Painless

You can’t hide from something that isn’t there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Damn it, Will. Wake up!” I was pulled out of my dream, rather abruptly might I add, to feel the heat radiating off of whatever was next to me. Opening my eyes, I had to squint due to the light streaming in through the porthole. When my eyes finally adjusted, I saw the most wonderful thing I had ever woken up to before. Jack tied up next to me.

I suddenly realized something very annoying. He did it again! He woke me up while I was trying to sleep! The dream I was having was still the same except that each time I would come just a little closer to hitting the rocks below the cliff before they moved. This time I was almost positive I would have hit them. I would have to wait until next time to see.

“Will? Are you listening to me?” No. No I wasn’t. It was nice of you to ask though.

As if he had read my thoughts, he repeated whatever he had been babbling about before. “If I’m not on deck soon, Anna Maria is going to come looking for me. Do you want her to come in here and realize what happened?”

Nice try

“Wouldn’t she just assume we got a little frisky during the night?” He narrowed his eyes before responding.

“Maybe, but do you want to explain to her why I’m late because of a night time… session?” Session? What the hell? Now we are just avoiding giving it a real name. He does have a point though.

Pulling at a co of of the catches in the rope, I loosened the restraint and set his hands free. He moaned in pain as he tried to lower his arms. I almost felt bad for a moment, knowing from experience how horrible his muscles must feel. I got over it though and got up to get dressed. Throwing on my cloths, I walked to the door of the cabin.

I could feel his eyes on me as I opened it and I shut my eyes. With my back still towards him, I opened them before speaking. “I’ll see you on deck.”

I walked out and heard the soft reply just as I shut the door behind me. “Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shit. Just… shit. I didn’t bother to think that what I had planned last night might cause other, more lingering effects. Now I have to deal with his eyes… looking at me. Not that his eyes could do something else other than see. It wasn’t that he was watching me, it was the way he insists on doing it. I think he is trying to be inconspicuous about it. Well it isn’t working. It would have bothered me less if he would just out right stare at me. Not to mention the emotions hiding behind his glances. He seemed sad, but not for himself. For me. I don’t need him to be sad for me. I’m just fine.

I’m perfectly fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anna Maria knows that something happened. She always knows. I don’t quite know how, but she does. It gets rather tiresome after a while. She is unaware of the specifics and I doubt that Jack has any intentions of telling her, which is good because neither do I.

People should mind their own business. It never happens though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had thought all day about having a repeat of last night. I think I’ll put it off though. I’m so tired. My body almost refuses to move. I feel tense but relaxed. Then, I feel nothing. I can’t even focus my eyes most of the time. I just breathe. That seems to be the most reliable thing, at least for now.

No one can pull me up. No one can release me. Right now, it would be pointless. I think I’m gone. I’m gone, but I’m still standing. In my own odd way, I think I’m killing me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But I’m still here and it still tears at me. I’m being blanketed by this cloud and it’s making me go deaf. It won’t let me feel anything except for anger. It’s pissing me off more than anything I have ever experienced. I’m clawing, trying to dig myself out and I’m failing miserably. I need to hurt something. I need to see that it is possible to be broken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve lost control of my shaking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tore apart the cabin, destroying anything and everything I could place my hands on. I tore the sheets to shreds, making sure they would never be of any use again. Slamming the stool into the mirror, I shattered my own reflection. Picking up a piece of the glass, I stabbed the mattresses and pulled out ash ofh of the cushiony material that I could, then did the same to the pillows.

When I had broken everything that I could, I concentrated on the mirror again. I could still see myself in what was left of it, my features distorted.

I can’t blame those men for wanting to dot tht they did. I’m not vain but I am aware that I am attractive. I didn’t ask to look like this. Why was I punished for it? The only thing I did was to keep relatively clean and healthy. It was because I was there. There was no other real reason.

“Fuck!” I screamed as loud as my lungs would allow as I beat the rest of the mirror into the smallest pieces I possibly could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack found me sitting on what was left of my mattress. His shock was amusing. “Uh… I’m not sure I like what you’ve done with the pl”
”

In a past life I would have laughed.

“Will, what exactly were you trying to accomplish here?” He walked over to the mirror, examining what was left of it.

He was avoiding my eyes now. “I didn’t want it in here.”

Now he looked up at me, “Didn’t want it? Oh, the mirror?” I nodded. “Wouldn’t it have made more sense to tell me so that I could take it somewhere else?”

My eyes narrowed for a moment, “It needed to be broken. I had to do it.”

Jack looked at me thoughtfully, “Alright.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why is he being so nice? I don’t understand this at all. After all I have done he still refuses to get mad at me. The harder I push, the more caring he seems. Even when I try to hurt him, I still don’t get the reaction I want.

Wait.

He knows what I’m trying to do, so he gives me the opposite of what he knows I want. He hopes it will change something.

What a sly little captain.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Yeah, so I changed the summary because the other one lacked imagination. Not that this one is great either but maybe I’ll pull some more readers in with it. Maybe more of them will review. –hint hint-

Roxie: I’m glad that you know what I was trying to get across with this. It shows that I’m not an absolute moron. I just hope I can keep the chapters interesting and that they don’t become redundant (which is why I might make this story a little shorter than I had first planned).

Hellborne: I have this feeling that in one of the tersters I’m going to make a big mistake with Will’s character. I’m trying my hardest not to just resort to the normal “Will cries a lot and Jack fixes everything and then Jack and him have a lot of sex and they kiss and sail off forever in each others arms.”

Jessi: Ah, you are now my most reliable reviewer. Not predicta of of course. Hmm, I think I should make the next chapter about how Will wants to have Jack’s babies and they eat fresh bread and shag like mad. Just for you. Actually, I just said something like that one of the other responses to reviews. This way seemed more amusing though. I just like “Will wants to have Jack’s babies.” Tee hee.