The Thin Line

I'm glad you're still interested! After this chapter you'll probably want to killl something... preferably not me...


Chapter 4



Luke had heard of people who liked sex so much that it became an obsession for them. He had also heard people denounce certain sexual positions or actions, particularly some of the rougher stuff. He had never had a problem with the concept of same-sex pairings, but knew that some were against it.



But the thought that someone would say that they didn’t like sex - and mean it - had honestly never crossed Luke’s mind.



“You hate sex?” Probably not the best response to Mara pouring her soul out to him, but his dumbfounded mind wasn’t exactly up to the task of elocution at the moment.



“It disgusts me, Luke. The sensations, the reactions…” Mara fluttered her hands about as if trying to grasp the explanation from the air. “It’s hard to explain.”



“I’d imagine.” Luke nodded, still trying to wrap his mind around the concept. He could feel the worry emanating off Mara like a thick haze, so he quickly reassured her. “I can see where this would cause some issues, but I would never hate you for not liking it.”



Mara looked away, the tension building in her evident through their Force bond. He opened his mouth to say something, but Mara’s words came first, low and simple. “You remember your first time?”



Luke blushed as memories from a time long ago during the war with the Empire surfaced. He felt Mara take his hands and he met her jade eyes that seemed to glisten with tears.



“You were nervous, awkward, and it wasn’t all that great,” Mara said as if she was reading his very thoughts, “but it was still very special. You cared about her.”



“Yes.” Luke did not feel ashamed at admitting it. He still cared about his first lover in a small place in his heart, but they had both moved on and found what they were searching for elsewhere.



Mara nodded understandingly. “I’d expect nothing less from you, Luke. You have such a huge heart, I don’t mind sharing a bit of it with the others you care about.”



“Just as long as you know that you have the biggest piece, practically the whole thing even.” Luke smiled as he watched his wife blush in bashfulness. Unfortunately, he had to press on. “What does this have to do with you not liking sex?”



Her smile dropped into a sadden frown, and her words came out as barely a whisper, “My first time, I was… a gift.”



“A gift?” Luke shook his head, not understanding the meaning of her words for a moment. He let out a small gasp when it struck him. “Palpatine gave you to someone, as a gift?”



“Yes.” She still wouldn’t look at him.



Luke had to push, knowing that his wife had to get all this out into the open or else it would continue to fester inside her. “Who was he?”



“One of Palpatine’s biggest supporters. He had a fetish for underage, untouched girls.” Mara shook her head and let out a sardonic laugh. “I assassinated him three years later because Palpatine thought he was getting too power-hungry.”



Her voice was cracking and Luke pulled her to him, holding her in a gentle embrace, sending her all the comfort and love he could through the Force. A question burned in his mind at her words, but he was now afraid he had pushed too hard.



“Fourteen,” Mara answered his question, burrowing her head against his shoulder. “I was fourteen when Palpatine gave me to him.”



“That’s not even legal!” Fury began to build inside Luke. How could Palpatine have done that to a fourteen-year-old girl? Or any girl for that matter? His thoughts shifted to the other dancers of the court and somehow he knew that Palpatine had treated those women just the same. Luke began to wish that he had killed Palpatine himself for the way the Sith had treated Mara and the other dancers. It was sickening what he had done!



“He was the Emperor, it didn’t matter what the laws were,” came Mara’s sorrowful reply.



“It doesn’t matter.” Luke shook his head. “He should have never forced you to do that!”



“He didn’t force me to do anything.” A few tears started to trace the features of her face. “He ordered, and I complied. I could have said no.”



Luke brushed the tears from her cheeks. “If you had said no, you would have been severely punished, maybe even killed, and you know that. It’s called coercion.”



“But I never even tried to say no, not once.” The tears were flowing freely now.



Luke held her again, trying to comfort her, but something in her words caught his attention. “What are you saying?”



It took a few minutes for Mara to regain her composure, but Luke waited patiently for her. “Over the years, I was given as a gift to various men, even a few women, that Palpatine wished rewarded, placated, or just distracted. Every time I went to them I had to get all these hyposprays to make sure that I wouldn’t come back with some kind of disease, or pregnant. I hated it, but I did it anyway, for the Emperor.”



“That monster.” Luke gritted his teeth, wishing he had something he could utterly destroy, preferably Palpatine.



“No!” Mara grabbed him by the chin and forced him to meet her gaze. “Don’t you dare. Anger is of the Dark Side and you know it.”



Luke was actually going to argue with her, but realized she was right. Anger led to the Dark Side and the Dark Side was what led the Emperor to do such things. Seeing that Mara - the actual victim - was saddened rather than angry as she had every right to be, Luke took a long breath. “I’m sorry.”



“It’s okay.” She snuggled against him. “I just won’t have you turning to the Dark Side because of me. Leia would kill me.”



“Yes, she would,” Luke let out a slight laugh, the fury in his soul still simmering, but under control. He held Mara close, running a hand through her hair, hoping to soothe her sadness. He stiffened as another thought stuck him. “The holding and kissing…”



She looked up at him and smiled. “I have no problem with that, Luke.”



“Really?” Relief washed over him. For a moment, he thought he had been subtly torturing his wife all this time.



“Yeah,” she said as she cuddled up to him. “Most of the men skipped that part and got right to what they wanted.”



“That’s why you get so repulsed and disgusted with sex, and why you shunned any chance of intimacy with anyone all this time. Because you were raped all those years.”



Mara tensed. “I wouldn’t call it that.”



“I would. You were forced to sleep with people. You may have submitted willingly, but only because you had no other choice then death or injury.” He pulled her up and looked at her sternly. “That is rape. Don’t deny it or else you let him win.”



Crying freely again, her lower lip trembled. “I’m sorry.”



“No. Don’t be sorry.” Luke held her close again, rocking her as if she was a scared child. “You have to be strong, Mara. I know you can.”



A long time passed, the shadows being cast by the rising sun moving eerily across the room. Luke let his wife cry for as long as she needed to while he sent his love and comfort to her through the Force.



“Thank you, Luke,” she finally said, her head on his shoulder.



“For what?”



“For understanding.”



“Well, you know me, I’m an understanding guy,” he tried to make his tone light. “Just know that you don’t have to keep such things away from me. We can work through them. We’re a team, remember?”



“Yes,” she smiled. “We are a team.”



Luke kissed her on the forehead. “We’ll work through this. Maybe get you some therapy.”



“I tried that.” Mara shook her head. “It didn’t work.”



“Oh?” Embarrassed, Luke cleared his throat. “I didn’t realize.”



“It’s okay.” Mara gave him peck on the cheek. “No one knew but Karrde, and only because I needed the time off to visit the doctor.”



Luke gave Mara’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Well, we’ll just have to find another solution then.”



“And until then?”



“Um, well, we’ve got the nightly holding and snuggling thing down pat.” Luke smiled at her and laid her head back on his shoulder.



The shadows moved again, and Mara spoke, “I’ll let you have me Luke, I won’t mind.”



Blinking, Luke was horrified. “No!”



Mara looked up at him. “It’s your honeymoon Luke. You shouldn’t be denied your pleasure.”



“And what pleasure would I get from raping you?” he snapped back.



“I told you I wouldn’t mind, Luke.” She trembled as she spoke.



“But you’d hate every second of it.” Luke shook his head. “If I took you, I’d be no better then those that you were given to.”



She opened her mouth to argue, but then dropped her eyes and laid her head back on his shoulder. “What if I never work through this?”



“Hey, I’ve gone for awhile without it,” Luke laughed, though it was slightly forced, “and I honestly never thought I’d get it again, so I’m sure I can manage.”



“You want children, Luke.”



The Jedi Master swallowed hard. Having a family, a full family with children, had always been his dream. Marrying Mara had been the first step in achieving that dream. “I admit that this does hurt me on some level, I am a man after all, but that hurt is nothing compared to what you’d suffer if I took advantage of you. We were going to wait a little before having kids. If we haven’t found a solution by then, well, there are places we can go for couples who have trouble conceiving the old fashioned way.”



Mara met his eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”



“Then we’re even.”



Confusion scattered across her brow. “How so?”



“I don’t deserve you either.” Luke smiled and tenderly kissed his wife, holding her close. They would work through this. Knowing they had each other, Luke knew that nothing could stop them.