Nightmares Wasting

He’d been acting like an asshole and Troy had been letting him, but not anymore.

Troy halted their procession across the sands and wrapped his fingers around Swofford’s wrist. His eyes were like steel and Swoff felt his heart crawl up into his throat as he remembered his dream.

“Locked and loaded, huh Swoff?”

“I messed up man.” His tried to shrug him off but Troy wouldn’t back down.

“Look at him. Lookit him, Swoff. He’s fucking shaking.”

Fergus.

It hurt. He’d royally fucked up. It hurt to look at the way Fergus was completely recoiled into himself. It was obvious that something had happened to him. It was like Swoff’s own craziness was a catchy disease that had infected someone new.

Troy didn’t let him hide from it either. He bullied him until the words made it to his lips and he was almost crying as he looked Fergus in the eyes.

“I’m s-sorry man.” He couldn’t breathe again.

Fergus nodded at him like it was alright. Yeah, right.

----
He stood at the closed flap at the front of the tent and stared out into the darkness. When he shut his eyes he saw Fergus crying his eyes out and pleading with him. It made him sick to think that, that had made him feel in control. The desert had taken some part of him and he didn’t know how to get it back.

“I meant what I said.”

Swofford turned in surprise at the voice behind him. His eyes meet Troy’s intent stare briefly before dropping his gaze and turning away again. His thoughts were jumbled and even though he and Troy had kind of made up this afternoon over him speaking Arabic and shit he didn’t know if he could deal with him right now. “Yeah, man. I know.”

“No, you don’t.” Troy’s voice sounded pissed but almost breaking and that wasn’t what Swofford had been expecting at all. “Hey.” And suddenly there was a hand on his hip, molding itself under the flap of his jacket, nails scraping across his bare skin.

Troy was touching him. Finally.

He didn’t know it until then but he’d been waiting. He turned around wild eyed and breathless. “Not here.” It obviously wasn’t the reaction Troy had been anticipating because he just stood stock still, staring blankly at him for half a second.

Troy finally nodded. “Go for a run?”

Swoff stared at him incredulous but wanting. “Where?”

“Just around the perimeter.”

It was a cold night in the desert and Swofford could see his breath in the faint light as they ran. They did three laps before stopping. Just when Swoff had decided Troy really had meant they were just going for a run Troy took a detour over a ridge and behind the back end of some tents.

“Don’t fuck around on me man.” Troy said suddenly.

“What?”

“That shit you fucking pulled.” Troy grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and shook him. “I should kick your ass for that motherfucker.”

“Try it.” Swoff didn’t have the energy for another lecture and felt anger coiling through him at Troy’s sudden attack. He was tired and just wanted to feel somebody near him for half a minute to take away the loneliness. Why did everything have to hurt? He didn’t think about it as he swung a fist up at Troy’s jaw.

Troy grimaced as he bit his tongue. “Fucker.” He rasped before unexpectedly barreling into Swoff and knocking them both to the ground.

The two grappled with one another for no real reason other then mutual frustration. Troy landed a solid punch to Swoff’s chest but after that their fighting turned into boyish wrestling, a way to burn off excess energy and to see who could pin who.

Swoff considerably out-weighed Troy in muscle mass but Troy was a sneaky bastard and seemed to be fully aware of how to get the upper hand on his friend. Troy got a knee wiggled up between Swoff’s legs and panted hot breath across his neck.

“Shit.” Swoff froze as Troy’s hands pulled the fabric of his T-shirt out of his pants and fingernails scrapped across his quivering stomach. “Troy…” His voice cracked in the middle and he started panting too, no idea what he was going to ask for.

Troy kneeled over him as he unbuckled his pants and slid them halfway down his thighs. Swoff followed suit and lifted his ass off the ground to pull his pants down far enough to free himself. He was already dripping pre-come and didn’t think he’d need much stimulation to get off.

It was awkward because neither was sure of what was going to be acceptable or what they were even comfortable with. They ended up just stroking themselves while starring intently into the other’s eyes.

Troy kept them connected by keeping himself propped up with a hand on Swofford’s hip. They’d gotten a fast paced rhythm going when Troy unexpectedly leaned forward. Swoff tensed as his eyes nervously darted away from his friend’s gaze. Don’t fucking kiss me, man. Troy didn’t catch the look in the dark and wound up just missing Swoff’s mouth as he turned his head at the last second. His lips and teeth collided with an ear instead.

The unexpected exchange didn’t slow down either of their hands though and Swoff’s eyes squeezed shut involuntarily as his orgasm tore through him. He heard a soft whimper from Troy and he felt him shift his weight to the side as he came. Swoff hadn’t had that much forethought and wound up with a mess on his hand and a bit on his pants.

Troy tucked himself away quickly and put some distance between them almost immediately. “We should get back.” His voice was quiet and emotionless.

Swoff wiped his hand off in the sand and struggled to get himself together. This is fucked up. We’re both fucked up. “Hey man, uh… we shouldn’t…”

Troy cut him off. “We’re just lonely. This isn’t a thing.”

Swoff nodded like it was that simple. We’re just lonely. It doesn’t mean anything that he tried to kiss me.

The both jogged back to the camp like nothing had happened.