Carpe Diem Baby

Notes: Sorry for the lack of being around the last few days – been obsessing over Donald Strachey mysteries. Gay detectives FTW! Anyway, this thing now has a plot. Thanks very much for all the lovely reviews, hope you guys don't mind a little emotional/physical Balthazar torture.

Extra note: I know the demon description isn't hugely accurate. I wanted a better looking one, more classic demon, so either blame the charm or call it AU.

Carpe Diem Baby
Chapter 4

He must have fallen asleep before Johnny returned, because when he awoke it wasn't on the couch. He jerked awake and, disoriented, tried to move. The attempt sent shooting pains through his arms and he opened his glowing eyes, trying to figure out where he was and why he ached so much.

Glancing around briefly told him that he was in Johnny's room, on the large bed. He was sitting against the headboard with his wrist chained to the bedposts, able to look down and see the marks that stood out in painful shades against his naked skin. His tail was free and he snaked it out from behind him, feeling the sharp aching of bruising running through it. He bought it up to whatever was around his neck and discovered that it was a leather collar with some sort of clip on the front, no tag attached. Not really wanting to think about what it might be for, Balthazar let his tail rest against the sheets, moving it only aggravating the damage.

“Welcome back.” Constantine's rough voice startled the demon and he looked up, eyes glowing like hot coals in the permanently dim light of the room. Only the street lights outside provided any sort of illumination, casting an eerie orange glow over everything and making Balthazar wonder which of the marks on his body were shadows and which were bruises.

“I couldn't stay away.” The halfbreed replied, trying to sound more confident than he felt. The exorcist entered the room and took a seat on the bed beside the demon, picking up his limp tail from where it lay on the sheets. It was badly bruised and John ran his thumb over the darkened patches, watching Balthazar stiffen in pain.

“What do you think of the collar? I figured I could just clip some of these to it, see what they do to you.” John smirked, tossing a handful of silver symbols to clatter out across the bedside table. Balthazar looked down at them and shivered nervously, struggling to force his wicked little smirk back into place.

“Buying me presents, Johnny? I knew you cared.” The demon purred, silently wishing Constantine did actually care about him as he watched the exorcist pick up one of the charms at random.

“Let's see if this'll wipe the grin off your face.” John leant over, clipping the little silver charm to the collar around Balthazar's throat.

The colour instantly drained from Balthazar's face and he swallowed thickly, his whole body starting to tremble.

“So?” Constantine asked, reaching out to run his fingers along Balthazar's jaw. The demon jerked away from the touch and gave a hiss of pain, breathing heavily. “I'll take it this is a pain charm.” John seemed slightly disappointed that it wasn't something more interesting, running his fingertips lightly down the half-breed's chained arm and earning a choked growl of pain.

“...burns...” The demon panted roughly, trying not to move. Every brush of John's fingers or the sheets against his skin was agony, like being branded with a red hot iron. He knew that crying out would only make it hurt more so he closed his eyes and tried to endure, struggling not to arch and twist away when Johnny touched him. It hurt, almost unbearably, but he'd been through worse and he knew the rules. He couldn't beg for mercy, he couldn't let Johnny see the broken and pathetic creature inside him. He had to be Balthazar the Demon, or John would go to hell.

“Shall I try another?” The exorcist smirked, dragging his hand up Balthazar's trembling chest to the collar and slowly un-clipping the charm that hung there. The demon sagged in relief in his chains, pain melting away once the symbol was no longer touching him. That had only been the beginning and he knew it. Johnny stuck a little white tag onto the charm he'd just used and wrote 'pain' on it, placing it to one side and picking up another from the scattered collection on the table. This one was a tiny gilded mirror around the size of a postage stamp, glinting in the dim light.

“Ready for another?” John asked, looking into Balthazar's defiant eyes.

“Bring it on, Johnny.” Balthazar replied, forcing a grin and tilting his chin up to expose the collar clip. John frowned at the demon's attitude, which bought back exactly why the 'halfbreed asshole' was being punished in the first place. He was almost thankful for the reminder.

With a tiny click, the mirror charm was hung in place, glinting in the hollow between Balthazar's collarbones. John sat back a little to watch and try to figure out what this charm did, although he didn't have to wait long.

Balthazar felt John fix the charm in place and then sit back, watching him. He stared straight at the exorcist, glowing eyes glaring. He didn't feel anything for a moment and wondered suspiciously what the charm might be doing to him, parting his lips to tell Johnny that this one was obviously broken. He couldn't speak, though, because at that moment he felt something well up violently inside him. His eyes widened and their soft glow became an intense, burning shine. John could almost see the fire inside the demon through his eyes, which remained fixed on him and almost didn't look like the Balthazar he knew anymore. The half-breed's perfect lips twisted in a snarl, revealing teeth that were visibly lengthening into fangs.

“What the fuck?” Was all Constantine could think of to say as he watched Balthazar's transformation before him. He'd known there was a demon inside the halfbreed and he'd even seen a sliver of it, burned with Holy water. He'd never seen this side of it, though. Balthazar's tail whipped around in front of him, the soft spade at the end hardening into something sharp and black. It hissed through the air inches from John's throat and he got up quickly from the bed, backing a couple of steps away from the snarling creature, who was thrashing against his chains.

“Let me OUT! I will show you PAIN, exorcist, you do not even know the MEANING of the word!” Balthazar snarled viciously in a voice not quite his own. His nails had blackened and become claws, catching the light with their razor tips. He arched up and shrieked in rage and pain, confusing John for a moment until a pair of enormous, blood-drenched wings burst from his back. They were skeletal and almost bat-like, if much more ragged and torn. Blood had spattered in an arc across the room as they'd unfolded and it dripped from them onto the sheets, leaving Balthazar panting, clenching and unclenching his claws.

John said nothing, watching the burning, bright eyes following him as he paced the foot of the bed. He'd never seen Balthazar like this before, looking like a true demon. Black tattoos were spreading themselves in a trail of jet black ink down one side of his face and neck, culminating in an almost arrow-shaped swirl of demonic shapes over the creature's heart. If he even had one in this form, Constantine thought. His golden skin was glistening with sweat and blood and John couldn't help feeling a strange sense of loss. Sure, the demon before him was beautiful, in a way. It wasn't quite Balthazar, though. It didn't have that cocky grin or infuriating smugness. The eyes were hollow, predatory and dead. The voice was a snarl, full of hate. Balthazar's voice was never usually so rough, even ragged with pain. It was seeing the lack of emotion in the demon's eyes that made John aware of the pain – not just physical – that he'd been ignoring in Balthazar's gaze for the last few days.

Catching the razor sharp tail as it swung past, John held it tightly and watched Balthazar snap sharp teeth at him. He didn't care, even if it would be much more satisfying to punish the demon in this form. He refused to admit it even to himself, but he wanted Balthazar back.

“You still in there, Balthazar?” He asked with a frown, glaring down at the writhing, chained monster, who flexed his wings and bared his teeth.

“Come a little closer and find out, human.” The demon hissed, snake-like tongue flicking out and eyes glowing menacingly. John complied and leant closer, grasping the side of Balthazar's face and tilting the demon's head up to look at him as he leant down. He could feel the pointed tips of Balthazar's ears beneath his hair and the way the demon strained to get close enough to hurt him.

“I prefer your old look.” John said, grasping Balthazar's hair to hold his head back and avoid getting bitten by those sharp fangs. He had to let go of the demon's tail to remove the charm, un-clipping it quickly before the tail swung back around and knocked him back with a hard blow to the stomach.

XxXxX

Once he'd gotten his breath back, Constantine stood up. The huge wings that had been spread against the wall were gone, the sharp tip of the demon's tail softening to its usual spade shape and laying limply across the bedsheets. Balthazar's head was bowed, hair falling into his face and the side that John could see showing fading tattoos. His eyes were closed and he was breathing softly, seemingly passed out in the chains.

“Balthazar.” Constantine said firmly, moving closer and sitting down on the bed beside the demon again, reaching out to touch him.

“Please, Johnny, I need... I just need a moment,” Balthazar's voice was quiet and cracking brokenly, a shudder running through him. “I know you hate me, please...”

The frightened pleading in Balthazar's voice was different from the way he begged or cried out in pain when he was being punished or tortured. This was something deeper, and it cut through John like a knife. The exorcist withdrew sharply and stood up, heading for the door.

“Need a cigarette anyway.” He muttered, leaving Balthazar alone.

XxXxX

Balthazar didn't know what Johnny had done to him, but it hadn't been like when he normally let his demon half out. Usually he was still HIM, but when John had put that charm on his collar he'd felt something he'd hardly ever felt before. Pure, dark, animal rage had filled him, something that he'd always shied away from before. Even when he'd killed someone he'd always been himself. Scheming, wicked and flirtatious maybe, but he'd never been THAT. It was what he imagined the lower, less sentient demons must feel like. Just a rabid animal, and it had frightened him. He didn't want to be that, he'd have killed Johnny if he hadn't been chained up. He didn't think he could have gotten over that, demon or not.

Leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes, Balthazar tried to push down the cold fear in his stomach at the thought of John ever using that charm again. He knew, with a sharp and terrible certainty, that he would rather die.

XxXxX

John let his cigarette smoke swirl away with the breeze, looking out over the glittering LA lights. He was trying not to think, mostly about his own reactions to seeing Balthazar as such a mindless creature. He was failing, though. The truth was, he hadn't thought he'd care so much whether Balthazar was his usual slick, halfbreed asshole self or some rabid soldier demon hybrid. It did matter to him, though, and he couldn't figure out why. Why should he care if everything that made Balthazar who he was vanished into some pretty monster? He was supposed to be PUNISHING the demon, not developing any sort of sympathy or concern for him.

Scowling darkly and flicking his cigarette off the roof, Constantine climbed back in through the window and closed it behind him, heading back to the bedroom. He still had work to do, and it wouldn't do to let Balthazar know how much seeing him like that had rattled him.

XxXxX

“The wings were a nice touch. You're cleaning the fucking blood off the walls, by the way.” Constantine strode purposefully into the room, startling Balthazar from his darkening thoughts.

“Johnny.” Balthazar said uncertainly, then looked away for a moment, drawing his thoughts together. He needed what he said next to get through. “That-that charm-”

John picked up the tiny mirror symbol from where he'd dropped it to the table, inspecting it and then looking expectantly over at the demon when he faltered, eyes fixed on the little charm and wide with fear. He'd tensed up in the chains, barely breathing.

“What about it?” Constantine prompted, sitting back on the bed beside the terrified demon, who forced himself to look up into John's eyes.

“Don't use it again. Please, please don't do that to me, Johnny.” Balthazar whispered desperately, utter terror in his glowing eyes. “I'll...I'll do anything, I'll let you do whatever you want.”

John stared at him, having no intention of ever using the charm again anyway. Balthazar didn't need to know that yet, though, and John wanted to know what it was about becoming a demon that frightened him so much. He'd never seen such utter fear in the demon's eyes before.

“Don't you like being yourself, Bally?” John sneered, not expecting the reaction he got. Balthazar's tail whipped up and slapped him sharply across the cheek, cracking loudly in the silent room as the demon snarled. John grabbed his tail tightly and held onto it, cursing and climbing onto the bed over the struggling demon. He straddled Balthazar's hips and grabbed a fistful of his hair, yanking his head back and glaring murderously down into his eyes.

“That's not me! It's not fucking ME, Constantine!” Balthazar hissed, rage and fear in his glowing eyes. John felt the use of his surname like another slap to the face, having become used to hearing Balthazar's pet name of 'Johnny' from the halfbreed.

“What are you so scared of?” John asked, his tone softening a little and his grip in Balthazar's hair becoming less vicious. The rage faded from the demon's eyes but the fear and pain remained, lips slightly parted and forked tongue darting out to wet them, unintentionally drawing John's eyes down.

“I'm not an animal. I'm... I can't... I don't want...” The halfbreed trailed off, shaking his head when he couldn't say the words he wanted to. He couldn't tell John that he was afraid of hurting him, or that he didn't want to be a monster.

“Lucky for you, I don't have much of a use for you in that state.” Constantine claimed, getting off the demon and tossing the little mirror charm into the nearby waste-paper basket. Balthazar watched him throw it away and closed his eyes in relief, sagging against the headboard.

“Don't think I'm letting you off, asshole. There are plenty more charms here.” Constantine smirked, picking up another and walking it over his fingers in the way Balthazar usually played with coins.

Balthazar shook off the fear the last charm had planted in his soul and curved his lips in a seductive smile.

“Do your worst then, Johnny.” The halfbreed said, watching Constantine pick up a symbol in the shape of some sort of twisting, Celtic design. He leant over, secretly glad to hear his nickname from the demon again, and clipped the charm to his collar slowly.

The charm didn't seem to have any immediate effect and Balthazar looked down at himself, wondering what tortures were in store for him next. When nothing seemed to happen after a full minute, John sat back on the bed and reached out, brushing his fingers experimentally over Balthazar's outer thigh.

The instant John touched his skin, Balthazar's eyes widened. His tail shivered and his head fell back against the wall, a long, low moan leaving his lips that sent shards of lust through John.

“Oh god, Johnny...” The demon groaned, arching up in the chains when Constantine spread his hand over his captive's thigh and inched it up slowly. The demon was hard and gasping, head thrashing from side to side and his glowing eyes dilated.

“This is a punishment, Balthazar.” John reminded, the demon's needy whimper sending yet another bolt of arousal through him. He had no idea how the demon managed to undo him with as little as a sound.

“Please,” Balthazar whined, his hips arching up as he turned his head to one side and bit his lip, looking every bit as sinuous as a snake. He slid his tail over his hip and wrapped it tentatively around his erection, breath shuddering as it left his lips.

“I don't think so. Not yet.” John said firmly, taking hold of the demon's slithering tail and dragging it away to one side. Balthazar gave an aching moan, opening his eyes and panting as he watched Constantine lean over him to take off the charm. The exorcist took his time, unable to keep the smirk off his lips as he listened to the demon's laboured breaths and soft little moans every time their skin brushed.

Eventually John unfastened the charm and leant back, watching Balthazar bow his head and attempt to recover, his breathing slowly returning to normal. Writing a quick tag for the charm, John put it to one side and picked up another, tilting the demon's head back with one hand under his chin and taking a moment to look down at him, just appreciating the view.

Balthazar looked up at the exorcist, struggling to force a smirk onto his lips. He knew that nothing he said or did was going to make Constantine stop, or he'd have confessed already. /I love you, Johnny. Please don't hurt me anymore, I know I'm an asshole. I'll be good for you. Don't damn yourself again./ He thought, staring up into Constantine's eyes and letting his own slide closed as he felt the cool silver of the new charm being clipped to his collar. It was shaped like a scroll, though it didn't have anything written on it. He was midway through wondering what this one would do to him when his mind went blank.

XxXxX

The demon opened his eyes slowly once the symbol was in place, the vibrant glow dim and a lost look in their brown depths. He looked up at John and tried to move, seeming confused to find himself bound.

“Am I in trouble?” Balthazar asked in an uncertain voice, none of his usual persona present. He sounded lost and almost innocent, it struck a chord in Constantine, who'd never seen such a childlike side to the creature.

“Yes.” The exorcist answered coldly, frowning. Balthazar bit his lip nervously, hair falling into his face as he looked down.

“What did I do wrong?” He asked in a quiet, unsure voice.

“A lot. You're a demon, you did some bad things and now you have to be punished.” Constantine explained, finding himself oddly attracted to the blank slate of a demon before him. Balthazar frowned, not understanding.

“Aren't... aren't demons supposed to do bad things?” He asked in a puzzled voice, watching John unchain one of his wrists. “What are you going to do to me?”

Constantine walked around the bed and unchained the demon's other wrist, giving him a moment to get the feeling back in his bruised limbs before dragging him up, off the bed.

“Like I said, I'm going to punish you.” Constantine clarified, heading over to a chair and sitting down, leaving Balthazar standing before him. “You deserve it.”

“I-I do?” The demon asked, frowning lightly.

“Yes. Come here. If you do as you're told it'll be easier on you, I guarantee it.” The exorcist ordered in a growl. Balthazar nodded numbly and stepped closer, gasping when John pulled him over his lap, a firm hand at the back of his neck.

“You get ten of these. If you're good.” Constantine said, leaning down to purr the words in Balthazar's ear. He sat up again a moment later and took his time perusing the demon's perfect ass, running an appreciative hand over the smooth skin, squeezing gently and moving the long tail aside. The demon on his lap let out a shivered breath, squirming slightly. Smirking, John drew his hand back and, with a murmur of 'one', bought it down across Balthazar's backside with a loud slap. The demon cried out, jerking up in shock and trying to escape. Constantine pushed him back down by the back of his neck, growling.

“Tell me you're fucking sorry, Balthazar.” John hissed, spanking the demon again and watching the golden skin begin to redden.

“Ah! I-I'm sorry!” Balthazar cried, another slap to his ass sending a shock of pain through him. The unexpected feeling of John's hand coming to rest gently on his reddened skin and softly running over his ass made him shiver, not expecting the sliver of pleasure that snaked its way up his spine.

“Good to hear it. Four.” John said, raising his arm. Balthazar tensed in anticipation, crying out hoarsely as Constantine's hand came down with a loud crack.

“Ahhn...” Balthazar groaned, panting roughly and not understanding why being hurt was turning him on so much. He could feel himself getting hard and tried to shift a little so as not to let Constantine know, hanging his head and flushing. His shifting bought his stomach into contact with the clear evidence that John was enjoying himself, the exorcist growling in pleasure at his captive's writhing.

“Five.” The pain shot across his backside again and Balthazar yelped, arching up and then moaning when John rubbed the abused flesh better. It felt incredible, a mixture of pain that melted into tingling pleasure, dancing sparks up and down his spine and making him writhe in the exorcist's lap. John couldn't help but grasp the slithering demon's ass and grind up against him, earning a shuddering moan from the halfbreed.

“Are you still sorry?” Constantine asked in a hiss, the demon's writhing only proving to make him harder. He bought his hand down across the red welts rising on the half-breed's golden skin, which was glistening with sweat, and listened to the aching cry he received in return.

“...Mh!...I'm sorry...I was bad, I won't do it again. I'll be good for you, I promise...” Balthazar moaned, slap number seven making him cry out and part his legs a little, breathing heavily. He was shaking with need and unbearably hard, sweat making his hair stick to his face.

“Eight. Nine.” Constantine said, doling out two sharp slaps in quick succession, feeling how hard Balthazar was when he writhed.

“I'm-I'm sorry... Ohh god, p-please...” The demon arched into the feeling of John's fingertips sliding across his red skin, soothing the sting and making him shiver. He was so close to coming and he couldn't stop his hips rocking against Constantine, shifting forward a little so that he could feel the bulge of the exorcist's arousal pressing against his own. John unzipped and unbuttoned his suit pants, hissing in pleasure when Balthazar moved against him.

“Jesus...” John moaned, trying to concentrate on what he was doing, while Balthazar rocked across his lap, moaning a mantra of how bad he'd been and how sorry he was. The demon was so close that he could barely think, clawing at the carpet. The final slap John laid across his ass was enough to push him firmly over the edge and he came with a desperate, keening cry. Wet heat splashed out over Constantine's lap and he roughly squeezed Balthazar's ass, thrusting up a couple of times against the shuddering demon. His own climax rushed in on him and he came over Balthazar's stomach and thighs, a long, low groan of pleasure tearing itself from his throat. He let his head fall back and rode out the waves of orgasm, feeling Balthazar go limp across his lap.

XxXxX

“Are you awake?” Constantine demanded, standing up and letting Balthazar fall to the floor with a soft noise of protest from the halfbreed.

“Yes.” Balthazar replied, slowly sitting up with his legs tucked under him and to one side, tail curled in his lap. He still had the charm attached to his collar and looked up at Constantine with sleepy eyes. “Are you my lover?” He asked suddenly, tilting his head slightly to one side in question.

“What?” John raised an eyebrow, wondering where the hell that had come from. Sure, they'd gotten off, but it hadn't exactly been loving.

Balthazar frowned a little in thought and looked up into John's eyes searchingly.

“I don't know, I just feel...” He trailed off, looking down with a hint of red dusting his cheeks.

“What?” John prompted again, crouching in front of the demon and tilting his chin up to look at him. Balthazar's innocent flush deepened and he bit his lip again, reminding Constantine more of a blushing virgin than a halfbreed demon.

“I...I think I'm in love with you, but my mind feels so hazy. I can't remember, I... I know that I like being touched by you, even when you hurt me. But you always look at me with angry eyes.” Balthazar's voice dropped to a soft breath, eyes darkening. “You don't love me back, though. That's my real punishment, isn't it?”

John stared at Balthazar with wide eyes for a moment before narrowing his own, reaching out and ripping the charm off the demon's collar. The halfbreed gasped and his eyes slid closed, collapsing unconscious on the floor at John's feet the instant the charm was removed. The exorcist stood up, gave a snarled curse and stalked out without glancing back.

TBC

Awh, poor Balthazar. Review, or the halfbreed gets it!