Sherry's Story

Barely Alive

Disclaimer: I don’t own the rights to the movie Sin City or the graphic novels. This story has nothing to do with the established plot lines in the novels—it’s just my interpretation of how Marv’s parents met.

lll

Movement. I felt my body being picked up and carried and heard a dull thud as a car door was slammed shut. There was gentle rocking and swaying as the car began to move. I opened my eyes and saw street lights whiz past the car window like a million shooting stars. I was in the back of a police car, its sirens and lights going full blast. A man’s coat was over me and it smelled of aftershave. It felt warm and soothing and I snuggled against it and as I did so, I discovered that my head was in a man’s lap. My hair was being stroked and it was comforting.

“Thank God, you’re still alive! Christ, can’t this damn wreck go any faster?” A man’s voice growled. I groaned in disappointment. Ben was the one holding me. I had ran out in the middle of the night but he’d found me anyway.

“We’ll be there in a few minutes,” came the driver’s reply.

I tried to turn my head to see who was speaking but it was too hard. I could feel myself slipping away. I was dying but I wasn’t afraid. White light filled my eyes and I saw an indefinable shadow in the distance. As I watched, it grew steadily larger as if it was walking towards me. The light became brighter but it didn’t hurt my eyes. I was dazzled by its brilliance. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. The shadow took human form and in that moment, I knew who it was. It was my mother coming to welcome me into heaven. She was smiling.

“She doesn’t have a few minutes!” Ben shouted. “She’s dying! C’mon kid, don’t do this. I need you to stay with me. Please?”

The driver of the car spoke again. “Try to keep her conscious.”

Someone was shaking me and yelling my name but the urge to close my eyes was too strong.

lll

The days passed but I wasn’t aware of it. I lay in a coma, suspended between life and death. Machines hummed and beeped as tubes ran in and out of my body, feeding me, monitoring me and carrying away my waste. There was no pain.

It was only in the last hour that I felt like I was floating; hovering just over my bed. Because I was more dead than alive, my mind was still functional even if my body was not. As a result, I was the proverbial fly on the wall. I could see and hear everything that was going on and no one knew I was there.

Doctor Simms came into my room and Ben stood up, watching as the doctor checked the machines and examined me.

“How is she?” Ben asked when he was done.

Dr. Simms sighed. “I wish I had better news, but I don’t. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry? How is she?”

“I’m afraid that unless a miracle happens in the next few hours, Sherry will never wake up.”

Ben’s face paled. “How…do you know? Maybe you should run a few more tests just to be sure.”

“We’ve run every test we can.”

“Well, do it again!” Ben shouted. “Do it until you’re sure!”

“I am sure.” Dr. Simms reached out and touched Ben on the arm. “I am very sorry, sir, but we’ve done everything we can. At this point, it would be more humane if you let her go.”

“Let her go? You mean I should just let her die?”

“Yes.”

“How would…how would you do that?”

“We’d remove her feeding tubes and let Nature take its course.”

“Wait. You’d let her…starve? How long would that take?”

“In her weakened condition, not long. About a day.”

Ben shuddered. “Twenty-four hours of suffering like that? I can’t put her through that. She’s better off dead…” He could not continue.

Dr. Simms glanced at Ben’s sidearm and a look passed between the two men but I didn’t understand. “Yes. But don’t make a decision now. I’ll give you some time to take all of this in. I’ll be back later and we can discuss it further.”

Ben nodded and sat down heavily. He removed Matilda from its holster and was fingering the gun in an almost loving manner. He was still doing that ten minutes later when Richard came into the room.

“It’s about time you showed up,” Ben said.

“I was out of the city until this morning. I came here as soon as I heard,” Richard said. He frowned when he saw the gun. “What are you doing with that?” He came forward and took a look at Ben. “Jesus, man, you look like hell. Are you all right?”

Ben didn’t answer.

“How is she?”

“The doctor just left. He told me that there is no chance of Sherry ever waking up.”

Richard’s voice was strained and anxious. “What the hell happened?”

“She ran out on me. I tried to follow but she was running too quick and I lost her. It took a while, but I found her in an alley, dying from an overdose of the poison that you gave her.”

“How much did she take?”

“All of it.”

“All of it? Christ, there was enough in the vial to kill her.”

“If I hadn’t found her when I did, she would have died. How could you be so fucking stupid in giving coke to a kid? What the hell were you thinking?”

“If she hadn't thought you left her for another woman, she wouldn’t have been depressed. She wouldn’t have needed something to make her forget the pain you caused her. You are as much to blame as I am so spare me the holier-than-thou crap!”

“Fuck you, Counsellor! Who the hell are you to point fingers at me?”

“Keep your voice down! In case you haven’t noticed, this is a hospital.”

“No shit, Sherlock! Perhaps we should settle this outside, huh?”

“Look, I understand how upset you are, but getting into a fistfight with me isn’t going to help the situation.”

I could hear the sneer in Ben’s voice when he answered. “Yeah, I thought you’d say that. What’s the matter, Mr. Big Shot? Too chickenshit to fight because you’ll get your fancy, custom-made suit wrinkled?”

“You watch your mouth, buddy!”

There they were, two angry men standing toe to toe, each trying to intimidate the other into backing down. When I was in Grade 7, I’d seen a nature film where two male elks would fight over a female and that’s exactly what was happening in my hospital room.

I saw Richard lean down and stroke my jaw, his fingers gently skimming down my skin until he reached my neck. I heard him gasp. He pulled aside the neck of my hospital gown down to my shoulders. He saw the bruises that Ben left. “You sonofabitch!”

Ben stumbled back as Richard punched him.

“How dare you lay one fucking finger on her, you goddamned Neanderthal? You’re so far down on the evolutionary scale, you’re not fit to lace her shoes but you think you can hit her? Not while I’m around!”

WHAP!

Ben’s head jerked back from a hard right hook. That’s gonna hurt in the morning, I thought. I felt a surge of admiration for Richard; Ben outweighed him by at least thirty pounds, if not more. Not only that, Richard was primarily a pencil-pusher—sitting on your ass in a courtroom all day is not conducive to a maintaining a trim physique—whereas Ben took good care of his body. From what I had seen and felt of the muscles in his shoulders, it wouldn’t surprise me if Ben could easily bench press Richard's body weight without breaking a sweat.

“I see sleazeballs like you in court every day! Tough guys who like hitting women and kids? Why not try me on for size?”

I didn’t need my eyes to tell me that Richard was angry, I could hear it. When he got pissed off, his New Jersey accent rang out loud and clear. Despite the fact that he now wore thousand-dollar suits and rode around in a chauffer driven limousine, Richard was still a Jersey boy at heart. He told me that his growing up in the poor side of Fort Lee taught him how to defend himself. It certainly didn’t hurt that he was in the boxing team at Princeton. Twenty years ago, Richard could have given Ben a good fight but easy living and lack of practice dulled his talent.

POW!

Ben’s breath left his body as Richard slammed his fist solidly into his gut. Ben swayed but he stayed on his feet. “Is that the best you can do, cocksucker?” Expletives now filled the room, some of which I’d never heard before and Ben was using words that would make even a vice cop blush.

Just as Richard's fist was raised to deliver another blow, Ben caught it in his hand and squeezed. “You’ve had your chance, Counsellor. Now it’s my turn.”

I knew that if help didn’t come soon, someone’s brains and blood would be dripping from the walls. Since Richard couldn’t defend himself for long, Ben would pound him into a bloody smudge and if Jones and Brown were standing outside the door, they wouldn’t hesitate to blow Ben’s head off as payback.

There was nothing I could do other than watch and listen. But I heard what they did not--there was a commotion at the door.

“How dare you? I’ll teach you to try and stop me from doing anything on my floor! Get out of my way!” a woman ordered. “If you won’t move, I will make you! Take that!” There was a noise followed by a man’s grunt of pain.

I knew who was at the door: Head Nurse Gertrude Williams had come to see what was making the racket. She was a diminutive no-nonsense woman in charge of the rooms in East Wing of Basin City General Hospital and she ran her floor like a military camp. From what I knew of her, she could give the worst hard-ass drill sergeant in the army a run for his money.

Jones and Brown had been stupid enough to try to stop her from coming in and she’d given both of them a good hard kick. She thought I was in trouble and she’d be damned if she was about to let a couple of hired bodyguards stop her from performing her duties!

“What is going on here?” she demanded. At her back were Jones and Brown and I saw that Jones was holding his crotch with a pained expression on his face while Brown was rubbing his shin and cursing under his breath.

“Get them out of here,” she ordered Jones and Brown and they did her bidding without a word of protest. They strode past her and forcibly pulled Ben and Richard apart and held them off from attacking each other. Nurse Williams had no right to give them orders but they did as they were told. However, obeying her was easier said than done. Jones and Brown struggled to keep their grip on the two men--Ben and Richard were biting and scratching each other like two cats in a sack.

“I might have known you’d bring your bodyguards here to protect your fat ass!” Ben snarled. “Two against one, huh? Those are my kind of odds and once I’m done with them, I’ll get you, you drug-dealing shyster!”

“Enough!” Nurse Williams demanded. “Need I remind you gentlemen that this is a hospital, not a schoolyard? Take this bullshit outside where it belongs. My patient needs her rest so all of you get out! Now!”

She looked over her horn-rimmed glasses at Richard. “Get your hired goons out of here. I treat enough patients in the ER with gunshot wounds without Tweedledee and Tweedledum inflicting more. As for you,” she said, turning to Ben, “If I was your mother, I’d wash your mouth out with soap for using language like that. Until both of you can behave like civilized human beings, I don’t want you on my floor again.”

I heard four sets of footsteps recede into the distance. Nurse Williams remained in the room, probably to see that they all left.

Suddenly, I felt a presence at my side; it was something I couldn’t explain, I just knew it. I was afraid to turn my head.

“Sherry? It’s me, honey,” my mother said. I was so overwhelmed, I couldn’t speak. I reached for her hand and her fingers closed over mine.

“Mom?” I whispered. “Are you really here or am I dreaming?”

She smiled and shook her head. “No, this is not a dream, Sherry.” Tears fell from her eyes as she looked at me. “I’m so sorry for leaving you. I had no idea Tom would hurt you like that…”

“That’s OK. You didn’t mean to get sick. It’s not your fault. Please don’t cry, Mom.”

“I can’t stay long. I only have a few minutes but what I have to say is important so you must listen. You’ve been in a coma for nearly a week. You need to wake up now or else you won’t be able to wake up at all.”

“But I don’t want to wake up! I want to go with you. I want to be with you and Dad. In heaven.”

My mother shook her head. “It’s not your time yet.”

“I don’t care! I’m being kept alive by machines. I’m better off dead.”

“Nonsense. I don’t believe that and neither should you.”

“It’s the truth. If I wake up, what kind of life am I going to have? More importantly, how am I going to pay the bill?”

“You needn’t worry about that; Richard took care of it before he came in to see you just now. They both care for you, especially Ben. He loves you.”

I wanted desperately to believe her but I remembered everything I’d said to Ben in his apartment. “No, Mom, that can’t be right. It’s not possible.”

My mom smiled and cocked her head. “Oh? Why not?”

“We had a fight. I said some awful things…there’s no way he loves me anymore.”

She smiled sadly. “I know what you said. Every word. Let me tell you something, Sherry, Ben was telling the truth when he said he loved you. Did you notice that Ben is wearing his gun?”

“Yes. What about it?”

“He’s made his mind up that if or when the doctors said there was absolutely no hope for you, he’d use the gun on you then himself. He thinks it would be better if he killed you quickly than have a machine keeping you alive forever.”

“Oh God, Mom. He’d kill himself? Why would he do that? He’s Catholic like us--he’d know it was a sin and he’d go to Hell!”

“He doesn’t care about his soul. All he cares about is two things: you waking up and if that’s not possible, he’s determined that you not suffer any longer. And if you don’t wake up, that’s exactly what he’s going to do.”

“But it makes no sense! I called Ben a monster, even comparing him to the Roarke men! What man could forgive a woman for saying that?”

“You underestimate the power of love. Ben has forgiven you. From the moment you were admitted, he’s hardly left your side except to grab a bite to eat or use the bathroom. He’s sat here hour after hour, holding your hand and talking to you. I’ve watched him.”

“He was here all that time? I thought I was dreaming.”

“It wasn’t a dream. Every time he got kicked out your room, he’d come sneaking back in five minutes later. The staff gave up trying to keep him out. Look at him: he hasn’t showered or shave since he’s been here.”

She was right—while he was fighting with Richard, it seemed that he’d lost weight and there were dark circles under his eyes.. I was sad that he was jeopardizing his health because of me.

“Even if I do wake up, I’m still a whore, Mom. We have no chance of being happy. I have a contract and I can’t leave until it is paid off. So whether I like it or not, I have to be one for years.”

My mom glanced over her shoulder at something I couldn’t see. She nodded her head and turned back to me. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but your contract will be a thing of the past very, very soon. Your whole life is ahead of you. If Ben doesn’t have a problem with your past, neither should you.”

“But what if we are out somewhere and a former john recognizes me?”

She laughed. “So? If any man tries to hurt you, I know that Ben will take care of him pretty quick.”

“But why should he have to? He shouldn’t have worry about me running into former clients and what they might say or do. Ben deserves better than to be burdened with a woman who’s screwed most of the men in this town.”

“If he can live with defending your honour from time to time if need be, then you can too. That’s his decision to make, not yours.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It isn’t going to be easy but it is possible to let go of your past. Whether or not it happens is entirely up to you.”

It was surreal, hovering over my body with my mother at my side, watching Nurse Williams take my vital signs as well as perform other medical procedures. I heard her sigh as she shook her head sadly.

“You see?” My mother said, pointing down, “She cares about you too. I’ve watched her. To her, you are not just another patient that she has to care for; you are a person worth saving.”

“How does Nurse Williams know if I am worth saving or not? She doesn’t like me. She doesn’t like anyone. She’s just an old battleaxe who probably never got a second glance from a man in her life.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover, Sherry.”

Something in my mother’s tone made me look at her. “What do you know about her? Are you allowed to tell me?”

“Yes. She wasn’t always a ‘battleaxe’ as you put it. Not by a long shot.”

I was intrigued. “What was she before she became a nurse?” I wanted to be a nurse when I was a little girl. I admired and respected them and always got pleasure from watching them in their white starched uniforms going about their tasks, saving lives and giving comfort to those who were sick.

“A long time ago, what you are now, she once was.”

“Prim and proper Nurse Williams was a prostitute?” I looked down at her, hardly believing what my mother had just told me. With her hair pulled back in a severe bun and no makeup, she was not what I could call attractive enough for men to want to pay for her company.

“She certainly was.” My mother smiled. “She was quite the beauty in her time. After being beaten up by a man one too many times, she decided that she’d had enough. She took a good, hard look at herself in the mirror one day and decided to change her life. She cleaned herself up, went to nursing school and got married.”

“Does her husband know…about her past, I mean?”

“Of course he did. That’s how they met. She has two children who are grown up with families of their own. She has four grandchildren now with another on the way. Think about it. Think about the possibilities.”

If she could live a normal life as a respectable wife and mother then perhaps so could I. But…no. It was a nice dream but that’s all it was. I could never have the same happy ending. Never.

“No. I can’t, Mom. Maybe you don’t know this, but I can’t have children. The doctor told me so.”

“Doctors, no matter how many diplomas they have hanging on a wall, are still human. They make mistakes. Believe in that, Sherry. Pray and believe. Ah, some new developments—Richard and Ben have returned. Let’s see what’s going to happen.”

She pointed and I saw Ben and Richard came back into my room. They were no worse off than before. I sighed in relief that they hadn't killed each other.

“Well?” Nurse Williams demanded.

“We care too much about Sherry to jeopardize her recovery.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Nurse Williams said curtly. “If I let you stay with her, will you both promise to behave yourselves?”

Both men mumbled their agreement and Nurse Williams left.

Ben waited until she was out of earshot before speaking. “About what we were talking about outside--what do you think?”

“I agree. It would be more humane if she died…you know, your way. I don’t want to even think about that, but I have to be realistic. Sherry wouldn’t want to live like this.”

“No, she wouldn’t.”

“Afterwards, what will you do?”

Ben put his sidearm next to his temple. “If she dies, I don’t have any reason to live.”

Richard nodded. He had to swallow several times before he could get his words out. “Can you do it…good? I mean, will she feel—anything?”

“I can do it quick and clean. I won’t miss--for her or for me.”

“Were you thinking of doing it…here?”

“No. I’ll take her to my car and we’ll go to the lake. I know the perfect place where we can be alone. There’s fresh air and fields and flowers and stuff nearby. She’d like that. But my main problem will be getting out of here without being seen.”

“My men can create a diversion so you can get her out of here without being seen.”

“Thanks.”

“But what if she comes out of it before--? What if we’re jumping the gun here?” Richard winced at the unfortunate choice of words. “Is there the slightest chance that she’ll wake up?”

Ben stared at his feet for a moment before meeting Richard’s eyes. “No. The doctor will be back soon and he’ll tell you the same thing. But you can talk to him for yourself.”

“I’d appreciate that, but let’s assume the best before we assume the worst. What’s most important is that we help her—when she wakes up. This fighting between ourselves isn’t going to get us anywhere. We’re both to blame for what happened.”

Ben took Richard’s lead and I could tell he was still hopeful. They were playing the what if game. What if I woke up? What if everything turned out okay?

“Ain’t that the truth. So what do we do?” Ben growled.

“Let me think.” I heard the sharp click of Richard’s expensive Italian shoes on the floor as he rapidly paced back and forth. “First, we have to make sure she gets cleaned up. No more drugs.”

“Don’t you think I know that? That’s what I was tryin’ to do. I was gonna make her stay with me for a few days until she got that crap out of her system.”

“That was a good idea. It’s not your fault it didn’t work.”

“We had a fight and she left…Anyway, all the cold turkey in the world will be useless if she goes back to that whorehouse she’s living in. That bitch got her hooked on those pills and she’s ready and able to get Sherry right back on them. You know it as well as I do. She’s got to get out of there before it kills her. But how the hell can we do that?”

“Someone needs to buy her contract.”

“I’ll do it,” Ben said.

“Can you afford that? Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money.”

“The Roarke family have treated me good all these years. I’ve done some saving. Yeah, I can pay off Sherry’s contract.”

“No, no. I can’t let you do that by yourself. We got her into this mess and we’ll get her out. Together. What do you say?”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Counsellor. I gotta know though: where did you learn to fight like that?”

Richard chuckled. “Living on the wrong side of the tracks teaches you to defend yourself pretty quick. I boxed a little in college as well. What did you think of my technique?”

“A little on the slow side, maybe, but not too shabby for a pencil-pusher.”

“Slowness comes with age and no practice. You’re pretty good yourself, Ben. But I think you broke my goddamn hand. Your jaw must be made of concrete.”

“I’m not gonna be surprised if I have a few less teeth tomorrow,” Ben cracked his jaw and looked at Richard with reluctant admiration. “If it gets around that I got my ass kicked by a lawyer, I may not be working for the Roarke family no more.’

My mother’s image was fading but I heard her quiet gentle laugh float through the air. “Men! One minute they’re slamming each other against the walls and the next they’re joking like old friends. That’s why you love these two so much. You love Richard because he reminds you of your father--don’t worry, he doesn’t mind—and you love Ben because he is who he is.”

I turned my attention to them. Richard was grinning. “Your secret is safe with me. And if you do get fired, Don Battaglio could always use somebody with your talents in his organization. He pays better too. Keep it in mind.”

“I will.”

“You ought to get some ice for your jaw.”

Ben returned the grin. “And you need some for your hand. How about we get it now? We should be back in a minute or so.”

“Yes. And maybe Sherry will have woken up by then, right?”

“Of course. Absolutely. By the time we get back, she’ll be up and about, hungry and squalling for some real food, not this mushy tube stuff.”

“Right.”

They were only trying to buoy up each other’s spirits before Doctor Simms returned to hear Ben make the decision no man should ever have to make for the woman he loved.

“Wake up now, sweetie,” my mother’s voice said. “Time is running out. This is for the best, trust me.”

My mother’s hand left mine and was replaced by Ben’s. I came back to my body even though I didn’t want to. However, I trusted my mother and her judgement so I took the biggest gamble of my life. I made my eyes open. I sighed. I was so weak; it was hardly a breath on the wind, but Ben heard it.

“Oh my God, she’s awake! Rich, call the doctor! She’s awake!”

Through a blurry, groggy haze, I heard Richard as he ran for the door and yelled for someone to come.

“C’mon kid, hold on until the doc can look at you, okay? Please babe, please come back to me.”

I turned my head and looked into Ben’s blue eyes. They were swimming with tears and he brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed my fingers. He was in such pain; I knew I had to say how sorry I was for my cruel words. I opened my mouth to speak but Ben put his fingers over my lips. “Don’t say anything. Save your strength.”

I nodded and felt myself being gathered into his strong arms. “It’s a miracle, it’s a goddamn miracle,” Ben said over and over. His tears felt hot against my cold skin.

I was alive. And I was glad. “Thanks, Mom,” I whispered and as I felt myself coming back to life, I heard her sigh contentedly.