Whisper Your Weakness

Luke stood nervously in front of Han and Leia’s door the next evening, trying to tighten down his emotions. This task was going to be difficult as it was--he certainly needed to be calm to confront it.

Mara had left his apartment early this morning to meet back up with Karrde, promising that she would return as soon as she could. He had had to resist the temptation to hold on to her and beg her not to go. They had discussed it and decided to keep their relationship quiet for now. He frowned over that word…relationship. It was an inadequate choice for the way he felt. But what else could they call it? An affair? That sounded cheap and tawdry, like it was only about the sex.

And while the sex had been the most incredible experience of his life, that wasn’t all that he wanted from Mara. His frown turned into a somewhat dumbfounded expression as he understood that he wanted everything with Mara. He was completely in love with her. The frown returned as he realized the daunting prospect he faced. Luke had been hurt badly by Callista, leaving him a little slow to trust women in romantic relationships, but Mara… Well, Mara had a hard time trusting anyone, period.

He sighed in frustration as he pondered the confusing state of his love life. And then he realized he’d been standing outside Leia’s door for a good ten minutes. If she had sensed his presence, she’d definitely be wondering what was going on with her brother.

His twin sister…that was another problem entirely. He adored Leia, practically worshipped the ground she walked on, but she could be a tad over-protective sometimes. He smiled ruefully at what could probably be considered the understatement of the century.

Leia was definitely going to be hurt at the way he’d cut her off yesterday, but more than that, she was going to demand to know what had been going on. Luke had a very hard time lying to his twin, which is why he didn’t do it very often. Well, with the exception of trying to hide injuries from her. Even that didn’t work very well as she always found out eventually.

He squared his shoulders and told himself he would just have to do what he had to do. He buzzed the door signal, bracing himself mentally as he did so. The door slid open a few moments later to reveal his brother-in-law. Luke smiled a little nervously at Han.

“Hi, Han.”

“Hey, Kid,” Han replied with a knowing smirk on his face. “Boy, are you in trouble.”

Luke winced. “Is she very mad?”

“This is Leia we’re talkin’ about. What do you think?” Han snorted. He raised an eyebrow as he considered Luke. “Care to fill me in on the big secret?”

“No, I think I’d better talk to Leia first. If she’s already mad, I don’t want to make it worse.”

“Suit yourself,” Han shrugged, although Luke could tell he was extremely curious. Han stood to one side and gestured for Luke to come in. “She’s in the kitchen.”

“Thanks.”

Luke steeled himself and walked towards the Solo’s kitchen, sending a tentative little Force tendril ahead of him to gauge her mood. He almost faltered mid-step when he felt her anger. Oh boy, this might be harder than I thought.

When he stepped into the kitchen, Leia had her back to him, stirring something on the heating unit. She turned her head briefly to glare at him before turning back around, her whole body stiff with anger and, he could sense, a little hurt.

“Leia, I’m sorry,” he said, figuring he’d better get that out of the way first thing.

“Hummph,” she muttered, still not turning to face him.

He walked up beside her and hesitantly laid a hand on her shoulder. “Truly, I’m really sorry--”

She turned then tce hce him sharply, causing his hand to fall from her shoulder. “Do you have any idea how much it hurts me when you do that?” she ground out and Luke could see the tears shimmering in her eyes. “I have never done that to you and if you knew how it felt, you would never do it to me.”

“You act as though I do this all the time,” he said, frowning a little in confusion.

“You do, Luke! This was a little more obvious, but you’ve been shutting me out a lot, especially since…” she paused a moment. “Since Callista left.” She saw the familiar flare of hurt in his eyes at the mention of that name, but oddly it didn’t seem as strong as it normally did.

Luke didn’t know what to say. He would never intentionally shut his sister out--well, except for yesterday, anyway. He looked down at the floor as he mentally reviewed his actions over the last year or so and he realized to his dismay that she was right.

But things weren’t as simple as she wanted them to be. His sister and Han had been so lucky to be able to work through all their differences and make a life together and sometimes Luke was just plain…jealous. He hated feeling that way, but it was there and he couldn’t deny it. How to tell her this without hurting her even more? He sighed and decided the only way to avoid shutting her out was to be honest with her…well, up to a point.

He looked back up to meet her gaze. Her expression had become slightly anxious as he’d stood there, not saying anything. “I never mean to shut you out, Leia. It’s just so hard sometimes, seeing you and Han and the kids. You’re all so happy and I…” he trailed off and realized in horror that there were tears gathering in his eyes. Oh, great, Skywalker, you are such a nerf.

Leia smiled and reached out to embrace him. “Oh, little brother, you are not a nerf.”

Oh, sith, she picked that up? Better tighten my shields a little better or I’ll never make it through this. He subtly strengthened his barriers a bit as she leaned back to take a look at him. She sighed dramatically.

“Why can I never stay angry at you?”

“Because you love me?” Luke said with a grin, relieved that the crisis seemed to have passed. He sobered and said, “I’m really sorry if I’ve been doing that, Leia. I’ll try not to anymore.”

“Just remember that I love you, little brother, and I will always be here to help you.”

“Who says you’re older?”

“I do. Now, what was going on with you yesterday?”

“Umm…” he stalled.

“Luke…” she said in a warning tone.

Sith, he should have known he wouldn’t get off that easily. How much to tell her? He had to give her something or she’d never let the subject go.

“I was with someone.”

“And? You couldn’t talk to me just because someone was in your apartment?” she demanded.

Luke sighed and looked her in the eye. “Leia, I was with someone,” he said, pointedly.

“You said that alre--Oh!” She blushed, suddenly getting his meaning. “Oh!” she said again.

Luke smiled softly as he put a finger under her chin and gently closed her mouth, which she hadn’t even realized was hanging open in astonishment.

She looked at him closely as a tiny frown furrowed her brow. “Was it Callista?” she asked quietly, not certain if she wanted the answer to be yes or no. On the one hand, she understood how much Luke had loved the former Jedi, but on the other, she never wanted to see him go through the heartache he had suffered last year again.

Luke gave a funny little half-smile at her assumption. “No, it’s not Callista. She’s gone and she’s not coming back. I know that now.”

“Then who is she?”

Okay, here was the tricky part. “I’d rather not say right now.”

“What?” Leia shouted in disbelief. Luke shared everything with her--everything!

“Please don’t get upset. It’s nothing to do with you. It’s just that…it’s a very new thing and neither of us is sure where it’s going and we’d just like some time to figure that out by ourselves,” he said, his words coming out in a rush.

She got a knowing gleam in her eye. “Is she someone I know?” she asked, slyly.

Okay, here was the tricky part. If he said yes, her mind would take about half a nanosecond to leap to Mara Jade, since she was the only other single female Leia knew that Luke spent any time with. If he said no, he was afraid she’d see right through his lie.

He took a deep breath and lied right to his twin’s face. “No, she’s not.”

He felt her Force sense reaching out to try and read him and struggled to make sure that she saw what he wanted her to see. With anyone but Leia, this would not be a problem, but their bond was so strong, it was almost like trying to lie to himself. He felt a twinge of guilt, but really, how much did his sister need to know about his sex life?

“Oh,” she finally said, a little disappointed that she would remain in the dark about Luke’s new love interest.

“Well, how long are you planning to keep her a secret?” she asked as Luke breathed an inward sigh of relief.

“I don’t know. Just have to wait and see how it goes, I guess,” he shrugged.

“She’d better not hurt you, little brother. I’d hate to have to break her legs,” Leia teased.

Oh, wouldn’t that be an interesting contest? Luke thought to himself in amusement. “Who says you’re older? Don’t worry so much about me. I’m thirty-one, not eighteen anymore, remember?”

“I can’t help it,” she sighed as she gave him a big hug. “I guess part of me is always going to see that naïve, but enthusiastic young boy who burst into my cell and announced that he was rescuing me.”

Luke smiled as he returned the hug. “Trust me, I’m all grown up now.”

Han poked his head into the kitchen and broke into a grin when he saw them embracing. He hated it when Luke and Leia argued. He always felt pulled in both directions as he could usually see both sides of the story.

“All right, everything’s hunky-dory again. Can we eat now?”

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