Succumb

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“The prince of darkness
is a gentleman.”

William Shakespeare


We were on the balcony of the retreat, overlooking the lake and the distant mountains, when Anakin first kissed me.

I had been watching the play of the light on the water as I told him of the time I had spent there as a child when I felt him touch the bare skin of my exposed back. It was a tentative touch that sent electrical pulses skittering across my flesh. I turned with every intention of stopping any further advances. Our eyes locked and instead of pulling back I allowed his hand to trail a path of his choosing. I was drowning in his hot, blue eyes.

So lost was I that I never noticed his face descending closer to mine. It was only when Anakin’s warm lips brushed mine that I realized what had happened. He paused for a split second for my reaction and when I did not withdraw he continued. That first kiss was so unexpected and sweet that I lowered my guard and even moved my lips against his hesitantly. I was flooded with the sudden desire to deepen the kiss, to sink against him and lose myself to the feel of his mouth upon mine. Strange whispers reverberated in my head, insistently urging me to just give in under the pressure of Anakin's lips. And for a few mindless seconds, I obeyed them.

But what started out as a sweet kiss turned into something more when Anakin used his tongue to begin a gentle tracing of my lips. At that unexpected contact, I came to my senses abruptly. Flustered, I drew back, struggling to regain my composure.

“No. I- I should not have done that.”

I turned back to the view trying to act as if nothing had happened; that I had not just done the one thing I should never have allowed.

The more experienced woman of the world had a duty to remain firm and in control, I told myself resolutely. I knew that I should have stopped him immediately instead of behaving like a Coruscant tease. Sending such mixed messages was cruel and beneath me yet to my complete dismay I found myself doing it over and over as the days slid by.


****

That first day at the retreat left me feeling distinctly out of sorts. I was not use to being idle and it was against my nature to ignore my duties. My fingers itched to dig into the pile of work I had been forced to leave behind on Coruscant. But most of all, I desperately needed something to keep my mind occupied. Without my usual workload to distract me, I found myself dwelling almost obsessively upon Anakin and the feelings that he stirred within me.

I began to feel further and further removed from the dangers on Coruscant and the real world with each passing day. Gradually my sense of guilt lessened and I started to relax. For the first time in a long time I was able to just be Padmé and I relished it.

We spent our unaccustomed leisure time exploring the immediate countryside, enjoying the natural beauty for which the Lake District was known. The more time I spent in Anakin’s company the more glimpses I caught of the adult version of Anakin’s childhood self. His innocent boyish smile coupled with his often laughing blue eyes enchanted me; lulling me into a false sense of security.

The words of unsolicited advice from my mother and sister kept replaying in my head during that heady time. Initially I had disregarded their concerns that I was sacrificing my personal life in favor of my desire to help others. After all, the lack of romantic entanglements in my life had been more of a help than a hindrance. But suddenly, I found myself wondering if my family was right after all and was instantly disturbed by that train of thought. I had always been so sure of my life’s direction and to find myself suddenly filled with doubt left me restless.

Indeed, so preoccupied was I in questioning my life choices that I found myself behaving in contradictory ways when around Anakin. One minute I would find myself flirting with him shamelessly and the next I would be standoffish and distant. My conflicting emotions and behaviors drove me to distraction. Anakin did not much appreciate it either.

Even the way I dressed was affected. Freed from the elegant but uncomfortable clothes of a Nubian senator, I indulged myself in wearing my most flattering and attractive clothing. I denied it to myself but deep down I knew I was dressing to please a man. The same man that I was determined to keep at arms length.

How I despised myself.


****

I look back on that day in the meadow as a turning point in my life. On that warm sunny afternoon Anakin forced me to acknowledge the truth as I was awakened to all that I had been missing. He gave me my first taste of passion and once unleashed it would prove impossible for me to rein in. Though I tried, gods, how I tried.

We lounged side by side, replete from the meal we had brought with us, letting the sun warm our faces. I basked in the beauty of the wildflower strewn meadow surrounded by the majestic waterfalls. It was truly my favorite spot on Naboo. I remember thinking that I had never had a more perfect day. I felt more carefree than I had since entering the world of politics at the age of twelve. With a surprised start I realized that exactly half of my life had been spent in the service of others.

Occasionally a stray band of mist from the closest waterfall would reach us and Anakin would glance at them briefly in renewed awe. Normally the sight of so much water would have held Anakin’s full attention for hours at a time. The young man who had spent the first ten years of his life on a barren dessert world could never get over the sight of so much water in one place. But that day the falls were virtually ignored in favor of watching my every move.

Once again I was flooded with that uneasy feeling that I only seemed to experience when with Anakin. He had that predatory air about him again as if he were stalking his prey.


****

I disappointed Anakin. Perhaps I even wounded him. He was stunned to learn I had shared a chaste kiss with a boy whom I had known years before Anakin had even come into my life. Most women my age had done far more than kiss by twenty four and he knew it well. He tried to downplay his disappointment but I, glad for once that it was he who was feeling disconcerted, unwisely went on to describe the recipient of my first kiss in stereotypical girlish detail. He cut me short and did not press further. I thought he had accepted it as the innocent childhood event it had been but soon I was to discover I was to be punished for that unknowing transgression.

We argued lightly about politics. The views he expressed proved exactly how little he knew about how the system really worked. Anakin spoke of politics as if everyone were straightforward and honest. He made no allowances for hidden agendas and the inevitable dirty deals. Then he took me by surprise when he suggested that his ideal form of government would be one where people would be made to agree by someone wise. When I told him what he proposed sounded suspiciously like a dictatorship his reply shook me.

“Well, if it works.”

His expression was solemn and hard.

Despite the warm sunshine I shivered and a frisson of apprehension ran down my spine. Then, in yet another example of his quicksilver temperament, Anakin lips began to quirk and his eyes danced with suppressed mirth. I realized with a great sense of relief that he had been teasing me. He denied it laughingly saying that he would be much too frightened to tease a senator. I smiled in response but lapsed into a watchful silence as I tried to measure the truth of his words. Who was Anakin? The fact that he was not easy to categorize intrigued me.


****

Anakin lied to me that day. He told me that Jedi mind tricks only worked on the weak minded. It was a deliberate untruth told to mislead me. If the person targeted was vulnerable enough or trusting enough, the trick worked on them as well. I should know better than anyone because it worked on me – over and over again.

I truly thought that Anakin had injured himself when he fell from the back of the shaak. My heart dropped as he struggled to rise only to fall back down and lie unmoving. I ran to his side calling his name in a panic. I turned him over with trembling hands only to find him shaking silently with laughter that erupted the moment he was on his back. I swatted at him in vexation, annoyed at how easily I had fallen for his ruse. Anakin avoided my blows easily and soon had captured my wrists in a firm grip. With a sharp tug he jerked me forward so that I fell into him. Knocked off balance, we tumbled down the slight incline laughing like children until we came to a rather sudden halt.

In all probability we should have rolled several feet further but I suspect that Anakin used the Force to manipulate me into the position that I found myself in.

Anakin lay beneath me, hands holding me steady at my waist, laughter and something else that I dared not put a name to shining in his eyes. I sat low on his torso, my legs straddling his hips in a compromising fashion, my hands splayed on the ground just above his shoulders.

I stared down at Anakin and was struck with the notion that all I had to do was just relax my arms and I would be lying against his warm body. I blushed crimson; the laughter dying in my throat as I suddenly became aware of the total inappropriateness of my position. I started to rise but Anakin's grip at my waist tightened to hold me firmly in place.

My mouth opened to reprimand him, to chastise him for such liberties. But before I could get the words out his hands begin to gently knead my sides; slowly, deliberately. I froze as a curl of unfamiliar excitement shot through my body and I realized with dismay that I wanted nothing more than to let him continue with that delicious caress. Afraid that he would be able to see that wicked thought reflected in my eyes, I hurriedly shut them.

That was a mistake.

Without the distraction of any visual stimuli my sense of touch was heightened. I became acutely aware of the way Anakin’s hands were causing the fabric of my gown to rub sensuously against my skin, of the heat of his body between my thighs, and the way his hard muscles tensed beneath my fingers. A wave of heat enveloped me and I barely managed to suppress the sigh of pleasure that rose up in my throat.

The meadow sounds faded into the background. I was only aware of our unsteady breathing and the pounding of my own heart. I felt lightheaded, almost dizzy. My senses were being overwhelmed and I desperately needed to focus on something solid to stem the tide of vertigo.

I opened my eyes to find Anakin still watching me, his expression one of raw wanting. I was at once alarmed and exhilarated to find myself the object of such unguarded desire. My heart lodged in my throat as I felt an answering rise of lust in my own body. I could not think, I could not move, I could only stare wordlessly into those blue eyes which bored into mine and refused to release me.

Anakin’s hands leisurely moved up my ribcage. His heated touch seeped through the stiff material of my dress leaving a scorching trail in its wake as his hands roved slowly upwards. When they slid up and over my breasts a violent tremble ran through me. I sucked in my breath harshly and my eyes flew wide in shock. No one had ever touched me so intimately, no one had ever dared. Before I could summon any words of protest from my dazed state, Anakin reversed directions and slid his hands around to run up and down my back. With each pass his touch became a little firmer, a little more insistent. Delicious chills ran through me and I involuntarily moaned. I gripped his shoulders harder trying to keep myself from losing my hold on reality but the line was fast beginning to blur.

Then Anakin smiled at me.

And I fell.


****

It was I who gave the first kiss that day. Anakin did not have to apply any pressure against my back. Without conscious thought I lowered my body so that my breasts were pressed firmly against his long, lean frame. Then it was his turn to moan and the sound caused my breath to hitch in my throat. Our faces were so close I could see the different variations of blue in his eyes.

Only the smallest of gaps separated us but Anakin made no move to bridge it. He watched me intently through heavy lidded eyes, waiting to see what I would do. All the while his hands at my back never stopped their insistent caressing.

The tension became unbearable and with a shuddering sigh I finally succumbed to temptation. Ignoring the inner voice that told me I was playing a very dangerous game, I lowered my mouth to place a soft kiss against his waiting lips. My intentions were for a somewhat chaste and short kiss but Anakin did not allow it to end that way.

I started to pull away and was unprepared for the suddenness of Anakin’s response. In an eye blink, Anakin had flipped me onto my back and pinned me beneath him, trapping me under the weight of his body.

He came to rest between my thighs, hips pressed against mine, forearms resting on the ground at either side of my head. I stared dumbly up at him, stunned at the swiftness in which our positions had changed. His eyes glittered with insatiable hunger and the seriousness of my situation seeped into my consciousness.

I pressed my hands against his chest with the intention of stopping him from getting any closer while arching my back in what proved a fruitless attempt to dislodge him. My hips pressed into his and Anakin made an odd noise at the back of his throat at my unintentionally provocative action. There was a determinedness about him that frightened me. It dawned on me then that if I had ever had any control over the situation I had lost it. I was in over my head.

In a shaky voice I whispered, “Anakin, please…”

The rest of my words trailed off as he smiled at me smugly. With his face hovering just a few centimeters above mine he broke the silence with a husky murmur.

“Please, Padmé? I think I rather like to hear you beg, milady.” His breath was hot against my lips.

My eyes widened and a shiver ran through me at the import of Anakin’s words. He felt my body tremble beneath him and he smiled again but this time there was something darker lurking in his eyes. I could not have looked away from him then had the entire Gungan army passed within a meter of where we lay.

After a moment Anakin grew somber and his eyes hardened.

“I wasn’t your first kiss.” A sharp note of jealousy shaded his words. “But Padmé, I swear I will be the only one you kiss from this day forward.”

With that vaguely threatening statement hanging in the air, Anakin’s mouth descended to cover mine in a bruising but passionate kiss that drove all other thoughts from my mind. A white hot fire ignited inside me and I had trouble recalling exactly why I had been fighting Anakin’s advances.

Demanding lips slanted over mine hungrily, forcing my lips apart with a constant barrage of nips and licks. I whimpered in protest at his fierceness, a possessive growl from Anakin was the only response I received. When I tried to turn my face away from the onslaught he grasped my chin firmly with one hand and the other threaded its way through my hair to cradle the back of my head.

Anakin plunged his tongue between my lips to explore my mouth, coaxing my tongue to entwine with his. A strangled groan escaped me. I had never been kissed liked that in my life and my resistance started to melt like a snowball on Tatooine. My arms snaked around his neck pulling him closer and I ran my fingers through his spiky hair. Emboldened by my response he released my chin and ran his hand down over the curves of my body. Anakin's greedy mouth swallowed my sigh of pleasure. I knew I was entirely out of my element - but I did not want him to stop.

When Anakin moved his lips away from mine a cry of complaint rose from me. He smiled against my cheek before running his tongue along the sensitive skin just below my ear. As he moved down the length of my neck, nipping and kissing the delicate flesh, the sensations became too much and my fingers reflexively gripped tighter, tugging at his hair and digging into the skin at the back of his neck as my body surged helplessly upwards against his.

Anakin’s hot tongue teased the pulse point at the base of my throat with gentle flicks before drawing the soft flesh in with a hard suck, marking me as his. The soft cries and sighs that he elicited from me mingled with his own moans and growls. My entire world was reduced to the feel of Anakin’s hands on my body and the wonderful things he was doing with his lips, teeth and tongue. Nothing else existed anymore, not the Jedi, not the Republic, not the societal rules that said what we were doing was wrong. All that existed was the raw aching need growing inside me with each passing second.

Then Anakin moved lower and time stood still.

His hands moved back to roughly caress my breasts through the material of my gown while his wet tongue traced a path along the skin just above the neckline of my bodice. My nipples hardened in response and I cried out as he flicked his tongue beneath the material’s edge to taste the hidden flesh beneath. My back arched sharply, thrusting my breasts against his hands.

Dimly my mind registered that Anakin had slipped the straps of my dress from my shoulders and was easing my bodice down, kissing each centimeter of newly exposed skin. Warning bells rang in my head and I made a desperate grab to stop my gown's descent. It was too much, too fast and I knew instinctively that I could not cope.

Anakin's hands stilled as he lifted eyes heavy with desire to my face. I could read his intention to push my hands away and continue on despite my wishes as clearly as if he had spoken the words out loud. A low cry of protest sounded from the back of my throat. My body tensed beneath his at the sight of that ruthless gleam. My frightened reaction drew a sudden frown from him. The fear and apprehension in my eyes finally sank in and with a sigh of resignation Anakin reluctantly released his hold on my bodice.

He breathed my name softly as if it were something unbearably precious to him, reaching up to cup my face between his reassuring hands. A warm, apologetic smile played on his lips. The unease began to dissolve as his thumbs lightly stroked my cheeks, drawing me back in to that surreal world of passion. My eyes dropped to his lips aching to taste them again. With a knowing laugh, Anakin obliged my unspoken request and leaned in to capture my mouth. I sighed, willingly parting my lips under that sweet pressure, meeting his tongue without need of any coaxing on his part. As the kiss deepened I let the anxiety of only moments ago slip away and once again lost myself to Anakin’s experienced ministrations.


****

It was not until Anakin shifted slightly to the side that I became aware of a cool breeze tickling the exposed skin of my legs. With a start of surprise I realized my skirts were hiked up to almost mid thigh and probably had been since Anakin first rolled me over.

As my hazy mind started to assimilate that information, Anakin groaned my name hoarsely into the hollow of my throat and ground his hips against me. His hard arousal pressed into me and, inexperienced though I may have been, I knew what that hardness against my thigh meant.

In my mind’s eye I saw my parents disapproving faces and the disappointment in their eyes at my wanton behavior. They would die in shame if they found out that their unwed daughter, a former queen and a respected senator was allowing a man to lie atop her, kissing and touching her so intimately.

When Anakin slid his hand under my skirt to stroke my bare thigh it was the last straw. The seriousness of the situation finally struck home and I knew I had to end it immediately before it was too late; though I already knew that we had crossed too many lines to escape unscathed.

Adrenaline lent me strength and I shoved hard against Anakin’s chest. Caught off guard he fell to the side and I rolled quickly away before scrambling to my feet. I stood frozen for a moment, staring down at him in dazed disbelief.

It was as if some spell had been broken.

Shame at what I had let Anakin do flooded through me. How could he have made me forget myself so quickly? Why had I allowed him to touch me as no one else ever had?

Because, an evil little voice whispered, you have wanted this from almost the first moment you saw him again. I shook my head in denial as if those damning words had actually been spoken aloud. I was trembling so hard I thought my legs would give way any second.

Anakin’s initial surprise at being unceremoniously pushed away faded into anger and frustration. My fear and embarrassment did not even register with him, he was only aware that he had been thwarted. A sullen expression wiped all traces of drowsy sensuality away from Anakin’s face. He did not look pleased at having been both bested and denied.

I hesitated.

Half of me wanted to fall to my knees beside him and finish what he had started and, if I were to be honest, what we both wanted. But the other half, the wiser half, told me to run and never, ever stop.

"Padmé."

Anakin's voice grated harshly in my ears. The look in his eyes when he reached out for me jarred me into action. Stumbling backwards I gave into that whispered warning in my head and without a word I turned and fled.


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“They flee from me that
sometime did me seek.”

Sir Thomas Wyatt


I heard Anakin call my name but I did not stop. I was reeling from what I had allowed to happen. I felt completely disoriented as if a stranger had taken up residence in my body, a stranger with the morals of a harlot. Padmé Naberrie did not behave like a whore, I screamed in my mind. An agonized sob tore from my throat. I did not know who I was anymore and that terrified me.

I tore down the slope and into the trees in a blind race to escape what had just happened. Bushes and low limbs snatched at my hair and clothes, slowing me down and therefore increasing my agitation. Above the hammering of my heart and my harsh breathing, I could hear Anakin in hot pursuit. The sound of undergrowth crunching loudly in his wake was accompanied by angry curses that fueled my desire to get away. Pounding footsteps, harsh panting that morphed for one terror induced moment into something almost machine-like. My only thought was that I had to get away before it caught me.

With each footfall my sense of panic increased. I became illogically convinced that something unspeakable was chasing me instead of just a rejected Jedi. My fight or flight instinct kicked in and though my pace picked up it was not enough to escape.

Anakin caught me easily. It was laughable to think that I could have outrun a Jedi with Force enhanced speed especially dressed as I was. My skirts were light but cumbersome and they certainly were not made for ease of running. I had almost tripped twice by the time he reached me. I let out a startled scream when Anakin’s hand grabbed my upper arm and he spun me around hard to face him.

I made to wrench my arm from his grasp but his hold was too strong. I caught sight of his thunderous expression and it did little to calm or reassure my tattered nerves. My emotions were raw and I lashed out at him blindly, hitting any part of him within reach as I fought for freedom. I heard my name again, first spoken in anger and then repeated with growing concern as my desperation finally registered.

With insulting ease Anakin avoided most of my wild blows and gathered me to him. In short order I found myself with my back held flush against his chest and his arms wrapped around my middle, effectively pinning my own arms harmlessly at my sides.

For a long while, I held my body rigid against Anakin’s, unable and unwilling to separate my irrational fears from reality. With infinite patience he continued to hold me, making soft, soothing noises against my ear as he rocked gently from side to side. The sound of his crooning and the warmth of his body against my back slowly worked their magic. And as my breathing and heart rate gradually returned to normal, I wearily relaxed back into his embrace.

I lost track of how long he held me to him. His mesmerizing nonsense words wove a comforting song inside my head that made me feel as if I were floating within the circle of his steady arms. I closed my eyes and let myself drift as Anakin's lips moved against my hair and his breath warmed me.

The sun was just beginning to set when Anakin put me away from him and gently turned me to face him. I stood very still as he reached down to tenderly, almost reverently, trace the contours of my face with his fingertips as if he were trying to memorize its feel and shape. Anakin’s eyes met mine and he smiled.

In that split second I caught a glimpse of the man he would have been had he not been born with all the power of the Force at his disposal – without the burden of being the Chosen One.

Then the moment vanished as quickly as it had happened.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He said quietly. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

He sounded so concerned, so contrite. In another life he might have been an actor in the holovids.

I did not trust my voice so I shook my head quickly. A look of relief crossed his face and then, without preamble, he dropped to his knees before me. I started with surprise.

When he enveloped my hands within his larger ones I was too exhausted to offer any resistance. He studied them for a moment and then turned his face up to mine, his eyes suddenly shy.

Anakin spent the next few minutes apologizing to me as I stared down at him. He gallantly took the blame for all that had transpired and I let him. I wanted it all to be his fault. It was so much easier than acknowledging to myself I had been a willing participant.

I was only peripherally aware of the calming buzz that sounded in my head, weaving around my consciousness in tandem with the soothing strokes Anakin was applying to my imprisoned hands.

Perhaps it was Anakin inside my head attempting to smooth away my panic and fears. Or perhaps it was my own weariness coupled with my growing desire to forgive him anything, no matter the cost or consequence. Regardless, the end result was the same.

Anakin rose to his feet and we stood looking at each other for a few moments, neither of us speaking for fear of breaking the sudden calm. I made no move to pull my hands away from his and was rewarded with a gentle squeeze. Anakin bent down and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. It was the gesture of the gentle and kind Anakin, the one who had risked his life to help a group of complete strangers so many years ago.

We made our way back to the lake retreat in silence, my hand clasped in his.

Later I remember thinking how unlike me it was to go from such a turbulent emotional state to one of utter calm in such a short time span. Odd for me perhaps but it was standard practice for the Jedi.