Time Retreating

”Everything changes. If I could turn back the years... If you could learn to forgive me... then I could learn to feel.”
-Aaron Lewis

“Get her out of the water!”

I felt my body being lifted by strong hands and laid out on the cold stone. I felt so heavy. So numb. So... lifeless. Somewhere outside my mind I could hear them. I don’t know how many people there were... but they were trying to help me. They were trying to save me...

“How did you know she’d fallen in?” I heard a familiar man’s voice ask urgently.

“I heard a splash from my room...” That was Eali’s voice. She sounded so scared and her voice was choked up with tears. I wanted to cry out to her and tell her that everything would be okay, but I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move... and I couldn’t see. “I was just curious. I... saw her floating there, and I...” She trailed off, not able to finish.

“Gods... she’s not breathing.” The familiar voice said suddenly. “Get the medical droid out here!”

I tilted my head... as I found myself standing - watching everything from outside my body. Eali was standing in her nightgown with tears cascading down her face. Shay kneeled next to me - looking stricken. I could almost see his thoughts... too many terrible things had happened here and he didn’t want my death being counted as one of them. Two other men stood by silently... I didn’t know who they were. Servants perhaps. Everyone moved out of the way as the medical droid whirred on to the scene.

None of this seemed odd to me. I watched with a distant curiosity as the droid scanned my pale and lifeless body with a blue beam of light - trying to find my heart. He shot a red beam out to my heart - and my body jumped... but no progress was made. Eali’s sobbing became loud. Shay looked at one of the men standing by and gestured for them to get her away. I watched one of them put his arm around her shoulder and escort her back inside. She made no protest. Crying sometimes made people too weak to protest. I knew that well.

“They can’t save you.” Anakin said in a deeply thoughtful voice as he came to stand beside me. I nodded.

“I know.” I said - keeping my eyes on every red beam that was shot in to my heart.

“I can’t save you either, Padme.” He said - still sounding thoughtful. I looked at him - he had been looking at me all the time.

“Did you try?” I asked quietly. I could see the memories run through his head, and he nodded as he turned to watch the medical droid try to shock the life back in to a dead body.

“Everything I did was to save you.” I turned to watch as well... and I took a few steps closer.

“That’s not me.” I whispered.

“It’s who you are now.” He responded - his words were laced with regret. I shook my head, and then looked at Anakin.

“I don’t want to be that person...” He stepped up close to me and took my chin in his hand. His eyes were no longer thoughtful and far away - but were now sharp and full of purpose.

“No matter who you are... you’ll always be my Padme.” He paused - and smiled slightly. “You’ll always be my angel.” Tears filled my eyes and spilled over on to my face.

“I miss you...” I could hardly get the words out.

“She’s breathing!” Shay’s shout of happiness caused me to turn to look over at him abruptly... and suddenly - I was not looking over at him, but up at him. My head began to swim and spin as I gasped for air and coughed out water from my lungs. Confusion plundered my thoughts and I was so dizzy I thought that I would faint. I looked over to where I had been standing moments before, and I could see Anakin watching me silently with his hands behind his back. His face blank. His eyes observing. His breathing steady.

My jedi...

I reached my hand out for him.

“Anakin!” I whimpered.

“Pernea...” Someone called the name that I could no longer think of as my own. I looked up to see Shay staring down at me with confusion written over his features. He looked in the direction I had reached out to, then looked back at me. “There’s no one there.”
I looked back to see Anakin... and my heart screamed as I saw that he had disappeared once again. He was no longer watching over me.

As I closed my eyes tightly to ward off the confusion that threatened to take me over... one thing was clear. Anakin had helped me see that I could not let myself die for the second time. Anakin had saved me.

Why?