

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The ground was wet and I could feel the sea expand with every breath I took. The rocks below were sharp and had every intentions of soothing me. I wasn’t scared when I stepped over the side of the cliff. I watched as the jagged teeth below came closer and noticed as they moved out of my way. My body hit the water full force, but I could still swim. I cursed those rocks for all I was worth. I asked for peace and they give me nothing. They just chatter away as the water splashes against them. They are mocking me.

“Will?” Someone is in the room. They are trying to wake me up. I don’t like this. It’s rude. “Will, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.” It was fine until those damned rocks denied me.

Fine, I’ll play but I am not opening my eyes. “What do you want Jack?” And why are you constantly waking me up?

“I need to talk to you.” I guess this means no sleep for me.

“What is it?” I might as well look at him. It’s so dark in here. He’s sitting right next to me and I can’t even see his face. “Let’s get some light in here first.”

“I’ll get it.” I saw the match ignite and fill the lamp with a warm glow. The light flooded over his features, showing me how tired he really was. He came the other night to tell me what he had done to the men that took me. He slit their throats. I don’t know why he told me. It didn’t satisfy my anger. I guess it made him feel better. That’s what I’m here for.

“Why are you here so late?” I hadn’t moved yet. I was still lying on my back, looking up at him. His eyes pleaded with me. I feel as if I’m supposed to say something, but I don’t know what he wants to hear.

“I notice things Will.” Well isn’t that amazing?! So do I! We must be twins. “I see the fresh blood on the sheets every morning.”

Damn it. Not what I wanted to hear. “Get out. Get out NOW!” He jumped back when I said that. He didn’t expect me to throw the stool at him either.

“Will, please.” He took a step closer.

“Get the fuck out!” I was so mad I was spitting through the words. He nodded and left. I could tell that this wasn’t the last of this. I shoved the chair next to the bed under the door handle. Break through that you stupid bastard.

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I am so angry right now. He had the balls to come in here and confront me like that and he expected me to just give up?

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I didn’t notice that I had picked up the knife. I couldn’t feel it pierce my flesh. I didn’t feel the blood tickling my skin on it’s way to the floor. I wasn’t excited this time. I was absolutely numb. I didn’t even realize how deep I had cut. Jack returned about twenty minutes after I threw him out. He knocked on the door and tried to open it when he got no reply. He ruined my door. Just busted it into splinters. I watched him run in, but I wasn’t talking to him right then. He made me angry and I’m not going to just let that slide past. He started screaming at me, crying. He’s such a baby. I probably should have passed out, but I told you before that I’m not going to do that again. He grabbed me, pulling me close and cradled me. I wondered who he was trying to comfort more, me or himself.

I remember how the men smelled as they raped me. They didn’t smell anything like this. I just closed my eyes and breathed him in. I’ll take all I can get right now and this seems to do the trick. I’m still not talking to him though. He’s trying so hard right now to stop the bleeding. He did a rather good job, I must say. I’m not going anywhere just yet. I can’t be gotten rid of that easily.

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A/N: I’m not so sure if that came out the way I wanted it to. Oh well.

PJ: I hope these chapters answered your questions. Although, I might make a little more out of the who but I doubt it.

Jesshaah: I fell violated from all of this touching. I’m glad you liked the first two chapters. I can’t promise that they will all continue to go so well. Your enthusiasm pleases me.

Miss_HighSchool: I like him too. It’s like inside my head except it’s different. No. That wasn’t supposed to make any real sense.

Kali: *glomps* As a matter of fact, I’m hungry too. That would explain why I yelled at my dad when he asked if he could get me something to eat. It ended up being very counter productive. I apologized but I still have no food. FEED ME SIMORE!